Okay, so I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up. Apparently there's this thing called college and it has classes with professors who like to give you big projects that take up all of your time. I know, it's not very considerate. Anyway, I really wanted to get this right, so let me know what you think!

Oh, and on that note, I just want to thank you guys for loving this story. I'm enjoying writing it, but getting all these wonderful reviews and alerts that you guys are not only reading it, but waiting to hear more, and well let's just say it warms my heart and makes me want to stay up until crazy hours so I can get this to you. So keep it coming, it means you get more! And if you have suggestions, then by all means, give them to me! I have just as much idea of where this story is going as you do. : ) Alright, enough cozy feelings. Go read. Xoxo, Aubrey

Chapter 6.

Her phone's ring forced Kate out of a hazy fog. It was still dark out, the moon up instead of the sun. Who could be calling at this hour? she wondered. Blearily, she reached over to her nightstand to answer her phone. Her hand fell through air, jolting Kate into reality. Memories came crashing back, and suddenly the very warm, very fleshing mass behind her made sense. Castle's body encircled her own, cocooning her, and arms draped across her midsection, her very shirtless midsection. Heat flashed through her as she realized exactly why she was shirtless and in Castle's bed. And then fear and that overwhelming desire to run swept away any and all fuzzy feelings. And Castle wasn't awake to be able to kiss away her panic. Slowly and carefully, Kate lifted Castle's arm and slipped out from under it, placing it gently back to where her body had lain. Ignoring the sense of coldness that washed over both her body and her heart, Kate made her way to her cell phone. Which was out of his room and down the hall.

"Beckett," she answered, not bothering to take the time to look at the caller ID.

"Hey, I got to come home earlier than I expected! I stopped at your place to surprise you, but you weren't at home. Did you get called away on a case?" It was Josh. Kate let her head fall into her free hand, guilt consuming her body. Feeling naked in more than one way, Kate immediately dove for the nearest shirt and slipped it on, then busied herself with picking up her and Rick's trail of clothes. Castle, she scolded, Damn it Kate, it's Castle, not Rick.

"I – yeah," Kate lied, suddenly realizing she hadn't answered her boyfriend and seizing the easy answer he'd presented. "You know criminals, they don't follow normal business hours. But I should be able to leave soon. Just a few more things to finish here."

"Should I wait up?" Came his trusting response.

Kate swallowed and spoke through the lump in her throat. "No, I don't know how long it'll take. You never know what might come up at crime scenes."

"Or routine surgeries," Josh sympathized, "Alright, well be safe. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, later," she replied, hoping to God she sounded brighter than she felt. They disconnected and Kate stood in Castle's living room, her breath coming in short gasps. It was only then she looked to the clock. Just pass 2 AM. Kate wrapped the shirt tighter around her body, and then suddenly realized it was Rick's. She was about to shuck it off when he spoke.

"Hey."

Kate's head whipped around and found him standing in his bedroom doorway, wearing only his jeans from the day before. And looking surprisingly well defined, though her body told her that she already knew that after sleeping on it for the better part of the night. Kate felt a small tremor of yearning pass through her at the sight of him, which brought Kate back to her predicament. What in God's name had possessed her to stay with him? They hadn't done anything, well not anything, but they hadn't done something, and that something was much more important than the anything they had done. They'd kissed, no made out. Both in a parking lot and then again in Castle's apartment. They hadn't slept together, slept together, but the shame flooding Kate's veins made her realize that cheating meant so much more than the act. She'd given herself to Castle, mentally and emotionally, if not physically. That's the part of her that had cheated. That's the part of her that hated everything that had happened.

Castle's face had changed since he'd greeted her. What once had been a sleepy happiness at seeing her in his apartment, standing in his shirt had returned to the look he'd given her after she'd remembered her boyfriend's existence. Castle righted himself off the doorframe and silently closed the distance between the two of them. Kate still couldn't say anything.

"That Josh on the phone?" He asked softly. Kate nodded.

"He just got back and went to surprise me at my place." She explained. "I just," Kate's voice was thick so she tried again, "I feel –" but she couldn't finish.

Castle hooked a finger under Kate jaw and tilted her head so she was forced to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry," he said. It was so unexpected that Kate froze and blinked at him.

"What?"
"I'm sorry. I've put you in the God-awful position. Kate, I can see what it's doing to you. I never wanted this to happen. At least, not in this way. I let my mind get carried away. I should have prevented this. I'm sorry."

Snapped out of her trance by an overwhelming desire to both slap him and kiss him at the same time, Kate decided to go with the easier solution. She got mad. "You're sorry? You're sorry? Castle, I'm the one who chose this. I decided to come here with you. I decided to stay. I decided to just lie to my boyfriend about where I was." Kate took a deep breath. She studied Castle and wanted so much to fall into the embrace she knew he was holding back. But she couldn't. She didn't even know what she was going to do next. "I'm the one who got herself into this mess. This was such a huge mistake. I can't believe I was this stupid. What am I going to tell Josh?" The last question was more to herself than to Castle, but he answered anyway.

"With what you're heart says," he said softly. "Kate," his voice called her eyes back to his again. He took a moment and his blue eyes searched hers. "Whatever you decide, don't lie. Please, nothing that you might regret. You should tell him what happened. And if you're heart, not your head, says that even though what we did was wrong, it felt right in so many other ways, then you tell him it's me. But if you're heart says that what happened last night was wrong and you don't feel anything for me," Castle paused as his voice cracked and Kate read the fear and pain in his eyes, "Then you tell him it's him. The one thing I ask is that you don't drag it out. For all our sakes."

Castle dropped his hand from her chin and Kate once again felt the heat fall from her body as his touch left her. Dread pounded through her. She knew what he was asking, but it wasn't the decision that scared her, it was the commitment that would follow that had her skin itching once again. Kate stood there, a million thoughts racing through her head, and just traced the lines of his face with her eyes as she tried to sort them out. She felt guilty, yes, about her cheating. But Kate slowly began to realize that it wasn't who she had cheated on that provoked those feelings, it was how easy it had been to cheat. But that wasn't it either. No, Kate realized in dawning comprehension, it was that I was able to cheat at all. If I cared about Josh the way I should, it would have been impossible to forget him. She continued to stare at Castle and saw his face change once again as he read her mind in that way only he could. I could never do to Rick what I just did to Josh. And I want to run because I know what this means. I'm not scared of running from Josh, I was never fully in it with him. But Rick, I could go all the way with Rick. And that scared the hell out of me. Kate felt a smile spread across her face as she finished her thought, the weight that had settled on her shoulders suddenly lifting. I could really fall for you, she told Castle silently. Do you know that? And would you catch me if I let myself?

"What does your heart tell you, Kate?" Castle whispered, a glimmer of hope trying to burn in his eyes.

"I need to go to Josh," she replied. Castle's face fell before he could hide his emotions. He nodded solemnly. "I need to go to Josh," she repeated, leaning into him, "To tell him what my heart's been saying for a while now."

Hope sprung back into Castle eyes and a smile blossomed on his face. "And what would that be, Detective?" He asked deviously.

"That there's this guy I know who's been working very hard to steal my heart," she replied, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

"Anyone I know?" Castle asked, stepping closer to her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"No, just some hotshot writer who's been following me around. No one you know."

A mock expression of disappointment passed over his features before Castle pulled her in tighter. "I see," he said, "And how well do you know this hotshot writer?"

"Not nearly as well as I thought I did," she replied, letting the situation turn serious, "But he can be pretty incredible sometimes, if not infuriating and annoying for the rest of it." She pressed her body into his and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her toes to do it. "And who do you have your sights set on, Writer Boy?"

"That's Writer Man to you, Detective." He grinned before his smoldering eyes chased away the light mood. "But the answer is easy. My eyes are set on you." He kissed her gently. "Always."

Kate settled into the kiss, taking strength from it. The she broke it off and stepped back. "I'll be back," she promised. Then she started towards the door.

"Kate?" Castle called after her. She turned back around with a smile she couldn't quite suppress. "Not that I don't love it, but that's my shirt. And you might want your shoes and keys and such." Kate laughed and walked back over to where Castle was standing with her things in his hands. She was about to make a show of taking of his shirt when she decided against it. Images of them tumbling back into his bed flitted across her eyes. Castle seemed to think the same thing because the first thing he shoved at her was her shirt. Shrugging it on, she thanked Castle as he helped her into her coat. Then she used him for balance as she stepped back into her heels. He fumbled with the collar of her jacket, folding it down, and then settled his hands on her shoulders.

"I really am—"

"If you try and apologize one more time, Richard Castle, I will shoot you." Kate interrupted. She held up a finger at his immediate protest. "Listen," she continued, "I did feel guilty and horrible about everything that happened. But it made me realize something. You made me realize something. Something it seems I've known for a while but refused to acknowledge." Kate searched his eyes, willing him to understand. "I can't express myself the way you can. I'm not good with words. Hell, I'm not good at feelings at all. When my mom died, a part of me died with her. And then my dad started slipping away, too, when he started drinking. And it was like another part of me followed with him. And it only got worse from there. I guess it made me feel like feeling wasn't such a good thing, especially if the ones you love get taken from you, or leave you. I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is that for so long I have buried myself behind these walls that I've built, not letting anyone touch me because of all of the terrible things that might happen to them. Or to me. And then you come along and suddenly you're tearing all my walls down. And even if I try to build them back up, you're behind them, climbing deeper and deeper into my fortress until there's nothing left to hide." Kate paused, the tears in his eyes causing tears of her own to form. "I can't hide from you, Rick. And I can't think of the last time that's happened. And it scares me to death to know how deep you've buried yourself and to know that there's nothing I can do to prevent that. And then I come to find out that I don't want to prevent it." She felt her tears spill over. "But I'm scared. I'm so scared of falling because—" But he didn't give her a chance to finish. His lips conveyed all the passion and love he felt for her, and Kate felt more puzzle pieces fit into place. His kisses became gentler, they lingered longer, and his tears mixed in with hers and Kate felt relief at knowing he understood.

"Fall into me, Kate," he whispered against her lips. "I will catch you every single time."

She smiled against him. "That's all I need to know."

x-x-x-x-x

Josh heard the door to her apartment open and close, so he got up from where he was waiting for her in the bedroom and met her by the couch. He flipped on the light and took in her surprised expression and somewhat rumpled exterior. But her eyes told him everything he needed to know. Reality finally caught up with him as he read what he'd been dreading since his first visit to the precinct.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," she returned. "I didn't expect you to be up."

"My mind wouldn't let me sleep so I decided to take my chances and wait for you."

"Tough shift at work?" She asked, concern flooding her features.

Josh smiled sadly. "Nothing I couldn't handle. But that's not what was bothering me."

"Oh," Kate said after a moment. Josh tried to make his face impassive, but he suddenly wondered if something that peaked out.

"Where were you?" He asked a little more harshly than he meant. He always knew he'd never had all of Kate Beckett, but suddenly wondering who did made him bristle. "And don't say a crime scene, Kate. I know you're bed voice. I'd woken you up when I called."

"Josh," Kate tried to begin, but he found he couldn't stop himself.

"I just don't understand why you had to lie to me. I mean, what else have you been lying about? I'm gone half the time, so I guess I make it easy for you to—"

"That's enough." Kate had her detective voice on and it snapped Josh back to himself. He ran his hands through his hair and looked at her.

"I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't do something like that to me. You're too honest a person."

"Josh I was at Castle's place."

He threw his hands up in the air and started to walk away. Kate crossed the distance between them and grabbed his arm. "We had a really rough case come up. Ryan and Esposito got kidnapped and there was this shootout." Josh felt his eyes widen in shock. Kate never revealed much about her job to him. Not he understood why. "Look, that's not important. But I didn't want to go home alone so I went back to his place…" Kate drifted off, trying to find the right words to say. He saved her the trouble.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No, I wouldn't do that to you."

Josh nodded, thinking. "So what happened?" He finally asked.

"He did, Josh. Castle carried the case, he thought of the way to save Ryan and Esposito, he saved my life. I just—He made me realize that—"

"That you love him," Josh finished for her. Her eyes widened at his words. "It's almost ironic that I knew before you did," he told her, gentle now, the fire gone out of him. "I guess I've been waiting for this day. I always knew I never had all of you. There were things I just knew I could never ask you about. Things I'm sure he knows. And it's good," he reassured the hurt expression that crossed her face. "I'm glad you have someone you can share those things with."

"Josh I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know, Kate. It's okay. Someone as fantastic as you will always be out of my reach. You're extraordinary." He watched as a wistful smile overcame her features and wondered what memory his words had evoked. "That's not to say I'm not jealous, but at least I'm leaving you in good hands?"

Kate nodded. "And now you can go save the world whenever you want and for as long as you want."

Josh smiled. "I'm sure I'll appreciate that freedom tomorrow."

"I'm sorry."

He cupped her face with his hands. "I can't ask you to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy."

"You don't make me unhappy."
"But I would now that you know how you feel about him." She had no rebuttal for that fact. "You'll be in my thoughts, Katherine Beckett," he told her as he reached down and picked his bag up off the couch. He walked to the door, but a thought made him turn around. Memorizing her face one last time, Josh said, "Make sure he takes good care of you."

A smile tugged at the side of her mouth. "I promise," she told him.

"Good," Josh nodded. Then he closed the door behind him and walked out of Kate Beckett's life. An indescribable sadness tugged at his heart; he'd been falling for the brilliant detective. Even the parts or herself she'd revealed to him had left him breathless. She was beautiful in every way. But as the doors opened and Josh stepped into the elevator, he knew it was for the best. Tomorrow he'd learn to love the freedom that came from their separation. Tomorrow he'd bury himself in his word. Tomorrow he'd begin the process of moving on from Kate Beckett. But tonight he'd let himself feel the loss. Tonight he'd push away the promises of tomorrow and let himself sink into the memories of his past.

x-x-x-x-x

Castle opened the door before she finished her second knock. Kate's eyebrow shot up as she took him in. He'd changed into sweatpants, but still wore his shirt from yesterday, the one he'd put on after she'd taken it off. It was hanging open and Kate took in his buff figure once again. "Have you been pacing around the apartment waiting for me, or something?" She asked.

He pulled her into a bear hug as an answer and just held her tight. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

Kate sank into his embrace and wrapped her arms around him. "It was harder than I thought it would be, and I feel a little dirty coming right back to you, but yes I'm okay."

He pushed her back from him and stared into her eyes, double checking her story. He seemed a little surprised at her honesty. Kate wasn't going to lie to herself, she was a little surprised at how much she'd revealed too. Deciding not to push it, Castle let her go and stepped to the side, welcoming her back into the loft. She dropped the bag she'd packed before returning by the door and stepped out of her heels, laying her coat over the back of the couch. She turned back to find Castle gazing at her.

"What?" She asked, placing a hand on her hip.

He just smiled. "You're beautiful."

"Castle, I'm in jeans and a t-shirt," she responded, looking down into the outfit she'd been wearing since yesterday.

"It's not the clothes that make you, Kate," he said, stepping closer to her.

She smiled and hummed contentedly as she leaned into him. "So it's not true what they say? That the clothes make the man?"

"Not when it comes to you."

"That's cheesy, Castle."

He brought his head down until there were mere inches between them. "Not when it's true," he murmured against her lips. Kate stood up on her toes and pressed herself into the kiss, losing all inhibitions, nothing holding her back. Passion quickly overcame them as she pushed his shirt off and laced her fingers through his hair. He pushed her back against the couch and quickly flipped her shirt over her head and onto the floor. Then he caught her waist between his hands and propped her up on the couch back and she wrapped her legs around his middle. He groaned into her mouth has she pulled him closer and started trailing kisses down the side of her neck, sucking against her bare skin until she moaned in pleasure. He moved to the underside of her jaw and worked his way to her ear, his tongue leaving a trail goosebumps in its wake. She let her head drop to the side to give him more access and gasped in pleasure when his mouth found that spot behind her jaw. She brought his mouth back to hers as her hands explored his defined chest and worked their way down to his abs until they reached the lip of his sweatpants. But before she could move any deeper, his hands unlatched her bra, snapping her eyes open and making her gasp in surprise. He kept eye contact as he pulled the straps from off her shoulders, then his eyes roamed her exposed chest as he let her bra drop to the floor. He didn't have long to look before she was pulling his face back to hers, arching her back into his chest, soliciting a groan in response to her flesh against his. Using her hooked legs, she hiked herself more onto his body so that more of her weight was with him rather than on the couch, plastering herself to him so no air remained between their bodies. Needing no further encouragement, Castle clapped one hand to her ass, snaking his other hand around her back, and made their way to his bedroom. She slammed the door behind them and they fell into his bed, not resting until morning.