Dear confidant,
Sounds posh doesn't it? But you are really the only one in the world I can share this with. BTW I'm glad to hear that the butt plug worked and that Mr. Pinkie is over his 'little problem' and won't have to be turned into bacon after all. And yes it was Kakashi's idea, seems he once had a conversation with a guy who's job is masturbating boars to collect semen to artificially inseminate sows. He said that a well placed thumb could speed up the process no end. One of the many advantages of being sent out on so many missions I suppose, you get to meet wise and knowledgeable people in all walks of life.
But that's not what I need to tell you about. Kakashi has written a book, or at least a manuscript. I found it hidden under some mail order shuriken catalogues tucked under the couch when I was cleaning. I had wondered what he had been doing to fill up his time at that spa, even he can only do so much lazing around. Naturally I thought it was Jiraiya's at first, and that he'd given it to Kakashi to look over. But it isn't like a typical Icha Icha at all, and of course I know the handwriting.
He's modestly called it 'Hentai for Heroes', or 'The Prodigal's Guide to Perversion'. I only had time to look over the first chapter. And there isn't one gender specific pronoun in the whole thing. I didn't get very far because I heard him coming back from training with Gai, which was lucky for me, he's a sneaky brat and would have caught me if he was alone. But anyone can hear Gai coming, and it gave me time to shove it under some old essays I've saved at the bottom of my weapons drawer. But I can tell you it was far enough. I had to grab some dumbbells and pretend that I'd been exercising to give me an excuse for my red face and pounding heart.
So please, if you value my sanity at all, I desperately need advice. What the hell do I do now? He's bound to look for it sooner or later, should I just burn the wretched piece of trash the first chance I get, or confront him with it? I can't, can't let him publish that thing. As you know the two of us aren't exactly the best kept secret in town so everyone would know who he's been doing these… these things… with. Having all those… details… in black and white, I would die. I would never be able to look a parent in the eye again. And what if one of the kids got hold of a copy? For the past few weeks having him away was the most awful thing I could imagine, and now suddenly having him home is worse.
Yours, twisting slowly in the wind like the last leaf of autumn,
Iruka.