6. FIND OUT FOR CERTAIN
He did all right in the light of the sun, but when it came time to take watch at night, Zelos couldn't help the ferocity of adrenaline keeping him up. It was especially bad the second night, when there was no sand surrounding them to alert them of intruders and no woods for camouflage. To Sheena, it must have seemed odd that he wanted to plop down in a patch of rocks midday and nap—well, odd, or typical, depending on whether she realized the reason for his doing it.
But by the third day of trekking, they'd made it to the outskirts of Iselia. With the town in the distance, the pair picked up their pace.
"Does it smell… weird here to you?" Sheena prompted. When she saw the suspicion on Zelos's face, she clarified, "Like wet dog, or something?"
Zelos carefully sniffed the air. "No, can't be. That doesn't smell like a dog at all. Actually, it kinda smells like Noishe…"
The two locked eyes. "Noishe!"
"Lloyd's gotta be close by!" Sheena said excitedly.
"Let's get a move on, then!"
It didn't take long for the smell to intensify; then, a familiar whine. Not far ahead, a figure in red stood up. Well, gee, wasn't it lucky for them that Lloyd was standing at the gates instead of in the middle of the forest.
"Lloooooyd!" Sheena called, starting to jog.
"Yo, Lloyd!" Zelos echoed.
A confused Lloyd dropped the firewood he'd collected. "Wha…? Sheena? Zelos? What are you guys doing here?"
When Sheena reached him, she side-stepped and swung one arm around the stunned swordsman. But the moment didn't hold, and Zelos ran into an embrace that squished them all together.
"My bud!" Zelos squawked.
"Egh—Zelos—can't breathe!" Lloyd coughed.
Sheena wedged herself out of the huddle and pushed Zelos's arm. "It's so good to see you!" she directed at the now-freed Lloyd. "You look—good!" The words stammered out before she could perfect them. And there were her eyes, now shining in the shade of her face.
"Heh. Well, I'm nothing if I don't have my health, right?" Lloyd joked. He quickly bent over to collect the dropped firewood.
Zelos let a laugh resound just a little too long. "Yeah, at least that."
"S-so, what are you doing here? Is your journey to find the Exspheres over?" Sheena asked quickly.
In the tense moment before Lloyd answered, Zelos looked at the sky and dragged his fingers through his hair. She had to ask that, eh? When, standing right in front of Lloyd, were two people still carrying Exspheres in key crests. She had to have known that Lloyd wouldn't stop until he had them all.
Of course, Lloyd didn't know that Zelos's Exsphere wasn't the Cruxis Crystal. Perhaps there was relief in the sight that Lloyd hadn't relinquished his own Exsphere, which still glimmered on his hand over the glove. Yeah, right, like Lloyd would become that sort of hypocrite. Jeez, how that fortune teller had messed with his head.
"Nah, we just decided to take a break for a little," Lloyd replied, transparent as ever. "Well, mostly because I got careless and one of my legs started hurting."
"Oh… Are you okay?" Sheena jumped.
"Yeah! My leg's all right, still kinda recovering, though…"
Zelos watched as a bent-over man approached the town gate. He was wheeling a barrow overflowing with produce.
"Hey, Lloyd! Are you gonna take some carrots today?" the man asked.
Lloyd turned to him helplessly, both arms stuffed with firewood. "I think I'll pick them up tomorrow. Thanks, though!"
Zelos adjusted the straps on the rucksack. Even if he could have offered to carry those carrots, this thing was heavy enough. He wondered why Sheena hadn't stepped in yet.
"Looks like the damage from the Desians has been cleaned up, eh," Zelos observed, "if you're all back to farming."
"Yeah!" Lloyd shouted. "We've got new fields, new houses, people moving in. It's nice!"
Lloyd began to walk through and past the village, giving the briefest tour. Zelos made sure to remember the little details—the lattice, the greens sprawling anew, windows without dust in the corners. The place was just as precocious as the kids that grew up in it. But he recalled that by now, Lloyd would have turned eighteen. Not so much a kid anymore.
Well, Iselia was nice, anyway. Shame they couldn't really return to it since they'd been spotted by the carrot guy; just an extra precaution, in case that guy weren't really selling carrots so much as information to unfavorable parties. Like anywhere else they would only be able to stay at Lloyd's place overnight. Still, he was looking forward to seeing Colette.
He opened his mouth to ask, but at that moment, Lloyd decided to turn and face Zelos and Sheena, who trotted behind.
"Y'know, you guys have been awfully quiet. You're traveling just the two of you, eh?" Lloyd prodded, a grin spreading on his boyish face.
"Hm?" Sheena tilted her head.
"Having some time alone, ehhh?"
Zelos's eyes turned to ice. It would have been funny if it were him making fun of Lloyd and Colette, who were notoriously always together. And somewhat officially "together," too. But somehow, Lloyd making fun of Zelos being with Sheena and "traveling"—most likely in the Sylvarant sense of the word—well, it was embarrassing. Mostly because Lloyd didn't see. He didn't know. He wasn't there in Mizuho when Zelos confessed he'd only thought of Sheena to bring along. He wasn't there when Zelos hauled Sheena past the threshold of an old cabin while she was poisoned and weak, or when Zelos made the deal with the terrorists not to harm her because he couldn't imagine her not living a full, happy life. Lloyd wasn't there when the mascot head of a frog hid the blush that spread across Zelos's face when Sheena stepped out of the resort looking stunning in her costume.
It was some sort of joke. So he played along.
"Her?" Zelos scoffed, and at the same time, Sheena pointed her thumb and said, "Him?"
Lloyd attempted to waggle his eyebrows but it came off as a botched seizure.
"Not a chance!"—Sheena, and Zelos simultaneously, "Not even."
Zelos let his eyes linger on Sheena, who looked at Lloyd with confidence. See, it was a funny joke. She laughed like it was funny. All those times before. When she got upset and made them search for the errant signature because it would smear his reputation. Something ached.
Lloyd bumbled over his intrusion. "Oh, uh… Heh…"
They walked in silence for a handful of moments.
"Well, speaking of awkward, where's my darling angel Colette?" Zelos boomed above the air.
"Colette? Oh, she's out of town," Lloyd answered casually.
"—She's not here?" Zelos's face fell. How could she not be here? Great, now there was no buffer between the joke and the reality.
"Yeah, she's taken up volunteering in the villages around here, teaching kids and such. Y'know, 'cause the Professor hasn't returned."
"Oh! Wow, that's…" Sheena began, but trailed off. It wasn't as though the Sages let anyone know what they were up to. They were fairly private people to the point that the newspapers couldn't seem to find them.
"Ah. I get it now," Zelos examined, turning the joke on Lloyd to forget his disdain. "So that's why you were looking so wistful with Noishe at the village gate, eh?"
"What? I—no, you—…" Lloyd laughed. He faced forward with his head up, but even the sunset's rosy glow couldn't hide Lloyd's flush. "We're almost here, anyway. Actually, there's the bridge. My dad's gone for a few days for a project, so it's all ours. Make yourselves at home!"
Lloyd went on ahead and dumped the firewood at the side of the house, then detoured briefly to his mother's grave.
After crossing the bridge, Zelos glanced sidelong at Sheena, who had been terse.
"I bet you're feeling that ember starting up again, aren't you?" he asked.
"Wh…?"
"Y'know. You, and Lloyd…"
Sheena shoved Zelos—almost into the creek. Definitely blushing this time, and definitely mad at him. "Wow, you're an idiot."
"Ow! Geez! But that's not an answer," Zelos muttered.
"Ugh! I'm going inside," Sheena stormed, following Lloyd, now, into the house.
Zelos let out a loud, ringing laugh before stepping into the house himself.
The door opened to reveal the same warm home they'd visited a few times back in the day. Except now, swords on plaques lined the walls and there was a humongous throw rug of a bear in the middle of the living room. "Wow, Lloyd, what's the deal with this bear?"
"I know, right? Pretty cool!" Lloyd said. He set down his swords and picked up a large dish.
"Um… but, is it real?" Zelos asked, creeping closer to the thing and kneeling to inspect it.
"The world will never know!"
Lloyd added some sort of feed meat to the dish and set it outside for Noishe.
"'Cause I mean, if you killed it yourself, that's cool. But if you just bought it because you thought it looked cool…"
Meanwhile, Sheena sat on a far couch and stretched a little.
"Zelos, some things are better left off as secrets!"
"I don't know. Now you've got me intrigued. Just what the heck did you get up to while you were out in the world with Colette, hm?"
Lloyd kicked off his shoes, which prompted Sheena to do the same from across the room. And Zelos finally set down the rucksack, taking off the traveling cloak as well.
"There were lots of monsters still out," Lloyd explained. "But then, there were also lots of vendors. You'll never know!"
"Come onnnnnn," Zelos whined. "Why would you need a bear rug?"
"Maybe my dad got it, you don't know!"
"Which dad, huh? 'Cause if one of them picked that out, he's turned out to be even more interesting than I imagined, and if it was the other, I wouldn't be surprised…"
Sheena sighed heavily, staring down the two. Lloyd, noticing, turned to her.
"What's up?" Lloyd asked. Ah, with that kind smile on his face.
"Well, I guess I'm a little tired. Mind if I take a bath?" Sheena asked.
Oh, yeah. Zelos supposed she hadn't properly bathed since Triet. He'd kept up with washing every time they came across water—no shame, and vanity, he supposed—but she was always so fussy about having a real bathroom for that. He could hardly blame her. Yeah, he was such a pervert, there was no way he could possibly respect her privacy by looking the other way.
"No problem! Let me go get you a towel," Lloyd offered.
There was a moment when Zelos almost twitched, when Lloyd and Sheena both went upstairs and the sound of water being drawn echoed through the house. But when Lloyd came back down, ease crept back in. It wasn't like with Regal, where he felt the need to be formal and collected. It was Lloyd's house, and so he took full advantage of the comfy couches while Sheena was gone.
Lloyd and Zelos shot the breeze, mostly, while they waited. Then, Lloyd rummaged in a cabinet and brandished a bottle of wine and a bottle of some country whiskey.
"What do you think? We'll make it a party?" he asked.
"I mean, why the heck not!"
Laughter burst through the very seams of the house. Lloyd, Sheena, and Zelos sat sloppily on the floor, drinks in hand.
"Oh! Oh, let's sing it again!" Zelos cried. He adopted the persona of the hay cart driver, scowl and all. "OHHHHH!"
"DESTINATION, I DON'T KNOW, HEIGH HO, HEIGH HOOOO!" the three began, "MOUNTED ON MY STEED I'LL GO! HEIGH HOOOOO! HEIGH HOOOOOOOO! WHEN THE DAY IS OVER, IT WILL BE TO-MOOOORROW! IT'LL HAPPEN, I WILL GO, IF THE WHOLE WORLD SHOULD END! SENDING ME STRAIGHT BACK TO MY HOOOOOME!"
Sheena raised her glass defiantly. "Kampai, guys!"
"Kampai!" Lloyd and Zelos chimed.
The whiskey was gone, and the wine was well on its way. At some point between shots, Sheena managed to whip up a decent chicken dish, and the three were gorged on food and drink. Zelos, moreso, the drink.
"I got an idea. I got an idea," he insisted.
"What's your idea, Zelos?" Sheena obliged, altogether less drunk.
Zelos leaned over toward Lloyd with leery eyes. "You ever played the game never-have-I-ever?"
"Whassat?" Lloyd asked.
"It's s'posed to be a drinking game, but I think we're past that. And you just say stuff, y'know," Zelos tried to explain.
Sheena jumped in. "You, um, you say things you think other people have done but you haven't."
"I'll try anything once!" Lloyd shouted.
"Okay-okay-okay. Me first. Put up your hands," Zelos instructed, pawing at Lloyd, then Sheena.
"Why's that?"
"'Cause if you've done it, you put a finger down, and then when you have no fingers, you lose," Sheena said.
"Okay. Here. Never have I ever been born in Sylvarant," Zelos began. He laughed. "That's too easy."
Begrudgingly, Lloyd put down a finger. "That's not fair! I can't control that!"
"Pshh, never have I ever given a damn about that. Come on, it's your turn, Bud!"
Lloyd gave a calculating look. "All right… never have I ever studied at an academy!"
Sheena and Zelos shared a glance, then put down a finger each.
"Talk about unfair! All right, fine. Never have I ever used a sword in battle!" Sheena gloated, victorious over the two boys.
One more down, each. "This is kid stuff. I just said that first one as an example, y'know," Zelos mumbled. "Never have I ever… kissed someone of the same gender!" He winked across to Sheena.
A moment of silence passed before Lloyd ruptured out with, "WHAAAAT! What kind of a question is that?!"
"… Why, Lloyd, do you have some sort of a secret—!" Sheena burst out laughing.
Lloyd turned red; or was it from the booze? "It doesn't count if you were a kid, right?!" he protested. "I—I thought he was a girl because of his hair…"
"I'm not a benevolent god," Zelos said. "Totally counts."
"Bah! Damn you!" Lloyd scowled, putting down a finger.
Sheena smirked over another sip of wine.
"Fine, then. Never have I ever split town in the middle of the night to sleep with someone!" Lloyd countered.
But that was his secret weapon. "Ahh hah, you can't get that one out of me," Zelos proclaimed.
"What are you talking about? You said it yourself in the sewers," Sheena argued. She pointed a finger at him, then poked at his arm.
"Oh. Did I say that? Because what I thought I said was, I used to sneak back into the city at night. I didn't say where I was going!"
"But you implied it!"
"Yeah, Zelos, what else would you be doing?"
Zelos's face shaded grimly. "What do you think I was doing?"
Lloyd squared his eyes and squinted. But Sheena quickly looked away.
"Ahh, hah hah, yeah, I was busy, but not with fun. And I never left for the sole purpose of sleeping with someone, so," Zelos explained, "even if that happened, it's not how it started. Not puttin' my finger down."
"You pig," Sheena groaned.
"Didn't say it happened," Zelos corrected her. He wasn't sure why his mouth was particularly insistent upon playing by the rules, but hopefully nobody would pick up on it.
"Speaking of pig, I'm getting hungry again. I'm gonna look for the bacon," Lloyd said. He rose and walked to the kitchen.
Sheena glared at Zelos before hoisting herself up. "You know, you don't have to have some moral high-ground, or whatever."
"What? I'm… no, that's not what I meant. It's just a game about truth," Zelos hummed.
Sheena paused, then slumped into a half-smile. "Just because I was winning, anyway."
Zelos got lost in the space between when Lloyd got up for bacon and when Sheena came back with a plate full, and handed Zelos a glass of water.
"Zelos, have some water," Lloyd called.
"Nope... nope, can't have any more... so full... soooo..."
Zelos flopped down on the bear rug with the grace of—well, Colette and a wall. The head of the bear was stunningly plush, although the effect may have been augmented with inebriation. But at least it was comfortable for now, and the couch was free. There would be no excuses for Sheena to sleep elsewhere, eh?
He rolled to his left side and snuggled his face into the animal. "Now it'ssss just you and me, señor bear. Señor oso. Oso sleepyyyy..." he mumbled to himself. The pull of the drink was too strong to overcome.
For a while, Lloyd and Sheena watched Zelos, chatting quietly, making sure he was still breathing. There was no real danger, of course. The Exsphere was already working through the drink in their systems. In fact, Sheena wasn't feeling dizzy at all, which marked the first time during the journey that she was less drunk than Zelos. At least when he was sleeping, he wasn't mouthing off.
She sighed. Lloyd arranged himself on the couch with a blanket over his shoulders, sliding sideways into a half-nap. But there were dirty dishes and cups lying around, so she didn't feel comfortable curling up on the other end of the couch.
In the kitchen, Sheena quickened her hands as they washed various cups and dishes. She craned her neck half-heartedly to make sure Zelos hadn't aspirated or whatever, then resumed washing at full, haphazard speed.
Out of the silence, Lloyd spoke, revealing that he hadn't been sleeping for real. "I don't think I've ever seen Zelos this drunk. I mean, I've seen him drunk, just not..." He gestured and gave an unsure grin. Then he hauled himself off the couch and snuck to the kitchen.
"You can take the man out of Meltokio, but you can't take Meltokio out of the man," Sheena quipped, grinning back. "You'll have to excuse him."
"Wow, covering for Zelos? Never thought I'd see the day. Are you sure this trip isn't... you know?" Lloyd waggled his eyebrows ineptly.
Sheena didn't sigh, didn't chortle out a reply. Did the water get hotter all of a sudden? It felt like her hands were burning. Lloyd looking at her that way. Saying things about Zelos, sure, but that half-grin.
Say something and sound like you're catching your foot in the door, or say something else and betray the real reason you're here? It was a tightrope.
But before Sheena could get out her words, Lloyd had risen and began to walk toward her disarmingly. "Sorry I've made you cook and do the dishes tonight. I really should have gotten up sooner," he admitted.
"No worries. Actually, I… I don't mind this sort of thing. And I'm done, anyhow," she rushed, wiping her hands on the little apron tied around her waist. "See? All good. But actually… this apron, you should have Colette mend it. It's got this rip on one side."
Lloyd gave a chortle.
On the floor, Zelos rolled over and pulled the bear rug over himself. That purgatory between sleeping and waking left him haunted with Sheena and Lloyd's laughing voices.
"Rise and shine!"
Zelos's eyelids flew up as he felt the warmth thrown off of him.
"Gah!"
"Time to get up now!" Lloyd stood over him, glass of water in one hand and the blanket in the other. Wait... blanket? Where was the bear rug?
Zelos sat up, now fully aware of his placement on the couch. Also, the pounding of his head. Ugh, why had he fallen asleep before the Exsphere processed that alcohol?
"Why am I here?" he asked drowsily.
"I moved you to the couch. You were getting handsy with the bear. Oh, and here's the water you didn't drink," Lloyd said.
Zelos took the tepid water with a hearty swig then scoured his surroundings. Sunlight spilled nearly perpendicular into the room. There was the bear, propped up against the wall. The rucksack was gone or moved; Sheena's shoes were gone as well. In fact, there didn't seem to be any sign of her. Hastily, Zelos asked, "Where's Sheena?"
"She's running an errand, actually. Been up for hours."
"Huh… I thought she didn't get up that early anymore," Zelos mused.
Lloyd looked confused. "I thought she was always up before everyone else… Huh."
But Lloyd hadn't been there…
Ugh. His head. Zelos drank a little more, his stomach swollen and angry.
"Hey, finish that up soon, 'cause we've got some work to do today!" Lloyd chirped.
"Wha—? Work?"
"Yeah! Remember, last night? You and Sheena said you'd do some odd jobs for me to repay me for housing you crazy kids."
"… I don't remember that part," Zelos admitted.
"Well, don't think about it too much, or you'll hurt yourself! C'mon, we've gotta go to work!"
As it turned out, Lloyd's idea of an odd job was working on the farm of that produce peddler from the day before. And since Zelos didn't have much of a choice, he borrowed a pair of undersized, dirt-encrusted boots, heading out to the fields with Lloyd. Armed with a shovel and a brown-bagged, halfhearted sandwich, Zelos was sent to the animal stalls.
"What do you owe this guy, anyway?" Zelos asked, midday.
Lloyd, hauling a seed bag over his shoulder, yelled back, "Nothing! He just needed my help!"
Zelos smirked. Lloyd could be such a goody two-shoes. But why couldn't those two shoes be polished and dancing upon a maple wood floor? Or even kicked up across a footstool?
The initial whining didn't last forever. As the sun glared down and gave some warmth to the autumn air, Zelos noticed he was sweating. Replacing the mud in the pigpen proved to be nearly back-breaking. Not like he'd even grown up with animals—he'd had something of an allergy, and Sebastian always wanted the house in tip-top shape. Pets wouldn't do. He thought of the bacon he didn't have the day before.
Then, he thought of the brother–sister duo from Izoold. That brother had gotten stronger by way of working in those fields. If it were good enough for him, it would be good enough for Zelos. Instead of dreading the rest of his day, Zelos threw himself into it with new vigor. And if nothing else, it'd make a good story for Seles, right?
See? He could do this. Maybe not forever, but in the quiet countryside, this day revived his spirit and his lingering hangover. Surely, the sheltered life of a Chosen led to more money, but what about spirit? He felt like he was missing something. Shame they had to leave so soon; there was a nobility hard physical labor. Lloyd was doing this all for someone in his town just because he could, and with an injured leg. When was the last time Zelos did something for a person like that without compensation? Well, Sheena aside. She didn't count.
When the sun fell lower in the sky, the nerves hit him again. Luckily, Lloyd thought that heading back sounded like a good idea, and Zelos was able to convince him to go back. Except, Zelos could go ahead—Lloyd had to make some arrangements with the farm's owner, and he'd be there soon.
Zelos thought of Sheena and wondered what type of errand she'd have run for Lloyd so early in the morning; hoped she'd be back by now. Maybe she'd come down the stairs and see him covered in the sweat of a hard day's labor. Maybe her jaw would be just a little bit agape, and she'd make a sly grin and say, "Wow, you actually worked hard in the field?"
Ugh. Because that's what would impress someone from Mizuho. He put his hand to his head admonishingly. Was he really doing it to see the look on her face? Or did he just want to feel the high, clear air in his lungs, and something like normalcy in this quiescent place?
He stomped the budding hope. She'd say, "You think one day makes up for a lifetime of laziness?" and punch him for what he'd say afterward, and then they'd get on their way toward the coast. It was just a trip for runaways, after all.
A comforting, perfected smell met Zelos as he opened the door to the small house. As soon as he crossed through and saw her standing in the kitchen with her back to him, he knew something was up. That apron. Carefree little grin. The way she didn't even acknowledge that he'd walked in the door alone, covered in muck and dust. The stove was on and there were hefty piles of vegetables lying around for what looked like a soup way more garnished and nourishing than the one she'd given him before this whole mess started; the one in the meeting room with Orochi just sitting there, waiting for him to screw it up. He noticed a small wealth of carrots.
Carrots…
Sheena hummed a little song as she stirred, completely unaware of the outside world. Completely completing the image of a cozy house in the middle of nowhere with all the time in the world. Zelos had to make sure it was real. He coughed just loudly enough for it to rouse her.
"Ah—! Don't startle me like that," Sheena gasped, turning to see her visitor. "Lloyd told me you were going to work the fields today. I didn't think you'd actually do it. I'll bet the one doing most of the work was him…!"
Though she smiled and returned to her work (now adding vegetables, now red satay), her words still didn't sound right. He could have lived a thousand years in a scenario like this if she hadn't opened her mouth. "Lloyd" this and "Lloyd" that. It kept him on his toes to have a word give him such a visceral reminder that he didn't belong here.
Just what did she think this was, anyway?! Some hidden pocket of the world where nothing bad could happen?
So when she continued to ignore him as he took replaced the borrowed shoes, he said, "Dinner, eh?" perhaps a little more gruffly than he should have. It was more of a reflex than anything to see the woman with whom he'd been sharing meals, rooms, beds, journeys just standing there and putting effort into something that was just so obviously not meant for him.
No response. She kept putting vegetables into the stew. Nothing like a passive-aggressive afternoon.
"'S that dinner you're making?" Zelos asked again, a little more loudly.
Sheena whipped her head around but wouldn't look him in the eye. "Yeah. You got a problem or something?"
"… Not at all," he began, "Oh, except, how long were you planning on staying here exactly?" More anger-edged silence. "You know, those terrorists a while back… we don't know when they could resurface. We agreed we wouldn't stay anywhere for more than one night, remember?"
Sheena moved to extinguish the fire and wiped her hands on a cloth, still unspeaking.
"Okay, I know I was joking around yesterday, but this is really important. Look, can't you just give it up already?"
"Give what up, Zelos?" Sheena barked. Finally, she turned to him and glared straight into his eyes. In that moment, it became perfectly clear: this would be a woman scorned. But did she know what she was doing to him? Playing coy, playing dumb, but then following him around the world without question, and creating happy little moments. Actually caring for his well-being. It all changed when she stepped over the Irving threshold. She played the housewife role, but not for him. No, in her eyes, he was invisible here. He stood knee-deep in manure all day, for god's sake, and all she could think of was to call him lazy?
"… As if you have to ask," he replied. As if you have to pretend you're not head-over-heels in love with someone else. He saw that glimmer of hope in her eye the whole night yesterday; he knew what Lloyd was.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sheena said sharply.
Zelos sighed, exhausted with her little games. "Look, I want a straight answer before I go clean up. If you want to… stay here instead of coming with me, you should be clear about it. It's your choice. Just… if you stay, I think you know what you'd be getting into, and believe me when I say, the only one who's gonna end up hurt will be you. You've gotta pick your battles, as they say."
He was surprised that he hadn't been run through with a kitchen knife for the blunt impudence of his comment. It was unlike Sheena to be so quiet. Even if it was something that needed to be said, Zelos's provocation wasn't getting any reaction other than tense silence from across the room.
He continued, "Oh, so this isn't about matters of the heart, then. Ah, yeah, never mind I said any of that. I'll bet you have plenty of suitors asking for your hand, eh? Am I right? Well, even if you don't, I could always go and find you one, since you're not attached to anyone or anything. Just say the word an—"
All the shrieking he had ever heard in his life, from the cries of his half-sister as a child to the sobs of a grown man at the wrong end of a Cruxis blade, could not prepare him for Sheena's response. "That is ENOUGH!" she shouted. "How—How dare you insinuate that anyone, much less that I could be as careless and shallow as you!"
"… What was that, now?" Stunned, he felt more menacing than ever.
"If this girl isn't fun anymore, you'll go to that one. If not that one, then another! They're all expendable to the Great Zelos Wilder. Maybe someone like you just can't understand, you know, actually liking someone enough to want to be with them for more than a day—"
"How can you say that?" Zelos said, anger focusing to the tips of his teeth. He meant to scare her off with his teasing about Lloyd, but she'd taken it way beyond that. Sure, he may seem shallow on the outside and he may flirt with any given woman. But this trip was something sacred. It was a little piece of himself that he could share with the only other soul adventurous enough; a glimpse into the man behind the mask. Was this whole trip, this whole month and a half just a joke to her? "You were the one…—! As if this all—!"
"It only hurts because it's true, anyway!" Sheena retorted.
"Stop joking around about this!"
"You, too!"
Zelos clenched his fists so hard that his nails left deep purple indentations in his palms. He had to fight the urge to punch a hole in the wall, because that wouldn't get his point across—it would just give them another reason to stay for another day to fix it, and then Zelos would truly look like a monster.
He counted, one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand, four-one-thousand…
"… If we stay here any longer, we'll be sitting ducks," he began. He could feel his vocal tracts tightening. "Something could happen to this village and its people at any time, and we wouldn't even see it coming."
Without missing a beat, Sheena said, "The one being targeted is you, isn't it?" Not me. And Go, if you think you're so important.
"You know what? Do what you want. I won't keep you."
Zelos's eyes stung and he stormed out, nearly busting the rickety screen door off its hinges. If he couldn't make change with words, he could at least slam that fucker shut. He slung the open rucksack over his shoulder and just motored ahead. He passed Lloyd, who was, for whatever reason, looking confused, or guilty? Or like a straw man out in the field; he didn't care. He ran across the little wooden bridge and didn't stop until his lungs were too much in pain to fill up, and then he sat on the side of the road with his head in his hands, shaking.
He thought of the terrorists who had found them despite their lack of plans or announcement of their location. If someone were to have followed him here, they'd be here right now, wouldn't they? Bring them on. Bring them all on. He can take out eight. He can take out eight hundred, he's the goddamn Chosen and still an angel of Cruxis no matter where that Crystal is.
"COME AND GET ME!" he challenged the sky. "Just get this over with!"
He tried to stand, but wobbled and caught himself on his palm.
He grasped at his own skull, caught his fingers in his long hair.
Sheena... My god, Sheena.
Dirt on his face, dirt on his hands, dirt in his joints, he started through Iselia and made for the forest beyond. It wasn't the most welcoming location for him, but damn, was it better than turning back or sleeping openly in the face of his invited death. Surely, someone at Colette's house would have given him refuge. They knew. Being a Chosen; they knew what it was like. They knew how she'd struggled and probably saw her new struggles now. If he came to their house, this soiled child, they wouldn't judge him for needing a place just for one day. But the terrorists, always the terrorists.
Come on, feet. With that, he took a deep breath and realigned himself.
It wasn't her fault. Sure, she'd agreed to go with him on this crazy adventure, but when it came down to it, the only reason he needed it was because his life was in danger. She knew that. Maybe choosing to stay with Lloyd wasn't such a bad idea, as nobody had his head in the cross-hairs.
And, on that note...
Maybe he shouldn't have assumed that she was staying for Lloyd. It was just a coincidence that he was there alone, right? Any other day they'd have had Dirk or Colette hanging around, at least. It was a comfort to be among friends, but... Well, even if she did end up with Lloyd, was that the worst thing in the world for her? For Zelos, yes—but for her? Lloyd had that tremendous sense of responsibility, not leaving anyone's side. Yet here was Zelos, again running away from something that burned too much to touch. Sheena wouldn't have to choose. She could be surrounded by friends wherever she went without a bounty on her head.
Maybe he was supposed to be alone, anyway. He was alone ever since that day in the snow. Coincidental, wasn't it, that back then he was also begging for the love of the one person who just wouldn't love him back no matter what he did. He thought back to the girl in the bird dress. Would it be so bad to pick one out of the bunch and do as he pleased while she begged for his love? At least he wouldn't get hurt.
His lungs still ached; yes, his lungs. He refused to believe that his heart could actually feel anything after the angelic transformation. Yet there it was. Put this first, it said. Take the high road. A little split-in-half figurine of a spider talking to him.
He would make it all the way to the gate of Iselia before he realized he was being followed.
But it wasn't clopping feet of would-be assassins. Well—she used to be, but probably not right now. For now, she just took a couple steps forward and tried to make him look at her.
"Hey," she said, simultaneously as he greeted her, nonchalant.
"You first."
"No," Sheena said gently, "you. Really."
He kept walking and looking for signs of life in the town's twilight until they met the first fork in the road.
"I... I'm sorry. I said too much." He finally looked at her, hoping the darkness would obscure the weariness of his face. Not like him to be anything but happy, right? Push, he kept willing. Tell her. "But I don't think I was wrong."
"You weren't. I was wrong, and I'm sorry," Sheena said.
All the resolve he thought he had was irrelevant when he saw she was biting the inside of her lip. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."
Looking up at the fork in the road, he knew he had a question to ask her. "So—" she had chimed in at the same time.
"Wine," she said, and swallowed. "Bought it earlier. I nabbed it on the way out. Date's on me tonight," she continued, revealing the bottle at her side. Oh, he supposed. He'd missed that when he was busy trying not to look at her.
"Not much we can do about that," he replied drearily.
"A date, Zelos," she goaded, pushing the bottle closer to him. At last, he grabbed it.
"Oh, fine. Let's drink it right here and watch the stars." He tried to read the label, but couldn't in the dim light. That's what he was going for, after all; so dark that she wouldn't see. He hoped this was the strong stuff.
"Here, the corkscrew," Sheena added. She produced it from the rucksack on his back and gave it to him. He smirked. It was so like her to leave the actual process of opening to him.
"Can't even open your own stash," he teased.
She looked him sternly in the eyes. "There are a lot of things I do on my own. I thought I'd give you the honor."
He didn't even struggle, and popped the cork out easily. "Full bottle..." He paused before taking a sip. "Kampai, right?"
Sheena nodded as he gulped. "Kampai." She took the bottle as he handed it to her, and took a small sip of her own. "I really am sorry, you know."
"You know what?" Zelos said suddenly. "Take a drink every time you say you're sorry."
She looked at him across the side of the bottle, sipped again. "Is that how we're playing the game tonight? How about you take a drink every time you mention how much dirt you have on you."
"I'm covered in dirt," Zelos shouted. He seized the bottle and took a long drink. "In fact, I think I'm the dirtiest man alive." Another swill, this time shorter. His eyebrows raised in mirth as he thought of another one. "Wouldn't you say I've got a dirty mind?" Again he drank.
"I'm sorry I mentioned it," Sheena said flatly.
"Ohhhh!" he exclaimed, passing the bottle to her. "Drink up, hunny, and good luck beating me tonight."
When Sheena had swallowed, she sat upon the grass between the two paths. "You know, it's unfair. I said the amount of dirt, not dirt-related things!"
He plopped down beside her. "How about... I'm the scum of the earth? I'm lower than dirt?" He stole back the bottle.
"No, no, no, more like..."
Faster than you could play Lionel, the bottle had been drained. The two drunken travelers were sprawled out on the moonlit grass.
"Y... Y'know how you're all covered in dirt?" Sheena giggled, barely able to contain her laughter.
"Tchhhh, I know that. The bottle knows it. The whole town knows it!" Zelos said, gesturing above himself with arms flailing.
"Well... Well... we didn't eat that soup and that wine went right to my head," Sheena lamented. "I am… really, really drunk."
Zelos burst into laughter and rolled back on the ground. "Ah hahh... yeah. I'm pretty hungry, too. D'you know what we should do? We should. Absolutely. Cook whatever we have," he suggested, fingers splayed.
"Unghhh... Just don't burn yourself trying to make anything. And by the way, it's so your turn to cook. I did everything at Lloyd's"
"Does that mean I win?" Zelos delighted.
Sheena put her hand to his face unabashedly. "You win. Now, come on, let's go find a spot to make a fire."
She lifted herself up and bent her knees against some unknown force of movement ("That would be the planet going 'round and 'round," Genis had said to the whole drunken crew once, when they were falling over from the heady local potion). Zelos was much more steady on his feet, and much less drunk this time.
"I won, though! Do you hear that, Iselia? I woonnnnnn." In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have been stationary, shouting, and drunk given their recent fight, but a victory was a victory. He began to sing with great passion. "OOHHHHHHH! Destination, I don't know! Heigh ho! Heigh ho!"
He began to dance lightly around her as she balanced herself. That damn traveling song!
"Mounted on my steed I'll go! Heigh ho! Heigh ho! When the day is over, it will be tomorrow! It'll happen, I will go, if the whole world should end! Sending me straight back to—" He paused and motioned for her to follow. "You sing, too!"
"Nnnah, I'll pass," she dodged. She followed as he leaped down the path on the left.
"Aww, c'mon, sing!" he insisted. "Destination, I don't know! Heigh ho! Heigh ho! Mounted on my steed I'll goooo—?" He was prompting her with the whole of him.
Smiling against the weight of the hated song, she managed, "Heigh hoooooo, heigh hoooo."
Zelos sang the damn song all the way to the first line of trees and then some. They set themselves a good distance into the woods with Iselia truly far-off. Flicking a match between his fingers, Zelos prepared to ignite the most anticipated fire of the trip thus far.
"No, waaait," Sheena groaned. "Aren't we still too close? Your rule?"
Squinting, Zelos scanned the forest and starry sky. "Well... we're not in a town, and we're not at a friend's house. Besides, I'm starving. Let's make some meat."
By the end of the meal, Sheena had eaten most of the worthy protein—pork, coincidentally—and shifted to accommodate her bloated stomach. Zelos was watching her intently, making sure she hadn't had too much of either vice that she might be sick again. Goodness knows she'd already vomited on his shoes once; she'd probably do it again. Worse things had happened.
He eyed the pile of pans and utensils that would surely need to be washed. Their shadows grew and shrank with the greedy fire's light, taunting him. Luckily, he was past the point at which the taunting came in the form of actual words. He didn't feel much like talking, either; in fact neither traveler had said a word since the food was distributed.
Check on her again.
Sheena slowly lifted her gaze across the top of the fire, looking straight at him now. There was no pretense in her expression. She was watching him like he were a lit-up piece of magitechnology. Darting across his eyes, his forehead, his nose, her eyes scrutinized him. Perhaps she forgot where she was and tied herself to this anchor in the drunken sea.
Suddenly, she looked down and away from him, back into the tinder.
"Do I have something on my face, or what?" Zelos asked finally. Sheena shook her head, still looking down. Something about her slumped shoulders seemed more vulnerable than usual.
"You're not going to be sick, are you?"
Again, Sheena shook her head.
"Weeeell, drink some water and let's get your bag set up so you can sleep," Zelos rambled, "I'll take first watch."
Sheena snorted. What a formal thing for him to say. But now her disdain turned to a grin, then reverted to a slack frown.
Zelos wrung his hands lightly. "What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked quietly.
"I'm still sorry, you know," Sheena admitted to the dirt.
Moving around the fire, Zelos quickly sat beside her. "Hey, I told you not to worry about it."
This age of silence made him uncomfortable. In any moment before this, he never worried what she was thinking. He had just known—or had tried to guess with a fair rate of success. They'd already solved this thing with Lloyd. The bottle of wine, wasn't that a gift enough? She wasn't one for gestures, either, since that was his thing. Knowing her, he'd swifter receive a kick in the crotch than some apologetic speech.
So, why wasn't Sheena in a crotch-kicking stance?
"I'm..." Zelos trailed. The dishes caught his eye. "I think I'll give you some space and wash those. After all, I'm still covered in a bunch of dirt..."
Sheena seemed nervous to reach out her hand to his shoulder when he shifted as though to leave. An alarm went off inside him that hadn't sounded for a long time.
"You already won the game, you idiot," she mumbled.
"I—Sheena, you're drunk," he cautioned. She still looked at him, now closer. When did she get closer? Her gravity was a blinding force.
"I'm not drunk," she resolved. She turned her head. "I'm sorry. What I did."
"I know you're sorry," he deflected, leaning back. She was again looking up at him, searching between his eyes, and now her face was just—really close—and her breath was on him again. His head burned. The smell of the wine. The smell of skin.
When he reached his hands up to stop her, he just ended up with them on either side of her face; and he was kissing her. Or at least, his lips were on hers and he wasn't sure if he was drunk or dreaming or dying. When he opened his eyes, she was still there.
"You've... got dirt on your face," Zelos stammered.
Sheena scrunched her eyebrows together. "I already told you, that joke is..."
"No, I mean," he said, and he really struggled to push her away, "I got dirt on your face, and you shouldn't get any more on you."
He looked around the campfire and was reminded of the open air, the sleeping bags, Lloyd's couch, and everything in between. The dishes. "And even if you aren't drunk, you're stressed. Don't... think you should do something you'll regret."
She blinked a few times, innocently enough. "Wait... what? Who said I'm..."
"Sheena."
Her expression fell. "You should..."
Partly to hide his face and partly to console her, Zelos reached forward and held her tightly. He felt Sheena's nose on his ear and nearly pushed her, but she only whispered.
"... do the dishes..."
"Mhm," Zelos grinned. He leaned in and scooped her up, then staggered to get her away from the fire a little. He set up the tucked-away sleeping bag and helped her crawl in.
Clumsily, Sheena reached up for his face. "Stay?" she said, her voice weak.
"Sheena," Zelos admonished lightly. "I can't."
"Just 'til I fall asleep, not anything weird, or nothin'…"
"It's not like you're so drunk you need babysitting," he rationalized.
"Need a pillow," she replied.
Zelos cracked a smile. "Ah, I've been ignorant. You were pampered being in a house." He unzipped the side of the bag and sidled in, leaving a leg and his back facing the fire. "Lift your head up." When she did, he placed his arm under her neck and head. "Better?"
"Hm… Upbringing," Sheena tried. Her eyes closed.
"Go to sleep, then," Zelos said, although he was almost certain she'd already fallen asleep.
It would have been more comfortable to rest his other arm across her waist or to turn onto his back, but Zelos stayed with his arm extended under her and tried to relax. There was a rock that had presumably been cutting into Sheena's ear, and it was now cutting into him. The only solace was that his being there made her sleep peacefully.
He leaned up briefly, reaching across her shoulder to the side of her face, where her hair had fallen messily. She wouldn't remember, so it wouldn't matter that he kissed her cheek very gently before letting himself sink back into the ground. After all, he couldn't let her give him such a gift without thanking her at least a little.
To think the evening could have ended so differently…
He grinned into sleep and dreamed of clear, blue skies over a wide valley.
Credit as usual! I'd really appreciate a review if you're up for it. More to come!