A/N: Hey everyone. I'm sorry that I am so late getting this posted. I know that it's been awhile. I had finals and then we lost internet at home, but it's finally here. I'm not quite sure how much more there will be to this honestly, probably another chapter or two.

Thank you to my lovely beta and good friend, Janelle aka J.M. Flowers, for all the help she has given me so far. As well as my girl :)

I hope you enjoy, sorry again about the wait :(

Two hours later, they were three glasses in and Arizona couldn't help but note that a couple months ago they would have already been in bed. Instead, they were sitting on the couch making small talk with the space between them roaring in her ears like a nuclear war zone. Callie had filled her in on the cases that she'd had, on Derek's hand, how everyone else had recovered and left her behind to feel sorry for herself. Except she didn't say it like that, Arizona added that last part in on her own. They talked about Sofia, briefly. But they were dancing around what really mattered and Arizona didn't think that she could actually talk about it.

"Arizona," Callie chanced after a swig of liquid courage. Coward. "We need to–"

"But what ab–"

"Arizona, stop dodging."

"There are other things to talk ab–"

"There is nothing else to talk about!" Callie snapped a bit louder than she intended.

A scathing look glazed over Arizona's eyes briefly, but Callie could tell that it stemmed from uncertainty. After a beat, Arizona finally relented. "What did you mean when you said I wasn't there?"

Callie's eyes deflected to the dark window. With a dark laugh she said, "My entire life came crashing down that night. I felt every tick of the watch on my bedside table in my veins. You were supposed to be home at nine thirty. At ten you weren't there."

"Because of the accident."

"Let me talk," Callie kept her voice even. Arizona gestured for her to continue. "Hunt called me, told me that you never arrived at Boise. That you…they had no idea where you were. You weren't there. For four days, you weren't there. And I didn't know if you ever would be again. And then you were. They found you. You were at the hospital, and you were there. And then your infection spread, and you weren't there when you woke up again. You've been out in that forest ever since.

"Mark…he was gone too. Do you have any idea what that did to me?"

Arizona sat her glass on the table. "I know."

"You don't know!" Callie turned her glare on her wife. "My ex-husband died because he threw himself in front of a bus trying to save someone's life. I thought I would never see any of you again. I got you, and then I lost you again. It took longer, but I got Mark back for a few hours and then he died.

"We made vows. You are supposed to be the one I spend my life with. Meaning that I live life with you. And you weren't there. I couldn't grieve for Mark because I was too busy deflecting hurled insults and guilt trips, taking care of our daughter, and trying to make sure she didn't lose the one parent she had left."

"Callie."

"You left me on my own. And still the only thing I wanted was to help you. I have nothing left, Arizona. Between Mark dying, and you, and Derek's hand, and Cristina going crazy…everyone wants a piece of me and I have nothing left."

Arizona let a breath of silence pass, "Okay. Can I talk?"

"The floor is yours," Callie sunk back into the couch and tipped the bottle to her lips.

"You threw Mark's name around without a care in the world."

"Yeah, because I thought you'd want to know how he was."

"Callie, I killed him!"

Very slowly, Callie sat the wine bottle on the floor. Arizona had tossed her head back, eyes closed, breathing deeply. "What."

"Do you remember, back when we were dating, and I found you laying on a bench in the chapel when Izzie Stevens was dying? And you told me that you wished her dead every day for a year and then she was actually dying and you were praying for her to live? I didn't want a life with Mark, Callie. I actually wished him dead several times. I wished him gone. I wished horrible things to befall him when I found out that you were pregnant. And then I got over it, and he became my best friend too. He was our daughter's dad. He was a part of our family. And I loved him.

"He laid on my lap for four days, dying on me. I did everything that I could. But I broke my leg and I couldn't move. I should have been able to do more. I watched our daughter's father, your best friend, die in my arms for four days."

"You didn't kill him."

"I didn't help him."

"Arizona, you couldn't have helped him! His injuries were too severe."

"Lexie died. Mark died. And I lived. Why me? All Mark wanted was a family. All Mark ever did was look out for you and then us and he supported us, and I wished him gone. Why Derek and Meredith and Cristina? Why Mark and Lexie? They were good people."

"Okay." Arizona had picked up her wine glass again and Callie reached over to take it from her.

"I couldn't be there when you were grieving for Mark, because I feel so guilty for his death, Calliope," Arizona said. "I saw how devastated you were every time I saw your face, heard it every time you spoke."

"It doesn't make any sense, Arizona."

"I hate myself." She watched Callie's eyes flick across the room in confusion. "I'm a death sentence and I hate myself for doing this to you."

"But you didn't do anything!" Callie said, exasperated. "You didn't kill Mark. You didn't cause the crash. You're a victim! It wasn't your fault that you lost your leg."

They stared at each other in shock as new understanding sparked between them.

"The only thing you're responsible for is how you acted afterwards," Callie said softly. "But it wasn't just Mark and your leg was it? It was Nick too. You survived and he died and you weren't there for him either."

"You know I don't do well with these things," Arizona said softly. "I should have never gotten on that plane."

"Yeah, well you did," Callie snorted.

"Can we fix us?" Arizona asked hesitantly, after a few long seconds of listening to the holding of breaths. Callie didn't respond. "Callie, you aren't the only one who lost something. I lost Mark the same as you. I lost Nick. But I'll be damned if I lose my wife, too."

Her sentiments echoed Callie's months prior. Callie asked pointedly, "Even though she cut off your leg?"

Arizona looked at the floor, "I have one more secret. I know that Karev cut it off. I read my chart."

"But I made the decision," Callie said.

"To save my life."

"Still."

"Still nothing. You were my doctor when you shouldn't have been and you know that. You should have been my wife and I put you in the middle of your job and your marriage. You acted like my wife," Arizona grabbed her hand. "Look at me, Calliope."

"I think we should go to bed, Arizona," she said, standing and taking the glasses to the sink.

"But I'm just getting started," Arizona looked after her.

"It's three am," Callie yawned. "I have surgery at eight. Please."

Nodding, Arizona stood and walked to the bedroom door. She wanted more than anything to ask Callie to come to bed with her, but there wasn't room in the outpatient bed she'd insisted on bringing into the apartment. She watched Callie pull sheets out of a cupboard and throw them on the couch.

Callie bent to unfold a blanket and then turned, catching Arizona watching her from the doorway. Out of habit, she asked, "Do you need anything?"

"Come here," Arizona said softly.

Callie eyed her suspiciously. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Just come here, Calliope," Arizona held out her hand. Callie took the few steps across the room and laced her fingers with her wife's. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not running away, no matter what I threw at you, and probably will throw at you in the future. Just, thank you."

Callie's eyes searched Arizona's before flicking down to her lips and back up. "Can…can I kiss you again?"

Arizona grinned and leaned forward, meeting Callie's lips sweetly. "Goodnight, Calliope."

"Ready to go, Arizona?" Kelsey called as she came through the door the next morning. Callie and Sofia had snuck out early, before Arizona had even woken up and she was moping on the couch. "Arizona?"

"We talked last night," she looked up. "Me and Callie."

"That's great," the nurse beamed.

"She snuck out this morning."

"You're disappointed."

Arizona nodded.

"Maybe she was overwhelmed? Maybe she didn't know what she was supposed to do?" Kelsey offered. "But you have therapy in an hour."

"I called and told them that I wasn't coming in today."

"Arizona Robbins!" Kelsey snapped, suddenly irate.

But Arizona held up her hand. "I have something more important to do today. Can you call the moving people. I need to get that bed out of my bedroom, and ours put back in. Callie has been sleeping on the couch for far too long."

Kelsey beamed at her again, maybe they were finally getting somewhere.

Callie got home late that night, much later than Arizona had planned for and she woke with a jolt when she heard the front door slam shut. Uh oh.

Kelsey had helped her make the bed with Callie's favorite sheets and she had fallen asleep against the plush decorative pillows that she never understood the purpose of. Unused to the larger bed, Arizona scooted her way to the edge, and waited for Callie to come in the room on her way to the bathroom. But she never did. Instead, she heard rustling and realized that her wife was making up her couch bed again.

Reaching for her prosthetic, Arizona sighed. Apparently she was going to have to do this the hard way.

Callie spun as the bedroom door was opened. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"I was waiting for you to get home," Arizona feinted anger in hopes to goad Callie.

"I'm sorry. Emergency surgery."

"As usual," Arizona said.

Callie's eyes were dark, "What does that mean."

"It means that I waited all day to surprise my wife and she flops on the couch the second she gets in," Arizona said, tossing Callie a glance.

She watched with inward glee as confusion fixed itself to Callie's brow. "What?"

"If you'll come into the bedroom like you normally do when you get home, like you're supposed to do, you'll see." Arizona turned and walked into the room, leaving the door open in the hope that Callie would take the bait.

"What the hell?"

Astonishment had taken the place of confusion by the time Arizona turned and sat on the edge of the bed. "Like it?"

"What did you do?"

"I'm putting things back where they belong, Calliope. Starting with this bed."

Callie raised an eyebrow, "And what's next?"

"You." Arizona simply looked at her. "You've been sleeping on that couch for too long. Completely ruined it."

The wink she got confirmed that Arizona was kidding. The tears in her eyes hid her nerves. She hadn't slept in the same bed as Arizona in months. What was she supposed to do?

"Come to bed with me," Arizona removed the prosthetic and slid back, untucking the covers. "Calliope, come back where you belong."