Chapter 6: Saying Goodbye

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight

When we finally pulled apart, I begged, "Can't you stay another couple of days ... for me?"

"If I stay, we'll just have to go through this all over again. I don't want to go ... I don't. But I have to, or I'll lose my job."

I stroked her cheek. "Will you at least call me?"

"Every night, I promise." Her eyes drifted to the floor. "Don't forget, I'll be missing you too."

"God, Rachel, I miss you already." I lunged for her once again, hugging her like I would never let go. One hand smoothed her shiny black hair, and then trailed down her back. It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that my arms would soon remain empty for the rest of the week.

The next morning, Rachel called. "I'm on the road. I decided to leave early. I'm sorry, Seth, I couldn't bear to say goodbye to you. I just couldn't."

"It's okay." It wasn't okay. I was dying inside. "Rach ... I love you. Call me tonight, please?"

I tried to do some studying, but all I could think about was that Rachel left today. How was I gonna survive this week?

I was so glad that Leah was over at Jacob's. If I had to hear those two laughing, and smooching, I'd totally tear my room apart in frustration. I read someplace that love is actually a chemical reaction in the brain which literally makes the person temporarily insane. I believed it!

I started pacing up and down after dinner waiting for Rachel's call. I grabbed the phone on the first ring.

Seth ... My name poured out of the cell sounding all breathy. The tone of her voice hit me like a hammer, nearly bringing me to my knees.

Are you okay? she asked.

"No—I'm not ... I miss you, Rach. How long 'til I can see you again?" I hoped I didn't sound too desperate, even though admittedly, I was.

I'll be putting in for a transfer first thing in the morning, but I don't know when it'll come through. It could be three weeks, or six months. Who knows how long it'll take?

"God, Rach, I can't be away from you for three weeks, let alone six long months. I'll go crazy."

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. I don't know ... I'm thinking that maybe it would be better for both of us to be apart for awhile.

I flopped onto the couch, devastated. "Don't say that! You're not having second thoughts, are you?"

No, nothing like that. It's just ... I realize how much it hurts you that we can't love each other physically. But the thing is, I'm just as hurt. I'm a woman, and I have needs too. I get all weak inside just by looking in your eyes. Your body is beautiful, and it's the body of a man. I want you, Seth, and it kills me to know that you're off limits. I don't know if I can trust myself around you. Do you understand what I'm telling you?

"I understand, but that doesn't make it any easier. Please say that you won't stay away—I won't be able to stand it."

Okay, I'll try to get down to La Push this weekend. I want to be with you too, sweetheart, I really do.

Um ... now, there's something else we need to talk about. We haven't discussed this before.

Leaning forward on the couch, I hung on her every word. "I'm listening."

It's just this. Don't put your life on hold while I'm up here in Seattle. You need to spend time with friends, guys and girls alike.

"Won't that make you jealous—my spending time with other girls, I mean?

Rachel laughed; the most musical laugh I ever heard. I'm not the jealous type. Besides, I trust you, and if we're going to be together, then we need to be able to trust one another.

"That won't be hard, but I don't think I'll be able to trust those guys around you. You're so beautiful, Rach."

You're no slouch yourself, hotstuff.

"You think I'm hot?"

Smoking.

My woman thought I was smokin'—sweeeet!

I better let you go. You need to get ready for school tomorrow.

Panic, panic! "No—wait. I need to hear you tell me that you love me ... please?"

I love you, Seth. It hurts, knowing that you're so far away. We'll be together this weekend, I promise.

"I won't like it, but I'll wait for you. What choice do I have? I love you, Rachel Black, and don't you forget it. Call me tomorrow?"

Yes, I will. Goodbye now, sweetheart.

"Bye, Rach."

Lying in bed that night, I was feeling sorry for myself. But then I thought, Rachel Black, what a prize. Jacob of old waited, and worked fourteen years for his Rachel, I only had fifteen months to go. I'd be the happiest, luckiest, and most loved eighteen year old on the planet when the time came.

Man, I dug into my studies with a renewed determination. And on the advice of the woman I loved, continued my friendships at school. I even hung around Kayla, although I felt kinda guilty. I hoped I wasn't yanking her chain. I didn't wanna be that kind of guy, so I asked her point blank as I walked her home from school one day.

"Hey, Kayla. Can I ask you a personal question?"

I took hold of her books to carry them for her.

"Sure, I guess so."

"Well, what do you think of our relationship? I mean ... where do you expect it to go?"

Kayla frowned wondering what I was getting at. "We're already there. You're my friend, why?"

"I was just wondering. You're not in love with me or anything then, are you?"

She started laughing, and flipped her long hair over her shoulder. "You guys—I swear. You think every girl is panting after you. No, I'm not in love with you. You're more like a brother to me."

My breath left me. Phew! That was a relief. My life was complicated enough.

Kayla let out a gasp. "Oh my gosh, Seth. I'm so sorry. I didn't hurt your feelings did I? I had no idea."

We stopped in front of her house. "No, no, the truth is, I have a girl that I'm in love with. The trouble is, she's in Seattle, and I'm stuck here. She wants me to see people, but I don't want to hurt anyone in the process."

"Oh—that is so sweet. She's a very lucky girl. Do I know her?"

"I doubt it; she's actually a little older than I am."

"You know, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but the girls at school are starting to notice you. I heard one girl saying she thought you were really hot."

Figures. I had to physically close my gaping mouth.

She grabbed her books out of my hands.

"You wanna come in and do our homework together?"

"Sure. Can I use your phone to call my mom to let her know where I am?"

"Just follow me ..."

The week seemed like an eternity, even though Rachel called me every night. I needed to hear her voice, her laughter, but when we had to say goodbye again, I would curl up and die inside. Knowing that she would be with me on Friday was the only thing that kept me going.

Patrolling and studying helped a little, it was the lonely nights that got to me though.

Early Friday evening, I got a call from her. "I'm home."

I nearly dropped the phone. I wasn't expecting her this early. I ran to Jacob's so fast, my lungs were ready to burst. Rachel came racing down the front steps to meet me. "Seth ...! she squealed, and breathless, jumped into my arms. I peppered her face and hair with kisses, lifting her in the air and swinging her in a circle. She could barely get a word out, trying to explain how she got here so quickly.

As soon as she caught her breath, I wrapped my arm about her waist and escorted her into the house.

"I couldn't concentrate last evening, so I packed my bags and shoved them in my SUV. I took them with me to work and when my shift was over, I was out the door and on my way to you—and here I am."

Rachel's eyes were so bright, and her smile enough to render me helpless. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I was trying to memorize every line and curve, and file it in my memory banks.

Billy, Leah and Jacob were all talking, but I never heard a word they said. Rachel and I were both silent. I focused on the beat of her heart while she sat glued to my side, and her fingers, as they stroked my ear and the side of my head.

We suffered through dinner, and after cleaning up the kitchen went off to First Beach to be alone.

Walking along the shore with our fingers interlaced, I asked the inevitable, "How long 'til you come back to me for good?"

She turned and leaned into me, her hands folded upon my shoulder, her chin resting on them. "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't heard a thing about it yet."

My arms cinched her waist, holding her prisoner. I wished we could just run away together, but real life interfered with that dream. So I just held onto what I had for the time I got to be with her.

Sitting on that old driftwood bench that had decorated the beach for years, we talked about the week we spent apart.

I told her, "I took your advice and hung out with my friends. One of them is a girl named Kayla, and no, I even asked her, and she's not in love with me, so you don't have to get all jealous."

"I already told you, I'm not the jealous type."

I smirked, puffing out my chest. "You sure about that? I don't know ... you said it yourself, I'm a pretty hot guy."

"Well, I can always beat you with a stick for fooling around with the girls."

"Oh yeah? You and who else?"

She shoved me with her shoulder, nearly pushing me off the bench, and laughed. "Don't forget, I also have a brother who could teach you a lesson." She cocked an eyebrow and boasted, "Anyway, I think I could take you all by myself."

I stood up and challenged her, "I'd like to see you try, honey."

Lunging at her, I lifted her off the bench. Soon we were laughing. I pulled her down and we fell together, rolling around in the sand. I made fast work of pinning her under me, right where I wanted her.

I grasped her wrists in my hands, positioning them beside her head. Then, mocking her in my best imitation of Darth Vader, said, "Resistance is futile. After all, I am an irresistible force."

"Those beautiful smokey eyes spun round in her head. "Oh, puh-leeze," she taunted me.

I liked seeing her like this—not all serious all the time. She was probably getting more comfortable with me.

The laughter petered out, the teasing being replaced by panting breaths. An overwhelming feeling of longing entered my breast. I pressed my body closer to hers, just aching for her lips to touch mine. I still had vivid memories of that first kiss, and wanted an encore. Now seemed like the perfect time.

I leaned in, murmuring, "Rachel, please ..."

She turned her head to the side. "No, we can't."

"You want to, you know you do."

"Yes, I do want to, and that's exactly why we can't. We won't be able to stop."

I hated to beg, but I was dying for a kiss. "I'll be good. I'll stop. I promise."

"But I can't promise that. Now, let me up, Seth. I'm sorry."

I let her go, but I sat on the sand, wallowing in pain. The wolf inside me was howling piteously for his mate.