Am I dead? Not anymore... Hopefully.

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Naruto stood across from Mizore, unable to think of the words that needed to be said. If anyone thought he was a ladies man; which only an idiot could think; they'd be wrong.

The amount of dates that Naruto has ever been on amounted to a whopping zero. Was it his fault? Yes. Was he going to try and fix this problem? Hopefully. And will the Narrator stop asking questions to build up exposition? You bet your sweet ass he won't.

Naruto, just a couple days prior, had asked Mizore out on a date. A flashback may have seemed appropriate to show you exactly how it went, but it was so uneventful and quick their would be no point in trying to use it.

Now he had to figure out what to do. He had days to prepare, but he had used those days to scheme up a way to put Itching powder in Ms. Nekonome's panties. He didn't quite know why he decided that he would do it. Maybe it was a call for attention. But the results where worth it. Nobody was safe from his prank list.

It was a last second date plan so he had shadow clones set everything up. He may have been incredibly irresponsible, but he would be a irresponsible GENTLEMAN today. If anyone had a problem with it, he would quite possibly put them in the hospital if push came to shove.

"Naruto-kun?" She asked while walking besides him.

"Yeah?"

"Can I... Hold your hand?" She asked.

He smiled at her. She was so cute and innocent. If only he knew...

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Tsukune was scared currently. Inner Moka was losing... Badly. And the person who was effortlessly beating her into submission called himself Sasuke. Tsukune knew exactly who he was.

Sasuke Uchiha; Naruto's only pure equal. Or so Naruto told him. Seeing Sasuke wipe the floor with Inner Moka, only made him believe Naruto even more. Currently Inner Moka had a snapped arm and looked on the verge of collapsing.

Good thing nobody was around to watch this one sided battle, or Moka's pride would shrivel up and die. Sasuke was just a better fighter it seemed. But she would never admit it.

"Tell me where Uzumaki Naruto is..." Sasuke asked in a cold detached voice.

"If (Pant) you think that (Pant)-"

"WAIT!" Tsukune shouted.

He had a plan.

"Tsukune! (Pant) stay out of-" She was unable to finish her sentence due to the fact that she was slammed into the ground with a bone crushing close line.

"What is it boy." Moka was having trouble pulling herself out of the crater in the ground due to the broken ribs she now had to nurse.

But all would be fine. For now. Tsukune had a plan.

Naruto always liked to talk about the good old days when he was a Shinobi. Sasuke was brought up quite a bit and Tsukune had gotten Sasuke's only weakness from him. It was a stupid weakness and if Naruto was lying, it was very likely that both Moka and him would die.

"He's been trapped."

"Trapped?" Sasuke asked.

"By gnomes..."

"What are you doing Tsukune!?" Moka was truly terrified now.

She knew she couldn't beat him, but she at least had a chance when he was toying with her. With the crap Tsukune was spewing, he'd kill them before they could even BAT an eyelid. Zing.

"Gnomes? Those bastards! Tell me how to free him!" Sasuke demanded.

'What the hell?' Moka thought to herself.

"The Gnomes put a... Ultimate spell on him and the only way to free him is to..." He looked around for something. Something that would distract him long enough to find Naruto and warn him.

"Count..." What was something that there was a lot around here.

"Leafs in the forest."

"Then I must make haste. I will fight Naruto, and those dirty Gnomes... Will pay..." Sasuke said, disappearing amongst the trees.

"What the hell?!" Moka yelled.

Tsukune smiled to himself. Naruto had told him that the only person dumber then Naruto himself was Sasuke.

It never used to be like that but Sasuke took a spear threw the cranium when fighting Princess Kaguya. It healed perfectly, leaving no scars but the Neocortex, which controlled logic, was damaged. Sasuke was currently the most gullible person on the planet.

"Come on Moka-chan! We have to find Naruto! He won't believe me again."

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"Do you like that Naruto-kun?" Naruto was in the process of what he assumed was rape...

Or something like that. Naruto had never been intimate with a female in his entire life, but now it seemed Mizore was going to change that. Whether he wanted her to or not.

Did he want her to? It felt nice, but he didn't know her well enough yet, and he didn't want things to get weird so his body decided to just stop cooperating and shut down. Although it seemed Mizore didn't care in the slightest.

Currently they where in quite the compromising position.

Mizore had taken to pinning him on his back while sitting one his crotch. Confusing emotions ran through his head as she give him soft kisses on his neck.

But it was a good thing the author was still too nervous to write a lemon... Right?

Unfortunately for Naruto, just because the author wasn't going to write a lemon, didn't mean it wasn't happening.

But Naruto didn't think he was ready yet. What about marriage? Wasn't that important too?

The author has to remind Naruto to stop arguing with him or he'd change Naruto's dialogue and make him say and do stupid things because HE was in charge.

But luck was on Naruto's side because before Mizore could start stripping and begin to do the dirty nasty, they where interrupted by Tsukune and a limping Moka.

"Naruto!" Tsukune shouted.

Mizore sighed. It seemed she wouldn't be able to make Naruto hers yet. But it would happen, she would just need time.

"Tsukune? Don't you see we where doing something here?" Naruto let out a sigh on the inside.

Tsukune had saved him from being raped by a really hot girl that he just happened to like. What a true friend. But he was also an asshole because Tsukune had stopped him from being raped by a really hot girl that he just happened to like. What a dick!

"Sasuke's in the forest!" Drool dripped down Naruto's mouth.

Sasuke was here!? Why wasn't he told sooner?

Naruto's smile turned predatory and his need for battle spiked. Finally he would get to truly stretch his muscles and let out some steam! Although it was quite possible what was happening just prior would have a similar effect. But who was he to argue semantics?

He got up off of the ground, his eyes seemed to be glazed over in excitement. Nobody was their but him, Sasuke and whatever was hiding them from each other. Namely Sasuke counting leaves.

"Naruto-kun?" Mizore asked.

"Sorry Mizore-chan. Maybe next time?" He looked over to her nervously.

He didn't want to hurt her feelings. He may have just been molested; in a good way? But he now had an ass to whoop. Not in a sexual way.

"Hai!" he disappeared instantly.

"Soooooo... You and Naruto?"

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Sasuke had reached leaf 8924 and he was beginning to think something wasn't adding up. Why did the gnomes specifically ask for this challenge to be completed. Obviously they had something o gain from counting all of the leaves, but what? Once he saved Naruto, he was going to get some answers.

Then after that he would get to fight Naruto again.

Sasuke felt a sharp pain in the side of his face as a fist collided with his cheek, sending him out of the tree's He skidded across the ground and glared up at whatever had hit him. His eyes widened in response.

Obviously the gnomes couldn't handle Naruto and decided that it would just be safer to release the Jinchuuriki rather then risk fighting both him and Naruto.

A wise move.

"It seems the gnomes have released you." Sasuke said devoid of emotion.

Naruto's face went red, attempting to hold in his laughter. Tsukune tricked him with gnomes? Sasuke was getting worse with his gullibility.

"Are you alright Naruto? Your face is turning red..."

"Don't worry about me! Let's get this show on the road!" Naruto disappeared, as did Sasuke. When they met each other half way, they both lashed out with there fists, landing clear blows on each others faces. Yokai Academy shook. The ground under neath them cratered and if it wasn't obvious that something wasn't right before; then it was obvious now.

The separated from each other, standing apart from the crater they had just made with their first clash.

"I hope this isn't all you got Sasuke-chan!"

"Not even close!" They both disappeared in bursts of speed. They met each other in the center yet again, lashing out at each other. There movements where so in sync that there own fists stopped each other when they where trying to land blows.

There arms disappeared in bursts of speed as the trees in the forest began to uproot themselves from the ground due to the shock waves that where currently being released from their raw strength.

They broke off from one another and looked at each other once again. A few more minutes of fighting and things would escalate. The school wouldn't make it. There brawl would likely leave no survives.

These thoughts didn't even cross there minds. Last man standing wins.

Then Sasuke had a memory.

"Wait Naruto."

"WHAT!"

"Kakashi-sensei said no fighting."

"Kakashi-sensei's here?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke couldn't believe he completely forgot about that.

"Let's go see him then!" Naruto shouted happily.

"Naruto Uzumaki, please come to the principal's office immediately."

"What the fuck..."