6

The next day Mom forced Budge to keep an ice pack on his head. I'm not sure why, but it made her feel better. He was ordering everyone around as if he lost a leg and taking advantage of the sympathy he was garnering.

Dreamer was livid that dad would have to go to the club and worry about Budge. She blamed him for the injury and insisted she would never play hide and seek with him again. I sat in the chair across from where he was lying on the couch. "Why in the world would you jump?" I asked him.

"I saw Jasmine sneaking up to make it to the base. I wasn't about to be caught before Miss Priss," he explained.

"So you would rather kill yourself?"

"Yeah," he insisted. "If I had to choose life or letting Jasmine win, I would die for the cause."

I shook my head and felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it from my pocket to see a text from Emma asking if I was coming to the party tonight. I still wasn't sure what to do. She was at her friend's house all day and I would arrive alone to a place I was not wanted. I told her I would see her later and left it open.

I helped mom with dinner and dishes before going upstairs to shower and get ready. I looked at my image in the mirror. I was tall like dad and had his same features. My hair was just a bit darker than his but it had the same thick, unruly texture.

I wore jeans and a tee with a sweater over it. I put on my casual hiking boots and made sure I added a good dose of aftershave. When I got downstairs my mother looked at me with surprise. "Are you going out?"

"Is it okay?" I asked in return.

"Oh yeah, I just need to know if I'm in charge tonight," she said, and added ice to the pack for Budge.

"I won't be out late," I promised and gave her a quick kiss.

The party was on the edge of town in the guest house of a large impressive home. The cars were lining the street and I parked and waited to gather my courage before making the long walk to the back of the property.

I was searching for Emma, but the music was so loud and the place was so crowded it was hard to make out anything. Someone handed me a cup and I took a sip to find it was beer. I sat it on the first free surface and continued looking for Emma.

I saw one of her friends and approached, "April, where's Emma?" I asked.

She pointed to where a group of people were dancing and I saw Mack Shore dancing with her. He had his hands right on her ass and I could feel the anger rising inside of me. Emma was laughing and letting her head drop back so she could toss her long hair.

When the music faded I walked toward them. Another song instantly began to play so I called out to her. She looked at me and smiled, "Hi Trooper, I'm glad you came."

I glanced at Mack, trying to tell him I didn't appreciate the way he was holding my girl, but he ignored me. "Can we talk?" I asked her.

"Emma's busy," Mack said, and I could smell alcohol on his breath. He spun her around so his back was to me and she laughed from the dizzying movement.

I walked away, angry that she wouldn't leave him to talk with me but even angrier at myself for coming. I was handed another cup and this time I drank down the liquid quickly. A girl I knew as Darla, but never had an actual conversation with, approached me with yet another cup of beer. She smiled and handed it to me. "I know Emma insisted you come, but it must be uncomfortable for you."

I nodded and drank the beer. "I don't know why I came," I admitted with embarrassment.

She took my hand and pulled me to the back patio. We sat on a bench and Darla grabbed two new cups. I looked around the place and said, "Everyone knows Emma's dad is a cop, right?"

"In Forks, not here," Darla said as if it made all the difference.

We heard a scream and loud laughter as Mack came out of the bungalow carrying Emma over his shoulders. She was laughing and kicking as he tossed her onto a trampoline and then placed his body right on top of hers.

I jumped up but Darla grabbed my arm. "They're just playing around. Emma doesn't like Mack and he has a girlfriend in college."

I sat back down and watched as he tickled her, making her scream. I downed another full cup and began to feel the effects. I smiled at Darla and she nodded for me to come with her. I followed her into the house and she got me a cup with dark liquid. I drank it down and the burn in my throat made my eyes water.

The music had slowed so she put her arms around me and we rocked back and forth as the alcohol went to work. I don't remember too much after that point. I know I drank more, because the burn in my throat was constant. I remembered fighting with Emma, but I have no idea what it was over. I opened my eyes and saw I was lying in my bed.

The drapes were closed but I could tell it was light outside. I sat up and pain shot through my head as if I had been the one to jump from the roof. I forced myself to get up and made my way to the hallway to see what was going on.

I heard a noise in the kitchen so I went downstairs and found my dad making some coffee. He looked up at me and said, "Feeling better?"

"What happened?" I asked, and felt my way to a chair.

"I think I should be asking you that question," he chuckled. I looked around for signs of anyone else and dad quickly added, "They are all at Grandpa and Grandma Swans."

"Did I drive?" I asked, angry for making such a bad decision.

"No, I got a call at the club so I came and got you."

"Good," I murmured, "At least I was acting responsibly."

Dad laughed and it told me my behavior had been anything but responsible. I let my head fall into my hands and dad placed a cup of coffee in front of me. "I never expected this from you," dad said, to plunge the knife deeper.

"I don't know why I did it. I was uncomfortable and watching guys all over Emma so I drank. It was stupid."

Dad took a drink from his own cup and then said, "Trooper, drinking can cause you to make different decisions, ones you wouldn't make if you were sober. There is nothing worse than living with regret."

I tried to remember anything about the night and then asked fearfully, "Did I make a bad decision?"

"Do you care for a girl named Darla?" he asked, causing my blood to turn to ice.

I gasped and covered my mouth. Surely I wasn't that drunk to have sex with Darla at Emma's party. Was that what we were fighting about? I looked at my father as tears burned my eyes and asked, "What did I do?"

"I don't have all the details. Emma called and said you were drunk and trying to leave with Darla. I found the two of you screaming at each other in the middle of the street."

"Me and Emma?" I asked for clarification.

He nodded and I closed my eyes trying desperately to remember anything. I finally stood knowing I needed to apologize to her as quickly as possible. Dad cleared his throat and said, "Son, this is not normal behavior for you so I haven't said anything to your mother, but if it happens again you won't be let off the hook."

"I can promise you it will never happen again," I assured him. I made my way back upstairs and took a long shower to clear my head. I dressed and walked slowly across the yard toward the back of Emma's house. I knocked loudly and waited.

When nobody arrived I sent her a text. The door opened only a few inches and she looked at me with red, swollen eyes. I didn't know if she had been crying or she had too much to drink also. I wasn't sure where to start so I said the first thing to enter my mind. "I'm sorry, Emma."

"For what?" she demanded.

"For making an ass out of myself at your party," I said, figuring it covered just about everything.

"Why did you want to hurt me so badly?" she asked as tears filled her eyes.

My head fell in shame and I shook it a couple of times. "I have no idea what happened last night. I know I drank too much, but I can't remember anything else."

She was silent and I kept my head lowered until she opened the door wider and said, "Come in."

I followed her up the back stairs to her room and leaned against the closed door as she sat against the headboard hugging a pillow. I could now see she had been crying and it ripped my heart into pieces. I never wanted to be the one to hurt Emma, ever.

"I'm so sorry," I said as my own voice broke. I looked away so she wouldn't see my emotion but it was impossible to hide.

She finally said through her tears, "Did you change your mind?"

There were many things she could mean, but if it concerned her I didn't change my mind about anything. I shook my head back and forth as I bit my lip.

"If I would have let you go, would you have really slept with Darla?"

I let my body slide down the door and rested my arms on my knees. "Probably," I admitted, because I was incapable of thinking last night. It was painful to admit it, but I would not make things worse by lying to her. She wiped her tears and took a few steadying breaths. I had nothing to lose so I said, "Emma, I saw Mack with his hands all over you and it made me sick. I drank to get it out of my head; I have no feelings for Darla."

"Mack is only a friend," she said harshly.

I smiled at her and said, "So am I."

She pounded her fist onto her mattress and said, "God Trooper, you just don't get it. This cannot be it for us. We are in advanced classes and this is not where we are meant to end up. Do you want me to go to junior college and marry you at nineteen? We have to know what is out there so we can choose this. It will only work if we choose each other after seeing all the choices we have in life."

"I choose you," I said softly as my own tears began to fall.

She jumped off the bed and came to my side. She held my face in her hands and said, "Trooper, my parents never went to college. All their dreams are on my shoulders. I want to see who I can be, can't you understand?"

I did understand, but I wanted it to be different. Emma had the intelligence to be anything she wanted. She wouldn't depend on her parents to build her a home and buy her the things she wants. I wanted her to be the best she could be, but I also knew it meant I had to let her go.

"You'll be amazing," I told her honestly and tried to smile.

"I do love you, I really do, but we have too many things to experience first."

I let my legs fall and I pulled her onto my lap. I kissed her as passionately as possible, because I was kissing her goodbye. We would still have sex with each other for the first time, but any dream of having Emma as mine right now was gone. For her birthday I would give her the biggest gift of all, I would walk away from her.