Regrets

Mia

Some people say you should live without regrets, do what makes you happy, and if you make a mistake forget about it and move on with your life; they say we learn from our mistakes... Do we really? Can one person live a life without regrets? Can they truly say they loved every inch of their life? Mistakes and all? I have a lot of regrets. I regret not finding my real father and asking for an explanation. I regret letting my mother go on dates with Robert. I regret not ripping his face off when I had a chance. In fact I regret phasing in front of him in the first place. But all these regrets mean nothing to me now; I don't even care about them anymore. Because the biggest regret I have ever made in my short life is making Seth believe that I didn't love him. I regret telling him to leave me alone... I regret walking away from him that day...I regret it all...

"I...I feel so horrible!" I sniffed. I was sitting in the middle of my bed, surrounded by soaked tissues and chocolate wrappers. I know it's corny, but chocolate really does make me feel a little better; but this time it had no effect. "He believed me! He really thinks that I want him to stay away from me! As if I would want that." I wailed culching onto a sweat shirt I stole off Seth when I was cold. "How could he think that?! Honestly how!?" I choked. I sounded like an idiot, but I really didn't care.

Maggie just sat there waiting for the storm to pass. She rubbed my back every now and then.

"Hey Mi, it's going to be alright... If you think you did the right thing, then you did the right thing." She said kissing me on the cheek.

I looked up at her. "I don't know if I did the right thing Mags." I sobbed. "My mind is telling me that it was the right thing but my heart is screaming at me, telling me that I shouldn't have let him go! Which one do I listen to?"

She sighed and reached over the bed, coming back with a bottle of vodka. "You listen to whichever one comes out after a few shots of this." She said, flashing an evil grin.

I used to drink a lot, I used to smoke and I have even tried drugs. I don't regret those times, not one tiny bit, though I should - I don't. I like to think that I have a good reason for doing it; I drunk like a fish because it helped me forget things that we're engraved into my memory, I smoked because it calmed me down in a matter of seconds and I took drugs because I wanted to be numb... My mum had always said that I was the bad influence on Maggie, with the drugs and the alcohol and the motorbike, the scream music and the wild partying. But the truth is Maggie and I are just alike. She was more of an influence on me then I on her. We always knew that we wouldn't be in one place for too long so we lived it up while we still could, needless to say we were the honoured guest at most parties.

Mum had set us straight when we moved to Tasmania. She put limits on the things we did. It was as if she knew that we were going to be staying there for a while.

Maggie held the bottle in her hand waving it around as she made a speech about Brady; the bottle was half empty and I couldn't focus on my sisters face.

"I really did like him Mia. And you know that I don't like anyone, apart from you and Momma. He was so sweet, I mean honestly I vomited on his shoes at the bonfire a few weeks ago and he just wiped the hair out of my face. He wasn't even disgusted." She poured two more shot glassed to the brim. "Cheers." She said holding the glass into the air in front of her, a goofy grin on her face.

I lifted mine to touch hers. "To vomiting on peoples shoes!"

She laughed. "And guys who don't mind!"

We tipped our heads back at the same time, drinking down the clear liquid inside; my mouth was numb now, so the burn of the vodka didn't continue down my throat.

I sighed. "I should tell Seth hey." I whispered.

Maggie cleared her throat. "I'm not sure if you should tell him about the whole freaky deaky werewolf thing, I mean he might totally freak out." The words fell out of her mouth as she tried to control her tongue.

"Maggie, he is a freaky deaky werewolf..." I said going to hit her on the head but missing.

"Ohhhh yeah that's right." She said giggling. "Still I don't think you should tell him. I think you should get back with him though, I mean that boy is FINEEEE." She winked at me.

I giggled. "You just want to get back with Brady don't you?" I giggled, hiccupping.

"Yep." She said taking a swig of the bottle.

I jumped up from the bed, falling over in the process. Maggie and I laughed until we were crying. "Come on, I feel like walking." I said holding out my hand.

Maggie helped me up. "Are you going to talk to Seth?" She asked, her top lip pushed over her bottom.

I nodded, causing my head to spin. "Yep."

"Swweeeeet."

We'd been walking in the dark from almost half an hour, at the time it seemed like a really great idea; but now that I think about it, it was one of the stupidest things we have ever done. We were supporting each other's weight, we fell a lot and we laughed so loud a few people came out to see what all the noise was. We were walking down a dark street when it suddenly hit me.

"Maggie, I don't know where Seth lives." I said bursting into the laughter.

"We walked all this way for nothing?!" She asked. I nodded, and she pushed me over. I fell into a puddle and laughed more, Maggie knelt beside me laughing just as hard. She handed me the bottle, which only had a few mouthfuls left, I took a swig and passed it back, she giggled and finished it off. We laid in the middle of the road and continued to laugh.

"Mia?" HIS beautiful voice came from out of the darkness; my eyes were so blurry I couldn't even tell which way down was.

I laughed. "That's my name!" I yelled into the darkness. I turned in the direction I thought Maggie was in and whispered... "I think we just found Seth's house."

The laughter I wanted to hear came from behind me and I spun my head around to face it, hitting something hard on the way around. "OUCH MIA! THAT WAS MY HEAD!" Maggie laughed. I giggled with her.

Seth

Mia and Maggie sat in the middle of the road giggling at nothing. They reeked of vodka. Maggie rubbed her head; she was still clutching the empty bottle. "HEY SETH!" She yelled waving it at me.

I walked over to where they were sitting. "Hey Maggie." I whispered coldly. What where they doing out here, they could have gotten hurt.

Mia giggled at my feet, trying to haul herself up. I bent down and wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her up and close to my chest. I had been on patrol so I was only wearing cut off sweats. Mia giggled again running her finger down my chest; I grabbed her wrists in one of my hands and pushed her slightly away from me, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Brady appeared from behind me; he was on patrol with me and must have heard the noise. Maggie looked up, her whole face lit up in an instant.

"BRADY!" She said staggering to her feet and began to walk over to him. She steered sideways and fell back onto her ass. Mia and she both erupted with laughter. Brady rolled his eyes and smiled at Maggie; he walked over and scooped her up into his arms, she giggled and began talking nonstop, her words slurring so much I couldn't make out what she was saying.

"I'll take her home." Brady called over his retreating shoulder.

Mia waved to her sister. "BYE MAGGIE!" She called laughing. Mia turned back to me. "Seth, you should totally wear no shirt all the time!" She slurred giggling.

I sighed. "Mia, what are doing here?" I was so happy she was here with me, but the pain welling inside me was almost too much to bear. I waited for Mia to answer me, but she just looked to the ground. I put my finger under her chin and tilted her head upwards so she was looking at me. Her perfect face was lit up by the tiny ray of moon light; the entire colour in her face had drained. "Mia... Are you alright?" I asked pulling her closer. She pushed me away just in time before she vomited all over the ground between us.

"Seth? Is that you?" Damn, Mum was still awake; she must have been waiting up for me.

I tip-toed slowly through the house, Mia was cradled in my arms asleep, she passed out only seconds before.

"Yeah Mum, it's me." I whispered loudly; hoping she wouldn't come out.

Mia snuggled closer to my chest, her arms tightening around my neck. I knew I should have taken her home, but she begged me not to... And secretly I didn't want her to leave.

"Seth?" My mother's voice came from behind me. I spun around to face her; her eyes widened. "Who's that?" She asked, her voice shaking a little.

I swallowed hard. "Umm Mum, this is Mia..." I said slowly. Mia began to stir at the sound of her name; her eyes flipped open and she smiled at me, I set her down on her feet, she swayed a little, but was able to stay upright; I kept my arm around her waist just in case. She looked at my mum and waved.

"Hey!" She said happily. A small hiccup escaped her lips.

My mum giggled. "Hey sweetie. My name's Sue." She held out her hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Mia grabbed her hand and shook it roughly. "You look so much like Sethy." Mia giggled. Mum smiled kindly at her, I knew that she liked her, even though Mia was drunk out of her mind. It was silent for a moment then Mia groaned.

"Mum..." I said urgently. "Get a bucket... QUICK!" Mum turned just as Mia threw up all over the carpet.

Mia

I was awake before my eyes even opened. The first thing I remember is the pain. My head felt like it was going to explode; now I remember why getting drunk wasn't fun. I placed my hand over my forehead, it was burning. 'Oh shit' I thought rolling over; my face hit a wall... Wait that's not right... My bed isn't pushed up against a wall. Oh shit; what happened last night? I opened my eyes slowly, my head shit. I rolled slowly, careful not to fall off the bed or bump into something. I rolled on to my back and shifted my eyes to the other side. Seth lay asleep next to me. Oh shit.

I rolled fully onto my other side so I was facing him, I poked him roughly in the shoulder; he moaned and stretched out his arms, wrapping them around me and pulling me closer. He was hot! I struggled trying to get free; but I didn't want to wake him. I looked over his shoulder trying to look for my clothes, but his room was so messy I couldn't even see the floor. My arms were pinned to my sides, but I could tell I was wearing a shirt; good. I struggled down to my leg, my finger tips just touching bare skin, I was wearing tiny shorts; good. I wriggled my way up so my lips were just at Seth's ear.

"Seth." I whispered. He didn't even stir. "Seth?" I said a bit louder; nothing. "Seth!" I almost yelled.

He let go and sat up quickly looking around. "What? What?"

I had to smile, he looked so cute. "Uh, you were like crushing me." I said, wriggling over to the far side of the bed.

He blushed. "Oh. Sorry." He said laying back down. My eyes drifted down his bare chest. Damn, he was like all muscle. One...Two...Three...four... five... six...seven... oh my god, eight pack. A muscle V running just under it down to his... Snap out of it Mia!

"Uh, how did I get here?" I said looking up. His face was closer than I expected, his lips were only inches away from mine. I had forgotten how to breathe... He pressed his lips into mine; my heart started beating faster than it should. I knew I should have pulled away, but I couldn't... I didn't want to. His massive hand landed on my side, pulling me closer; I started kissing him faster and harder. It'd had been so long since I kissed him, everything just felt so right. His hand drifted down my waist, caressing around my bum and rounding down my leg, pulling me with him so I was on lying on top of him. I had to pull away, I couldn't let this go any further, it was safer. I had to go, I had to leave. I tried so hard to pull away, but every time I did, I just crushed my lips into his again. His hand drifted up my back, pulling my shirt with him. It was going too far, I had to stop. I rolled off him and back onto my back, gasping for air.

"I'm sorry!" He said catching his breath. "Did I go too far?"

I sighed. "No I did..." I whispered breathless. "I better go. This shouldn't have happened." Tears were welling up in my eyes, I couldn't bare another day without him, but it was for the best.

"No, please. Mia, don't go." He said taking my hand, I didn't pull away. "Can't we talk?"

"About what Seth?"

"Why did you come here Mia?" He sounded angry, and I didn't blame him.

"I don't know what I was thinking last night okay..." The tears fell down the side of my face. "Wait, where's Maggie?!" I said desperately.

"Brady came and got her."

I sighed with relief. "Why didn't you take me home?"

He sucked in a breath. "You asked me not to."

"And you listened to me? Seth it would have saved a whole lot of hurt."

He laughed tonelessly. "It's a bit late for that Mia... I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have saved either of us. Do you ever think about anyone else's feelings?" His voice was cracking, I couldn't bring myself to look at him, but I knew he was crying. "How do you think I felt when you showed up at my door step, smashed off your face, telling me you didn't mean the things you said to me the other day? What did you think I was going to believe; the sober Mia or the drunken one? You have some issues you need to sort out Mia. You have no idea what you want. Why can't you just make up your mind?" By now he was almost yelling at me, I was sobbing endlessly.

"You know nothing about me Seth Clearwater." I sobbed, getting up and stepping over him. I had to get out of here. I had to go. I ran down the stairs and ran smack, bang into the tallest chick I have ever seen in my life.

"Watch where you're going." She said angrily. I looked up to her face, she was beautiful, she looked just like Seth; she must have been Leah. She frowned when she realised I was crying, her long brown arms wrapped around me pulling me close. This shocked me; the guys had always said that Leah didn't like anyone. "Hey, don't cry." She said uncomfortably. She led me to the door, opening it for me.

"Thanks Leah." I whispered and ran down the road, gasping for air as the tears kept flowing.

It takes great strength to lay everything you're ashamed out for everyone else to see. It takes great strength to admit that you are so screwed up that you can't fix yourself on your own. It takes great strength to walk through the door, to admit you need help and to stick to it until you're better. I used to blame my mother for everything that had happened to me; but now I realise it was my own doing, my own fault and that I should face the consequences on my own. I blamed her when she dragged me all over Australia, I blamed her when she took away my bike after I crashed it, I blamed her when she sent me away to fix my addictions, I blamed her for my nightmares, I blamed her for the reason I always had felt like someone was following me, I blamed her for the fear. But now I know that it was all my doing, it was all my fault and I am the only one that can fix it.

I regret saying those words, I regret walking away, and I regret bring him into my life in the first place. I love Seth enough to know that it's better for him to stay away from me. I love my mother and Maggie enough to know that they will never have a normal life as long as I am with them.

Maggie was waiting for me when I got home. I walked over to my wardrobe and pulled out my back pack and started shoving clothes into it; I pulled out my helmet and riding boots, dumping them at the foot of my bed. Maggie watched as I rummaged around looking for my wallet.

She whimpered behind me. I turned around and walked over to my bed, sitting down in front of her. I sucked in a breath. "Mags..." I whispered taking her hands. "I have to go..."

She sniffed. "I know... I've known for ages that you would... I just didn't want to think about it."

"I just want you and Momma to be safe." I whispered, tears drifting down my face.

She leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. "I just want YOU to be safe Mi-Mi." She whispered, her lips brushing along my head.

"This is the only way."

"I wish that were true Mi." She sobbed.

"It is..." I whispered. "It is..."

"Promise you'll call me every day." She said hoarsely.

"Promise." I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her closely for a moment. I made my way to the garage, stuffing my bag into the seat compartment; I slung my leg over the seat, I took deep breaths while the door slowly opened. When there was just enough room the make it through, I sped out the drive and down the road, not bothering to look back...

Maybe this would be my life now...