Wendy pov
"Hope, you need to get changed for Kyle's birthday party." I called.
"Why am I even allowed to go to Kyle's birthday parties?" She pondered as she emerged from her bedroom. "I mean, every party he seems to have involves women, beer and sex, it's not really very... child friendly." Hope was pretty mature for her age, probably because she spent half her life hanging around six adults who were struggling to get a job in New York and generally had nothing else to talk about but sex... especially Kyle!
"Look, Hope, honey" I sighed and walked over to her. "I told you that even if Uncle Kyle talks about all... that stuff, you should not repeat it. Especially to all your friends at school, I mean the majority of children in your class have a fairly... normal upbringing so they won't know about as much stuff as you do."
"My life isn't normal?" She questioned, looking up at me with big blue eyes.
"Um... no not really!" I laughed. "Most people's mom's have their children when they're... a lot older and they don't all grow up in a two bed roomed apartment in the centre of Manhattan with an unemployed father and his drunken friends who spend the majority of the day watching porn." I finished.
"...What's porn?" She asked, cocking her head to one side.
"Um... A cartoon. Now, go and get ready." I fretted and she skipped off. I was officially the worst mother ever! The door opened then and Stan walked in followed by Kenny and Red. "Hey honey, how did it go?" I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.
"It went great! I mean..." He was suddenly cut off.
"Yeah and guess who we saw at La Renè's?" Kenny exclaimed.
"Seriously? Can a guy finish his story around here?" Stan yelled.
"Um... Ok Ken, you go first and then I can have an actually conversation with Stan!" I compromised.
"Ok, so we were eating lunch and Kenny started pointing at some random people." Red began.
"Yeah and it wasn't the tramp." Kenny nodded, I was seriously confused.
"Ok... Who were they?" I asked.
"Craig Tucker, from South Park high." Red exclaimed.
"Wow, how is he?" I cried.
"Um... well, he runs a business, he lives in LA, he wears really expensive clothes." Red explained.
"And our lives are pretty shit compared to his!" Kenny cut in and Red nodded.
"Erm... what?" I asked.
"Yeah, I mean, he has this big life, he's head of a company, has tons of money and he hasn't kept in touch with anyone from high school. So we all came to the conclusion that our lives suck compared to his." Red answered.
"Oh come on, our lives don't suck... I mean, there's only the six of us now, it's not that many and you know we have pretty good jobs..." I trailed away and there was a long silence. I don't actually know why I said that, Kenny, Red and me all had pretty bad jobs. Kyle hated his and Stan was unemployed. The only person who did have a job they liked was Bebe, which ironically was when the door opened.
"Oh. My. God. I cannot teach kindergarten." She dumped her bag on the table and collapsed on the couch. Maybe not...
"What's up?" I asked and went to join her on the couch.
"Well, I started the day by trying to get the kids to colour in some pictures for thanksgiving, you know, a little holiday fun." She looked at me and I nodded. "But five minutes in I realised there was already wax crayon covering one wall so I decided to stop that. So, instead I thought I'd tell them the whole story behind thanksgiving, but it ended up me trying to explain why we slaughter turkey's and how they also have a happy holiday. Which didn't go down too well. Then I tried to teach them the alphabet, you know, that can't harm anyone but I gave up on that because they all ended up running around the classroom. So, I took them all to lunch and accidentally gave a five year old a detailed description of a slut and you know, all my high school... palaver. Which, clearly judging by the other teachers expressions was the wrong thing to do."
"You don't say?" Stan questioned and Bebe shot him a penetrating look.
"So, I went to the principal asking how long it would be until I could swap grades, only to be told that I was only qualified enough to teach kindergarten, much to my delight! Then I took them back to class, I let them have some free time so I could sit with my head in my hands for a while but somehow it resulted in me reading them the first chapter of 'The Shining'. Which made one of the kids run out of the classroom crying and they still haven't located him. I broke the necklace my mom gave to me whilst trying to get the plastic baby dolls head out of the toilet and then just managed to squeeze in a list of people I have 'done it with' before the bell went." She gave an exasperated sigh and there was a long silence.
"...Wow, they are lucky to have you!" Kenny laughed and Bebe glared at him. "...I was being serious."
"Yeah sure." She replied. "Anyway, no more of that until Monday morning, when does Kyle's party start?"
"Seven." I replied. "Oh and Kenny, can you make sure you manage to distract him this time and don't send him up here to get cheese an hour before it starts?"
"Yeah, yeah, I was having a rough day then, lay off me!" He rolled his eyes.
"Mmm, which you proved later on, during your naked dance to 'The lion sleeps tonight' on my kitchen table." I nodded and Red giggled.
"...Sorry it was just replaying in my mind!" She laughed.
"...Ok, so honey, how was the interview?" I sighed.
"Oh yeah how did that go?" Bebe exclaimed.
"Hey Bebe, we saw Craig Tucker in La Renè's" Kenny began.
"NO!" Stan shouted. "So, I went in and the interviewer was really nice..."
"OMG Craig Tucker! From South Park high?" Bebe cried.
"And then she said she knew I was nervous but..." He tried again.
"Yep, he lives in LA now but he's here on business." Kenny nodded.
"Mommy, is this ok?" Hope walked into the room.
"Erm... Is that my leather miniskirt?" I asked.
"Yeah, it fitted me round the waist but I had to cut it to make it shorter." She beamed.
"And basically, we got to talking and she said I was a really funny guy." Stan continued.
"Is he still gay?" Bebe asked. "'Cause if he isn't, what's his number?" She fiddled with her hair.
"My Gucci miniskirt?" I asked Hope sternly and she shrugged.
"And she offered me a second interview!" Stan beamed.
"OMG you have the same waist as your daughter?" Red exclaimed. "Wendy, eat something."
"How's Tweek?" Bebe questioned.
"Oh they broke up a while ago." Kenny replied.
"But then she said that she doesn't need to interview me again because she liked what she saw..." Stan said.
"OMG they did? But they were so perfect for each other." I trilled. "And Hope, go and change, I'll talk to you about this later."
"Wendy, you're not still on that diet are you?" Red asked.
"Yeah I know, but he has this new boyfriend now and he's kind of like... You remember that Gregory dude from third grade. He came, tried to steal Wendy and then went back to Yardale?"
"So she offered me a job!" Stan cried.
"OMG ew, why would anyone want someone like him?" Bebe questioned and Kenny shrugged.
"Guys I got another job!" Stan shouted.
"Mommy, can I wear your heels?" Hope asked as she emerged from the bedroom wearing lipstick.
"Hi guys, what's up?" Kyle entered the room.
"No Hope, you can't-" I began and everyone went quiet and turned to where Kyle was standing.
"Erm... Surprise!" Red and Kenny chorused.
"Well, there's nothing like the support of your loving friends is there?" Stan scoffed and slumped down on the couch. Everything went silent for a long time but Kenny broke the silence.
"Hey Kyle!" He patted him on the back. "Would you mind popping down to the apartment and getting some cheese?"
Yeah so I guess this may have been a bit confusing but I was just experimenting! Hope you enjoyed it and review please! :) Xx