So sorry that I haven' been updating, I've had a lot of stuff and I just forgot about it but I'm back.

Cpov

Water. It' essential in life, for both nourishment and pleasure. Water can easily be your enemy and drown you, or it can easily be your friend and hydrate you on the brink of death. These were my thoughts as I floated on my back by the waterfall.

As i float here, all i can think about is 'what would happened if I just sank. To float in the abyss and never return' but I just smiled, I'd never be that lucky, life has enjoyed ducking me over in every possible way. I had to leave new York and my best friend after finding out that I had cancer. My parents don't care and would rather be in Europe than with their sick daughter, and I can no longer go to school.

My thoughts are interrupted by a muffled voice. I look over to see the blonde, Jace, calling me over. I turned over and swan to the grassline. Jon and the others were all sitting around the campfire.

"What's up?" I question as i pull myself up and sit next to him. It's kinda funny how jace is the first person i saw here, yet i havent spoken to him yet. There was a reason though, I've been keeping my distance. There was just something about him, I don' know how to explain it, he just gave me this...feeling. And I did not like that, not one bit.

I guess I was wrinkling my eyebrows at my thoughts because Jace turned his head in a curious way and looked at me. He didn't just look at me like a stranger would look at you in the street, no, he actually looked at me. "What's on your mind, Clary" he questioned. I gave a soft smile, what wasn't I thinking about.

I shrug my shoulders "just life I guess." I turn my head and look at him, he looks like he's contemplating something, but then he starts talking.

" So what's your story, you stay holed up in your room and never come out, and the first time I did actually see you in person we were taking you to the hospital" I sigh and look down, i was hoping that everyone wpuld forget about that, seems like they didn't. "Well if you must know. We moved here because my parents thought that with them being gone all of the time, new York wasn't the safest place for Jon and I". I reply, lying through my teeth.

Jace makes a face and looks like he' thinking. "I guess that makes sense, but why would they think it was unsafe if you're older?" Laughing I look at him."that's exactly the point, they were afraid that we'd run off and do 'nefarious' things with a bunch of 'degenerates'" I exclaim while putting up air quotes for emphasis which seems to have amused Jace as well.

It's silent for a while, but not an awkward silence, it was comfortable. Then Jace suddenly turns and picks up something next to him, then turns to me. "Here, no offense, but you really look like you should eat something" I look down to the silver wrapping in his hand and smile, it was a cinnamon poptart.

Something about this gesture made me very happy and I looked up at him. "I love these so much! I haven't had one since I was little" I exclaim while wolfing down the poptart. I turn to Jace and see him smiling, which makes me give out a small laugh.

I pulled my long hair up into a bun, I was thinking about cutting it soon, it's gonna fall out anyways I guess. He was about to say something when a familiar nagging voice called us. " come on guys we'e leaving, it' getting late" I turn around and see Jon looking at us, holding one of the backpacks. I slowly get up and start walking towards him to get my stuff.

We walked side by side in silence, I started chemo soon, then all of this would go away, I would have to distance myself. I'e already become much closer to these people than I intended and that was bad. Jon could always tell what I was thinking, I loved, but also hated that based on the situation.

"You know that you have to tell them eventually clare. You start treatment in a week and they e not just going to forget that you exist." I know that he's just trying to help, but I wanted to figure this out on my own. I had enough to deal with, I don't need to add this to the plate.

"I know jon...i'll do it eventually but I'm just not ready. It doesn' feel real yet" he just looks at me and gives my shoulder a squeeze then throws his arm around me, I lean into him as we walk.

Out of the corner of my eye I swear that I saw something black, I thought I saw it earlier but I wasn't sure. Then out of nowhere a large black bird swooped down and flew right in front of my face. It was so close that I could practically feel the feathers on my skin.

I screamed and jumped back, only to be greeted with confused and curious eyes. "Clary are you OK? What's wrong?" Isabelle asked. I look around for a minute and just force a smile. "Sorry guys, a bug flew near my ear and I hate bugs" I laugh. They seemed to have bought it because they start laughing too.

"Aww is little Clary afraid of bugs" Magnus teased, and we all just joked around on the way back k to the house

Once we got home I ran straight up to my room. Using that I needed to use the restroom as an excuse. Once I got up there I pulled all of my curtains closed and sat on my bed for a hot minute. Letting out a deep breath I pulled out my phone and went to my emergency contacts, and clicked on that dreaded name.

The phone rang a couple of times before she picked up. "This is doctor Shepard how may I help you?" Her soft but determined voice on the other line gave me chills. "Hey, it's Clary, I'm calling to follow up on my test results."

I could feel an immediate change in mood over the phone. "I was actually going to call you today" her voice was somber "your glioma has metastasized. Another one has unfortunately formed I your occipital lobe. Have you been experiencing any hallucinations or small seizures lately?"

I just let out a deep breath and closed my eyes, letting the tears drop. "No, no I haven't" I lied. Then she spoke again. "Well that's good, because of this new information we want to see you tomorrow to start chemo, we want to get a handle on this situation as soon as possible. Is that ok with you?" I' quiet for a minute "yeah, that' find with me, I'll be there at 8 like usual" my voice was dead.

"Okay great, I'll see you tomorrow. And Clary, I'm sorry" I just quietly thank her and hang up. I sit on my bed for a minute before pulling my knees up to my chest, resting my head between my knees and let the tears fall.

It was finally real.