..

She knew it was asking alot. Asking him to do this for her was a big thing but she needed it . Craved it in the worst possible way. She craved that affection. That closeness you can only achieve with someone you trust. A large part of her felt guilty and disgusting asking him of all people to do it. Especially when he'd just been through a rough break up. But the small part in her told her if she didn't she'd die.

" Raven..."

" Please Robin.." she whispered thickly as she took his hand hers and lead him backwards towards the bed.

" I know it's asking alot. And I'm not asking you to be intimate with me but just...just hold me. "

Robin stared at her , he knew about what had went down with beastboy. Raven had confided in him and when starfire had left for her home planet and he confided in her. But neither had ever seeked physical comfort from one another before.

" Alright "

He pulled her close and moved to position her close to his chest as he lay on his side. It wasn't awkward or weird. It also wasn't sexual or loving. But it was a comfortable thing, neither minded the other. Neither wanted anything more. He wanted to rest his head and close his eyes. To try and push his feeling to the back of his mind, so that it wouldn't distract him from his work. Because all he could do now was work. Work so he wouldn't have to think about her.
She just wanted to dull the chill in her bones. The cold that's been their since he left. So cold and brittle. Gar had been like a mini heater, she used to slid her hands around his bicep , snuggling them between his side, and just sigh with contently as his body heat warmed her chilled fingers. She was always cold. And for once she wanted to be warm.

Seeing him in that cafe the other week had sent her spiraling.

Her heart ached. She not not only had lost a lover. She'd lost her best friend.

Her body felt so frail against his own. Raven was such a strong person, but he knew ,better than most, what lay beyond the walls of her mind. She was just as fragile as she was strong.
Curling his arm tighter around her midsection, he buried his nose against the soft strands of her hair, he needed this almost more than she did. She was so different from Kori, her scent, the feel of her against him , her smile; he needed this, he just hadn't realized how much until she'd asked.

Robin felt the cool skin of the pads of her fingers slide against the open palm of his own.
"Can I?" The question hung in the air for a pregnant pause. She wouldn't push him and He couldn't bring himself to say no.

Their fingers intertwined, palms flush against one another. For the first night out of many, he felt a sense of bone deep peace and comfort, sleep had never come so easy before.

Raven had to remind herself that it was Robin who held her so closely, she hated herself; every time she closed her eyes it was never Robin holding her it was always him. The comfort that robin offered made her feel safe and gave her momentary peace, but it also reminded her of what she lacked. Tightening her grip on his hand, she closed her eyes and prayed for sleep to find her.

Logan's voice was sweet as he read to her, combing his fingers through her hair, he was so good at distracting her in the beginning but now it felt like her mind kept wandering. Tucking her legs beneath her chin, she picked at a loose strand from her black tights.

" He dipped his head low, his thoughts too melancholy and his guilt heavy on those weary shoulders ' Your tears flow -.'"

"Logan."

He paused in his reading and clear pasture green eyes gazed up at her from beneath white blond curls. His lips quirked up into a soft smile and his long digits twirled a stand of purple hair around his finger.

" Yes?"

It was a wonder he stayed so close to her, even after all he knew.

" Would you kiss me ?"

The question was so soft she wasn't even sure she said it, but the soft look in his eyes told her he'd heard. They weren't dating, she'd been honest and told him why she was with him. He knew it all and yet he still lingered. Offering her whatever she needed.

" Anything you want." His fingertips made a path from her cheek all the way to her corner of her lips. She was delicate in a way that was almost enchanting. He came as close to love with her as he could. His heart was elsewhere as was hers.

His lips against her own was so foreign and soft It was almost a whispered caress. So careful and empty.

" You can pretend I'm him, if you want ." He whispered the words against her lips and a watery sigh left her. Her tears left streaks against her cheeks , and her hands carefully cradled his face in her hands. She wouldn't pretend, there was no point in causing herself more anguish. But she could feel his bitter sweet feelings permeate the air around her. She knew he was thinking about his girlfriend that passed away. She knew it and that was ok. It was ok.

She pressed her lips against his harder and curled her fingers in his T-shirt. She just wanted to feel alive, to feel something other than heartbreak. It was going to be ok.

His hands tracked , one slid beneath her thick sweater resting just beneath her ribs and the other trailed along the top of her tights. Her stomach rolled and a nauseous feeling rose in her throat. It felt so wrong. But maybe if she closed her eyes tight and wished it was ok it would be.
Swallowing thickly she forced her self not to retreat from his touch. It wasn't so bad the more she pretended it was ok. It was almost like it wasn't happening.

His lips pressed against the side of her throat as his hand slipped beneath the waist band of her tights and cupped her in his palm.

A harsh tremor worked its way through her body and instead of the calming black behind her closed eyes she saw red, painting her lavender sheets. That stain that mocked her and sob broke free from her lips before she could stop it. She curled in on her self, hands covering her eyes as she let out broken sounds.

Logan had detangled from her, and sat back as he watched her fall apart. He knew touching her now would bring no comfort to her so he simply watched her.
_

She just wanted to be normal to have a normal relationship, to engage in sex , to love , she wanted to be happy so damned bad and yet she couldn't fucking get there. Her body ached with the force of her dry heaves and her eyes were red and itchy,the taste of bile lingered on her tongue. She looked back at the bathroom door, imagining the empty room on the other side that awaited her.

She didn't care if it killed her but she was determined to find something in her life that could make her happy.