5. Bonds

"One month and one week today," Buffy reminded Spike like he didn't already know how long they'd been trapped in the alien dimension.

He honestly didn't know what to say to her. He didn't want to worry her by admitting that they would probably be here a while longer, but he didn't want to get her hopes up with the empty promise of being saved soon.

"Your friends will bring us home, luv." He opted for the truth, or at least part of it. What he didn't tell her was that he had no idea when.

"The air is colder now and the leaves are falling. I'm guessing it won't be long before we see snow."

Spike thought about it." I don't know for sure, but I think you're right." He smirked and passed her a piece of boiled meat for breakfast. He could tell that she appreciated the new type of meat she was eating. Nothing but deer could get a little dull after a time.

"What should we do today?" she asked between bites. "I mean, I'm almost finished with the clothes and you're still working on the furs. We have fresh meat for a few days and dried for weeks, thanks to all the animals you hunted."

"I don't know. I was thinking of making something like a curtain to put up in front of the entrance. It will help keep it warm inside."

They got to work on it straight away and by were done by midday. All that was left was to find a way to pin it up to the cave's opening.

"I'm booored," the Slayer whined when the vampire had finished what he was doing.

"And what do you want me to do?" He looked at her in disbelief. "I'm not a bloody clown here for your amusement. Besides, the things I have in mind I'm pretty sure won't interest you." He licked his lower lip while suggestively looking her up and down.

"What?" She looked at him and soon realized his meaning. "Ew. You're a pig, Spike." She didn't mean to start blushing.

"Oink, oink, baby." He smirked, amused by her reaction.

Spike knew, to an extent, that he was handsome and could feel that not even the Slayer was immune to his charm. Regardless of the innocent act she liked to play frequently.

"Want to spar?" he proposed.

"Why not. First let me put on the new clothes. I want to soften them, y'know, wear them in."

"Good thinking, luv. I'll wait for you near the lake."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Buffy changed quickly and went outside to try out the new clothes. They were nothing fancy, just a simple vest and some long pants. She decided not to put on the long sleeved shirt because of the heat.

She tried out some fighting moves and while the clothes put on a little resistance, they didn't fall apart.

Buffy made her way to the lake at a jogging pace to warm up. She missed her nightly patrol. She had never thought that she would miss it until she'd gone this long without it. The idea of a good fight with Spike made her heart beat faster.

When she reached the lake, she was expecting a lot of things. An ambush to get the upper hand, Spike warming up and waiting impatiently for her, but what she saw left her without words.

The vampire was laying on the same rock, where she laid to tan the day before. He was without his Doc Martins and black t-shirt. He had his eyes closed and seemed to be asleep.

Buffy tried to do the right thing, but her body betrayed her. Her eyes wandered over his chest and arms. He was thin, nothing like Angel, but he still had muscles.

She couldn't deny that he had always found him sexy, but seeing him like that make her almost drool. He was perfect.

The sun shined on him, making his pale skin look even paler. She thought briefly if he could tan, but then he moved and she was torn from her thoughts. The slayer quickly closed her mouth, hoping that he hadn't caught her staring.

"Well, Summers, you want to go on drooling over my hot bod, or would you like to dance?" He was standing now and smirking at her.

"What... I wasn't... There was no drool!" She hoped that the earth would open under her feet and swallow her whole.

She checked for drool and luckily found none, trying her best to make sure Spike didn't spot the action.
Buffy watched him move, his muscles rippling with every step he took. She compared him to a panther on the prowl and for the first time felt like prey, not a hunter. She shook her head to shake away the thoughts and tried to concentrate on the circumstances at hand. She decided to take of her shoes too.

Spike looked at her. "I must admit, those clothes don't suit you, luv, but they'll keep you warm I suppose."

"Hey! I did what I could." She pouted, not liking that he was as distracted by her body as she was by his.

"Bring it on, Summers." Without saying anything else, he attacked.

Buffy couldn't recall the last time she'd had this much fun. The hits they exchanged weren't held back. They were really inflicting damage on the each other while paying careful attention not to break any bones.

"How will we know who's won?" Buffy said after some time.

Spike created some space between them and went to pick up his beloved jacket. He took out a stake and threw it to her.

"If you hit me with that, you win. Not with the point, if you don't mind." He then changed his face to reveal his vampire features. "If I win, I get to sink my teeth into your delectable neck." He smirked at her. "And if I do that, I'll get my dinner early," he added, knowing that putting it this way would make her more inclined to agree.

Buffy smashed the pointed end of the stake against a rock, to blunt it, and then got ready to fight again. Spike was rather stunned that she'd accepted the conditions without a word because when she attacked him, he didn't block her punch.

The fight was hard for both parties. It went on for an hour or so, she couldn't be sure, but what she was sure of was that she was tiring faster then him. She had to put a end to the fight or he would win.

She faked a punch to his gut and when he stopped her, she used her left arm to try to hit him in the face, but he was faster and blocked the second hit too. Spike then used his grip on her wrist to twist her arm behind her back. She tried to get out of his hold, but he used his other arm to stop her from struggling.

"I win," he gloated, before lowering his fangs to her neck.
Buffy trembled a little. She knew he was going to bite her, but instead of being scared, she was curious. She wanted to know how a bite on the neck would feel when done right, but just before his fangs could pierce her neck, Spike let her go.

"What?" She turned toward him confused. "I thought you wanted to have your dinner early?"

"I can't bite you," he said, stupefied, confusing her even more.

"You what? But you did this morning. And every day since we got here." She rolled her eyes, thinking that he was going insane.

Spike approached her and took a few strands of her hair in his hand, moving them from her neck.

"I knew it," he said after a few seconds, lightly touching the scar that Angel left.

"What? That was Angel. You know, when he was poisoned, I already..."

"No, you don''t understand," he interrupted. "I can bite you everywhere but on the neck."

Buffy still didn't understand.

"I can't bit you here." He touched her neck, making her tremble again. "Not if I do it with the intention of hurting you."
She still didn't understand what he was implying.

"You don't know? Peaches didn't tell you?"

"Told me what?"

"He marked you," he whispered, disgust all over his face.

"Marked me? I'm not a cow!" She looked offended.

"But it's what he did." Now he looked sorry for her. He sat down on the grass and gestured for her to do the same. "It's hard to explain."

"Then start from the beginning." She made herself comfortable, guessing that whatever he had to tell her wouldn't be easy.

"Then, we'll start with talking about vampires' bites. Do you know why vampires bite people other than for blood?"

She paused. "Well..."

"As I thought." He smiled at her. "It's not a problem, slayer. Anyway, vampires bite for five different reasons. Blood, as you know oh so well. To kill, and remember that there is a difference between those. I can bite you to get my dinner, I don't have to kill you to do that. Vampire usually kill because they don't care and things are easier when there is no living proof of their existence wandering around with big bites on their necks. But I'm digressing, we bite even to punish someone, making the bite hurt like a bitch. To give pleasure." He smirked at that and looked at her, making her blush a little. "And last but not least, to make bonds or claims."

"Wait a minute. The Master bit me and didn't kill me but the bite hurt so badly that I fainted and drowned in a puddle," she admitted, a little ashamed. She still hated to admit that she drowned in a frigging puddle of water. "Angel's bite, when he was out of his mind, didn't hurt that badly." She blushed, knowing that she got off on that bite.

"Bites carried out to punish someone sometimes have that effect, even more if it's the first time. Don't be ashamed of fainting. I did too the first time Angelus gave me one. Almost everyone does." He smiled sadly at her. "That even explains why you still have scars from it. That kind of bite is meant to make you feel ashamed and rejected. Anyone will know what the scars mean and who gave them to you. Things get better with time and if the bastard dies."

"So they will go away eventually?" she asked, hopeful. She hated them.

"Sure, give the Master one a year and it'll be gone." He shrugged. "Scars that come from pleasure bites and for blood disappear when they are healed. Those from punishments and bonds don't. But I'm rambling again. You're distracting me, Slayer." He gave her a fake glare and then continued. "The bites I really wanted to talk about are those that are done to make bonds. There are different kinds of bonds, of submission, of possession, of family, and of union. The last kind are very rare between vamps because of the risks taken in going through with the ritual. They are only done between loving and loyal couples as a meaning to become one. They give the couple nifty advantages but, as I said, very dangerous."

"So, they're like marriage without a priest?" she asked, suddenly very interested.

"Kind of. They are less formal and more magical. They bind beings' mind and body together for eternity. There is no divorce. Only death can get you out of one. You live knowing every feeling, every thought of your mate. No real secrets, no real privacy."

"Did you ever..."

"No," he interrupted before she could finish her question. "Dru never wanted one with me, pet." He smiled sadly at her. "If you force the union on someone or the feeling between the couple isn't real or strong enough, the union will let you see every bad thought your mate has, every bad feeling they have of you. That kind of thing makes people go cuckoo in a very short amount of time. Death shortly follows an unloving union."

"That's awful, she whispered, thinking about sharing your whole being with someone that resents you or isn't as committed to you as you are to them.

"There are pros if the union is done right between two beings who are really in love. Knowing that you are loved without a doubt, feeling it every minute of your life, never being alone. This is a dream for most, Summers."

Buffy could tell that was a dream of his and she could understand it. He had told her that he was love's bitch, but she had never believed it until that moment.

"But that's not all. Being united with a real mate makes you reach the peak of your power as a vampire in very little time. You can pass from a childe to master in a year instead of decades." Spike got out his now treasured pack of remaining cigarettes and took one out. She knew that this was the second time he had smoked since they arrived.

"Could this... bond be made with humans?"

"Sure. Even humans have magic in them. The demon inside a vampire can connect with a soul. Mind you, it's a crappy deal for the demon, but someones it's been done anyway."

Buffy didn't understand that and Spike must have spotted her confusion. "The bond lets you see inside your mate's mind. What she or he feels, you feel. If she feels guilty, you start to feel guilty too, and a vampire sure has lot to feel guilty about. If the vamp can get past the feeling and adjust to things, everything's good, but if he can't, he'll go crazy. No need to explain what happens after." He breathed out some smoke, taking the form of a little circle as it blew away. "Bonds make human lives longer and healthier if they work, but if they don't, then they die soon after their crazed mate."

"I didn't know that." She was starting to see that maybe what Giles and a lot of other people had told her was wrong. If this kind of bond was possible between them then demons must have had feelings.

"Watchers only will tell you whatever they need to get you out into the night to kill the monsters without hesitation. To them, the world must be in black and white. Shades of gray are dangerous. There are species of demons that are harmless and even useful in the world, but knowing this could make you hesitate at the wrong time and a slayer that hesitates is a dead one." His gaze was dull.

She guessed he was recalling something from his past.

"So, Angel did this with me?" she said, thinking that she got what he meant.

"What? Christ, no! I couldn't bite you at all if he did that and he sure as hell wouldn't be in fucking L.A." Spike again had that disgusted expression on his face and seeing it hurt Buffy a bit. Was he disgusted by her?

"This is a possession bite, luv. This is a mark for every supernatural being out there to tell them that you belong to someone and that you will be revenged if someone is stupid enough to kill you."

"Why he didn't tell me? This could have helped me, knowing that no vampire would bite me." She was feeling a little giddy. Angel was protecting her, even when he was away.

"It doesn't work that way."

Just like that, the giddiness disappeared. "The bite gives you no real protection. To get that, he should have mated with you. This kind of bond, it's only a way to make it impossible for other vampires to mate with you without challenging Angelus to a duel to the death or without waiting for the bond to weaken enough. To start a union, the bite must be on the neck and it needs to be pleasurable, like the ones I give you when I feed. That's why I can't bite you on the neck."

"In other words, I have a big 'Angel's property, back off' tattoo on my neck?" She was getting angry.

"That's right."

"How the hell did he do it? I never accepted anything when he bit me."

"Possession bites don't require permission or acceptance. If you feel love for the one that is biting you and he makes a claim on you, the possession bond is done."

"And do I feel some kind of effects from it?" She didn't really need for him to answer. His face did that for him.

"Yes." He sighed. "Being under a possession bond enchants the feeling you have for your other half and if for some reason you get left behind, it's hard to move on. Until the bond fades away, you will feel attached to Angel. You will feel as if you are betraying him if you fall in love with someone, and that brings most of the bitten to depression. No healthy relationship can be forged from this kind of feeling. Only really strong feelings and a lot of physical distance can help someone to move one while still under the effect of the bond." She knew he hated what Angel had done to her.
"He...he did this to me?" She could feel tears starting to run down her cheeks. "H-he said t-that our story couldn't work, t-that it was a freak show! He said that he was doing it f-for me, to let me have a normal life, but it was a lie. He did this and made it impossible for me to really move on. Why?" She was furious. How could he have done this to her? He even stayed geographically near to her, making it ever harder.

"Angel and Angelus aren't so different. It could be that he did this by mistake when he bit you, but he surely knew after and kept silent about it. He was ashamed probably, but he's a greedy bastard. He couldn't bear to be near you without being with you, but at the same time, he couldn't bear to see you move on so he let the bond be."

"How can I take it off?" she asked after some seconds of silence.

"You can't. The only ways are through him or with time. It will get weaker and then eventually disappear, but it will take a few years."

Buffy pulled her knees toward her chest and hugged them, trying to feel a little bit of protection from the huge betrayal she had just discovered.

"I loved him. I would have give up anything for him," she whispered, feeling broken inside. "And how did he repay me? Going away without telling me the tiny bit about him making it impossible for me to really move on from him!" She was so distracted that when she felt Spike's arms around her she jumped, a little surprised.

"Shh, luv. Everything will be okay. Being here will make things easier. You'll fall in love again with someone that deserves your love. You'll marry him and have the lucky bastard's kid."

Strangely, Buffy started to feel better, less broken. "The sprog'll have that bumpy nose of yours and your blonde hair."

"I'm not blonde."

"You don't say." He rolled his eyes, amused by her answer. "I can see your roots from miles, Slayer."

"How we will survive without our bleach?" she joked, letting a little smile spread across her face.

They decided to lay down for a while. They both had things to work through.

"The other kind of bonds?" she asked him after almost an hour of comfortable silence. "You never got to explain them. I'm curious and we have nothing else to do."

"Well, the submission one is easy enough. It's a stronger kind of possession bond. The difference is that there are no feelings at all in it. You only do it to own another being. It's a forced kind of bond, usually done while fighting. Instead of killing the victim, he asks them to become his or her's and the loser can choose to live as a slave or to die free. After the bond is in place, you have a slave. They'll do anything you command until you free them from it or they attempt to free themselves by challenging you."

She saw him tremble a little.

"You ever..."

"Never. Angelus beat me into submission when I was still a new childe, after I tried to take him away from Dru. He hardly used our bond and it faded when he left us, but the things he used to make me do... I promised myself that I wouldn't put anyone through it without good reason."

She could see the pain and sadness in his eyes and it scared her a little to know that the man she had loved was capable of breaking the powerful vampire in front of her.

"The familiar one?" she asked, wanting to change the subject.

"It's a lot like that of a Sire and his Childe. The only difference is that the one who initiates the bond won't have the blind obedience that new Childes usually give to their Sires. It would be like being in a real family. The older beings have some kind of power over the others, but no one is obliged to follow direct orders. It's more about respect and trust."

Buffy could understand that. She usually tried to obey her mother, but because she loved her, not because she was scared of her or had to.

"This kind of bond has more power than that of a possession or submission. Members of a family can feel each other, they can tell if other members need help or have died. Sometimes, when it's very powerful, like if two vampires are real brothers, they can even communicate telepathically. And even better, if you do it with humans, you gave them some of the advantages of a union. Longer and healthier life." He smiled sadly. Again, he seemed lost in a memory.

"If only..." she heard him whisper.

"Who would have known that vampires could have healthier and longer relationship than humans." She shook her head. It was a little mind blowing. "I mean, twenty-five percent of marriages end with a divorce, but when vampires get united, it's forever."

"Yep."

They went back to thoughtful silence until the sun started to disappear behind the horizon.

"We should get back. Have a shower, it will help make you feel better." He smiled sweetly at her and then started to walk towards their home with her.

Buffy did as he suggested and discovered that it really did help her. The shower worked beautifully and after, she laid down near the fire on a bit of leather that Spike must have put down to make her more comfortable while she was drying off.

When the time came to get dressed, she remembered that she had no clean clothes. She was going to go to the lake and wash the ones she had, but when she exited the cave, she found her normal clothes on a rock near the entrance.

She smiled at the sweet gesture and then blushed at the thought of Spike quite possibly having seen her naked.