I had a guest reviewer ask me if I had a update schedule... Simple answer is I don't. I update when I want; nothing more, nothing less. As I said in the last chapter, I write, edit and post when I can.

I own nothing but the plot bunny that this came from.

Bella didn't know what she was doing there. What exactly made her go there and knock on that door? Before Bella could chicken out, she raised her hand and rapped on the door three times. As soon as her hand fell from the vertical surface of the door she turned away. She could not stand staring at the door, waiting for what fate had in store for her. She put as much distance between what was behind the door and herself. With her back to the door, her head resting on the wall and taking a deep breath Bella allowed her brain to think back to exactly what brought her there.

Flashback

"Before I leave, Bella," Rosalie said, turning back to her, "I have one more thing to say."

"That would be," Bella asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't you think if you would have read that first letter, you would have saved yourself a lot of heartache? I know what you assumed was in that letter, but you know what they say about assuming. Do yourself a favor," she said pressing something into Bella's hand, "read the letter. Then choose what you want to do, what is best for you."

With that she left, the door clicking shut behind her. Bella stood there for a few moments just staring at the door. Rosalie was right, as much as Bella hated to admit it. At the time, not reading Jasper's letters felt like the right thing to do. Now though, Bella wasn't so sure. Was all the pain she lived with self inflicted because she was too stubborn? Eventually, Bella tore her eyes from the door and looked down at what Rosalie had handed her. There in her fist was Jasper's letter. As she continued to stare at it, she finally made up my mind.

Before Bella could change her mind she ripped open the envelope carefully as not to damage what was inside and unfolded the letter. With a deep breath, she started to read.

My Dearest Mouse,

I know I no longer have the right to call you mine, or Mouse, but you will always be mine in my heart. You will always own my heart, there will be no other but you. From the moment that I walked into that first class and our eyes locked, I knew we were soul mates. I knew I had to get to know you, to be near you, to touch you, to talk with you. I never believed in Fate, but still she was on my side when I was assigned to the seat next to yours. Even better still you agreed to show me to my next class and gave me the opening to get to know you.

Bella could already feel her eyes welling up and it was only the first paragraph. She remember the day that he walked into her Homeroom, stood in front of the room, locked his eyes with hers and introduced himself to the class. Bella's hold to the planet had changed the closer he walked toward her and her desk, it was him that now held Bella from floating away and into space; Jasper was her planet and she was his moon.

Bella had to sit before she could read any more or she was going to end up on the floor. With shaky legs Bella headed for the couch. As soon as she was settled she continued to read.

I am well aware that I am letting you down. We had made plans and promises, and I am breaking every single one. Please know that I NEVER wanted to leave you. I know that saying that something came up and I had to leave is just not going to cut it. Oh how I wish I could tell you what caused me to leave, but I cannot; at least not in a letter. In honesty, I am not sure I would be able to tell you in person either.

You must think me the worst kind of coward there is, to have left you while you slept, and you would be right. I took the easy way and snuck out in the middle of the night. I could not see the look on your face when I told you I needed to leave; it would have been my undoing. I could not handle the idea of you being upset, to know that I was the cause. I could not bare the idea of tears running down your cheeks as I turned my back and walked away.

Please know that the decision to leave was THE hardest one that I ever needed to make. Please know that I wrestled with every option, none of them easy. I chose the one that not only was the hardest, but also the most painful. I could feel my soul being ripped out of my chest as I walked out your door, locking it behind me. It felt like I was closing the door on everything good in my life, and I knew I could and would never open it again.

They say that hindsight is twenty-twenty, that it is easy afterward to see what one should have done; in a way they are right. There are many things I should have done. I should have told you what was going on. I should have taken you with me. I should have stayed by your side. I should have...I should have done so many things. None of that makes any of what I did better though, does it?

To know that I left you when you needed me the most tore me up. I know that in the end you were not pregnant like we thought, but that is not the point; at the time that I left we both believed you were. I knew by leaving I would never see you continue to swell with our child, to carry our child, to care for our child. I would never get to see the birth of our child, to see the first breath, to hear the first cry. I would never get to hold our child in my arms, never get to bare my soul to him. Most of all I would never get to tell our child how much I loved him, how much I wanted him.

God how I wanted to be with you when I found out that truly you were not pregnant. I knew how grief stricken you must have felt when you heard, because I was absolutely devastated. Oh how I wanted to wrap my arms around you as you cried. What I wouldn't have given to been able to be with you in the Doctor's office, to hold your hand through everything. I would have gone to every appointment with you, been there for every treatment, every surgery. I would have held your hair when you were sick and then carried you back to bed. I would not have left your side for an instant.

I know you must hate me now and I would not blame you. No amount of apologies are going to make what I did right, but I must try. I am so sorry, my dearest Isabella, for the pain that I have caused you. I wish I could say that it was unintentional, but I cannot. When I left I knew exactly what it would do and yet I still did it. I still left.

I have to tell you how much I love you and only you. You are the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I go to bed at night. You are in every waking thought, every dream I have at night and every breath I take. I cherish every moment we had together, and could never regret anything we had together. You will always be what holds me together.
 Oh how I long to be able to tell you all this in person. Please Bella, if you have any feelings for me, that I have not crushed, let me explain myself. I know the chances are slim that I will ever see or hear from you again, but I can always have hope. I will hold out forever for you if that is what it takes for you to forgive me.

The Denmark embassy in Washington, DC is expecting your call whenever you are ready to let me explain or even if you want to scream at me. All you need to do is ask to be transferred to Peter Whitlock and he will get you to me no matter the time or place.

I love you Bella, please never forget that.

Forever Yours,

Jasper.

As Bella finished reading the last line a tear splashed onto the page. She quickly wiped the page dry before it could smug the pen strokes on the paper. Bella thought she had been the only one to hurt, to be in pain after Jasper left. To know that she was not the only one to feel a piece of herself disappear, to break away when he left made Bella hurt even more.

God how she wished she had not been so stubborn and read the first Damned letter. If only Bella had swallowed her pride she could have been saved from so much pain; self induced pain. If she would have read that letter there would have been a chance that they could have had some sort of relationship. Bella didn't know if they could be a couple again, but it would have been something they could have explored; together.

Bella had to reread the last paragraph a few times to let things sink in. Would Jasper still want to see her? Should she still call the embassy and talk to this Peter? Would he still be working there so he could help? Rosalie said this was the most recent letter, didn't she? If it was, there was still a good chance that if she needed to Bella could call on this Peter.

In the end Rosalie was right, she was right about everything. She was right that Bella should read the letter all those years ago. She was right that all the hurt and pain was all Bella's own fault. She was also right that now Bella needed to chose what she was going to do.

She didn't need to think long on what her next move was. Bella was in love with Jasper and now that she knew that there was a flicker of hope that he felt the same, she was going to do something about it. Bella was going to choose what was right for her and not care what others thought.

End Flashback

The sound of the door opening pulled Bella from her thoughts. She took another deep breath before pushing away from the wall and turning around to face either her salvation, or executioner depending what fate had up her sleeve.

"Can I help you," a voice asked in the now open door sneering out 'you'. Even before Bella had fully turned to face him, she had to fight back a cringe at the venom in his voice. There blocking her sight into the room was none other than Felix, and he did not seem happy to see her there. So it seems it was the executioner that had come.

"May I please see Jasper," Bella asked calmly, though she was anything but. She could see now that even if Jasper assured her in his apology note that Felix did not know of their past, that he held no animosity for her because it; that there was something bothering Felix about her. The rest of their interaction did not erase that feeling from her mind one bit, instead just strengthened it.

"Do you know what time it is," Felix asked shutting the door slightly behind him then crossing his arms and stood in front of her. It was clear he was trying to intimidate her, if Bella was any less of a person she would have been; too bad for him she was not.

"Listen," Bella snapped at him as she started to advance toward the door, "I know what time it is and I am aware that I look anything but sane right now." It was true; with the flushed cheeks and tear stained cheeks, the unruly state of her hair from pulling and twisting sections Bella was sure she looked like she had lost her mind. "But it is important that I see Jasper."

"You've made it very evident before that you don't." Bella felt like she had been slapped; it didn't help that he was right. "What caused this drastic change of heart?"

"That is none of your business. It is between Jasper and myself," Bella replied. "May I see Jasper or not?"

"I don't think his Highness would want to see you," Felix said again sneering 'you' as he glared down at her. Bella involuntarily took a step back from him and he took that time to push the door open and retreat back into the room shutting the door in her face.

Bella was stunned. He SHUT the door IN HER FACE. Bella stood there blinking, her mouth agape in shock. In her head she had pictured many different scenarios playing out, but standing in the hall looking at a closed door was not one of them. Okay maybe eventually it would have been, but Bella thought it would be Jasper that rejected her and not his security.

She took a deep calming breath and remembered she had a plan B and there was no need for her to go all 'crazy ex' and throw a tantrum in the hall embarrassing both Jasper and herself. Before Bella came up there she did a little search and found the Denmark Embassy's phone number. Bella wanted it just in case Jasper wasn't in. She would call and at least have them get a message to Jasper letting him know that she was willing to meet.

Bella knew the letter said she should ask and talk to a Peter Whitlock, but it just seemed so far-fetched that this random guy would be able to help her. Now though, Bella had another issue instead of the empty room. She had a jackass that had some sort of problem with her and was blocking her from her goal. Now, Bella would take any assistance that was given, even if it was from someone that she didn't know. She stepped down the hall a little ways from Jasper's door, scanned her phone for the programmed number and dialed the embassy. As she listened to the ringing she took a breath and prayed that she was doing the right thing, that this would not just make things worse than they already were.

"Denmark Embassy. This is Heidi, how may I help or direct your call," asked a perky voice after the third ring.

"Good evening Heidi," Bella said as calmly as she could, though she could still hear the nerves in her voice. "My name is Bella, I was told to contact a Peter Whitlock through this office."

"Yes Miss, if you do not know the direct number I can transfer you to Mr. Whitlock. It will take me just a few minutes with him located in the country of Denmark at present. If I cannot locate him directly may I connect you to his voicemail or someone that works with him instead?"

"That's fine," said Bella with a sigh. "I understand that Denmark is seven hours ahead of where I am, which means it is four in the morning there. I suppose I will have to make do with whatever you can get me."

"Alright," Heidi said lightly, "let me just get your name again and I'll see what I can do."

"My name is Isabella Swan from Chicago, Illinois," she said pinching the bridge of her nose, she was starting to get a headache.

"Oh," Heidi gasped over the line, "Why didn't you say that in the first place. I have worked here for a little over two years and it has been almost beaten into my brain that should you call you are to be connected to Mr. Whitlock immediately, no questions asked. I am sorry, had I known," she started to apologize but Bella just cut her off.

"No worries Heidi," Bella said with a smile hoping she could tell that Bella wasn't upset.

"Well, if you are sure," she said with a sigh. "I will connect you with Mr. Whitlock."

As Bella waited for the connection she paced the length of the hall. She never thought she would WANT the crappy music she would normally hear when on hold, but the silence was killing her. All Bella could hear was her heartbeat thumping in her ears and her erratic breathing. Who knew she could be so nervous over a simple phone call? Bella had no idea if this Peter would help her, but she had this feeling that he would. She just hoped he wouldn't mind her calling him at four in the morning. Bella was just about to hang up when she heard the telltale click of a call being connected.

"Good evening to you Miss Swan," came a smooth, almost cheery, voice; not something she was expecting so early in the morning, at least for him anyway.

"Good morning," Bella answered with a laugh that had a hysterical edge to it, "I am sorry to wake you so early Mr. Whitlock, I didn't even think of the time difference until after I was talking to the embassy."

"It is no problem and no apologies are necessary. I am a light sleeper and normally start moving around in the next half hour anyway," said Mr. Whitlock. "And with his Highness out of the country I find my life a little boring, so a little early morning call is just what I need to spice up my life again," he paused while they both laughed. "Speaking of his Highness," he paused for a moment, "I would ask you how he is, but I have this feeling that you wouldn't know; would you Miss Swan?"

"Well about that...," Bella started.

"Princess Rosalie informed me you and her met and talked."

"We did, but...," she started again.

"Did she not give you the letter?"

"She did, but..."

"You did read the letter, right?"

"I did, but..."

"Then I don't see what the problem is," he said with a frustrated sigh.

"If you would let me finish a Damn sentence you might," Bella snapped at him. "Mr Whitlock, I have had a trying day, my nerves are shot and I am starting to not feel that well. So if you are going to interrupt me every three words then I think I need to call you later."

"I am sorry," he said contritely, "I just get so worked up about things and people I care about."

"I understand, I am the same way," said Bella after she had calmed down slightly.

"Now," he said back to his normal self, "why don't you tell me what's going on, and please for all that is Holy call me Peter."

"Fine, Peter it is, as long as you call me Bella," she said with a little laugh.

"I will for now, but I think Princess fits better." Before Bella could complain on the name Peter started again, "Back to the problem please."

"Alright," she said with a sigh as she leaned up against the wall and slid down to sit on the floor, "You already know that I had a heart to heart with Rosalie, right?"

"I did," Peter replied. "I don't know what was said of course, but I set the meeting up so she could meet with you."

"Remind me to kick your ass for that if we ever meet," Bella said with a snorted. "Not that it wasn't a productive meeting, but some warning that I may or may not dredge up old wounds would have been nice. Just maybe a note to my assistant that I might want to bring tissues and alcohol would have worked just fine."

"I am not going to apologize for something that needed to be done," he said. "You needed a push and Princess Rosalie is the best at getting a point across. His Highness would not take things to the next level, insisting that you make that move. He would have been content on waiting forever for you to read that letter, the rest of us weren't."

"The rest of us," Bella asked. "Who is 'the rest of us'?"

"Don't you think we should continue on with why you needed me at four in the morning," Peter asked changing the subject. Bella could tell that he had no intentions of answering her, but he was right to try and bring her back to their subject. So she let it go, for now anyway.

"So after Rosalie left I did some soul searching and finally opened Jasper's letter. I had to read it a few times just to let everything sink in," she said banging her head against the wall. "After an emotional breakdown I made the decision to come and talk with Jasper."

"And how did that go," Peter asked softly.

"It didn't," Bella said banging her head again, her eyes shutting to try to keep tears from falling.

"What do you mean? He should have been there."

"He was, or at least I think he was. His guard, Felix I think his name was, would not allow me to see Jasper. He actually shut the door in my face," she said still slightly stunned that he did that.

"He what?" Bella could not miss the anger in his voice.

"Well, he said some things, things that were hurtful but true, and then tried to stare me down. When I took a slight step back, thinking he might come at me, he stepped back inside; slamming the door when I recovered my step and started to move closer to the door. I didn't want to make a scene and embarrass Jasper so I called you, hoping you would get a message to Jasper and let him know I would like to see him sometime," Bella ended softly, tears running down her cheeks and a sob breaking through. Bella didn't think she realized how much not getting to see Jasper really bothered her. It is like finally getting to see the sun, but not getting to enjoy its warmth.

"Oh Bella," Peter said softly. "Where are you right now?"

"Ummm," she said as she wiped away some of the tears, "sitting on the floor down the hall from Jasper's room. I think going to my room right now would be very bad," Bella, again, thinking of the wine that she could drown herself in, "so I opted to sit here for a bit and calm down."

"I want you to do something for me, alright," he asked soothingly and soft.

"I can try, I suppose," her voice hitching slightly, tears still falling.

"When I hang up I want you to get up off the floor, straighten your clothes, wipe your tears and walk back to Jasper's room."

"But Felix won't..."

"Don't worry about Felix. You just get yourself in front of that door and leave everything to me. Can you do that?"

"Yes, but.."

"No, no 'buts' here. You already made the real tough choice to talk with him, are you going to let a man, full of power he doesn't have, really stop you?"

"No, I suppose not."

"Good, now I am going to make a phone call. I will talk with you soon."

"Alright," Bella said with a sigh. "Thank you, Peter."

"No, Princess," he said with a quick laugh, "it is I that should be thanking you. You don't realize what this means to so many of us." Again, before Bella could ask what he meant, he disconnected their call.

With a deep sigh Bella pulled herself up off the floor and did what Peter had asked. She didn't think she was very far from Jasper's room, but it seems that with her pacing she ended up farther than she originally thought. As Bella walked she pulled her shirt down and straightened it and ran her fingers through her hair a few times hoping to tame the tangles. Bella started to scrub at her face with the palms of her hands trying to get rid of the tear stains, she never wished more for a mirror then she did right now just so she could see how bad she truly looked.

Bella was only a few feet from the door when she heard a shout from within.

"He did WHAT," someone shouted causing her to stop in her tracks. Bella almost turned around and went back the way she came, but before she could take a step the door was wrenched open.

"Bella," Jasper called stepping out in the hall. There he was his hair slightly messy ,probably from running his hands through it, his shirt wrinkled and half untucked; God he was beautiful and he was looking right at her.

"Jasper," Bella asked softly unsure that he really was here. Before either of them could blink she did the one thing that she should have done the first day she saw him here. Bella took one step, then another and jumped; her body slammed into his, her arms going around his neck, her head buried in his shoulder as she cried.

"Oh Bella," Jasper said in a whisper as his arms started to wrap around her.

Before they could completely close around her though Bella found herself being ripped from Jasper's arms. Bella was unceremoniously slammed, hard, into the wall opposite Jasper and his door, with her left wrist being painfully held behind her back and her other pinned between her and the wall.

"No one touches the Prince without permission, least of all someone off the streets," sneered Felix as he continued to twist her wrist hard behind her. Bella couldn't hold in her whimper of pain, but as the hurt coursed through her it brought back every self-defence class that her father put her through. If Jasper did not get this ass off her, Bella was going to remove him herself.

"Felix, what the HELL are you doing," Jasper shouted. "Let her go before someone gets hurt." Bella didn't know if he was warning Felix that she was going to get hurt or that she was going to hurt him; but that did not stop her from a slight maniacal giggle, nor did it stop Felix from gripping her harder.

"She attacked you," Felix replied trying to force Bella more into the wall.

"She hugged me , Felix. That is the opposite of an attack," Jasper said moving to the side to see her. "And for future reference, if anyone had the right to 'attack' me, it would be her."

Jasper looked down at Bella and cocked an eyebrow, even though she was in some pain she smirked back. It was clear to her that Jasper had remembered the classes that she went through, and how well Bella paid attention. With a tilt of his head toward Felix, Jasper silently asked if Bella would be handling this herself, Bella gave a quick nod that she would be. It was time that this Jackass learned not to mess with her.

"Let her go Felix, before you get hurt," Jasper said trying to give Felix a chance, while he took a few steps away as not to get hurt in the crossfire.

"What is this little girl going to do to me," Felix said showing his ego. Bella was going to enjoy showing him what this 'little girl' could do.

"Your funeral," Jasper muttered while giving her a silent nod to do what she was going to do.

Bella took advantage of Felix's distracted from when he turned to look at Jasper and stomped, hard, with her heel on the inseam of Felix's left leg. He gave a short yelp and started to force her to the ground, but as he shifted his weight Bella shoved her heel into his balls so hard there is a good chance he won't be able to have children in the future. Felix cried out loosening his hold on her wrist as he started to fall to the ground allowing her to spin around and sucker punch him square in the jaw as hard as she could. It was the last straw for the man and he went sprawling on his back.

As he laid there on the ground Bella walked over to his side until she was level with his head and looked down. "I have had a shitty day," she said holding the wrist that he had held, which was now red and swelling, "but I think yours just got a little worse, and all from a 'little girl'." Bella could hear Jasper chuckle as he stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around her carefully not wanting to hurt her wrist more than it already was, he pulled her into his chest and kissed her hair. If it was not for the moaning ass on the floor, Bella would have thought she had died and gone to heaven.

"Felix, get up off the floor," Jasper said as he pulled her a few steps away from him. "I think you need to apologize to Miss Swan and thank her for going easy on you." Bella could not stop the snort even if she had tried.

Slowly Felix moved to get up. As he did Bella didn't miss the small stain of blood on the thigh of his pants, it seemed her three inch heel found it's mark. She watched as Felix stood, his back hunched and his hand holding his jaw as he glared at her. Bella was unfazed this time, she was right where she needed to be, and wanted to be and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Felix," Jasper asked his voice rising slightly.

Felix's eyes darted to Jasper's almost pleading, but when nothing changed in Jasper's face they moved back to Bella's. "I am sorry Miss Swan," he mumbled. She would have called him out for the mumbling and the fact that he did not say what he was sorry for, but Bella figured the ass-beating that she gave him was enough. It seems though, that Jasper had other ideas.

"I am very disappointed in you and your behavior," Jasper said. "I should have listened to Peter, Ethan, and Alec when they said you were not ready for this type of duty. You work so well in a team and I thought you would do well as moving up to personal security, but I was wrong," he said with a sigh. "So, now I need to fix this. As of now you are no longer of service to me, you will pack your things from the room here and move into the the other guard rooms below." Felix just nodded, but still Jasper was not finished. "As soon as a ticket on a commercial flight can be acquired, you will be sent home. Once there, you are suspended with one-third pay until I decide what to do with you. Is that understood, Felix?

"Yes Sir, it is," Felix said softly, his head hung low.

"Then get your shit and get out," Jasper said hugging Bella tightly to him giving Felix room to move to the door being very careful of her wrist that she was still holding gingerly. Felix didn't move though, his eyes shifted rapidly from Jasper to down the hall then to Jasper's closed door. She could feel Jasper getting angry that Felix hadn't moved, that he was disobeying a direct order. As Bella continued to watch him she could see that there was more to it than just a last show of disrespect.

"Jasper," Bella said softly once she had figured it out, tilting her head so it rested on one of his arms so she could look at him, Jasper stopped his glaring at Felix to give her an indulgent smile, "you're still the Prince and need protecting. He, in all good faith cannot leave you unprotected out in the hall, even if it is for a few moments." She watched Jasper absorb what she said then turn and look at Felix, Jasper could finally see that what she had said was the truth. Jasper gave a quick nod before moving them both toward the door.

"Make your packing quiet and quick, I do not want to be disturbed. When you reach the other guards, inform Ethan that I would like to speak with him as soon as possible, wake him if need be."

"Yes Sir," Felix all but whispered as he followed Jasper and Bella into the room.

"As for you," Jasper said looking down at Bella, his arms still around her "let's get something for that wrist. I wouldn't want you in pain for what I suspect to be a long long conversation."