On Saturday morning, a certain raven-haired boy was making a trip to the grocery convenience store. He was thinking of all the mackerel he would buy there, with the time sale that was to start in about fifteen minutes—he was practically famous for swiping all the mackerel in the face of even the most vicious fiery-eyed housewives—when he heard crude laughter roll through the air from near one of the convenience stores on the block. His head turned slightly in that direction, and the corner of his blue eyes caught a flash of bleached blonde hair. Remembering then what he had promised a certain blonde, his body swiveled around completely, momentarily forgetting the time sale.
Instantly he was sure it was the person that the blonde had mentioned—he had not only the bleached hair, but the several piercings, as well as the square features that had been described. Surprisingly, he was still dressed in the Iwatobi uniform, even though it was the weekend. He was sitting hunched over at the front of the convenience store with a bunch of other boys who had the juvenile delinquent look, and he was blowing on a cigarette—the way he breathed out his smoke towards the stray cats nearby made Haru frown. The raven-haired boy was genuinely puzzled as to why Nagisa could be looking for such a person—but he still had promised. Because he hadn't brought his cell phone when he left the house, he decided to text Nagisa after he got home from the grocery store.
…
For Nagisa, Saturday evening arrived way too soon. All week he had, out of sheer will power, successfully pretended that nothing was wrong in front of Rei, but when his friends at school saw him, he was in a slight nervous wreck for pretty much most of the week.
As Nagisa stood in front of the place of the reunion, which was the gym at Kitagawa Elementary, he thought for the tenth time about backing out of this. As if reading his mind, a hand grabbed his arm tightly, as if to keep him from running away. From beside him, Hana-chan gave Nagisa a knowing smile, one that said she would kill him if he bailed now.
"Let's go in, Hazuki-kun!" she said, her voice falsely civil. Nagisa smiled back just as civilly and gave her a nod, although he was dying to just go home. But he reminded himself how many times he had stared at that photo of Rei stored away safely in his phone—how many times he had told himself that, should Kanemiya be of any significance in Rei's life, whether good or bad, he would find out about it and do what he could to protect his friend's smile. It was only due to this one determined thought that he had managed to come all this way. Taking a deep breath, he followed Hana-chan inside the decorated gym, where several of their former classmates and fellow alumni were standing around and chatting. As soon as she saw two of her former classmates, the sandy-haired girl squealed and ran over to the girls in delight.
"Yuka-chan! Misaki-chan! It's so nice to see you guys!" Nagisa watched as Hana-chan hugged the girls, who he recognized as Takakura Yuka and Honjou Misaki. Both of them had been classmates with Nagisa once, and when Nagisa saw the girl called Misaki, he had to fight the urge to propel himself away. She was one of his classmates from Kitagawa who had also gone to the same junior high as him. He noticed Honjou notice him standing there, also didn't miss the dark judgmental look her eyes took on before she abruptly broke eye contact with him. He had sort of foreseen this—one of her friends in junior high had been bullied by the kids in his group, after all.
Remember, it's for Rei-chan. Reminding himself of this, Nagisa stood back slightly as Hana-chan first talked to Takakura, asking how she had been doing at her new high school. The sandy-haired girl had not missed a bit of the interaction between Honjou and Nagisa, and soon she turned towards Honjou with a smile.
"So how have you been, Misaki-chan? I heard you went to Sanada Middle School after we graduated—what high school do you go to now?" Nagisa almost winced when she mentioned the name of the junior high, but managed to hold it in. But apparently, Honjou wasn't able to do the same with her own emotions as she answered an unasked question.
"I hated going to Sanada," she said almost too loudly, her voice bitter. "Those were the worst years of my life." As she said this, some of Nagisa's former classmates around their group grew quiet. Now half of the gym was looking over at them, some with curious eyes and some with knowing glances. A flash of slight annoyance passed through Nagisa's eyes, but he just stood, still not saying anything. Discreetly assessing the situation with her own eyes, Hana-chan put on an innocently sympathetic face.
"Wow, that sounds terrible! But at least you're past it now, right?" she said in a genuine voice. "Say, do you happen to go to the same high school as Ka—"
"I went to the same junior high as him." Honjou jerked her chin slightly towards Nagisa. "He sure looked like he was enjoying himself." Now, it seemed that she had the attention of almost the whole gym. After a moment of silence, whispers started to travel through the gym, and a lot of glances were being directed towards Nagisa. Deciding it was time to say something, the blonde forced on a civil smile as he opened his mouth.
"Actually, I agree with your sentiments, Honjou. I think I hated that place as much as you did." He kept his voice calm and composed, as if Honjou was not practically telling him she hated him to his face. "Definitely not the best years of my life." He also kept the smile glued to his face, as he tried his best to pretend the tension in the room didn't exist.
"Wow—was it really that bad, Sanada Middle School?" Takakura, the outsider to this situation, piped in. "You never told me you were having a hard time there, Misaki-chan! And you too, Hazuki-kun—you guys must have had it tough!"
"You never did apologize to my friend back then, did you?" Ignoring her friend, Honjou glared at Nagisa as she let the words fall from her lips. "You have no idea how much she suffered, that time she was being bullied by you and your little friends. All three years she was there, she was always thinking about transferring schools because people like you existed. You made life hell for her, and for everyone else that you used to pick on!" Now she was lumping Nagisa in with the rest of those kids—but the blonde knew that he couldn't exactly blame her for it. Although he had never taken part in the bullying itself, he hadn't exactly tried to stop it either—in essence he was just as bad as they had been.
But Nagisa also knew what had gone through Honjou's head—it wasn't just Honjou, it was pretty much the rest of the school back then. They had watched their friends getting bullied—but that was it; they had only watched. None of them had had the courage to stop the bullying—and Honjou had been exactly like that. The blonde remembered seeing anger in her eyes whenever he saw her, but there had been fear in them, too. He would know—sometimes he had seen it in his own eyes when he looked at a mirror in those days. And as Nagisa studied Honjou, he gave her a slightly sad smile in return.
"If only you'd had the courage to say that to our faces back then," he said, his voice quiet but ringing throughout the gym. "I think it would've made Yamada happy." At his words, Honjou flinched.
"Don't you DARE say her name!" Grabbing a glass of punch from a nearby table, she was about to throw the liquid in Nagisa's face—when her own face was promptly drenched with water.
Splash! In a split second, Nagisa was also drenched with water. Seeing the two with stunned faces, Hana-chan looked at them with a smile that was no longer accommodating, but warning. She set the empty glasses of water back on the table.
"I think some of us need to cool down," she said, in a deceptively light-hearted voice, which she made sure was audible to everyone in the gym. "Don't you think?" Before anyone could argue, the sandy-haired girl took Nagisa by the wrist. "Excuse us for a quick breather—we'll be back soon." Dragging the blonde behind her, she strode through the gym, ignoring the stares that they were receiving from their classmates.
When they were finally outside, the back doors closed behind them, Hana-chan released Nagisa from her grip and let out a tired sigh, kneading the skin of her forehead with her fingers.
"Sorry, Hazuki-kun. If I was going to do it to her, I had to do it to you too." Nagisa shook his head, a few drops of water flying off his hair as he did.
"Don't be. I knew I had it coming—I deserved it. Thanks for doing that." He smiled at Hana-chan to show that he meant it. Hana-chan just let out a slightly frustrated sigh.
"I mean, I know that you guys have history—almost everyone in that gym who went to Sanada with you has history, and I know people don't forgive easily. But after over a year—I mean, we're not middle school brats anymore, there are better ways to handle these things. I didn't think anyone would practically fly at you with their teeth bared—I've never seen Misaki-chan act like that before! Now I'm starting to feel sorry I dragged you here when you were obviously feeling uncomfortable about coming—maybe it'd have been better if I came here alone and snooped around some. And just when I was about to start asking about Kanemiya—" She gripped the sides of her head in frustration as she threw her head back. "Now what am I gonna do?! After I threw that water in you guys' faces, I can't possibly go around collecting information all casually!"
Nagisa should have been surprised that the sandy-haired girl knew about that 'history'. She had gone to a different junior high than Nagisa, and hardly any of the students from Sanada Middle School had taken the exam for Iwatobi High. He himself had never told her about his junior high days. But the blonde actually found he wasn't—really, it wasn't that surprising, seeing that she had a whole network of information that eclipsed almost every school in town. She'd have definitely caught wind of the bullying that went on at Sanada, and she'd probably known what Nagisa had been a part of even before he had first met her. Now, seeing his friend so frustrated made Nagisa laugh—which made Hana-chan narrow her eyes at the blonde.
"Hazuki-kun. Are you laughing at my genuine distress right now?" Stopping, Nagisa grinned at the peeved girl.
"Thanks, Hana-chan. I actually feel kind of refreshed now—I'm a swimmer, I've always loved feeling water, even though it's not as much as Haru-chan does. You're a good friend." For a moment, Hana-chan looked taken aback—then, she grinned back confidently.
"Of course—who do you think I am?" She puffed out her chest in a way that strangely reminded Nagisa of something. When he realized what it was, he laughed once more.
"That's exactly what Rei-chan said to me once!" His eyes crinkled fondly at the memory, one where the ten-year-old brunette had attempted to cheer him up by acting overly pompous. "I told him he was the best, and he was like, 'Of course, Nagisa-kun, it's me we're talking about!'or something along those lines. It was really funny, seeing him being proud like that!" All of a sudden, he felt his heart warming—of course. That was the reason he was here in the first place.
"'Rei-chan'?" Hana-chan's light blue eyes blinked curiously. "You mean that girl next door you're always talking about?" Nagisa gave her a look.
"I told you like a million times, Rei-chan's a guy! And I'm not always talking about him!" he protested. Hana-chan rolled her eyes at the blonde.
"Please—you mention him every day! You almost sound like you're in love with the guy. It's always 'Rei-chan this' or 'Rei-chan that'—when I didn't know any better, I thought you were talking about your girlfriend the whole time, not a neighbor."
"Wha—" Nagisa didn't know what to respond to that. Even though he was talking about himself, he hadn't noticed that he brought up Rei so much in his conversations. Suddenly, his face started to feel kind of hot—it sort of made him wish that someone would throw water in his face again.
"Hmm…a guy named 'Rei', huh?" Next to him, Hana-chan had buried herself in her own thoughts, chin propped up with one hand while contemplating something. "Where have I heard that one before…?" Before Nagisa could ask her what she meant, a voice piped up from behind them.
"You mean Ryuugazaki Rei-kun?" It was Takakura—she had appeared behind them sometime during their conversation, and was standing two steps above them. Both Hana-chan and Nagisa jumped at the sudden sound—Nagisa wheeling around first with a look of huge surprise on his face.
"You know who he is, Takakura?!" he asked, eyes wide and startling the girl. Next to him, Hana-chan had also turned around in surprise.
"Yuka-chan! What're you doing back here?" she asked, eyes wide. "I thought you went to comfort Misaki-chan!"
"She said she wanted to be alone, and I wanted to talk to you guys, so I came out here," Takakura said, answering Hana-chan's question first. "And Hazuki-kun, I've known who Ryuugazaki-kun is since third grade. I think everyone knew who he was—after all, he always had this unique aura, and he was smart to boot. Even though he never really made a lot of friends, I think."
"Wait a second—" Hana-chan held up a hand before Nagisa could ask another question. "Ryuugazaki Rei—Ryuugazaki Rei—" Her eyes lit up. "OH, you mean that kid with the blue hair and red glasses! The one who was always sitting in his classroom with a book at recess! I knew I heard his name somewhere!" She turned to Nagisa with excited eyes. "Is he really your neighbor? The Rei-chan?"
"Yes!" Nagisa responded, his eyes wide and his voice breathless. "That's him! That's his name!" He didn't know what to feel about the fact that Hana-chan had known who Rei was all along. That even Takakura had known him from before he did— All of a sudden things seemed to be coming to the surface, and Nagisa hadn't even expected to hear Rei's name at a place like this, so soon from the people standing in front of him.
"You two are neighbors, Hazuki-kun?" Takakura peered curiously at Nagisa. "Wow, what a coincidence! Are you two close?"
"Yeah! We are absolutely close!" Nagisa replied—at least, he was sure he was the closest person to Rei who was actually his age. "We live next door to each other, we talk all the time!" He didn't mention the fact that Rei was always home now.
"Really? He talks to you all the time?" Takakura looked fairly surprised. "I never would've guessed—from what I know, you two have totally opposite personalities. He's always been the quiet type—like Hana-chan just mentioned, he was always sitting at his desk reading something. He kind of had this air around him that said he wanted to be left alone—I think it intimidated most of us from trying to approach him." She looked thoughtful. "Then again, it's been ages since fourth-grade—I guess his personality might have changed—"
"Wait, wait, Takakura!" The blonde quickly stopped her. "He was still at Kitagawa in fourth-grade?!" A bit startled at Nagisa's excitement, Takakura nodded with surprised eyes.
"Yeah—up until the end of the first semester, that is. I remember that he didn't even stick around until the end, actually. He stopped coming to school a week before then."
"Yuka-chan." Nagisa and Takakura turned towards Hana-chan, who looked deep in thought. "The kid that fell from the fourth story window—do you know if it was Ryuugazaki-kun?" Beside his friend, Nagisa tensed up, his face going pale. He was scared—he didn't know if he wanted to hear the answer to this.
"No, that wasn't him."
He almost sank to the ground in relief. Takakura seemed to hesitate before continuing with her next words.
"But now that I remember—I think he might have been involved in that." Nagisa's head shot up, whirling back towards the girl. "I know who really fell from the building back then—the one that was supposedly pressured into it by that upper-grader, Kanemiya. I remember seeing him and Ryuugazaki-kun together a few times. Maybe they were friends—but I'm not sure." Upon seeing Nagisa's face, Takakura hesitated. "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this…it doesn't look like Ryuugazaki-kun mentioned any of this to you…"
"What happened to that kid?" Nagisa took Takakura's arms with his hands in an urgent motion. "I really need to know. I need to know how Rei-chan might've been involved. Please, Takakura—I want to help him!" His burgundy eyes shown earnestly as he pleaded with his former classmate. "Please!"
"Hazuki-kun…" Hana-chan said softly from next to him. She then turned to Takakura, her eyes firm, and nodded.
"…All right," Takakura said finally. "I'll tell you two everything that I know." Her eyes became concentrated as she focused on remembering that past. "Six years ago…" She began her story.
"…and ever since then, he stopped coming to school."
When Takakura finished her story, Nagisa was silent. His burgundy eyes shook beneath his lashes, his teeth gritted a bit with tension, his hands shaking in fists at his sides.
"Hazuki-kun…" Beside him, Hana-chan stared at her friend in concern. "Are you okay?"
"…Sorry, Hana-chan. I—" The blonde's voice was quiet. "I've got to go. Now." He turned to Takakura, who was also looking worried. "Thanks for telling me everything, Takakura."
"Wait—Hazuki-kun!" The sandy-haired girl called after the blonde as he dashed away.
…
In his bedroom, Rei was staring out the window at the maple tree. Watching its green leaves sway in the breeze, he marveled at how beautiful they looked against the early evening sky, which was beginning to turn a spectrum of pink and yellow and blue. There was a peaceful smile on his face as he took in the beauty of the neighborhood in the summer outside his window. His violet eyes traveled towards the window across from his, the window that was currently empty.
The day before, Nagisa had mentioned that he was going to the shopping center to hang out with some classmates from school. Apparently, he was still not back from that excursion—Rei hadn't seen him all day. Letting out a slight sigh of loneliness, Rei's eyes traveled over to the purple cell phone sitting on his desk. He found his hand reaching over for it, flipping it open, and navigating to the photo album in his cell phone.
Over the course a few days, he had gotten more used to using the phone—he had been exchanging texts with Nagisa when the boy was at school, and his mother had already called him a few times when she was out of the house and had something to ask him. Now, he was scrolling through the few photos he had taken, of the maple tree and of other things that caught his eye that he had found was beautiful.
He stopped at the picture he was looking for, and clicked on the thumbnail. When he saw the photo of Nagisa, smiling up at the camera under the evening sun in his window, a fond smile grew on his face. Over the last few days, he had found that it became a habit—staring at Nagisa's photo sometimes when the boy was away from the house. Each time that he caught himself doing it, he had wanted to slap himself, but he couldn't help it.
"That your new girlfriend?" Rei nearly jumped out of his skin. Ryouji was standing behind him, looking over his shoulder at the picture on his phone.
"Wha—when—aniki!" the bespectacled boy screamed as he attempted to hide the screen from his brother. "What are you—why didn't you knock?!"
"You left the door open, stupid," Ryouji drawled, undeterred by the angry and flustered look on Rei's face. "Lemme see that phone—" Almost effortlessly, he thwarted Rei's bodily attempts to keep it away from him and placed his brother in a headlock with one arm—Rei remembered his mother saying that Ryouji had joined the wrestling team in college and he was beginning to physically feel the results of that fact. "Wow, it even has better interface than mine—guess you're still Mom's favorite little brat."
"Aniki—give that back!" Rei gasped, as he tried not to choke, struggling in his brother's grip.
"Hold your horses, I haven't looked at the picture properly yet—" Ryouji easily found the picture again and clicked it open. "Whoa, whoa—isn't this the kid who lives next door? And I thought it was a girl from a dating site or something—" Rei could feel the smirk forming on his brother's face. "So, since when?"
"Si—since when what?!" Rei sputtered, turning even redder.
"Well, it's obvious that you have it bad for the kid," Ryouji remarked, his voice smug. "Otherwise why would you be staring at a guy's picture for that long? Should've guessed, with the way you're always chatting him up—or are you two already dating?"
"N-NO!" Rei wanted to fall through the floor and die—anything to get away from the situation he was in right now. His face and entire body erupted into flames in mortification. Ryouji rolled his eyes at how embarrassed his brother was acting, but the grin stayed perched on his face.
"Ah, sorry, sorry. I forgot you don't have the balls to ask him out." He snickered. "We better hope that Blondie catches on soon." He tossed the phone back into Rei's hands with a sly grin. "Say hi to the babe for me." With that last teasing remark, he left the bedroom, leaving Rei in flustered shambles.
After a full minute of hyperventilation, Rei finally calmed down to some extent. He really hoped that Ryouji had been joking—but if he hadn't been—well, at least he hadn't seemed particularly disgusted or anything. Letting out a slow sigh of resignation, he looked back at the folded phone in his hand, then turned towards the window.
He was glad Nagisa hadn't been at the window to witness any of this. But at the same time, he hoped that the blonde would return soon. Like every time he wasn't there, Rei already missed his friend.
"I wonder when he'll come back." As he murmured this to himself, he studied the sky, which was starting to turn more orange and red with the passing minutes.
…
'—heard he was in the same class as him—I don't know if they were close, but—'
'—it was after a school day ended. I don't think he was supposed to be there at the time—'
'There were rumors for a while, that he was actually a part of it—but I never really believed them—'
'After all, I don't think he was ever such a cruel person.'
The words flew through Nagisa's mind as he ran, his breath heaving in and out. People on the streets jumped as he ran past them, almost crashing into a few of them. Ignoring the indignant calls that echoed after him, the blonde darted with breakneck speed until he finally arrived at his house. Bolting through the front door, he didn't even stop to greet his mother as he dashed upstairs and threw open his window shutters.
"Rei-chan!" The blue-haired boy had been sitting at his desk near the window when Nagisa arrived—he saw the brunette jump in his seat at his shout.
"Nagisa-kun!" Standing up, Rei walked over to his open window. "You're back at last—" When he remembered his brother's teasing from before, Rei swallowed, trying not to blush. "D-did you have fun at the shopping center?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.
"What does that mean?" Rei blinked—something was off about the blonde's voice. It sounded so quiet, so tense—immediately, his violet eyes flickered with concern.
"What do you…did something happen, Nagisa-kun?" At this question, Nagisa's fists clenched tighter at his sides. Even at a time like this, Rei was worrying about him—it made him feel all the more conflicted.
"What does that mean, you might have been involved?" His head jerked up to look at Rei's puzzled face. "The fact that you were there when that accident happened at Kitagawa—what does that even mean?!" He could see the blood drain from Rei's face—the teen had suddenly frozen in his spot.
"…How…." Nagisa could see the fear in the brunette's violet eyes as he fought to speak. "How did you know about that….?" His voice was a hoarse whisper, and he looked as if he had been paralyzed.
"…I heard it all from an old classmate." There was a tremor in Nagisa's voice. "I wasn't at the shopping center—I was at the class reunion at Kitagawa." His burgundy eyes bore into Rei's violet ones, gleaming with desperate frustration.
"Tell me, Rei-chan. Why were you there when it happened? What does it mean that you saw that guy fall out the window? Just what did Kanemiya do to you?" His hands shook. "Tell me it's not true, Rei-chan." His entire face was in pain.
"Tell me that's not the reason you've never stepped outside since then!"
For the third time in his life, Rei felt as if his world was shattering into a million pieces.
It wasn't as if he had always wanted to be alone.
Ever since he was little, Ryuugazaki Rei had always been shy. At kindergarten, he had always been too afraid to approach any of his peers. As they had cheerfully skittered about making friends with each other, he had sat in the corner of the room with a picture book in his hands, staring at the pages as he tried not to listen to the other kids play, wishing all along that he had the courage to join them. Every day, when his mother arrived to pick him up, she had noticed how quiet he was, how he never seemed to smile as shuffled his shoes on and held onto his mother's hand on the way home. But she would notice that a smile appeared on his face when he had a book in his hands, and sometimes on the days when she arrived home late, she would come back with a new picture book for him. Sometimes she even made his brother take him to the local library on the weekends, so he could sit in the children's corner all day, reading books about almost everything.
Even when he moved on to elementary school, Rei's disposition didn't change much. When he was in first grade, he stumbled over self-introductions on the first day of school. The other kids had laughed at how he stuttered, and that had made Rei flush in shame. Ever since that day, he had stayed sitting at his desk in the corner, avoiding talking to anyone, a book propped up on his desk and his eyes firmly fixed on the pages. Although a few kids tried to approach him now and then, he would clam up every time this happened—his throat felt dry, his palms and face sweaty, and he couldn't bring himself to say anything back. So he just sat, blushing furiously and staring hard at his book, and after a while no one approached him anymore. He could hear whispers from his classmates now and then, calling him quiet and weird and a loner, and even boring. Some of the meaner kids even started blowing spitballs at the back of his head during class—and their teacher never found out what they were laughing about, because Rei never told her. When his mother and father asked how his days were at school, he would only mutter a few vaguely positive responses before putting food in his mouth and excusing himself from the conversation.
When he moved up a grade, the kids grew more confident, and even meaner. Although Rei never knew what he had done to deserve it—he had always kept to himself, never bothering anyone when he sat quietly in the corner of the classroom to read. Some of the bigger kids ganged up on him when he was alone and no teacher was around to see—whether it was in an empty classroom or behind the shoe lockers downstairs. He had been taken by the collar of his shirt, his allowance and homework and other things taken away from his backpack, sometimes being slammed against walls and sometimes receiving punches in the stomach, where they knew none of the teachers would notice the bruises.
Once, Rei had been pressed against the brick wall of an obscure area towards the back of the school building. He had been just about to be punched when out of nowhere a taller boy with blue hair had leapt in with a flying kick, sending the bully flying.
That was the day that Ryouji had found out his younger brother was being bullied. After he sent the other bullies off with a threat that he'd put them in the hospital the next time he saw them around his brother, Ryouji had taken Rei aside and made him fess up about everything. When he saw tears welling up in Rei's eyes, he had taken a hand and ruffled his blue hair with an encouraging grin.
"Listen, kid. I'll tell you how to stop them from ever approaching you again." He then had proceeded to teach Rei the basics of self-defense—something that he had learned at the local YMCA recently, although he had never really needed to because he was good at fighting anyways. Rei had secretly practiced the techniques in his room over and over, memorizing the theory and drumming it into his body. The next time that those bullies had bothered him, he had given some of them headlocks, tripped some by the shin when they came running at him, and given some of them near-lethal kicks in the groin.
After that, none of the other kids ever bothered him again. Rei didn't know why those bullies never told on him—even then, he could probably had written his actions off as self-defense, since those kids always had a bad reputation at school and it was mostly true (okay, so some anger had been channeled into those defense movements, but they could hardly blame him, it was their fault in the first place). Maybe it had something to do with the threat his brother had given them, or maybe they were just scared Rei would try to retaliate for it (he wouldn't have, really, as long as they left him alone afterwards). And, well, he was still always alone, now that the kids seemed kind of afraid to approach him because of the rumors, but at least he wasn't being ganged up on anymore. After that incident, Rei had taken up jogging the long way from home to school and back to become fitter, and every time he came into the classroom in the mornings after changing out of his jumpsuit, the kids just cast him quiet glances before going back to their conversations.
In third grade, Rei had taken a math placement test, and found that he had scored high enough to take the fourth grade level of the subject. His mother had been proud when she heard, and soon Rei found himself taking math with the fourth graders every fourth period. He had to move to the upper graders' classroom each time, but it was worth it—he had always loved working with numbers and equations, and he quickly caught up with the level of the fourth graders, even outdoing them on the subject. Though he had caught envious and resentful glances from the kids in both his third and fourth-grade classes, they never did anything else to him—by then he was as tall as some of the fifth-graders, even, and everyone knew he could fight back if he wanted to.
By the time he started fourth grade, Rei had actually reached a point where he didn't care so much that he was alone anymore. He liked to think that he had gotten used to his solitary school life—although the familiar twinge of loneliness did resurface every now and then when he overheard the fun conversations his classmates had with each other, or when he heard their loud yells at recess when they played outside without him. But at least he wasn't nervous or afraid about anything anymore—he didn't think anyone could touch him anymore at this point. Knowing this, he spent most of his free time at school reading books on theories about subjects like math or science or physics. During his elementary years, he had grown interested in those topics, finding a neat, logical, and precise beauty in those many equations, those many laws, those many principles. By third grade he had started reading difficult books that most kids his age wouldn't go near, much less touch. Whenever he mastered a new theory or successfully applied a new equation, he felt the same joy that he had experienced in his kindergarten days when his mother had surprised him with the occasional new picture book. When he did, the fact that he was alone hardly even mattered anymore.
…
One day after school, Rei had changed into his jumpsuit after school and had been jogging past the school track when he saw a small boy with light-brown hair being pinned up against the wire fence by some big kids. He didn't recognize the victim, but he did recognize the bigger kids—he himself had been bullied by some of them in his past. It looked like they had moved on to pick on other weaker kids—Rei rolled his eyes mentally at the fact that they still hadn't graduated from doing things like that. He looked at the victim's face, which seemed about to burst into tears at any moment.
Rei hesitated—he knew what it felt like, to be pinned up against that fence, terrified and helpless to fight back. He wondered if he should go over there…but then he remembered that he had spent his last three years of school being shunned by other kids. Suddenly, he felt a wave of bitterness pass through his body—turning around, he continued running in the direction he had been headed.
None of the other kids had cared when he was being picked on—and they had always judged him for being quiet, being different. He had avoided making contact with other kids for years—and he didn't feel like changing that now. Fighting back the imminent guilt in his mind, he left through the school gates, trying to distract himself with the new theories he had learned while reading that day.
…
Rei had never expected to see the boy again in the fifth-graders' classroom.
The next day, he had walked in as usual for his math lesson, a bit early since it was still recess, and he assumed the classroom was still empty. He was about to go sit down at his usual seat and read a book—when his eyes fell on someone sitting at the back of the classroom in the corner. His violet eyes widened a bit as he stared at the small boy with light-brown hair—the one who had been pinned back against the fence when he was jogging out of school yesterday. The boy's gray eyes widened a bit, although there was no indication that he recognized Rei, and quickly dropped back down to the desk that he was sitting at.
It was a few seconds before Rei collected himself and went to sit at his usual seat. As he did, his mind thought about that little boy sitting in the corner. He'd never seen that boy in this classroom before—was he a new student? So he was older than Rei—he certainly hadn't seemed it, with his short, scrawny build and thin limbs. After a while, Rei thought he felt the boy staring, but he didn't turn around and just tried to ignore him. When recess ended and the lesson started, Rei immersed himself in the math and forgot that the boy was even there.
As the chime rang for fifth period and he stood up to return to his fourth-grade classroom, the teacher called Rei's name and told him to stay back. Wondering what she could want to talk about, Rei stopped in front of the teacher's desk as she also called out to the light-haired boy who had sat in the back corner.
"Saionji-kun! Come here for a moment." At the teacher's call, the boy stood up hesitantly and walked to where she and Rei were standing.
"Ryuugazaki-kun, this is Saionji Yuuto-kun. He just transferred to this school a few days ago—he's also a fourth-grader, but he's also been placed for fifth-grade math, just like you." She patted the light-haired boy, Saionji, on the shoulder. "Since you two are in the same boat, I've decided to seat Saionji-kun next to you, Ryuugazaki-kun. I hope you help him get along during our lessons," she finished with a smile.
At this news, Rei almost frowned—he didn't like it that she was asking him to babysit this new kid. He didn't want to deal with any other kids—he could feel the same bitterness he'd felt yesterday well up in him. But he maintained a polite expression on the surface as Saionji shyly greeted him with a hello. After replying with a certain degree of pleasantness in front of the teacher, Rei excused himself for class and walked out the door. He was irritated when a shy voice called his name.
"Ryuugazaki-kun…!" Rei turned his head slightly to see Saionji peering at him with his gray eyes. "Uhm, it was nice meeting you," he said in a small but hopeful voice. "I—I'll look forward to seeing you tomo—"
"Saionji-kun." Rei cut in with a cool voice, his face smooth. "I'll make this clear now. I hope you don't think I'm going to babysit you from now on." He tried to convince himself that he didn't feel guilt at the way Saionji's face fell. "Since you're the same age as me, I assume you will be able to take care of yourself just fine. Please don't go out of your way to act familiar with me." Gripping the straps of his backpack, he turned and walked away, leaving the light-haired boy with an expression of shock and hurt on his face.
Just because he's good at math too doesn't mean he's like me, he thought to himself. When he sees what I'm really like, he'll leave too. I'm just saving both of us time. With that thought, he walked back into his classroom just as the chime rang again for next period.
…
After that, Rei saw Saionji more often than he would have liked to. More than a few times, he saw the small boy being ganged up on by the bigger kids at recess and lunch outside the windows of the hall, when he was passing by them to go somewhere. Whenever the bell rang after recess and math lessons started, the fair-haired boy had looked pale as he quietly sat down next to Rei in the fifth-graders' classroom.
As Rei had warned him, Saionji didn't try to become friendlier with the brunette—he never asked about anything during the lessons they shared and he only said 'hello' and 'goodbye' to Rei when they met during the week. When Rei caught the boy staring at him now and then, Saionji quickly averted his gray eyes in a nervous fashion, planting them on his textbook instead. And whenever the chime rang for the next period, Rei got up promptly and left, finding himself uncomfortable with the gloomy look on Saionji's face.
Two weeks after they met, Rei was getting up to leave that classroom when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Saionji—the fair-haired boy had his eyes looking away hesitantly as he held out something with another hand.
"You…you dropped your eraser...Ryuugazaki-kun…" he said softly. Seeing the eraser in Saionji's hand, Rei stood still for about five seconds just staring at it. Then, he nodded a bit awkwardly as he took the eraser from Saionji.
"…Thanks," he murmured shortly, before pocketing the eraser and leaving the classroom. As he returned to his own class, Rei couldn't help but thinking that maybe he hadn't sounded sincere enough. But he couldn't see the point of feeling bad about it come now—after how he'd been treating Saionji almost like a stranger. He frowned slightly as he walked in and sat down at his seat, wishing he could just pocket away his conflicted feelings like they were an eraser.
He had forgotten that it was still in his pocket until that night at home, when he heard something falling out of his shorts as he changed out of them to get into his pajamas. When he saw the eraser, his face once again grew conflicted as he thought of the fair-haired boy who was not his responsibility, should not be his responsibility in any way. But as he put on his pajama pants and was slipping his shirt off, he found himself staring at his bare belly in the bathroom mirror. The sight inadvertently brought back a memory—a cruel one, where the bullies of his past had repeatedly punched him in the stomach, where the injuries would not be noticed by the teachers at school. He then remembered how he had seen them do the same thing to Saionji—with a sick feeling, Rei suddenly wondered if the pale skin under the boy's shirt was also lined with bruises. And no matter how much he tried to push the thought aside, he found his stomach churning as he went to bed that night.
It turned out that the churning followed Rei around for the whole day when he returned to school the following morning. It bothered him as he listened to his lessons for the first three periods, it bothered him as he walked past the windows in the hall, which he avoided looking at on purpose, and it bothered him when he saw Saionji during fourth-period math, sitting at his seat and looking paler than the previous day. It churned and churned until he found himself doing something about it after the chime rang for fifth period. He remained seated with his things packed up, as Saionji gathered his books and got up to leave the classroom. After hesitating, Rei abruptly got up from his seat as well. Following Saionji out into the hallway, he grabbed the light-haired boy by the arm, causing him to turn around with startled eyes.
"Wha…what is it, Ryuugazaki-kun?" His voice came out with a tremor to it—maybe he had thought it was one of the kids that usually bullied him. Loosening the grip on Saionji's arm, Rei took a deep breath.
"If…if you stay around me…" he began uncertainly. "They'll stop bothering you…I think." At his words, Saionji's grey eyes grew bigger.
"How did you…" His small voice grew smaller as Rei could see him visibly shrinking. "Y-you saw…?"
"…Yes." Feeling the guilt in him double, Rei couldn't bring him to say that he had seen more than just once or twice. "I—I used to get bullied by some of them myself, when I was younger," he admitted, a slight flush of shame forming on his cheeks. "But I know self-defense now—it's been a long time since they stopped bothering me." He shifted his red glasses up his nose with one hand. "If—if you want, I can even teach you the techniques—"
"But why…?" Saionji looked back at Rei with confused grey eyes. "I don't understand, Ryuugazaki-kun…I thought—I thought you said I should take care of myself—that you don't want to be friends with me." Rei flinched a bit at these words—he hadn't exactly said the last part, but he knew he may as well have. "Why would you offer something like that now…?" The look in Saionji's eyes took on a hurt glimmer.
"If…if it's because you feel sorry for me…I don't need it." His hands, which had clenched into fists, quivered at his sides as he said this. When Rei couldn't find a response to that, the fair-haired boy turned and walked in the opposite direction, towards his own classroom.
Rei thought about it for the rest of the day. During fifth period, during lunch, during sixth and seventh, he pondered over the issue as he sat alone at his desk, his eyes far away. When he reached a conclusion at the end of the school day, he got up and swung his backpack over his back. Not bothering to change into the jumpsuit in the bathroom like he usually did, he jogged out of the hall, out of the building and to the area behind the school's brick wall, where he knew they would be. In almost the same manner as his brother had done two years ago, the blue-haired boy leapt in with a fly kick, sending the biggest bully toppling to the ground. Saionji, who had been backed up against the wall, blinked his teary eyes in surprise as the bully fell away from him.
"—Oi!" Alarmed and mad at Rei for interrupting, the other bullies ran at him—only to receive a strong foot in the shin or knees that sent them tripping. Putting the second-to-last bully down in a headlock, Rei swung around and let that one fall to the floor as he kicked the last quickly-approaching bully in the groin. Now significantly taller than he had been two years ago, the blue-haired boy drew himself up to his full height and looked down at them with scornful violet eyes as he shifted his glasses up his nose.
"If you ever gang up on him again, this time I'll put you all in the hospital," he said, with every bit of seriousness in his voice. With that, the bullies cast him a frightened look before picking themselves up and running away. Huffing slightly, Rei turned his attention back on Saionji.
"Can you stand, Saionji-kun?" At some point, Saionji's knees had given in under him, and he was sitting on the ground in an awkward position. The fair-haired boy nodded as he stood up gingerly.
"Why…" he hesitated as he spoke. "Why did you help me…? I thought I told you…if it's just because you pity me…"
"It's not."
As Rei's voice cut in, Saionji's eyes widened. "I mean…I've thought about it since then." Shifting his eyes away and pushing his glasses up his nose, Rei continued.
"It's because you and I are the same." His cheeks were flushing slightly from embarrassment. "I told you I was bullied in the past, too. It's not like I can forget how that feels. I'm not in any position to feel sorry for you—that would be like the pot calling the kettle black." Of course, he wasn't exactly a 'pot' anymore, in that sense, but he stared back at the surprised boy with sincere eyes. "I simply wanted to help you, that's all. But if you still don't want it—"
He was about to turn and leave when a voice, with a hint of hope in it, stopped him.
"Wait, Ryuugazaki-kun!"
…
End Note: I hope I didn't cut off the chapter at an awkward place. The next chapter will continue with the flashback on Rei's past. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as well! As always, comments and questions are welcome and much appreciated! ^^