Shuuhei Hisagi here, acting chief editor of the Seireitei Communication. I'd like to thank all of our readers for their many questions! I was a little surprised by the turn out, it seems like a lot of people have questions for the mysterious masked…er…hatted…man and the shape sifting super hot…er…former captain of Squad 2.

What the hell did Rukia buy from you? - Ichigo "Not Going To Bother Making a Nickname" Kurosaki

I'm not sure what she finally decided on, although I did get her the catalogue and help her pick the right size for you. – Yoruichi

You think I'd tell you and ruin the surprise, especially considering how much of her money…well your money…she spent on it? By the way, you should ask the Soul Society for a raise, I'm pretty sure they're underpaying you…er…Rukia. – Kisuke

You're both sexy and powerful and amazing. So tell me, do birds of a feather flock together? Y'know...anything going on in that shop nighttimes? – Nanao

We are definitely partners in crime, but as good friends as we are, you'd have to be crazy to date that man longer than two weeks without strangling him. – Yoruichi

Yoruichi is naturally reluctant to divulge her true romantic intentions about me, but who could resist someone as sexy as me? – Kisuke

What do you think of Soifon? I heard she is starting a Yoruichi fan club somewhere... – Curious Punishment Squad Member

Isn't she just adorable? – Yoruichi

Er…adorable? Not that choice of words I would use to describe her. Maniacal, murderous, short tempered, irrational, bipolar…I could think of a lot more…wait a minute. Do you really think she's adorable, Yoruichi? - Kisuke

Urahara-san, if you live on the outskirts of Karakura Town and you mainly sell candy (and shinigami goods in the shadows), how do you pay your electric bills, food bills, and water bills? ~Bill

He's an exotic dancer in his free time! Call me if you want him to perform at your party or club event! - Yoruichi

Um, thanks Yoruichi my dear, but I really don't need any help. I'm NOT a dancer, but I do make extra money selling "male enchantment" supplements. They really work! Ask me and I'll show you! – Kisuke

Yoruichi-san, how do you transform into a cat? ~Wondering Person

I'm fairly sure he's also seduced someone on the city council because I've seen his bills and they are ridiculously low. Oh, how to become a cat. First, be me. Second, think of a cat. Simple as pie really. – Yoruichi

I did NOT seduce anyone on the city council, I merely blackmailed them. It's a lot easier to get dirt on someone when they can't see you. Which reminds me, I also make extra money selling photos of the risqué behavior of the stars to magazines. As far as Yoruichi becoming a cat…well…the first time was quite an accident and she didn't forgive me for a very long time because we didn't know how to get her back into her normal form at first. – Kisuke

Urahara-san, Hisagi-san said in the previous issue that you're offering a 15% discount to any readers of the Seireitei Communications. Is that bribe so you can pay your bills? ~Bills Again

No, he just has some almost out of date merchandise he's trying to unload on unsuspecting costumers. – Yoruichi

We offer a great value here at Urahara's Shop! Although our prices are pitifully low, and a steal with the discount, we offer them to our dear shinigami friends out of the goodness of our heart. Buy extras of everything, they're good as gifts! (Also, property taxes went up again this year). - Kisuke

Urahara-san, I think you know this as well as all the readers, but the entire Bleach story is all you fault. - Mr. Obvious

Hey, I did a lot of work too! I mean, if I hadn't saved Mr. Helpless he would've been axed by Central 46 right away. Plus, I have a secret suspicion that he only created the hogyoku because he was attempting to also be able to turn into a cat. – Yoruichi

Now that's just silly, not everything is about you. As Mr. Obvious pointed out, it's all about ME. Which reminds me, how come I don't get that much love? I've set up a google alert for whenever someone writes something naughty about me and it hardly ever goes off. Maybe I should prance around naked "accidentally" in an upcoming episode. - Kisuke

Kisuke, do you ever wear anything besides hats and clogs? – Curious in Squad 12

Sometimes he doesn't wear the hat, but I swear that I've seen him SLEEPING in those damn clogs. When I was his captain I practically had to rip them off his feet to try and get him into something quieter. – Yoruichi

Yes, like I just mentioned I run around naked! Think about it! Think about it, write about it, and then make sure to send me a link! I'm fairly open minded so be creative! – Kisuke

Have you ever stolen Kisuke's hat? - Little Peach

Oh, I've stolen a lot of things of his. – Yoruichi

Let's not talk about this please. - Kisuke

This is going to sound extremely weird, but I read somewhere that cat urine glows under a black light. Is that true Yoruichi? – Kitten Lover

Yes. I like to spell things. You should see the faces people when they eventually figure it out. – Yoruichi

At Urahara's Shop we sell a black light and cat urine cleaning kit! Guaranteed to work, and I know it does! Also good for making yourself never want to sleep in a motel ever again. Our kit just cleans the stains, not the horrible feeling you get from seeing how really filthy and gross everything around you truly is. - Kisuke

What do you two do when no one is around? - CrAzY KiD.

This isn't really known, but Kisuke is actually allergic to cat dander. I like to change into a cat and make him fall over from sneezing so hard. Then I change back into my usual form and make him pass out from a nose bleed while liberally pointing and laughing at him. – Yoruichi

I'm far to much of a cool and aloof man for that to work on me more than…um…say one hundred times. I take Zyrtec for my allergies now…buy it at the shop for only $20 for 40 gel caps! A great deal! - Kisuke

Yourichi is kitty sex enjoyable? And Urahara my friend thinks you're hot. She wonders if you wear boxers or briefs. - Dittykins(You-Know-Who)

Actually, the whole switching genders things is kind of confusing so I've stayed away from anything that might…well let's just say I'm not positive that I can't get someone pregnant, and I really have no idea how I'd explain kittens to my clan. – Yoruichi

Nothing! Remember, naked! Lots of naked! Write about it now! - Kisuke

Yoruichi, when you transform into a cat, where do your clothes go?

They just fall off. That's why I don't both with underwear or bras since I don't want anyone looking at my under things after I've changed. – Yoruichi

Wait, you have no problem with people see you naked but somehow them seeing your underwear on the ground is crossing the line? Wait a minute, you never wear underwear? - Kisuke

Did any of you dress up for Halloween this year? If so, what were you?

I was Wonder Woman (Cat Woman would have been too predictable, plus she doesn't have an invisible jet). – Yoruichi

I went as Ichigo in a gigai that I had specifically made for the occasion. You have no idea how much fun it was. Getting arrested wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, plus I got in the papers! – Kisuke

Yoruichi, where's your zanpakuto? I mean, if you were a captain of your own division earlier in life, you must have one... right? - Curious fellow #429

Ah yes, when I was much younger I used my zanpakuto a lot more frequently and there are pictures of Kisuke and I training from those days. – Yoruichi

She didn't answer your question on purpose. I don't know why she's so sensitive about the subject. Just tell them you don't bring it with you and leave it at that. – Kisuke

Kisuke, CAN I HAVE MORE CANDY? - XxPinkCandyGirl11

No. Dear god no. – Yoruichi

I accept all customers with money! Also customers who threaten to destroy my shop if I don't give them what they want. (ps. I got something new for you, called pop rocks, I think you'll like them) - Kisuke

Urahara, I'm currently looking for a job since my capta... err, the job market has sucked a lot lately, reducing my hours, cutting my pay below a 10th seat! I'll show them when I leave he's not getting a better lieu... um, secretary better than me, yeah. So, are you hiring? - Tattoos are Badass

Don't fall for it Renji, he'll just make you an indentured servant. He'll work you to the bone, not pay you, and then make you feel like it's your fault somehow. I, on the other hand, offer a lot better benefits. – Yoruichi

I can always use a helping hand, especially around the holiday season! I can't afford to pay you much because *sniff* I am a very very poor old man. Wait a minute, are you offering a job or hitting on him, Yoruichi? - Kisuke

Christmas is coming, have either of you prepared gifts for Ichigo-kun? – Wanna-be-Santa

Absolutely. Ichigo isn't going to know what hit him. – Yoruichi

It's not just me, right? It kind of sounds like she's hitting on everyone? Right? I mean, I'm not insecure…as her best friend…or anything. Oh yes, I did make something for Ichigo, it's a pass to get to the Soul Society whenever he wants. But it only goes to Captain Zaraki's office. I'm curious to see if he'll use it or not. – Kisuke

Well that's it for this advice column! Next week we have Captain Ukitake of Squad 13 and Captain Kurotsuchi from Squad 12. I know it sounds like an odd mix but I thought that it would be just too terrifying…er…serious…to have just the Captain of Squad 12, and everyone loves Captain Ukitake.