Red had never felt this much alone. The weight of his guilt was sagging into him deeper and deeper, and the absolute solitude seemed to be amplifying the intensity of which it tried to smear itself onto him. His head was wringing with agony; this was not at all the way he had intended to extricate himself from Misty. But at the same time, he could not shake out the feeling that this was what had to be done.
He simply could not afford to get Misty involved with him again. It would only mean implicating his friend in danger as well, which Red had vowed to himself he would never do to his friends, even if it meant sacrificing his life.
He always put himself in the position of danger for others, for his friends. But it was not enough. He had seen people who had nothing to do get hurt in the midst of a battle. He had seen his friends who found themselves in danger simply because they were trying to help him.
Red clenched his fist tight as his mind raced back to that torrid time in five island. The battered-up people in rags crying for help. The moans and shrieks of bitter anguish. And...
'Go away! It's all your fault!'
The words he could not forget. The words he would never forget.
Red unfolded his hands and gazed into the face of his palm. The marks left by his fingernails were deep and vivid; he had not realized how hard he had dug them into his hands. With time, the marks would eventually fade away. But the memory of his paralysis to act would never be erased.
He was not a hero, nor could he be one. His presence alone had made the residents of Sevii Islands suffer, and all the while, he had to watch himself being able to do nothing about it. And all the works people lauded him for, be it stopping Team Rocket or the Elite Four, Red knew he would not have done it without the help of his friends. But Red wanted, at the very least, to use his strength to keep his friends out of harm's way and fight for his beliefs. After all, 'battling' was what he was best at.
He had made the right decision in making Misty leave him. He had no wish to involve Misty into this, and however she thought about him, Misty was just his friend.
Red's thoughts then reverted to Yellow. He still was not certain as to how he really felt about her. Perhaps because he did not know what it was to like someone. But Red was sure, Yellow was unlike any other girls he had met. She was cute for one thing, but what made her so special was that Red knew she would always be there for him.
Finding out that Yellow was a girl was the best thing that happened to him. Red had felt unusually attached to the uncanny kid whom he had thought was a boy, and he would often times find himself wondering if this 'feeling' he had about Yellow was normal.
In this sense, finding out that Yellow was a girl meant more than a welcoming shock to Red.
But it was also intrinsically what drove Red to tear himself away bit by bit from Yellow. As much as he cared for her, he no longer wanted her to feel as close to him.
He had seen how Yellow almost sacrificed her life to save him back in Cerise Island. He had not given much thought about it then as a young boy whose recklessness preponderated over his entire feature, but now in retrospect, it was downright thoughtless of him. He was the reason behind Yellow's undertaking in peril. And he would never forgive himself should he let her get hurt in his stead.
He had to avoid seeing her; it was the only answer to the overriding quandary of his. Time would loosen the almost impregnable bond that had so tightly bound Yellow to him, and she would soon learn to accustom herself to his absence. And with that, she would never have to get hurt again. For him.
Red reached for his poke balls tucked inside his belt and pulled them close to his face. His Pokémons inside stared back at him curiously.
"Pika, Saur, Poli, Aero, Lax, Vee. You guys know me best because we have fought so much together," Red paused. "From the start, this has been my battle against Team Rocket. But I have been selfish. I selfishly let my friends, and other people who had nothing to do with it get hurt… and it's all down to me. I set out to protect them. Not be the one who gets them in danger."
"So I'll fight. Alone. With nobody knowing."
His Pokémons exchanged worried looks.
"But if there is any of you who doesn't wish to fight, I do understand. In that case, I will leave you with Green. He can take good care of you."
This drew quite a response, with all of his Pokémons shaking their heads vehemently. Pika even threw a tantrum, releasing a light spark that would have sent Red into a bout of fit save for his electric-proof gloves.
"Thank you all." Red smiled weakly.
"Well, I can't just be down in the dumps forever!" Red said, trying to sound as cheerful as he could to lighten up the mood. "We have an early train to catch next morning! Let's take a good rest in the Celadon Hotel before we set off tomorrow."
Red placed the poke balls gently on his belt, and with one last look at the lone, desolate Cape, Red ambled back the way he came. He did not know what lay ahead of him, but one thing was certain. He would not be coming back here anytime soon.
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