Authors Note:
And so begins the desperation of the survivors - real true desperation. Have you ever noticed how dire circumstances bring out the hidden corners of a personality?
The path ahead was lit a vibrant white, lighting up the walkway faintly at first. Bernell could barely make out the shadows of one of the groups sent ahead before they were engulfed by the white light, the snow wasn't blowing in though the entry way belied the passage of numerous people; melted and refrozen countless times. After another ten minute spell Bernell's group approached the opening of the tunnel. The light was blinding at first, the kids in the back had settled into an uneasy nap during the trip through the dark; the trip had taken an hour. Liza quickly threw a blanket over them to keep them asleep. The trip would be easier if they were sleeping, not making noise.
Joan held a hand out, signaling for the rest to wait behind. She moved out past the tunnel edges, the soft shush of the horses hooves through the snow faded the further out she went. Bernell waited anxiously, ears straining past the sound of children breathing softly, the soft suckling of Liza's baby. She was rewarded within minute by the pounding of horse hooves. Joan's mare pranced uneasily into the tunnel, Joan looked red faced. Bernell's eyes dropped to her ODM. It seemed unused.
"Move." She commanded silently, the volume betraying the urgency. "Keep up."
Her mare ran off again, Bernell spurred her own stallion into action. The beast was as powerful as Mark had declared, it burst forward like lightening from the sky; sudden, strong. Bernell shot against the back of the short seat, the wooden edge digging into her with bruising force. Liza cried out, Bernell could tell the children in the back had awoken. The older folks had taken to laying down as well, though they made no noise. With age came the wisdom to know when to stay silent. The cold wind whipped at Bernell's face, forcing her to bring her cloak up over her nose and squint her eyes.
"Keep them quiet." Bernell shouted over her shoulder, hoping the wind would carry her words back to the other adults in the carriage.
The stallions powerful legs churned beneath him, quickly eating the ground between himself and the mare before Bernell allowed him to slow. She didn't want to tire him out before they reached their destination. They would be traveling for a while and a large part of their trip was over open plains; she needed him to be able to take off at a moments notice. Joan looked over her shoulder for a moment, nodding at the carriage. Two other riders flanked them, their horses seemed to be skittish, the riders not in control. They jumped and pranced - and Bernell knew. She knew the only time these horses reacted that way was-
She turned her head back around, bracing herself for the scene she was sure would unravel before her. Only, it never came. Joan took a sharp left, riding wide around the path they were originally meant to take, the path that Mark had drawn out on their maps. Without a word Bernell matched pace, the other riders followed suit. A gathering of trees popped up in the distance, white against white, as they crested a small hill. Joan motioned with her arm to keep moving forward. Bernell's mind raced. Trees were optimal for ODM movement, limiting the broad sweeps and finer mobility for even higher ground than the houses and buildings within the walls could offer, making striking the nape as easy as playing cat-and-mouse, with a team member as bait. Bernell hadn't been able to take appropriate stock, but she was sure only Joan had an ODM. Titan's didn't often make their homes in forests, too cramped. No food. They flocked to humans.
A noise drew her attention to the right. Bodies. Titans. Giant skeletons and steaming clouds rose to the sky from a sunken valley, the snow around them had melted to reveal muddy ground and pathetically dead grass. Her eyes swept the area quickly. Three titans were preoccupied, a scream went up as one of them brought a hand to its face. Further on seemed to be a small group of five or more following the path of the groups that went before. Too many people in one place. It had lured them. Her hands tightened on the reins as one of the monsters clambered to its feet, almost smelling the air. Bernell forced herself to look away, to look towards the forest. She noticed Joan had turned her head, she was watching the titans as well. Her horse skipped a step, dug its dainty hooves in and took off like a bullet. Bernell snapped her reins though the stallion needed no urging. He tossed his head as though gathering into himself. She could feel the way his body stretched out, limbs churning even harder beneath him. He quickly matched paced with the mare. Bernell didn't bother to look behind her to see if the other riders followed or could keep up; she couldn't hear them over the creaking of the wagon, the wind raging in her ears and the solid, steady beating of the stallions hooves on the ground keeping a rhythm with the golden mare.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw the two riders break off, heading back in the direction of the church tunnel. Her arms started to seize, to try and stop them before she caught herself, shaking her head and pressing forward; willing the stallion to continue, to push himself. The trees were right there. Safety was right there.
Joan snapped up out of her saddle suddenly, faster than a blink. Bernell felt her heart drop as Joan's ODM whined, pulling her back, blades swinging wide arcs of light in the setting sun. She couldn't afford to look back and see what was happening, urging her stallion onwards as the little mare continued side by side. A loud rumble, seconded moments later, and the mare spun abruptly on a back hoof, vanishing out of Bernell's sight. The ache to turn and look warred within her as she continued moving blindly forward. A path made itself visible with indentations in the blanket of snow and she shifted the wagon onto it slowly, sure not to slow pace, determined to follow the smoother path into the shadow of the forest just before her. A soft thudding made her adrenaline leap, her vision split.
Liza shouted from the back, a noise without fear. Bernell relaxed as a soft pink nose puffing out steam, followed by a golden head and neck thundered up beside her. The poor mare was covered in sweat, froth building at the corners of her mouth. Joan finally was side by side with Bernell. She looked glorious, the adrenaline of a fresh titan felling made her skin glow, her brown eyes were on fire underneath her goggles, braids tucked into her cape billowing in the breeze, cheeks and nose pink from the brisk air. She gave a cocky thumbs up as they neared the trees, but didn't slow until they were well within the shade of the forest. As Joan's horse slowed the stallion followed suit. A light sheen on his coat belied the hard trip. Bernell felt herself shocked by the animals endurance. He really was spectacular.
Joan slapped the neck of her filly, who shook her head in response. Joan laughed a little.
"She's an ornery thing. Mad at me now cuz I made her work so hard." Her voice was low and light, youthful. "We'll meet up with the others in a few hours. There shouldn't be any titans lurking in here but don't let your guard down. Stay vigilant and aware."
"So what happened out there?" Bernell's voice was low, her hands too tight on the reins.
Joan shrugged, "Two Titans started following us. None of them were special though so felling them wasn't hard. It was nice to get the practice in."
As though she could feel Bernell's side glance she elaborated. "I volunteered to be out here. I've been in the Military Police so long the novelty wore off. Just protecting a bunch of fat, lazy, useless, spoiled pigs who'd rather see the rest get slaughtered if they could keep eating their twenty plate meals." She shook her head, the venom in her tone was deadly, "I was in the top three in my class. All that talent wasted to protect spoiled asses." She spat as though she had eaten something foul. "May a titan eat them all."
Bernell choked on her gasp. Lisa must have overheard because she piped up.
"Amen." She seconded, "They never did nothing for me or my baby."
Bernell turned to look at her, forcing her hands to relax. Lisa's face was turned away, looking out into the trees, scanning for things in the shadows. The children were leaning over the edges of the cart now, talking with the older couple about the different plants and wildlife they saw. Under the canopy of the evergreens the snow was sparser here, falling in patches rather than coating the ground. It was warmer too. It made sense that Lisa had been the mistress of a wealthy man. It was why she had been so clean; why she and her baby had survived. Bernell's eyes lifted further back, the two on horse back in the distance trailing after them, their horses far more calm now that they were away from the stench of death and blood. You could breed them for whatever temperament you wanted; you couldn't rid them of their basic flight or fight instinct. She was sure that one of those riders had been assigned to keep Lisa safe.
A pang of anger shot through her, but Bernell wouldn't dwell on that. Not right now. Not as the sun stretched along the treeline, darkening - casting shadows and making her cargo jumpy.
Joan pulled her mare to a halt, swinging a leg over the side and letting her drink from the nearby pond. Bernell followed suit, amazed at the purity of the air, the lush fauna and flora around her; deer watched on quivering legs in a snow back, squirrels darted between branches chirping madly, raining old pine needles down on them. Bernell had never had the chance to enjoy something so amazing. Hesitantly she sat on the ground. Even the dirt was different, damp and rich, stiff from the ice that had permeated the ground. She scraped some with her nail, noticing the way the ants and worms writhed around beneath her. Spiders crawled about dead grass blades and sticks from plants that couldn;t withstand the cold, building their webs. One, a very small, thin legged thing found it's way on her finger and began weaving around her hands. She smiled and let it back down, removing her boots and socks, standing in awe of the way the pure Earth beneath her feet felt.
It was soft and malleable. She sent Joan a look, the woman smiled and lay down in the dirt beside her, shivering slightly.
"The titans most likely won't bother us unless they're really close by." She inhaled deeply, waving her arms above her to the canopy. "There's too much wildlife around us, too much fresh air. We're probably still too close to town for them to smell - or sense or detect or whatever it is they do - our little group. Plus with the horses and the deer... I think we're perfectly safe here for the time being. As long as we stay silent." She added strongly, catching the gaze of each child, raising a finger to her lips. "Stay quiet or the titans will find us."
"And we'll be eaten." The older boy, at least 11, nodded wisely, his freckles falling in pattern with the dappling of weak sunlight through the branches above.
Gabriel's eyes went wide and he gasped. Ezra mimicked him, not fully understanding but smart enough to know being eaten wasn't ideal.
"We'll rest here for a little bit." Joan stood with a groan, rubbing her thighs. "My muscles aren't use to all this exertion." She grinned sadly, "I'll find us something to eat."
The elderly man looked up suddenly, "How exactly?" the man asked, his mouth missing some teeth.
"Hunt." She responded tartly.
The old man clicked, turning to the woman and muttering sourly. Bernell was torn for a moment before she spun on a heel, yelping a little at the way the ground tore beneath her foot.
"Joan," She had to jog to catch up, "Joan, can I join you?"
The brown eyes of the older woman clouded with a frown as she shook her head, "You can help me clean whatever I bring back, but we're on a time sensitive mission. We only have a couple hours before we need to get moving again, nights going to fall sooner rather than later out here. I just don't have the time to teach you." She bit her lip when Bernell's face fell. "Besides," she admitted sheepishly, lowering her voice as she cast her gaze to the group before her, "I don't really know how to hunt either. Why don't you unhitch Cerberus," she motioned to the stallion still hitched to the wagon, "and let him cool down for a bit. Get the other horses relaxed again. We want them to be in top shape. We're gunna be running through a couple hours of flat land again before we find the camp site. It should be in another forested area." She clasped Bernell's shoulder, "get it done."
"Why me?" Bernell took a step back, shook her head.
Joan smiled sourly, "Well first off, Mark has singled you out for some reason. Secondly, these people are following you. You were put in charge of their well being. Lisa might have been in charge but for the baby taking up all her time, the other two guys are too skittish - cowards." She sniffed in disdain of her comrades. "And that leaves us elderly and youth. It's you, whether you like it or not."
With that she strode off, leaving Bernell to mull and think on whether she wanted this role or not as she removed the harness from the stallion's dark coat. Bernell rubbed his side as she worked the sweat off him with a rag. He was a gentle giant, patient and forgiving when the younger children milled about his legs and pulled his tail. Once Bernell had finished she let him wander, his lead draped over his neck and knotted to avoid getting it tangled. She watched him, contemplating for a moment as he stepped gingerly into the pond, his withers quivered for a minute before he dipped his head to drink.
It was ethereal almost; the beauty of the moment, how serene and peaceful everything was. No screaming neighbors, no stink of waste, no carts passing by the house at all hours or kids knocking the laundry line down. No bugs hanging in clouds, the air was clean and fresh - the scenery was mystical. Like the pictures in the books she had read before and for the first time Bernell felt something like hope. Something like a soothing water over her heart. She watched her boys chasing after a small family of ducks waddling away, the ducklings squawking in panic as their mother led them away. It was then her calm broke, tears came unbidden. The force of her sorrow bringing her to her knees in the dirt, her shoes falling to the ground beside her - half frozen feet and hands forgotten. She smothered her sobs from behind the wagon, hiding behind the large wheel, ducking her head between her knees and grasping the tines to hold herself steady. She felt the sobs from deep within, forcing their way out from that space behind her lungs, scratching and clawing their way past her throat to erupt behind her left hand. Her eyes felt too tight, too warm, the tears burned her face where they ran.
Tom would never see her sons age. He would never kiss her again. He wouldn't exist. He didn't exist.
Bernell felt shame crawl over her sorrow, easing the tears and burning completely new in her gut. She'd been so preoccupied that the death of her husband hadn't affected her. She stared at the ground for a while, pressing her right hand, cold from lack of circulation, against her eyes to ease the swelling and redness. She had dishonored her husband's memory, she stood, trudging around the side of the wagon. Bernell felt the curious glances, relieved no one asked her anything; upset no one asked her anything. They knew she'd been crying, they could see it in her face, they could hear her muffled sobs. Even the older children avoided her - as though her pain was contagious.
"You." She snapped at the Garrison regiment soldiers Joan had left behind, "cool your horses down, take their tack off. We'll be resting here a while."
If they were going to treat her like a fresh burn, then damn them, she would burn.