Chapter 5

As you fade right behind my eyelids

I get the feeling it's so familiar

But I can't do a thing to stop this now

I can't believe this is happening to me again

-Get Scared – My Nightmare

Blaine ran. He ran like he never had before. He ran as soon as he saw Matthew's body hit the ground. He ran towards his best mate, not caring that he could get shot at any minute. Nothing mattered anymore. All that mattered was getting to Matthew's side.

"Matt!" Blaine screamed, breathless as he fell on his knees beside his bloodied friend. Blood was gushing out on his chest and he took shallow, pained breaths. "Mattie, don't you die on me. Don't you dare." Blaine called Matt the nickname that the soldier pretended to hate. "Stay with me. Don't go to sleep!" He said, panicked when he saw Matt's eyes begin to droop and his breathing became even shallower.

"Bl-Blaine…" Matt choked out and Blaine noticed how his teeth had blood on them too, which meant internal bleeding, which was very, very bad. "Promise me something…"

"No! Don't say goodbye, not now. I need you. I need you to help me get through this hell. You promised me! You promised you would! You don't get to leave me, not now, not ever." The tears on Blaine's face mixed with the dirt and the blood but he didn't care. All he cared about was Matthew and how his hands were now completely covered with his blood and how he spoke with such difficulty and how his every breath looked like it would be his last.

"Blaine!" He raised his voice slightly with the remainder of the energy that he had left. That got the attention of his friend and he looked into his eyes, "promise me that- that you will make it to the end of this war an-and live the rest of your life like you deserve." Blaine let out a sob at his best friend's words. "You have to promise me you will find that boy of yours that you won't shut up about and live a happy life." It was obvious that with every word Matt became weaker and it got harder and harder to speak but he pushed through it because there was more that he wanted to say to Blaine. "Be careful, don't make the same mistake that I did and walk out when guns are blazing." Matt made a humorless joke, "and I have to ask you something." Matt reaches into a side pocket of his uniform and with a shaking hand takes out a piece of paper, it's bent like it's been in his pocket for quite a while now and slightly dirty. "Please Blaine, please give this to my wife. Because I believe in you. You will make it through this." Blaine sobbed even harder because this was a true honest goodbye. Matthew was sure he was going to die.

"Of course I will," Blaine said through the tears, looking around if there was anyone there that could help him.

"I hope everything works out for you, Blaine. I'm sorry." And with that Matthew's eyes closed and he slumped in Blaine's arms, lifeless.

"No," Blaine said calmly at first, mind still not able to process what had just happened. "NO! Somebody help me!" Blaine screamed. "Matt! Please no! I can't do this without you!" Blaine felt hands on him, pulling him away from the body of his friend but he didn't understand what was happening. All that was running through his head was 'Matt is dead' over and over again. He gave up, in the end, slumping into the arms of the other person, still crying and shaking violently with the force of his sobs, clutching the paper given to him by Matt and promising in his mind that he will do what Matt asked him to.

Blaine felt like somebody was shaking him and through his sleep fogged mind, he thought that somebody was calling his name so he shot up straight, looking around for danger but d in seeing nothing. His eyes landed on Kurt's face and he sighed in relief. "You were having a nightmare," Kurt explained, moving away from Blaine after making sure that he was ok.

"Sorry about that," Blaine said wiping at his eyes after realizing that tears were escaping them. "I'm fine now." He tried to reassure but Kurt didn't look convinced at all.

"No. You're not, Blaine. You were tossing and turning and crying in your sleep. That's not normal, something is obviously distressing you." Kurt said. "You only slept for two hours."

"Well, I don't think that I'm going to be able to sleep anymore." Blaine shuddered and felt his heart fill with dread when he remembered the nightmare. "Wait, I need to check something," Blaine said and jumped off the couch and went to his bag that was leaning on the other side of it. He opened it with some difficulty because he wasn't used to only using one hand, especially his left hand for everyday tasks like this. He went through a stack of papers and felt the weight lift off his shoulders when his eyes landed on one in particular. The one that Matt gave him. Blaine's eyes filled with tears again when he saw a stain of Matt's blood on the page that he left when he took it from Matt's shaking hand. He could still see the picture in his head. Matthew laying on the ground, the stain of deep red getting bigger and bigger in his uniform, looking almost black on the camouflage green. And then he saw himself sitting beside the figure and doing everything in his power to stop it from flowing.

Kurt had never seen anyone this restless in their sleep. Even before Blaine showed any signs of having a nightmare, he still stirred at the slightest move made by Kurt. But then he started moaning as in pain and mattering a name "Matt" over and over again. And when Kurt came closer he saw that Blaine's cheeks glistened with tears and he was moving constantly, uninjured hand clutching the blanket.

Just when Kurt touched his shoulder, shook him once and called his name, Blaine was awake and looking around, vigilantly. It was like he was expected to be attacked. But he went from being in an alert and panicked mode to acting like he was fine in seconds.

Kurt was surprised when Blaine leaped off the couch and went to his bag. Out of a stack of old looking papers, he pulled out one and stared at it with a very faraway look in his eyes. Blaine was in another place and when his breathing started to get labored, Kurt knew something was wrong.

"Blaine, are you ok?" Blaine didn't react. He was still sitting on his knees, hand gripping the page, crumpling it slightly but Kurt grabbed his hand before he could do any more damage to it. It seemed like it was important to Blaine and he would be upset that he ruined it when he came back to himself. Blaine jumped at Kurt's touch but his breathing didn't slow down. He was letting out shuddering breaths and shaking his head as if trying to get rid of a thought or an image that was in his mind.

"Blaine you need to calm down," Kurt said seriously, taking Blaine's hand in his own after prying the paper out of its before he crumpled it completely and putting it to the side. Kurt squeezed the hand to bring the man's attention back to him before he started talking again. "Breathe with me alright?" Kurt waited until he got a slight nod in return. He was relieved that Blaine wasn't completely inside his own mind and was able to focus on what Kurt was telling him. Kurt knew what was happening and he knew how to deal with it. Blaine was having a panic attack. Kurt has had a fair share of those back when he was in high school and before Blaine came into the picture, there was no one to help him through them because he didn't trust anyone enough to even tell them about his problem. But Kurt remembered Blaine's arms around him and the whispered reminders that told him to "just breathe" and how much they helped. He learned how to control them with Blaine's help, stopped having them because of Blaine and now he just had to return the favor.

"That's it." He encouraged gently when he saw that Blaine's breathing was slowly but steadily returning to normal. Blaine was coming back to himself, pushing the memories that brought him to this state to the back of his mind and coming back to reality that was much more pleasant. Kurt wanted to know what caused this but he knew better than to ask. He didn't want to make Blaine feel worse or cause another attack but he was curious. He was curious about a lot of things that had to do with Blaine.

They sat there for a long moment until Blaine calmed down completely and opened his eyes to look at Kurt. Realizing that he was still holding Blaine's hand he quickly snatched his own away, regretting the action because it made Blaine recoil too. The silence was awkward and Kurt mumbled something about getting Blaine some water before walking to the kitchen, glad that he was able to escape.

While pouring the water into the cup he thought about the last four hours. Everything that happened from the completely unexpected phone call to this exact minute. He never expected to ever see Blaine again and he came to terms with that so now he was confused. He was confused because he thought Blaine had moved on and was living his own life. He thought that Blaine moved, maybe even to New York, and was in a university studying music but this was not the lifestyle that he expected Blaine would choose.

Kurt flinched and nearly dropped the cup into the sink when he felt something cold on his hand. He realized that he zoned out and the water spilled over the edge of the cup and onto his skin. He was quick to turn off the water and pour some out so the cup wasn't filled to the top and took a deep breath, preparing to go back into the living room.

Blaine was sitting on the couch once again, angrily trying to open something that looked like a bottle of pills but failing to do so as his hand slipped every time he tried to turn the lid. "Need a little help with that?" Kurt asked, walking over to Blaine's side and sitting beside Blaine, but not too close to make things awkward again.

"Yes please." Blaine handed over the small bottle. "I must've jarred my shoulder in my sleep or something. Realized only now that it hurt like a bitch." He explained. He watched as Kurt set the cup on the table and easily twisted the lid off the bottle. Blaine hated how he needed help with the simplest tasks. He felt helpless.

"How many do you need?" Kurt asked. He knew that Blaine was never the one who liked taking pills or admitting that he was in pain so it must really hurt if he was so open about it. And Kurt had noticed how Blaine gritted his teeth and squinted his eyes like he usually did when he was hurt, and he noticed how Blaine's right shoulder and arm were stiff and tensed from the pain. It really did look like it hurt like a bitch even if Blaine did try to act tough.

"They said one… or two if it really hurt." Blaine mumbled, not really answering Kurt's question.

"So… one or two?" Kurt looked at him, waiting for an answer.

"Two."

Kurt winced as he thought of how much it had to hurt and proceeded to shake three small white pills into the palm of his hand and handing them to Blaine. Immediately, Blaine tilted his head back and popped the pills into his mouth, taking the cup that was passed to him by Kurt so he could wash them down, making a face at the bitter taste.

"Thanks," Blaine said in a raspy voice and passed the cup back to Kurt who dismissively placed it on the coffee table once again.

"Do you want to go back to sleep or…?" Kurt knew that Blaine knew what he was suggesting. He didn't want to push him into anything but he was way too curious for his own good and he did think that he at least deserved to know why Blaine was in the state that he was in and had nowhere to go besides his ex-boyfriend.

"I don't think I can sleep anymore. So I guess I should tell you why I'm here."