chapter six: bored
"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves." - Frederico Garcia Lorca
Five years ago on Ember Island, Azula and Ty Lee sit in utter silence. The beach is empty, and Azula is practicing again. Ty Lee has watched her a thousand times, but it never stops being beautiful. Azula tells herself that it is because Ty Lee is jealous, but it is really just because the girl without bending is captivated by it.
"Last night was weird," Ty Lee says, squinting in the sun. She wants to discuss Azula's reaction to Ty Lee... and how Ty Lee sacrificed her own happiness to try to help the princess. She wants to say that she knows when Azula referred to her as a tease, she was accusing Ty Lee of teasing her.
But the only reason Ty Lee is teasing Azula is because she is baffled by what the princess actually wants out of their relationship.
"I said you could watch quietly." Azula spins around, crossing her arms. Ty Lee shrugs.
"Sorry," she replies halfheartedly, flashing a grin. Azula frowns. "But I've never really opened up like that."
"Yes, it looked painfully embarrassing." Azula returns to the elaborate poses that Ty Lee has never seen her use in battle. "You looked ridiculous, crying like a baby."
"You didn't care when your mother left," Ty Lee says and Azula sighs, dropping her arms again.
"Are we really? Are you really going to interrupt me for this nonsense?" Azula turns around with a scary look in her eyes. Ty Lee shrugs again. "It didn't bother me. It was once she left that my father and I got close. It worked out for me. Not to mention Zuko out of the way."
"I think that's the most you've ever opened up," Ty Lee offers and Azula returns wordlessly to her training. "Look, I want to discuss, uh... our relationship."
"There is no relationship," Azula purrs, as she has so many times. "It's just... a little confusion. Hormones."
Ty Lee contemplates that for a moment. They have never fully had sex, however, their relationship has definitely transcended just friendship after the drill attempt on Ba Sing Se, even if they have taken the time to explore each other's bodies, made out, felt each other up. But never fully, together, penetration or oral sex.
But that does not mean it is just hormones.
Ty Lee just sighs and agrees with Azula.
[X]
The ship keeps rocking about, sloshing the hot tea onto Azula's hands. She curses under her breath every time it happens. She hates Earl Grey, but the caffeine does her well. Her Uncle brought an entire case of tea. An entire case.
Ty Lee is sipping hers cheerily, her eyes focused out of the window.
"A fish!" she exclaims, pointing. Azula does not look up.
"How much longer, Uncle?" Azula demands as he heats the kettle again. His second cup.
"About a day before we hit land. Then another three days before we get to the city," he says kindly, calmly. His tone makes her queasy.
"This is endless." Azula sets down her tea, abandoning it. It was gross anyway. "I'm so bored."
In Caldera, one month before the invasion, "You look so pretty!" Ty Lee exclaims, finishing the last stroke of lipstick on Mai. Mai stares at herself in the mirror, kind of pleased with what she sees.
"Her face doesn't even match her neck," Azula remarks on the powder about two shades darker than Mai.
"She's right," Mai agrees earnestly. "But it's her turn."
"What?"
Azula is lying on a bedroll in the living room. Ty Lee and Mai are in front of a hastily set up mirror, a kit of make-up wide open. Azula's eyes are closed, listening to her friends bicker as Ty Lee gives make-overs.
"Yeah, come on. Don't make Ty Lee paralyze you," Mai says, standing up and grabbing Azula's arm. They drag their friend in front of the mirror and set her firmly on the floor.
"I think I look fine," Azula whispers, but it is too late. Ty Lee has seized her and is assaulting her face with bright colors.
A half hour later, the made-up girls are bored. They lie back, talking about everything and nothing. Azula writes her name in smoke and fire over and over again with her toe.
"I'm bored," Azula says, interrupting Ty Lee's story.
"I actually have an idea," Mai says, looking particularly conniving. Azula sits up, leaning in attentively. "You know... we could always give Zuko a make-over."
"I love it!" Ty Lee claps her hands feverishly.
"That's actually a good idea, Mai," Azula says and her friends are surprised. "Let's do it."
Moments later, they are sneaking down the dark hallways. The faint light of the moon reflects off of Mai's pale skin as she ducks beneath the window. They reach Zuko's door slowly, creeping.
"Okay, on the count of three," Azula whispers, staring at Mai. "One, two..."
Mai breaks down the door with one hit. Ty Lee runs inside and leaps onto Zuko's bed, as he is jolted awake, panicking.
Ty Lee screams, "Agni Kai, brother!" as she kicks him off of the bed.
"That's the thing that I say!" Azula protests, as she shoots flames into the hanging candle and illuminates the room in an eerie blue. Zuko shoots fire aimlessly and breaks the window. "You can't just steal the thing that I say!"
Mai snickers as Zuko stands up and takes a fighting stance. With one push, she knocks him back onto the floor.
"You traitor!" Zuko shouts at Mai and she sets her foot on his chest.
"This will be easier if you just come quietly," Mai says as her friends seize him. They carry a kicking Zuko through the halls and to the room they have claimed for their slumber party. Azula snatches Mai's shirt from the floor and ties up Zuko's wrists behind his back with one swift motion. He struggles against the bonds. Ty Lee paralyzes him before he can burn his way out.
"What are you guys doing?" Zuko asks, his heart racing. The terrible trio looks very excited, at varying levels. Zuko feels completely terrified.
"Makeovers!" Ty Lee shouts, opening the box of make-up.
"You're kidding. This is really how you three choose to use your advanced combat training?" Zuko says, his jaw slack. He also cannot believe he was ambushed in his own home.
"Don't you want to look pretty, ZuZu?" Azula twists open a lipstick with a maniacal smirk.
[X]
"We're reaching land," Ty Lee says, interrupting Azula's third nap of the day, not that any of them have been refreshing at all. "Are you still sleeping?"
"No. I'm wide awake." Azula stands up, looking frustrated. "Let's just get this over with."
[X]
"To forced vacation," Mai says, clinking glasses with Zuko. He scowls. "Our last night of mandatory relaxation."
Azula leaves the deck as Mai and Zuko start talking. Their conversation is so boring. Ty Lee leaps up and follows her.
"Where are you going?" Ty Lee asks.
"For a walk. Why don't you go play with one of your billion boyfriends," Azula snaps and Ty Lee recoils.
"Can I come with you?" Ty Lee asks eagerly, hoping to mend she and Azula's romance after the fiasco with the boys.
"Are we attached at the hip, Ty Lee?" Azula says, turning around.
"You have been in an awful mood since we came here," Ty Lee says bluntly and Azula's fingertips light up. Ty Lee puts up her hands in hasty surrender. "You look really pretty, princess."
"I'm going for a walk. You're not invited." Airy, purring and cavalier, Azula can make rejection sound oddly sweet. If she were a poison, she would taste so good that you wouldn't notice you were dying. That... may actually be a reasonable description of Azula.
Ty Lee goes back to the deck, where Mai and Zuko are now kissing. It is adorable. She cannot get enough of Mai's blissful relationship. She only wishes that she had one just like it. Her thoughts fall momentarily on the one love she cannot have. While she gets all of the romantic attention anyone could ask with her pretty cleavage and bright attitude, she could never gain the approval of the one person she wanted it from.
Maybe that's why she chases after her.
"Where'd the princess go?" Mai asks and Zuko looks unhappy. Their sibling rivalry is embedded in everything they do.
"For a walk. I wasn't invited." Ty Lee sits down and picks up one of the juices. It is sweet and fresh; she enjoys it.
"If she wants to be alone, she'll be alone. Azula always gets what she wants," Mai says, pulling away from Zuko slightly. "I don't know why you care so much what she thinks."
"I'm sorry that I'm not as unfeeling as you," Ty Lee says so brusquely and bitingly that Zuko's eyebrows shoot up.
The only thing Ty Lee and Mai have ever fought about has been Azula. They were always closer to each other than to her, yet she somehow manages to be the only rift in their relationship.
That night, Azula returns looking much more composed. Ty Lee watches her meander to her room, the one that the three girls have been sharing. Not that Mai has turned up any of the nights, but that is a sweet secret.
"Did I upset you?" Ty Lee asks and Azula shrugs. "I didn't mean to."
"I know. You hate hurting people's feelings. You're fortunate that I don't have any." Azula lies down on her bed. It is an uncomfortable twin squished in with two others. One holds Ty Lee, the other has been empty for the entire trip.
"I think you have feelings," Ty Lee says as Azula turns out the light.
"That's cute," Azula purrs. "Goodnight, Ty Lee."
It was meant to end the conversation. Ty Lee does not sleep. She stares at the ceiling through the darkness, trying to make it out but only seeing black.
In the middle of the night, Azula gets up and Ty Lee's eyes follow her. She walks to the window, yawning. Setting on the windowsill, Azula gazes out at the island.
"You okay?" Ty Lee asks, joining her. Azula is silent.
She had a bad dream, not that she would tell anyone. They sometimes keep her up for days, hounding her nights until she goes and just burns everything in sight.
"Look, I don't know how to say this," Ty Lee says and Azula immediately feels uncomfortable. "But I really want you to be happy. I know I say that about everyone but..."
Azula does something that Ty Lee would never expect. She turns to her side and kisses her.
"Wow, I came in at a bad time."
Mai.
[X]
The walls of Ba Sing Se are on the horizon. Azula has been staring out of the window as Ty Lee and Uncle jabber like idiots. She recalls when the walls of the city were brought down by her clever words. Out of all of her marvelous monologues, the one that won her the Dai Li was by far her best. It brings that small signature smirk to her lips.
"Arrest the Fire Nation Princess." As if.
"I'm so excited!" Ty Lee exclaims. "I know what I'm going to do first. Okay ─ well after I try some tea! I'm going to go shopping and we're going to buy all new clothes. Azula, you're coming right?"
"I guess..." Azula shrugs. "I mean, none of my clothes fit anyway."
"I'm so excited!" Ty Lee repeats, nearly bouncing out of her seat.
"Mai, if you tell anyone about this─" Azula's hands are ablaze and Ty Lee is in the corner, leaning against the wall. Mai has her hands up, backing towards the door.
"I'm not... I'm not..." Mai looks at a loss for words. "Just calm down. We all have our embarrassing moments."
"I don't!" Azula snaps and Ty Lee bounces between her friends.
"I kissed her! I kissed her!" Ty Lee shouts, lying desperately, and Azula is impressed. "But please don't tell anyone."
"I kind of called it." Mai shrugs and picks up her hairbrush out of her suitcase. "I, uh, I forgot this."
And with that, she is gone.
"This place is quaint," Azula remarks, suspiciously kindly. They are in the Jasmine Dragon, Ty Lee out of breath from lugging Azula's things.
"You really think so?" Uncle asks, eyeing Azula cautiously. She pays him a compliment, though she still wishes he had died in battle all of those years ago. It did not surprise her at all when he prevented her from claiming the body of the Avatar. When they lock eyes, it is that moment that they see in each other. Not that they have any happy memories to reminisce about.
"That's what I said. It's what I meant," Azula answers lightly, pushing open the door. It slams in Ty Lee's face as she walks up the stairs. They arrive in a small apartment above and Azula's positive attitude fizzles out like a poorly summoned flame.
"Where am I supposed to sleep?" Azula asks, knocking open all of the doors. Her uncle arrives, carrying the trunk that Ty Lee has dropped from exhaustion.
"There's a guest room right here," he says, pointing inside. Zuko once slept there. Azula looks at it in extreme distaste.
"Quaint, right?" Ty Lee offers, smiling and nodding. Azula does not respond, simply seizes her trunk from Iroh and tosses it into the room.
Azula lies down on the bed. It feels uncomfortable and alien.
"Shopping trip?"
It's better than this dump.
"Azula, about our─"
"Shut up."
They have just arrived back on the mainland from Ember Island. Azula is sitting in the living room. Zuko is at Mai's house, as he often is. Ty Lee has been evaded with skill by her friend, despite the fact that they are living with each other. But finally, Ty Lee has caught her.
"About our kiss. About the fact I've given you stripteases but sometimes you won't even... I..." Ty Lee murmurs, her heart pounding out of her chest.
"Shut up."
"We really need to talk about this, princess. Zuko and Mai are gone and your father is busy and we're all alone. No one has to know but us," Ty Lee says and Azula puts her face in her hands. This is humiliating.
"It was a momentary lapse in judgment," Azula replies, though her voice catches slightly. "It meant nothing. Don't get your hopes up."
"The thing is..." Ty Lee doesn't finish her sentence. She bows her head and says, "Thank you for your forgiveness."
She walks away, biting back tears.
[X]
Ty Lee carries both she and Azula's bags of clothes. They have gone on a spree in the upper ring of Ba Sing Se. Both changed into appropriate Earth Kingdom outfits, they almost blend in. The stares make Azula uneasy; she feels as if she could be attacked at any moment.
"I'm hungry," Azula states and Ty Lee peers around for a restaurant.
"About our kiss."
"Shut up."
They find a cute little place and are seated. Azula says nothing as she eats, and Ty Lee tries to make conversation multiple times. But like trying to create fire from rocks, it fails.
"You don't have to be so difficult all the time," Ty Lee mutters, but she is, again, ignored. I guess I'm just grateful that she hasn't threatened the waiters yet.
"I know. I enjoy it." And there goes the conversation.
They walk through Ba Sing Se slowly, Ty Lee talking. She talks to the vendors, to pedestrians and to children. Azula just stares, stunned. As they move, she feels the tingling sensation that she is being followed. It overwhelms her, and she seizes Ty Lee and slips into the next ring of the city. The sensation increases.
Shadows behind her. I'm going crazy. I'm being paranoid. So paranoid, the doctors called her. Shattered by an abusive childhood and her own faulty genes. Descended from pressure her mind couldn't take. Subjected to her body turning on herself and a loss of all trust and will to live.
Just the will to destroy. To utterly annihilate everything in her path like a cerulean star going supernova.
"What is it?" Ty Lee asks, a little too loudly. Azula hears an out of place footstep as the street narrows to suspiciously empty.
"We're being followed."
"You're being ridiculous." Ty Lee pushes Azula off of her, sighing and rolling her eyes.
And then the Earth opens up and Ty Lee is thrown backwards by the force of the ground, screaming. Azula lunges after her and someone grabs her arm, snapping it towards them.
They're surrounded.
"Princess!" Ty Lee screams as Azula is yanked backward and thrown onto her side. The ground collides with her rib and she hears a distinct crack. Ty Lee leaps across the rubble, dodging rocks hurled at her by earthbenders. Azula rolls over just as a boulder comes flying at her. "I'll save you!"
Azula looks around quickly, analyzing the situation. Her reflexes have grown numb with time. There are eight opponents, all masked and hooded. The entire ground shakes with the force of their combined power. Ty Lee is hit in the stomach again and Azula jumps to her feet, her busted rib poking her insides.
One earthbender engages her and she dances atop of their moves, running towards the wall. She scales it and leaps to a perch atop of a roof. Ty Lee is seized by the neck.
"I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life..." Azula mutters as the roof gives out from under her. She surfs down on the crumbling rock and summons lightning. The bolt singes Ty Lee's hair as it hits the man choking her in the neck. He stumbles back, lifeless.
"A heads up would be nice, princess! You know, lightning coming your way?" Ty Lee gestures to her singed bangs as she dodges a fist covered in stone.
"Sorry," Azula says, jumping into the air. Flames burst from her fingertips, engulfing an earthbender moving into a fighting stance. He screams in agony and falls like the first.
Ty Lee registers momentarily that Azula is firebending, but then she leaps backwards out of the way of a rock being hurled at her. She pushes off of the wall and, with an aerial cartwheel, punches the earthbender who threw it at her. She jabs her thumb into his shoulder and he is down. Azula sends a bolt of lightning through his chest and Ty Lee cringes. There's no need for that.
"Ty Lee, backflip!" Azula shouts and Ty Lee does so without questioning. As she is in the air, a burst of blue flames surges out beneath Ty Lee's back, hitting three of the earthbenders. They leap back, a few yelps erupting from their lips.
"She wasn't supposed to be able to do this!" one of the burnt earthbenders screams and Azula jumps at him.
"No, I wasn't." A fistful of flames to the face.
His mask is melted into his flesh. It smells disgusting.
Ty Lee knocks out another with a punch to the neck. Two grab her and drag her across the floor.
Azula burns them both and Ty Lee leaps away, her Earth Kingdom shirt lit ablaze. She pats it out frantically, eyes wide. The last two send two walls of rock at Azula. One of them misses, but the other smashes her against the building. Her ankles crack and she breathes in sharply through her teeth. Her arms are yanked up, bound in stone that once paved the streets.
She kicks and no flames come out. They broke my fucking leg.
Ty Lee pounces on the earthbender moving to give Azula a deathblow. She tackles him to the floor and tightens her hands around his neck. Azula pulls against the rocks, but she is too weak. Ty Lee feels the life disappear from the man she strangles, and she feels horrified at herself.
One left. Azula flips her legs above her head and pushes off with a blast of flame, breaking the rock handcuffs, though her wrists are not pleased with her. She sends a final blast of flame into the earthbender as he delivers an arsenal of cobblestone to Ty Lee. He slowly burns and falls, gone.
Azula breathes heavily, panting. She screwed herself royally today, and she knows it. Ty Lee slowly stands up, walking towards the princess. They lock eyes, both lost in deep breaths and adrenaline. Azula grabs Ty Lee's back and pulls her close, kissing her fiercely.
Ty Lee closes her eyes. Azula falls to the broken street, her legs giving out.
"Azula!" Ty Lee shrieks, kneeling next to her. Azula coughs. Blood trickles on her chin.
"I'm fine. I'm fine," she says, touching her displaced rib. That is not good.
"Your-your bone is showing." Ty Lee clamps her hands over her mouth, eyes bulging.
Azula looks at her leg. Shit. That's bad. That's definitely bad.
"We have to get out of here," Azula says, pushing herself up. Her leg sends a jolt of pain through her that she can barely describe. Ty Lee pulls Azula onto her back, Azula screaming in surprise.
"I'll carry you. Come on."
Azula fades in and out of consciousness as Ty Lee carries her. She is plagued with visions of memories she forgot to remember to forget. She coughs up blood sometimes and Ty Lee will start moving more quickly. Suddenly, Azula is lying down. She faintly hears her uncle's voice.
"You miscalculated."
Azula tries to clear her vision. Her Uncle is carefully examining her wounds.
"I guess I love Zuko more than I fear you."
"What happened?" He looms over her as Ty Lee is in the corner, speechless. She has blood all over her shoulder and a few bruises. She feels weak and panicked, the adrenaline surging through her veins. Ty Lee could not string a sentence together to explain to Iroh.
"Ty Lee saved my life," Azula says, a half truth.
"I did?" Ty Lee asks, but no one hears her.
"We have to get you a healer," Iroh says, reaching towards the compound fracture. Azula bats his hand away. Her vision is hazy and her skin sticky with sweat. "Were you attacked?"
"No. I tripped," Azula says viciously and Iroh frowns. "Yes, we were attacked. By a gang of earthbenders."
"You're going to be okay," Uncle says, watching her carefully. He sends one of the workers that Azula never bothered to learn the name of out in search of medical assistance.
Azula coughs up more blood.
"If I die..." she says softly, grabbing her pathetic uncle by his shirt, "tell my mother that it's her fault."