I feel so sad writing this. I got all emotional so I hope it makes sense and doesn't sound like mindless emotional babble.
I walk to the loading area and start to take a look around. It's hard to guess what each costume has to do with the different districts. District two's tributes are completely naked, with red bricks painted all over their bodies. They look like they could just become walls. I smile as they walk past but the guy, Greisen, jumps at me and I flinch away, looking down as he walks past. Greisen busts out laughing and I glance up my head still down. Flower rolls her eyes at him and winks at me.
I try to stay out of everyone's way. The district five guy just glares at me as he passes, district one slams into my shoulder, twice. I try to smile awkwardly, but I want to destroy them right now. I ball my hands into fists to stop the shaking. Then I see Amelia. I should give up right now.
She had a similar outfit on, except over her painted on shirt she has a small blue bikini. Her eyes are accented. I take a breath and step up to her then we are corralled into our chariots. Like gladiators. I stand next to her and try to turn away. She grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, leaning into my face.
"Do it for your parents!" She hisses venomously. I feel my throat tighten. My lips curl back in a feral growl. I hear the roar of the crowd but it sounds like so much more. I hear them screaming for us, but all I hear is screaming. I put my fists to my temples and start to whimper. I hear her laugh and all I hear is the sneer of a capitol that destroyed my parents.
Our carriage moves and I try to calm down. I stand up and turn to the crowd, the fear full and real on my face. I straighten my back and look up at the screen. We look like soldiers going into war. A queen prepared for battle and a soldier drafted before his prime. Suddenly the cheers erupt and Ihave to press my fists to my temples. I whimper and suddenly I feel and elbow in my side. I reach out and fall off the chariot.
I look around and the roar erupts in my ears and when I open my eyes I see a valley below me. The sky is red with the reflection of the flame below. I scream but They hold me back as the hovercrafts lower from the clouds and the bomb obliterates my father's camp. I am knocked back by the wave and I sit up and curl myself into a small corner.
I come in and out of consciousness, between reality and the waking nightmare of my PTSD. Vincent is talking to me, shaking me, trying to calm me down. I just whimper and scream and cry, the makeup smearing all over my hands. I cry and yell, unable to calm down. At some point Vincent picks me up and carries me out.
Hours later I wake up, exhausted. I open my eyes and sit up, doubling over. My hair is falling down in my face, but most still stands up. My makeup is gone and I have pants on and a new wrapping on my chest. I stand up and walk over to my door and crack it open.
"We have been discussing this for hours, What happened out there? I know you have more information then what you are telling me! Tell me why that kid is so screwed up!" Vincent hisses to Marian.
"He… Had a rough childhood." She whispers.
"We all have. Tell me what to do! How do I help him? He screwed up today and I need to know how to fix it!"
"His parents were part of the resistance. His father led part of it. He watched his mother bleed to death and watched his father's camp explode. He has PTSD and he has these meltdowns. The capitol rigged the reaping so that he would be chosen. I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice. You understand?" She starts to mess with her wig excessively.
At first I'm angry, but then I turn around and lace my fingers above my head, my elbows out like wings. I look at the ceiling, now swimming with my unshed tears. I try to calm down but can't. I am sentenced to death by another child and I screw even that up. I want to scream.
I was the reason my father died! It's all my fault! I accidently led them right to him! And the other half of me wants to scream I was ten years old! It couldn't have been my fault! I didn't lead them to the camp! I ran to warn them!
By the time Vincent comes in I am staring out the window with my arms above my head, arms above my head. My vision is still blurred by the tears even though they run steadily down my face.
"Mallorin." Vincent places his hand on my shoulder. I shrug him off violently and spin around, flinging my arms down to my sides.
"Don't try to comfort me! Just go away!" I scream.
"No, Mallorin, I am not going to just go away. Tell me what happened back there." He says.
"I screwed up! I'm screwed up! I am messed up in the head and now all of Panem knows it!" I chew on my cheek until I taste the blood. At least now I'm not crying anymore.
"Yes, you messed up, but we can fix this. You played into their hands like dough. Sponsers will try to help you more. You can still win this." He puts his hands on my shoulders and I fling my arms up and push his arms off and him away by the chest.
"No, don't you understand! I can't win! The second I am looked at wrong, I blow up! I have a temper issue that normally leads me into more trouble than it gets me out of! I hear a loud noise I curl up in a ball in a corner and cry! When I think about my parents…" I suddenly can't speak anymore. I just settle for a growling noise and try to pull out all of my hair at once. Vincent grabs my wrists and squeezes until I am forced to let go of my hair.
"I was there! You were not the reason your parents died! I was! They are punishing me now because I tried to save you even though I wasn't supposed to save anyone! I saved you and had to watch as you watched your father blow to smithereens! I didn't recognize you until Marian told me! Mallorin, I am the one who held you back." He puts his hands on my cheeks, "I am sorry!"
"You held me back! You! How am I supposed to believe that! You're lying!" I yell as he holds me in place by my face. One of his hands grabs me by the nape of my neck and presses our foreheads together.
"Mallorin, your real name is Michael Patterson! You are twenty seven and you're naturally a brunette! You are from district five but lived in district thirteen for most of your life. When you were ten you were transferred to your birth district to live under a new name. Please, believe me." I try to calm myself down.
"How d'you know th't?" I sob through my teeth. I can't take my eyes away from his.
"I was the general that was under your father. I was on both sides. I grew attached to you and your family. I was not able to save your family. Now I have a chance to make it up to you and your father. Michael, I am the one at fault, not you." He tries to calm me down. It doesn't work. I feel all my rage subside. It leaves me exhausted. I feel my shoulders slump, my bottom lip falls open and shuddering breaths escape me.
"I can't do this." The words feel like the last of my air being pushed out of me. I lean back against the window behind me and slide to the floor. I turn my head and press it to the cool glass, pulling my legs up.
"Not if you keep acting like this. Michael, you need to win this, or fight for someone who you think should win this. Do it for your parents. Avenge their deaths. Don't throw away their sacrifice. You need to sleep. You have training at nine o'clock AM for the next three days then you are to get up and meet your stylist and prep team at eight in the morning on the fourth day. At eight that night we have to be at the interview. Please, do this for your father." He turns and leaves me alone. I sit and stare out the window. The capitol is beautiful. Sickeningly beautiful. It glows with an eerie light that is not natural.
"Vincent." I say his name aloud over and over, trying to remember. He was shorter then, thinner. His hair was black and his eyes were blue, are blue. He always had blue eyeliner and a tattoo under his left cheek. He had a small green vine with blue flowers. Now he has blue eyeliner and gold. The blue flowers are accented with gold lines and gold flowers.
The tears dry up and my face is sticky with the salt. When the sun starts over the horizon I stand up and walk into the shower. I don't care that I still have the bandages on when I strip down and climb into the shower under the warm stream. Tomorrow I will prove that I am a contender in this game, not just a pawn of the capitol. Vincent is right.
It's time to avenge.
Thank you to editinggenious for your review.
I am updateing really fast and I know a lot of you don't have time to come back before the next 2000 words are posted. I just type and try to fit as much in as I can. Thanks for reading!
Ok so this one is strange. Lots of emotions. Have any questions, ask.
Reviews please!