A/N: Short and late. Alas, I see a sad pattern.

Without you, Kettlebets, none of this would be. And I wouldn't smile or laugh half as much as I do.

Rya, I'm always so glad to know you and be your Beeth.

A little photo inspiration for this chap, heh: http:/bit[.]ly/g44iCl

Disclaimer: I own quite a bit of new things as of late. Twilight fits in there nowhere.

"You need a ride?"

"Nope."

"Alice picking you up?"

"Yup."

"Am I gonna get a call about you being tardy?"

I stared. Not amused. "When have I been tardy?"

"This semester or this year?"

"Har freaking har." I bit into my chocolate Pop-Tart. A little savagely. "Bye, Dad."

"Alright, then. See you later. And I better not get a call."

He walked out the door in the middle of my impolite grumble.

Another Pop-Tart later and I'd begun to tap my fingers against the counter. Fifteen more seconds, and then I'd light Alice's phone on fire.

Figuratively.

With three seconds to spare, she skittered into my driveway.

I said skittered because she drove a VW Bug from a thousand decades ago.

The paint job was three different colors, the space cramped, but it was a car. And it ran.

You couldn't be picky when it came to transportation before your twenties.

I pulled the door shut with more force than required. "You're late."

"And you're wearing heels today."

"Decided to celebrate the ridiculously-warm winter day, instead of rolling my eyes at Mother Nature." I looked down at the black peep-toes with white detailing. "You like?"

"If I didn't have a boyfriend with an impossible sex-drive, I'd pull this car over and do you right now."

"They do make my legs look really long."

"Especially in that skirt."

"Okay, I forgive you for being late."

Decal snorted, hands switching on the steering wheel. "Compliments: a best friend's best friend."

"Ooh, that's nice."

"Thank you."

"You should market that."

"Maybe later." She turned onto the street of the school. "So how was the Mango Fest? I forgot to ask before."

"Lame. As fucking always."

"I heard Edward Cullen was there."

Where was she going with this? "He's failing world history."

"I heard you guys were talking."

"Before eight in the morning and already you've got the town gossip. Amazing."

"I've got connections." She grinned as we heaved out of Buggy G.

"Oh, I'm sure."

"Same Edward Cullen who was staring at you the other day."

"Nice to meet you, Captain Obvious."

"Something you wanna tell me?"

"Like what?"

"Like why he was eyeballing you and why you two were talking."

"We weren't talking. My dad was talking to his mom."

Students were crowding toward the building, no one anxious to be early on a day like this. We lingered back, waiting for it to thin down.

"And what about him in the lunch room the other day?"

"He's weird? I don't know, Decal. I don't pretend to understand him."

Her eyes narrowed at me. "You talk like you know more than you're saying."

"I do?"

"Yes. And you talk like you know him more than you're saying."

Probably because I've seen him naked and masturbating.

She let out an annoyed breath when I didn't respond. "It's rude to keep secrets from your best friend, ya know. Lady Di would be disappointed."

"I love you."

"Disappointed. Severely. Lady Di."

"Uh-huh," I mumbled, pretty much ignoring her now. Something had caught my eye in the gathering of people.

A hat.

Weird and dorky and eye-catching—obviously.

It smoothed through the throng of hormones, the body attached to it stopping occasionally.

I couldn't see the owner, to see if I knew them. Which I probably would.

Small town and all.

I knew I'd never seen that hat before, though. I'd have remembered it.

Whoever wore it had turned it around, sporting the classic backwards-baseball-cap.

Only, it wasn't just a baseball cap.

The brim was wider, for one.

For two, it had googly eyes set on a red background.

And an open mouth—tongue and pointy teeth included—spanning from the actual hat portion, to the brim.

I couldn't figure out what about it stole my attention, perked my eyes, aroused my senses.

Maybe just the uniqueness.

And the fact that most everyone at Forks High was generally pretty bland.

That hat was not bland.

I really had to know who it was sporting it. Had to know like my own name and address.

Like knowing fractions and where England was.

My shoe-size and self-defense, phone number and time of the month.

"I think we've lost her, Doctor."

I blinked Decal back into focus. "What?"

"Oh hi there. Good to see you again."

I faked an exasperated eyeroll. "You're so weird."

"You love me." She poked my arm. "Now, tell me why you zoned out."

"Hat."

"What?"

"Nine o' clock. Intriguing hat."

I watched her neck crane, realized a second before she did that she wouldn't be able to see it.

I was 5'7" in my heels of today.

Alice had on cute flats.

"Dammit! Life is shit if you're short."

"Wanna get on my shoulders?"

"I have a Taser in my purse."

"I've got some Tic-Tacs in mine. Would they calm you down, midget?"

She showed me her teeth. "Keep it up, and I'll Taser your pretty ass."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wanna bet?"

"I never bet against you."

"There's your answer."

She tried jumping up, but still couldn't see.

"If only you could fly."

"Taser. I swear, gay-hole."

"Maybe they'll move to a place where you can see."

Her eyes gave up searching to look at me. "Wait. They? You don't know who's under this hat?"

"That would be a no."

"So I can't see it, and you don't know."

"Sounds about right."

"We're so screwed."

"You're the only one getting that regularly."

Her laugh broke any tension, and she launched us into the ruckus.

We tailed the hat down Forks High's main hallway.

Well, I tailed the hat. Decal tailed me.

"You are so lucky we have the same first class."

"Whyever would you say that?"

She swatted my ass. "Is it just me, or is school especially brimming?"

"Bake sale today."

"Ohhh. Right." I couldn't hear our footsteps over the chatter. "Sweet and sugary sh-... uff brings the masses to school."

I grinned, eyes not leaving their target. "Nice save."

"Shut it. Can you still see the hat?"

"Yup. Got it in my sniper scopes."

"Word. Can you tell where it's headed?"

"Kind of..." I sorted through my mental blueprint of the school. "Yeah, kind of looks like target is advancing toward first-period Geography."

"That's our first class."

"Now, the question is, what eligible candidates are in that first class of ours?"

"Does it look like a guy's hat?"

"Kinda. Definitely."

"Okay, lemme think."

I didn't glance away from my mark, but knew Decal's eyes would be shut and head turned toward the ceiling as she concentrated.

"Mike, Gerald, Eric, Pete, Edward, and Ronnie." She'd listed them in order of their seats in the class, front to where we always sat: the back.

"I couldn't really see Mike or Ronnie wearing it."

"I don't know what it looks like, but I can't ever picture Edward wearing a hat. He's too proud of his hair."

Sounded fairly true.

But the walk of the Hatter seemed familiar. As did—or so my brain had convinced me to think—the cluster of hair leaking out the sides of it.

"You okay?"

We'd almost caught up. I knew Decal was watching me instead of our prey, since she had yet to comment on seeing the hat.

"What?"

"You seem... lost." Her hand touched my arm.

Softly.

Letting me know she was there.

That I could talk.

That everything didn't have to be bottled up.

"I'm not lost." It seemed obvious; how did she not know it?

Her hand retracted. "Hose to the wet shirt."

"What?"

"You!" We stopped outside the door to our first class, and she pointed her index finger at me. "You're freaking attracted to an article of clothing!"

I squirmed away from her gaze. "Maybe."

"You are!" Her voice dropped. "Is your, um, situation uncomfortable?"

That was a code-phrase from long ago.

I sucked my lip into my mouth, making teeth imprints in it. Nervous habit.

"Okay, yeah. Totally is."

She gasped, putting her hand over her mouth and everything.

Then it was gone, and all of a sudden she was a smug little midget in cute flats. "Look who's the weird one now."

"Mr. Chen is going on our hit list."

"Without a doubt."

"Take off your hat in class? How stupid!"

"Don't suppose you happened to get a glance of it anywhere?" My voice was hopeful.

"Nope, not one."

"Shit."

"Better watch for Principal Greene, if I were you."

I shoved excess books in my locker, rolling my eyes. "I'm not gonna live in fear of him."

"Uh huh."

"I love your confidence."

"Why weren't you checking out laps in class?"

I froze, my blinking eyelids the only thing moving. "Say what?"

"Checking laps for the hat, you gutter-lover."

"I wasn't checking packages. Though hey, what a good idea."

"I'm going to laugh my rear off when you get caught."

I gave her a polite gesture. "Why weren't you checking laps then, hmm?"

"I have a boyfriend. If it starts getting around that I was checking out other guys'..." Her eyes had gone wide.

"What? Something wrong?"

"Holy Pope's toilet!"

"You're scaring me."

"It'd make him so jealous! And then..." She did some swallowing. "Oh wow."

"I kind of hate you."

"Whatever. And I'm so gonna try this out."

"Tomorrow." I considered banging my head on my locker. "Please tell me you'll do it tomorrow. And sometime when I'm not around."

"Sheesh. You're grumpy when you haven't gotten any."

"I haven't gotten any in a year."

"Exactly my point." She shoved her palm toward my face. "And don't go where I know you were about to go."

"No one likes a mind reader, ya know."

We shuffled toward our second class together. After it, we wouldn't see each other till lunch, and then until we met in the parking lot.

"Think whoever it is will wear the hat again today?" Her voice sounded as hopeful as mine had.

"Fuck, I hope so."

"Ms. Swan!"

Decal and I both snapped our heads around, seeing P-Greene standing by the water fountain. It appeared he was attempting to sternly stare me down, but the water dribbling from his chin significantly weakened his glare.

"Yes, sir?"

Decal started to choke, then rushed right past me to the ladies room.

I heard her laughs through the wall.

A/N: I seem to be unable to stop setting deadlines for myself. Even when I fail them. So: nother update by next Friday, I hope.

Thank you so much for reading. :)