Chapter 6- First Day of School

I turned on my heels to make my escape. "Oh no you don't, I want to have a word with you Bella." Alice says fiercely while harshly grabbing my wrist. I wince at the pain from her pressing on my most recent cut. The cut itself was hidden behind my bangles and a layer of cover-up, but Alice still notices.

"Oh, Bella…"Alice trails off, her voice laced with pity. In the moonlight I can see the how genuinely sorry she feels. Only I close my eyes and pull my arm from her grip. I feel the throbbing beneath my skin, the pulse of my blood rushing underneath my fingers.

"I'm sorry Alice, but I have to go." I respond ashamed. I hated disappointing her, but I also hated being pitied. It doesn't matter how much concern was involved, I absolutely loathed people feeling sorry for me. So I whistle for a cab, not bothering to look back at all. Not a single person tries to stop me from leaving as I enter the car either. Just as I thought, no one wants me.

…

I arrive home before Mina and I send her a text letting her know I'm fine and that she should enjoy herself. I make my way up the stairs to the bathroom and get out the razor that I brought from home. My eyes are closed as the blade dances its way across my thighs. I figure that if Alice can notice the marks on my wrist, it'll be best to divert where I cut for now.

The initial tingle passes as the blood flows freely. I push the razor deeper into my skin, hoping to draw more blood this away. My thought process slows down, warning me that it's time to stop. But I don't listen; instead I begin again, slashing at the opposite leg with just as much fervor. When the world begins to blur and I feel my eyes droop, only then do I stop.

I walk over to the tub and fill it with scalding hot water. Swishing my hand in the water, I decide it time to get in. I feel the stinging as I carefully descend into the water. The contact with the water had me shaking violently. My brain somehow connects this as a side effect from the stuff I took earlier. I wonder if the Cullens could smell the drugs in my system.

"Oh. My. God." I say aloud when I realize what I actually did tonight. I fucking stood up to the Cullens! Way to go me! I love every single last one of them, but I'll be damned before I make myself that vulnerable again. One thing I knew very well was that making someone your everything, gave them the opportunity to strip you of everything. Edward was my soul, my heart, and my life. When he left, he took away my reason for being. You know what I find hilarious though; the fact that I was in contact with the Cullens, who were apparently very willing to apologize, and Edward had said only one word to me the entire time.

"Bella I'm hoommmmee!" Mina slurs as she walks through the front door. It was then I noticed that the water had gone cold. I consider that it would best if I actually catch some zzzs tonight, considering we have school and all tomorrow. So I throw on a Victoria's Secret nightie and make my way to bed.

Lying still, I ponder whether or not I should tell Mina the truth about the Cullens (not that they're vampires, just my relations with them). As far as she knows, I had only dated a jerk that left me. When we met, she knew I was broken but didn't question anything. I guess she figured I would tell her on my own time.

…

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth- oh, oh, oh, oh

How'd I turn my shirt inside out- inside out right

Control your poison babe- roses have thorns they say

My hand flies to the snooze button on the alarm. 6:00 am. School starts today. "Ugh," I lazily drag myself across the hall to wake Mina up. She would be so pissed if I didn't give her at least an hour to get ready. So when I woke her, it wasn't totally unexpected when she started throwing a tantrum about only having an hour to get ready.

Once finished with the basic steps in getting ready (brushing teeth, applying make-up, etc.), I change into a deep V orange top. I pair those with cut-off jeans that end right above my knees and a taupe bag and sling-back pumps. Mina and I would probably end up being the only girls who wear high-heeled shoes to school. I quickly grab my flask and hide half a dozen pills in my purse and I'm off to meet Mina by the car.

I jog outside and am confused at Mina's clothing. She was so… frumpy compared to what she usually dresses like. The whole ensemble is brown and black. The closest thing to color was the touch of gold on her bracelet and earrings. She answers my unspoken question with a comment.

"Bella, we need to find a dealer and we need to find them quick." She spoke briskly. Translation: I'm so fucked up that if I don't get high within the next 24 hours, I'll kill somebody. Those were the only words exchanged the entire ride to school.

Upon entering first period, I began to feel as if I were being watched. The teacher, a sixty-three year old woman named Ms. Robinson, made me introduce myself in front of the class and I couldn't have been happier to get the chance to scope out the class.

"My name is Bella Swan; I'm on a transfer program and I'll be leaving in about a month." I scan the room quickly and my eyes lock on a spiky haired beauty that just looks back gently and smiles. Hence the feeling of being watched, I think to myself. I grimace and make my way back to my desk, suddenly glad to have brought the ephedrine with me to school.

The bell rings and I make a bee line for the door, but of course Alice manages to get there before me.

"Bella please, can we just talk? I miss you, I miss my best friend. Just please." She looks at me with such desperation in her eyes that I can't say no. "Meet me outside during lunch, come alone." She shakes her head fervently and gets this great, big, Cheshire cat looking grin on her face.

The rest of the classes before lunch go by quickly. Mina is in all of those classes with me, so school isn't such a drag. I look over my schedule while heading outside to meet Alice. "Damn it!" I mutter as I walk through the front door.

"What?" a tinkling voice asks. "Alice, you came!" I said, truly surprised.

"Of course silly Bella. Did you seriously think I wouldn't be here?" I gave her a sad smile. I honestly didn't believe she would be allowed to see me. "Are you planning on answering my initial question?" Alice reminds me.

"Um… I have biology next period." Was the only suitable response I could come up with. I didn't see any point in lying to her, but I wasn't ready to tell her how I felt yet. Her mouth forms this 'O' as she finally understands.

"Edward has that class with you next, if that's what you're wondering. But I don't understand something Bella. Why are you worried about him when you were clearly mocking him yesterday at the club?" she muses aloud.

"Alice, alcohol and drugs can sort of make people do things without thinking very clearly." I reply snidely. I see the shock register on her face as I realize that she didn't know that I did those things.

"So how long have you been participating in these… activities?" Alice asks me with a sour expression. I struggle to find the strength to tell her. People usually react badly when someone tells them that they were the reason for them doing drugs. "How long?" Alice demanded.

"A while after you and your family left." I once again respond ashamed. I wasn't ashamed that I had resorted to drugs, but the fact that the Cullens had had so much power over me. One of the things I had hated about myself back then was my vulnerability.

"I'm so sorry Bella. Edward had forbidden me from looking into your future. If I had known this would have happened I would have never had let Edward drag us all away from you." Alice cried.

"What do you mean drag you away for me?" I practically shout at her. My god, if Edward is the reason why all of the Cullens left, I will kill him with my bare hands!

"Err… Edward thought it would be best for your safety if we all left. Didn't he tell you that?" an unusually puzzled Alice questioned. She paused to think and asked nervously, "What exactly did my brother say to you the night we left?"

I look at her with pure hatred in my eyes as I recall what happened, "He took me into the woods to say that he didn't want me and that I wasn't enough. He practically revealed how he just used me as a distraction and didn't need me anymore." My demeanor changed to one that showed how much their departure had devastated me. I turned to face her, anguish clearly visible in my eyes, and barely whispered, "He told me he didn't love me anymore."

The small pixie suddenly started trembling with rage, "Bella, I can swear to you that I had no idea that he did that. Gah! I could seriously kill him right now. But all I can say is that I still love you and I still miss you." She stuck out her bottom lip and gave me the infamous puppy dog eyes. I let out a small chuckle at her ridiculousness.

"Alice, I can't say I believe you, but I can tell you that I'm willing to play nice. If only for now…" I silently remind both of us that I'll be leaving in a month. "Oh, could you please keep this conversation to yourself. I don't want a pity parade from your family. Also, hide your thoughts from Edward and I guess I'll see you tomorrow during lunch." I say to Alice as I walk back to face biology with the man who had destroyed my life.