Dea…fsdf…………sdfsdgfdfgdfgdfgdfgdfg……dfgdfgdfgdf…Okay the pen is working now, Dear Diary
The carnival was ..eh….read for yourself. I woke up with a killer headache this morning, who knew banging your head against a stone wall for an hour straight would do that? Did you? If you did, how dare you not tell me! Impa should have informed me of that, I'll have her spanked for this, spanked by Terminian swamp monkeys in frilly dresses! I don't care if I'm not royalty in Termina, I'll soon correct that, hahaaha! I'm not really laughing by the way, it just looks good on paper. Sigh…the carnival was a disaster. Not only was I forced to dress as Ruto but I ended up being attacked by the real thing. She literally flung herself at me from the crowds insisting that I was pretending to be her to attract Link's attention. Yes, I dressed up as you Ruto to make Link like me, now it all makes perfect sense.
Tired, Zelda.
Dear Diary
There was a big carnival in town today, I thought it sounded fun so I went along. As soon as I got there I wished I hadn't since my worst nightmare came true. There were two Princess Rutos! One was bad enough but did the Goddesses have to be so cruel and make another? One of the clones was dancing awfully on top of a Teletubbies float when the other leapt on from the crowds and started whacking her with a….fish in a bottle? I can understand the fish part, but why was it in a bottle? Beats me. Suddenly the bottle flew from one of the Ruto's grasps and landed in an open drain, bye bye bottle. The Ruto who had dropped it looked pretty upset, maybe it was a precious family heirloom or something. Not much else happened after that, I think I passed out from shock.
Still unconscious, Link
Dear Diary
This isn't Saria, it's her boyfriend...uh I mean…soon to be boyfriend Mido! I stole her diary when she was sleeping, heh I knew those sleeping tablets I put in her drinks would pay off. I was reading through some of her diary (yes I can read! How could she insult me and say I couldn't?). I can write too! See? I'm writing right now! R I G H T N O W! I don't know why she hasn't mentioned me to you more. I am the most amazing, brilliant, bravest Kokiri there is. Only yesterday I fought off an army of ants from my house, I thought I was going to be killed in there! That Dweeby Deku Sprout tried to impress Saria by cutting her grass. Hah, I'll do more than that. I'll clean her entire house! Let me just go move her bed with her in it outside, I'm sure she won't mind.
Busy, Saria's true love.
Dear Diary
Arrrgggghhhh! I want to tear something to pieces until there's nothing more to tear! I want to slap someone in the face until they have no face left to slap! I want to yell and scream until every glass object in Hyrule is broken! You get the idea. Today was terrible. First, my dear father got zapped into a tiny fish by some strange force, I think it was that shady looking frying pan in the kitchen but we don't know yet. Putting him in a bottle, I decided to take a walk into the market to try and find a cure. Entering the market, I found they were having a carnival. A carnival, without me! The awesomeness of Princess Ruto Aurora Borealis Dora Flora Zora should ALWAYS be on the VIP (Very Important Princess) list when planning events like this! Then I saw the reason why I hadn't been informed of this thing. Zelda was on a rather ridiculous float dancing like a maniac dressed as me! Me! She obviously wanted my beautiful body to impress Link with! Not allowing such an act, I flung myself at her and whacked her with my bottle which unfortunately flew from my hands. Watching my father roll into a drain, I screamed with rage. Daddy!
Anxious, Ruto.
Dear Diary
Moo, this is Malon's cow Lola, I like grass and uh…grass. If you think a cow can write you are silly! Lola is too busy working on her new novel to write in here anyway, it's going to be called The Sound of Moosic…ha...ha…ha… This morning started just like any other day, apart from the house exploding…not something that usually happens. Dad slept through it all and Mr. Ingo was too busy moaning and eating carpet to notice so I had to rebuild it myself. Only took the best part of fourteen hours and I really wanted to go to the carnival too. From what I heard though it was a big disaster. Maybe we should have our own here…tea party carnival yay!
Malon out.
Dear pages.
Why were the Gorons not invited to the carnival? My sworn brother the king will have some explaining to do when I go there later this week. Us Gorons should be treated with respect! What are we going there for you ask? Well the king wanted some extra bowling balls for the bowling contest, so I accepted. Yes, as I was saying, respect! Gorons helped create a lot of the buildings in this kingdom, I'm sure some of my ancestors are actually part of the Hyrule Castle brickwork; such brave honourable souls. To cool off from my temper, I went to my room, locked the door and put on my face pack. Ah such lovely bliss.
Peacefully, Darunia.
Dear Diary
I've been reminiscing about my childhood today. I used to be such a warrior, such a striking woman. Men and even women used to ask me out, all of them wanted a piece of me. They used to call me Impules back in the day, you know? I could break steel with my bare teeth and crush a Goron between my thighs. Now look at me, a shadow of who I used to be. Living in a castle pampering a crazy princess, knitting with forks, making strange suits, breaking windows…um….no, that wasn't me. I offered to cook lunch today since everyone wanted to go to the carnival, I did too but thought it best not to in case I kill myself laughing at Zelda. Must keep my stern image up you see. I hope everyone will enjoy my peppermint surprise….mm, peppery.
Impa.
Dear Diary
We had a work survey in the valley today. Everyone had to take it home and fill it in. I found it very odd. One of the questions was 'How far do you travel to work?' What the crap are they on? How far? All the way of course! Not halfway, the whole way! Sometimes I might only go quarter of the way then stop for a bathroom break but usually it's aaaalll the way. Another question was 'What do you do at your workplace?' Hmm, well, sometimes I get brainwashed by insane witches, while others, I let little kids run around my temple getting what I want as I stand looking cool by the door. Oh, I forgot, that all happened on the same day, wow that was a busy week, I didn't even get a chance to do my laundry. I wonder what the others put on their surveys…
Wondering, Nabooru.
Hello Moreece.
I have the perfect plan to get us out of here. What? You don't want to hear it since you're making your own ingenious plan that will not only get us out of here but will also enable us to take over Hyrule? Pfft, I don't want to hear it! Mine is probably better. I thought why not just use the Triforce of Power, ToP as the 'in' kids say. I'll use it to overpower the Sages' puny powers! Mwahahaha! Ok, wait there as I power up my hand………………………………...Bah! This thing isn't working! The batteries must be dead, stupid Zelda must have taken them out and I didn't bring my charger! I guess world domination will have to wait for another day.
Ganondorf.
Dear Diary
I flew around Hyrule field today on a strong breeze. Ah, the wind is so nice, it makes it easier for me to get around. Didn't see much, only that Zora Princess in a huff carrying a weird fish in a bottle. Then there was a massive explosion at the ranch, I think Malon must've been cooking again, tsk tsk, she'll never learn that you don't put a bombchu in the oven to heat overnight. Twirling over to the market, I narrowly dodged being eaten by a peahat, those things are vicious beasts! Entering the market, I was upset when the wind died down. Landing on the floor in a heap, I screamed as people trod on my head! Over and over, aaahh the agony! Why Nayru? Why!
A blade of Hyrule Field grass.