Chapter 6
Tris P.O.V.
We all wake up the next morning and are immediately excited. Chrissy even picks out a really cute pair of jeans and a shirt. I also allow minimal make-up. Chrissy drives us all to school since she picked up Shauna and Mar yesterday.
"So are we giving the guys the silent treatment still?" Marlene asks devilishly.
"Hell yeah! They deserve it!" Shauna yells. "Especially Zeke, he was acting like a total douche-lord," we all laugh hysterically.
We finally arrive at school and walk in without even acknowledging the guys. "See you guys in music," I wink.
Biology passes without Four saying a word to me and Chrissy passing me notes discreetly about how excited she is about Music class.
It's finally 2nd period and Chrissy and I are smiling like idiots.
"Who wants to perform first?" Tori asks. Chrissy and I both shoot our hands in the air. "Christina and Tris it is!" We look at Mar and Shauna who both give us thumbs up and we do it back. We both grab microphones not even announcing what song it is.
Me:
Hey baby even though I hate ya!
I wanna love ya
I want you! (you you)
And even though I can't forgive you
I really want ta
I want you! (you you)
Chrissy:
Tell me, tell me baby
Why can't you leave me?
Cause even though I shouldn't want it
I gotta have it
I want you! (you you)
Both:
Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders
I should be wiser
And realize that I've got
One less problem without ya x6
I got one less, one less problem
Me:
I know you're never gonna wake up
I gotta give up
But it's you! (you you)
I know I shouldn't ever call back
Or let you come back
But it's you! (you you)
Every time you touch me
And say you love me
I get a little bit breathless
I shouldn't want it
But it's you! (you you)
Chrissy:
Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders
I should be wiser
And realize that I've got
Both:
One less problem without ya x6
I got one less, one less problem
Me:
It's Iggy Iggs!
Uh!
What you got?
Smart money bettin'
I'll be better off without you
In no time
I'll be forgettin' all about you
You saying that you know
But I really really doubt you
Understand my life is easy
When I ain't around you
Iggy Iggy
Too biggie to be here stressin'
I'm thinkin' I love the thought of you
More than I love your presence
And the best thing now
Is probably for you to exit
I let you go
Let you back
I finally learned my lesson!
No half-stepping
Either you want it or you just keep playin'
I'm listening to you knowin'
I can't believe what you're sayin'
There's a million you's baby boo
So don't be dumb
I got 99 problems
But you won't be one
Like what!
Chrissy:
One less, one less problem
One less, one less problem
Both:
Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders
I should be wiser
And realize that I've got (I've got)
One less problem without ya x8
I got one less, one less problem
We finish, and the whole time I was staring at Four. He looks shocked, and I smirk. Everyone stands and claps. "That was amazing!" Tori says. "Who's up next?" Will raises his hand and so does Four. "Will and Four!"
They walk up to the stage and Will says, "We're singing the short version of Without You by Three Days Grace." I thought they were doing Sail… Who cares I love Three Days Grace.
Four:
What if I walked without you?
What if I ran without you?
What if I stand without you?
I could not go on
Will:
What if I lived without you?
What if I love without you?
What if I died without you?
I could not go on
Four:
You left my side tonight,
And I just don't feel right,
But I can't let you out of sight
Without you I'm no one,
I'm nothing at all
Will:
What if I lie without you?
What if I rise without you
And what if I dream without you?
I could not go on
Four:
You left my side tonight,
And I just don't feel right,
But I can't let you out of sight
Without you I'm no one,
I'm nothing at all
Nothing at all
The entire time Four is staring at me, like I did to him. What the hell is this song supposed to mean? An apology? Hell no. He led me on to believe he liked me! I've been to his house, for god's sake. I trusted him with one of my deepest secrets, and he doesn't like me anymore just because he misunderstood the entire situation! He wouldn't even let me explain myself. He just had to walk away like there was nothing I could even say to make him change his mind.
I start to feel tears well in my eyes. I walk up to Tori and I ask if I can use the restroom. She nods and I walk to the nearest one. I let the tears well, but don't allow them to spill over. I put my hands on the sink and look at myself in the mirror. Get yourself together. I try to smile and fail, I try again and put a strand of hair behind my ear and pretend to be happy. Everybody's Fool. Never was and never will be. Have you no shame? Don't you see me?You know you've got everybody fooled. Without the mask, where will you hide?Can't find yourself lost in your lie. Did they really save me from depression? All I have is Chrissy now. I don't have Caleb. I need him, though.
I decide to go to the office and say I'm 'not feeling well'. They call Tori and tell her I'm leaving. I walk out with my bookbag and see Chrissy waiting for me. "What are you doing here?" I ask.
"I'm your ride," she smirks.
"Can we stop by a flower shop?" I ask.
"Yeah, why?" she asks.
"Caleb."
"Oh, yeah, of course. Is that why you wanted to leave?" she asks.
"No…"
"Then why?"
"You know how I told you I was really depressed before I met you guys?" She nods. "I still feel like I'm fake, like I'm not who I really am—if that makes sense. I think I have to try to be happy. I am constantly happy around you and Four, but when I'm not around you guys, I just feel so… empty. Like I just have to pretend to be someone I'm not. Sometimes, I find myself lost in my own lie. I think I'm happy when I'm without you guys, but I'm not. I have to put on my mask around other people," I finish.
"Tris, you will always have me. Whether you think you do or don't, always know that I'll be the person there when no one is." She parks the car and I hug her across from the seat.
"Thank you," I whisper. We pull apart and walk in and I buy a singular red rose.
I give her directions to the cemetery across town once we get in to car. We get there in fifteen minutes. "You want me to come with?" she asks and I nod.
We walk there in silence until we get to his grave and I kneel. "Hi, Caleb. I haven't been here in a while, sorry. Um, this is Chrissy, she's my best-friend. I know you always wanted me to have at least one friend, so here she is. She's helped me through a lot, you'd like her. I don't really have any other close friends, but this is a start, right? I promise to come and visit with you more often. I wish you could beat up this one guy, you'd really hate him, but I'd ignore you even though you'd be right just to prove you wrong," I laugh. "Then I'd get mad, but we'd make-up—like we always do. I mean did." I start to cry. "I really miss you, Caleb. I wish you were here. I love you, you're the brother I would ask for every time if I had another choice." I stand up and hug Chrissy and put my face in her shoulder. "I miss him so much Chrissy," I sob.
"I know you do," she says and rubs my back. "I know." We stand there for a few more minutes until I pull back and wipe my eyes.
"Thanks, Chrissy, for being here."
"Always, you're my best-friend," she smiles.
"Really?" I ask.
"Of course. Let's go back to your house and watch some movies and eat some ice cream," she and I grin.
"Okay." We drive home and watch a chick-flick, Chrissy's choice. After that, I choose The Conjuring, just because I know she'll scream and pee her pants. Right when it's about to end, I hear the doorbell ring.
"I got it," Chrissy says, "I need to get away from… this," she points up and down to the TV and I laugh.
"Okay," I say.
I continue to watch the movie for a minute or two until I hear a, "No! Get out!" and a slamming door.
"Who was that?" I ask.
"Four," she grumbles.
"What'd he want?"
"To talk to you," she sighs. "Wait, did you want to talk to him?"
"I mean, I don't know. We have to talk about this someday." I hear a knock on the door again. "Should I?"
"If you don't answer, I know we aren't talking anymore and I'll leave you alone," Four says. I get up and walk to the door. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five." I'm leaning against the door now and I hear him whisper, "Six."I hear footsteps and I swing the door open and he turns around.
"At least let me explain myself this time, because last time, you walked away acting like a coward."
He looks down, "Okay."
"Come in, you can sit where you sat last time in the kitchen," I say coldly.
"You're letting him in?" Chrissy asks.
"I'm inviting him to the kitchen, not my bed," I say.
"I'll stay in the living room," she says.
"We shouldn't be long," I reply and walk into the kitchen to see Four with his head in his hands.
"You know I meant every word of that song, right?" he says.
"Sure. But do you know Since you Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson?" I ask and he nods. "I considered that one, but we decided differently," I am standing across from him now on the island with my elbows leaning on it. "One of the lyrics is, 'I even fell for the stupid love song, yeah, yeah, since you been gone.' Should I fall for the stupid love song?" I ask.
"I wouldn't if I were you," he sighs.
"Why's that?" I ask quietly.
"Because I'm a dick," he says but I just laugh cruely.
"Yes, you are. Only sometimes, though. So why are you here and why did you sing that song if you don't like me?" I ask.
"Why'd you let me in if you don't like me?" he shoots back.
"Because I can. Now explain yourself."
"You know how Zeke said it practically crushed me when you said you didn't want to be my girlfriend?"
"How do you know the exact words that he said?" I ask suspiciously.
"We sent Zeke in there with his phone on speaker so we could listen," he mumbles.
"Are you serious? You guys should be ashamed of yourselves! I went there looking for you, you jerk, not your best-friend! Continue," I yell.
"Well when he said that, he thought I didn't like you anymore," he sighs. "But I did. Do. I still like you Tris, even if you don't want to be my girlfriend, I want to be friends. Even though it'll be a whole hell of a lot harder for me and take a whole hell of a lot more self control, I still want to try."
"Four, I don't know if I like you. I've been through a lot and I don't know if I'm ready for a boyfriend. I still want to be friends, because if we're not, my life is going to be a living hell. I only have you and Chrissy! I don't even know if I have you anymore," I whisper the last sentence and finally look into his captivating eyes.
"Tris, of course you have me. You always have and you always will," he whispers.
"I don't know, Four, do I?" I ask, not breaking away from his deathly stare.
"Yes, whether you want me or not I'll be the one there for you when no one else is."
We stand there in silence for a few minutes until he says, "So are we at least friends?"
I think for a minute. "Yeah."
He stands up and extends out his hand for me to shake. I look at him and laugh then stand on my tip toes to wrap my hands around his neck and hug him. He seems taken aback for a moment but wraps his hands around my waist. I pull back but don't remove my hands.
"I should get back to Chrissy," I whisper, our faces inches apart.
"Okay," he says, but neither of us move. I'm still looking it his eyes but I finally look down and pull back.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I say and walk into the living room leaving him there to think. I see Chrissy and smile and hear the front door close.
"How'd it go?" she asks.
"Chrissy, I knew you were listening on the other side of other swinging door," I laugh.
"Yeah, I was, that was so cute, though! He said he'd wait because you weren't ready! That was, like, the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my life!" she squeals.
"Whatever, I sort of like him, but I don't think I'm ready yet, okay?" I ask calmly.
"I know, I understand why."
"Thank you." I say.
"You know, I was kind of offended when he said he'd be there when no one else was, implying that I wouldn't be there for you," she laughs.
"I know you will be, Chrissy, hoes before bro's right?" I laugh.
"Chicks before dicks," we fist bump and watch another movie before she has to go home.
I wake up at 6 A.M. this morning and take a shower. I blow dry my hair and braid it down the side. I grab a dark blood-red shirt and black skinny jeans with my combat boots. I decide to actually grab a coat today and put it on. I walk out the door with an apple and my bookbag, Marlene brought home all of my assignments after Chrissy left, thank god, or else I'd be more behind than I already.
I walk into school and throw my apple core in the trash can. I go to my locker and grab my biology binder and music folder.
I walk into biology to see Chrissy and Four talking intensely, "I'm not going to hurt her!" Four yell/whispers. Little did they know, I was standing right in front of them.
"You better not or else I'll rip your organs out and display them on your chest for all to see," she glares.
"Woah," I say, "let's keep this PG here, Chrissy."
"How long have you been standing there?" Four asks.
"Long enough," I smirk, quoting him on Sunday.
Class begins and Mrs. Matthews drones on about something that's 'really important to human existence' and blah, blah, blah. The bell rings and Chrissy and I leave Four behind to go to music. He tries to catch up but Chrissy and I turn around at the same time and say, "I got one less problem without ya," and start laughing hysterically, including Four.
"Coincidence?! I think not!" Chrissy yells.
"Oh my god, that was too weird," Four says.
"Nahhh," I say.
"Glad to have you back, Tris," Four smiles. And it's one that reaches his eyes.
"Glad to have you back, Four," I say and he slings his arm around my shoulder which makes me blush, even though I already know he likes me.
"You guys just need to get together already," Tori says.
"We're just friends," I say.
"Well, she is, I'm not," he smirks.
"I'll leave that to you two to figure out," she smiles at us and walks down the other direction of the hallway, probably to the office.
"If this is making you uncomfortable, I can—" Four begins but I cut him off.
"No, it's fine, really," I smile and look up and he smiles back down.
Tori begins class minutes later after our confrontation. I feel a finger tap my shoulder and it's not Four, sadly. I turn around and see a face I don't recognize and not a handsome one either. I don't even know his name. He hands me a note and I take it. I look at Four to my right, who seems to be fuming with anger, but controls it somehow. The note reads:
Hey, meet me behind the school after class babe u look hot today maybe we can have some fun ;)
-Peter
The duet that just performed is now getting off stage, so I take this opportunity to throw the note back in his face and flip him the bird.
"Tris! Care to explain what you just did?" Tori asks.
I walk up to Tori's desk and say softly, "He handed me a note that said I looked hot today and to meet me behind the school so that we could have some 'fun'," I say putting finger quotations around 'fun'. "I had every right to do that whether you agree with we or not, but women are not toys." I say louder this time, so the whole class can probably hear me. The girls start standing up and clapping, at this I smile.
Tori says, "Okay, ladies, we understand," she laughs then says to me, "I'll give him a detention after class, okay?"
"Thanks, Tori," I smile and walk back to my seat.
"Next duet please!" Tori says.
"That's us," Peter says and walks up with someone else, I think her name is Molly.
They begin and he looks at me the entire time, and Four notices.
Both entire time:
(A/N Please read the lyrics, important! This is a legit song btw XD)
I'll be around every corner you go,
Don't you look so surprised
I'll be in every dressing room that you're in, oh.
I'll be holding every door you go through.
You don't even have to say thanks!
I'll get groceries at the same time as you, oh.
Don't think I don't know what suits you well, oh yeah.
Don't think I don't know.
I'll be in every smoking corner your seeing.
Counting your drinks.
I'll be the guy who drives past your house oh.
I'll be hiding behind your mirror, watching you crimp your hair.
I'll follow you with sunglasses on, oh.
Don't think I don't know what suits you well, oh yeah.
Don't think I don't know yeah!
I'll be looking through your windows at night.
Watching you sleep
I will see you at your big game, oh.
I'll be at the same parties as you.
And I'll meet you in the closet.
I'll follow you when the sun comes up, oh.
Don't think I don't know what suits you well, oh yeah.
Don't think I don't know what suits you, yeah.
Don't think I don't know what suits you well, oh yeah.
Don't think I don't know. Yeah!
The entire time, Peter is staring at me and I just heard the creepiest song in my life. I feel so… violated…
The entire class doesn't even clap, they just laugh, and so do Molly and Peter. It was probably just a joke song, there's always someone like that. I don't laugh and neither do Chrissy, Four, Mar, or Shauna. Shauna looks like she's about to burst out in tears. I'll have to ask them about that at lunch.
The rest of 2nd period goes by and so do 3rd and 4th.
It's now lunch and everyone is here, so I finally ask, "Guys, what was up with Peter's song in Music? It was really messed up."
"Do you want me to tell her, Shauna?" Mar asks.
"No it's okay, thanks though," she smiles.
"Shauna, if it's a touchy subject, I completely understand if you don't want to tell me," I smile gently.
"Thanks, but I can tell you, I'm ready. So, last year, sophomore year, Peter got a little up in my business. I started noticing it because Mar said something about him always being around. I just thought he was being nice, or something. Little did I know, he was stalking me. Everywhere I went. He tried to kiss me one day, and I was struggling. Zeke, here, seemed to notice—we weren't dating yet, by the way—and he punched Peter in the face and that's how we came to be. After a few threats from him," she smiles up at Zeke, "he laid off. What'd he say to you in that note that made you flip him off?" she laughs.
"It said, and I quote," I laugh, "'Hey, meet me behind the school after class babe you look hot today maybe we can have some fun,' winky face."
"Seriously?" Everyone asks.
"Yeah, why? Isn't that what he did to you, Shauna?" I ask.
"No, he never said anything like that, he just tried to kiss me and be nice but that's it," she says, still shocked.
"Really?" I say.
"Yeah, Tris, you should watch your back around them," Chrissy says.
"Them?"
"Peter, Drew, Eric, Molly, and Al. They are the ones that do all of dirty work," Four says.
"Okay, I'll look out for them," I say.
"Want me to be your personal body guard?" Four jokes.
"Oh, please, you already are," I laugh, "Plus you know I could beat up anyone, including you."
"That was one time!" he yells defensively but laughs.
"Wait, Tris here, beat up you? The big, bad, and scary Four got beat up by Tris?!" Uriah laughs.
"Yes," Four mumbles.
"Care to explain, Trissy?" Uriah says, still hysterical of laughter.
"So Four was telling me to keep tension in my torso by touching my waist, I didn't know it was him, so I immediately reacted by elbowing him in the stomach, taking his wrist and flipping him on the ground and putting my foot on his stomach to keep him from moving. Then I saw his face and in my head I was like, 'Shit, I just beat up the guy that I have a crush on'," I laugh then realize what I said. I put my hands in my face and say, "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yep!" Uriah says. "So why aren't you two dating?" Great, just the subject I don't want to talk about.
"Maybe I'm not ready for a boyfriend," I say more harshly than I mean. "Listen, why don't all of you guys come over to my house after school today and I'll explain, okay? It's not exactly something I want to explain here at school," I say.
"Okay, but we don't know where you live," Zeke says.
"Four, Chrissy, Mar, and Shauna do, so just follow them," I say simply.
"Four does?" Uri wiggles his eyebrows.
I roll my eyes. "He's dropped me off from the gym, you dumbass."
"Mhm," he says.
"Whatever, Uri," I say. We continue to talk for a while until the bell rings.
It's finally after school and everyone is at my house looking at me expectantly. Here goes nothing.