A/N- So I changed the rating from T to M now, things heated up a bit between Buffy and Angel and I'd rather be safe than sorry. :) Also, this is my first time delving into this kind of stuff, so I hope I it reads ok.

A/N2- Sorry this one took a bit longer to get out, I have 2 small kids and things around the holidays have been pretty crazy.

Chapter 5 {Regrouping}

"I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not, I feel you, inside. And it throws me." Buffy Summers (ATS 1x8 I will remember you)

As Angel watched her leave he wondered about the new connection he felt with her. It was as if she was deep inside him, and he could feel her departing. He was amazed at how empty he felt the further away she got. He wondered if she felt it too. They had always had a connection, but never quite like this. What had caused it? Was it because they had slept together? His mind had no more than formed the thought than he felt his body respond. Memories of that night came to the fore, and it was amazing how fast he hardened. Buffy. God he wanted her. A wave of grief swam through him. No use thinking about that now.

As he climbed the tree he told himself he was not stalking her. He just wanted to make sure she got home ok. He just wanted to see her sleeping. He wanted to make sure this all wasn't some strange dream, or, more accurately, nightmare. Peering in her window he watched her toss in her sleep. Her face was troubled, and he wondered what she was dreaming about. She hadn't had time to tell him much before she left. He knew she was from the future, and that she had killed him. Killed him! The thought should bother him more than it did. He should be scared of her, but he wasn't. He could see on her face how much it had hurt. Had she moved on? Was she now with someone that could give her children, someone who could take her into the light? His heart clenched at the thought, and he watched as she spasmed in her bed. He frowned. Something else was going on. Something she hadn't told him. He dully noted that the aching he felt when she had left was gone now that he was close to her again.

He wanted nothing more than go to her. To rock her in her sleep, to somehow right the wrong that had been done to her. He couldn't. He forced himself down from the tree and away from his love, the emptiness eating at his soul.

Buffy woke as her body responded to her mate's leaving. She thought about going after him, but pushed it aside. The sooner she got used to being separated from him the better. It had taken her a long time to get used to the pain. Having him close again was taking the edge off and making it harder to bear when it returned. Her hand reached up to rub the scar on her neck, tingles shooting out from the spot. It was her only connection to him once he was gone. Some nights it ached with a fierceness she couldn't imagine, pulling on her as though to rip her apart. Unbidden his words came to mind.

"When we're apart, it's easier. It hurts, everyday, but I live with it. Now you're right here…and I can actually reach out, and…It's more than confusing, it's unbearable.

Tears slid down her cheeks as she remembered their lost day. She wished she could have remembered it when it mattered. She wished more than anything she could have kept her promise to him. Only after she had been pulled from the grave had the memories surfaced. Apparently when Willow pulled ALL of her out of heaven, she had gotten ALL of her. Including memories she wasn't supposed to have.

*****

Buffy told herself it was stupid, and unnecessary, but that didn't stop her from making her way out the window with the blood she had gotten for Angel earlier that day. She had been taking Angelus blood every night now for 3 ½ months, and as much as she hated to admit it, she missed Angel. She had a long day at school and hadn't been able to get away. Despite the fact that she knew most of the work, Giles felt that it would draw unneeded attention to her if she missed more classes than usual. Thankfully, she had been able to hold him off from talking to Angel. It was Friday, she told him. She wanted a few days to explain everything to Angel before the group bombarded him. Could he possibly wait until Monday? Thankfully he'd agreed and given her the weekend.

So now here she was, making yet another midnight trek to the mansion with blood. Her insides twisted, she was nervous about seeing him. Last night they had only covered what had happened up until she sent him to hell. She had omitted certain parts of Angelus' rampage, though instinctively she knew he was probably well aware of that fact. He had 100 plus years of Angelus' deeds running through his head. He knew all too well the horrors he was capable of.

Buffy entered the mansion quietly, smiling as she took in the site before her. Angel was sitting next to the lit fireplace, legs folded, reading a book. It was scene she had come upon many times before. A small sob caught in the back of her throat. After Angel left she had come here many times to stare at that fireplace. They had whole discussions, the fireplace and her. She spoke to the fireplace as though it were Angel himself, pouring her heart out, sometimes screaming at the top of her lungs, she would berate him for leaving her, for condemning her to a life without him, for forcing her to be with Riley, for leaving her to die.

"Buffy" His voice brought her back to the present.

"I brought you some blood" I needed to see you.

"Thanks" Angel took it greatfully. He hadn't thought of it last night, and by the time it occurred to him he needed food, the sun had been up. He watched her as he began to drink, wondering if it bothered her. He remembered Angelus loudly slurping the blood in an effort to goad her. Buffy had never so much as blinked.

"What's it like?" At his question Buffy turned from the fire to look at him. She knew what he meant.

"The future? It's…" She paused. There was so much she could tell him, so much she wanted to share. At the same time, she was worried. How close should she allow herself to get to him? Just being around him was dangerous. He had only been back a day, and already she wanted to throw herself into his arms, tell him everything, and let him soothe away the hurt. She wasn't as strong as she had been before. She knew what it was like to live without him, and wasn't sure she could do it again.

"You came back" she wasn't sure what made her say it, but it was out now.

Angel raised his eyes to her.

"Came back?"

"From hell" she was staring into the fire again. "Six months after I sent you to hell, I found you. You'd been there for almost 100 years."

"100 years…" he whispered, carefully watching her profile "How?"

"I don't know. You didn't talk about it. I didn't ask." Buffy looked over at him "You were really weak when I found you, and you didn't remember much. E-Eventually you got better… remembered stuff."

She stopped. She wasn't sure why she was telling him this. A minute ago she had been considering not telling him that he came back at all. At least then she wouldn't have to tell him how he had left her.

Angel watched her as she stuttered to a stop, wondering what she wasn't telling him. He wanted to go to her, but her body language suggested that she did not want him near. She held herself aloof. Where was the girl that he remembered? The one that held her heart out for all to see? Every now and than he glimpsed her, a fleeting look, a distant smile…

"What happened Buffy?" His words were almost her undoing. Her heart clenched. She could not let him in, she would only loose him.

The eyes she raised to him chilled him to the bone. They were dark, and he wondered when the light in them had gone out so completely.

"It's been four years Angel. I've fought a lot of battles. I've seen a lot of death. It takes its toll." Her admission slammed into him with all the subtlety of a freight train. Four years? She had been sent back four years? And yet somehow he knew that time alone was not entirely to blame for the shell of a girl that stood before him.

Buffy wasn't sure why she told him how far in the future she was from. It wasn't something she thought about, she just did. Damn her she was too used to sharing everything with him. Even though he'd been gone for years, it was a need still deeply ingrained in her.

"Giles knows, I haven't told the others yet… how far I mean." Angel nodded. He could understand. Telling them would raise questions about the future that she probably didn't want to answer. Overcome by a sudden need to hold her, Angel couldn't stop from pulling her into his arms. Contrary to her body language, she went willingly, sighing as his arms enveloped her. He kissed the top of her head, wishing he knew what to say to make it better. There was so much he didn't know, so much she wasn't telling him.

"I love you" He whispered

Tears slipped down Buffy's cheeks as she heard the words he whispered into her hair. Oh Angel. She allowed herself the pleasure of being in his arms again. She loved the feeling of his hard body against her, lighting a fire in her middle. Her arms stole up around his neck, and she carefully pressed her slips against his. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but like everything between them it quickly spun out of control. His tongue traced her slips hesitantly, stealing inside to tangle with hers. Moaning she opened her mouth and responded, nipping at his lips with urgency.

Angel had to bite back his own moan when he felt her blunt teeth nip at his bottom lip. He hauled her against his body, pressing his hardness against her. Buffy responded in kind, sliding her hand down his back, she pushed against his hips, grinding into them almost violently. Angel gasped at her animalistic response, his whole body felt fevered as he felt her hand push forcibly on his ass, holding him against her. It was his undoing. He growled deep his chest as he picked her up and spun them, slamming her back against the nearest wall.

Buffy shuddered as they slammed into the wall. He was everywhere at once, his body blanketing her as his mouth and lips gently assaulted her neck. She swallowed the scream the rose when his hand stole under her shirt, carefully stroking her breast.

"Angel…" she gasped "You feel..." Her hands tore at his shirt as she grabbed for more flesh. She needed more. Something. Anything. She needed him. Now.

Angel's lips instinctively found the scar at her neck. It pulled him in, drawing him like a drug. He grazed his teeth over it unknowingly, biting slightly. Buffy bared her neck to him submissively, whimpering as he nipped harder. Angel fought to regain control as he sunk his blunt teeth into her, his body hardening all over again as she let out a primal scream.

The moment she felt his teeth sink into her, Buffy was lost. Her body responded in a way she had never felt it before, every limb tingled as she arched into him without conscious consent. The scar on her neck left a trail of fire as it burned its way to the pool of liquid heat that settled between her legs.

"Oh god…. Angel!" Don't stop, please don't stop

Angel crashed back to earth. His whole body stiffening as he realized what was on her neck. He pulled back, almost dropping her in his haste. An angry rumble formed low in his chest, as he stared, slack jawed, and fought against the possessive rage that was trying to consume him.

Buffy tossed her head, almost crying when she realized Angel had stopped. Common sense was slow in coming as she took in his disheveled appearance, slightly confused by the anger in his eyes.

"A-Angel, I'm sorry, I-" She stuttered to apologize for their lack of discretion, mentally chastising herself. The last thing they needed was Angelus back on the loose!

"Who marked you?" Angel's eyes were black as he fingered the scar on her neck. He had never marked anyone himself, but he knew what it was. A vampire bite. The mark of a mate.

"Who?!"

Buffy jumped, her eyes going wide as she raised her hand to finger the scar. She frowned and wondered why she hadn't noticed it before. Than again, she was used to it being there. When she had first been sent back, she had made note of its absence, almost crying the first time she had looked in the mirror and realized it was gone. So why was it back?

"Buffy!" Angel's angry voice broke into her thoughts. His eyes were glowing and his face was drawn. Buffy could tell as she looked at him that he was using all his control to keep from vamping out. She sighed softly.

"You did Angel"

It was Angel's turn to gape at her. "Explain" he growled.

Possessiveness surged though him. He was upset, and she wasn't making any sense. Sometime between now and her 17th birthday she had been claimed, mated, bonded. And he knew it hadn't been by him!

Gee, caveman much Angel? Buffy groaned, how could she explain something she didn't understand? She hadn't a clue how his mark had gotten back on her neck.

"I- you- um… in the future-" She choked on the word. "You- fed… from me." It was whispered so quietly a normal man wouldn't have heard it. She wasn't making much sense and she knew it. "You were… poisoned. The only cure was to drain a slayer."

"I would NEVER" Angel interrupted her forcefully. She nodded, knowing it was true, even as close to death as he had been that night, it had still taken all of her strength to hold him to her, to keep his fangs deeply imbedded in her neck…

She closed her eyes as a shiver passed through her. "I forced you Angel, you didn't have a choice."

*You have to live Angel… I won't let you die… Drink… drink me.*

Buffy allowed herself to remember... Her body responding as images of her and Angel on the floor of the mansion swam before her eyes. His body shielding hers, his fangs sunk deep into her neck, the way he cradled her to him as his hardness pressed against her…The feeling of being one with him. The explosive climax that had gone on forever, taking over her whole body, leaving her limp and sated as the darkness claimed her…She was helpless to fight the wave of heat that rose as her mind replayed the events of that night.

Angel watched her eyes flicker as she stared through him. When the smell of her desire reached him, he almost growled at the knowledge. She had enjoyed it. He was suddenly hard and aching, a battalion of images running rampant in his mind. The thought of his fangs and cock sunk deep inside her…

"That still doesn't explain why I marked you." Angel barked somewhat forcibly as he reigned his thoughts back under control.

Buffy nodded as a look of confusion passed across her face. She hadn't known what he had done until after he left. Curious as to why his bite had left a scar, on her otherwise scar-less body, she had researched the mark. Shock didn't begin to cover the way she felt when she found out what it was, what it meant. It was supposed to be a bond, the sign of a mate, a promise to never leave. Instead he bound her to him; and than turned and walked away; leaving her alone to pick up the pieces.

"I don't know" she finally whispered. "You were dying… I was trying desperately to save you...I- Maybe it was an accident?" It was the only explanation she could come up with that ever made any sense.

"You don't mark someone on accident Buffy, It's impossible." The words came out of his mouth on auto-pilot, his mind still numb with the shock of what he had somehow done.

She nodded dully as he confirmed what she had suspected all along.

"I don't know" she repeated, running her hands over the back of the couch, fiddling with the blanket to avoid his eyes.

"You never asked me?" his voice was incredulous, as he willed her to make some kind of sense. Please tell me this isn't true. Please tell me I didn't do this to you.

Tears filled her eyes. From the moment he had discovered the mark she had known it would come to this, she had no choice. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

"You left" She spun as she said it, walking away to keep him from seeing the tears that were spilling down her cheeks. It was no use. She knew he could smell them.

Angel's head shot up. "I left? I marked you, and I LEFT?" Buffy smiled wanly, turning to meet his stricken eyes.

"You said… I needed sunshine, and picnics… and children. You were already planning to leave when you got poisoned, I knew that going in. It wasn't about that Angel." She tried to make him understand. It wasn't about keeping him with her. It never had been. It was about the fact that she needed him to live. She needed to know he was out there somewhere, fighting… living. She almost hadn't made it after she was forced to send him to hell. There was no way she could ever let him die if there was any way to stop it.

Angel stared at her, unwilling to understand what she had just told him. He could understand why he had left her. She deserved more. He had contemplated leaving many times, for just the reasons she had mentioned. Now add to that the fact that he couldn't even make love to her… But than WHY had he marked her? Claimed her? Bonded himself to her? And he had never explained? Did they not talk after he left? He couldn't see that. He couldn't imagine a world where he and Buffy didn't at least talk to each other.

"But, that happens in the future. Why do you have the scar now?" It was the only thing he could think of to say. His insides were at war over what she was telling him.

"I don't know. I didn't have it when I first got here." Buffy shrugged. Her fingers unconsciously traced the ridges on her neck, gently stroking it. She couldn't believe how glad she was it was back. She didn't even care why.

He watched as she stroked the scar lovingly. He could almost feel it, soothing him. Understanding dawned. "That explains why…" His voice trailed off. Buffy knew what he meant. It explained why they felt so connected. Why she could feel him, now more than ever before.

"Yes. It didn't really… I mean… we didn't…well, you left, and…" she really didn't know where she was going with this. "I don't really know how much of a connection we have." She finished lamely.

Angel nodded slowly, his mind still berating the fact that he had marked her and than left her. Damn it! He reached out and touched her arm lightly, ignoring the zing that went though him when their bodies touched.

"The pain?" He hoped she knew what he meant, because he wasn't sure if he could explain further. His brain felt disconnected from his mouth. It wasn't like he had ever been bound before.

"You get used to it." Buffy looked slightly sick as she spoke. "When you first went to Los Angeles it was almost unbearable, but you found some way to close off the link. Maybe it was willpower, maybe it was a spell. I don't know. Eventually I couldn't feel you as strongly anymore. You were still there. But, not like it was at first." She didn't tell him how angry she had been when she first realized he had cut her off. She had reached out over the link for days trying to get him to return to her. The pain of him being gone was too much for her to handle. Eventually it must have become too much for him too, but instead of returning to her, he had managed to shut her out, to keep her from pulling him back to her side. The pain had eventually become a numbing reality. Something that was there, but never acknowledged.

"Did I ever… come back?" He held his breath after he spoke, not sure he wanted the answer.

The tears that rolled down Buffy's cheeks answered his question long before her words reached his ears.

"No, you never came back."