Rayna was excited about starting the tour. That was always true. What made it more exciting this time was knowing she'd be able to be with Deacon. A lot. On this first leg of the tour, they were starting in Cincinnati and would spend seven weeks on the road ending in Boston. Then home for two weeks before heading out again. She felt tingly everywhere thinking about seven weeks of spending all night with Deacon. Just like they used to, back before his fifth try at rehab and her getting married to Teddy. She smiled to herself as she packed her personal luggage.
As she was getting dressed, she was absentmindedly humming. After putting on a comfortable old flannel shirt and a denim miniskirt, she was pulling on her boots and realized she was humming "No One Will Ever Love You". She and Deacon had written that after a major argument, she couldn't remember what about anymore. That was the way it happened so often. They would argue and fight, Rayna would storm out of the room in tears, Deacon would walk out slamming the door as he headed to the closest bar with Vince. When he came home, he would always have a sheepish look on his face and he would sneak up on her and nuzzle her neck and wrap his arms around her. She could never resist him. They would end up in bed and then later, sated, they would write.
She smiled to herself, thinking about snuggling up with Deacon again, hopefully writing together again. When she looked up, Teddy was staring at her oddly. She instantly felt guilty, as though he could see into her mind. "What's up, babe?" she asked.
Teddy shook his head. "I'm going to have to take Maddie to school soon and I thought you might want to spend some time with her before you leave."
Rayna dropped her makeup bag on the counter. "Absolutely, babe. I'll be right there." She quickly brushed her hair back into a ponytail and then followed her husband out to the kitchen.
Maddie was sitting at the kitchen island eating cereal. She looked up when Rayna walked in and gave her a sad smile. Rayna walked over and gave her a hug. "What's that look for?" she asked.
Maddie sighed. "I'm going to miss you, Mom. I wish I could come with you."
Rayna smiled at her daughter. "Well, you have to go to school, sweetheart. And I'll be home before you know it."
Maddie frowned. "No you won't. It will be such a long time." Maddie could be such a drama queen, Rayna thought. She looked into Maddie's puppy dog eyes, so like Deacon's.
"Oh, it's not really that long. And you have so much going on at school. But, sweetie, I'll be home for Halloween." She smiled at her daughter. Maddie loved Halloween.
"Really?" Maddie smiled. "Will you take me out to trick or treat?"
Rayna looked over at Teddy. "You don't want your dad to do that? He always takes you."
"I guess. But maybe this time you could, Mom. That would be so nice."
"We'll talk about it when your mom is back home," Teddy said. "Maddie, you need to go get your book bag so we can go." And Maddie hopped down and ran off to her room.
Teddy and Rayna both watched their oldest daughter leave the room and then Rayna turned to get a cup of coffee. Bucky would be here to pick her up in an hour and she wanted to get her things ready.
"So you've seemed a little more upbeat the last couple days," Teddy said. "More than I would have thought with leaving the girls for seven weeks."
Rayna rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Teddy? We're going to have this argument again? You know I have to tour or there would be no money. There's never a 'right' time to do this."
Teddy frowned. "I don't like the fact that you're out on the road like this. Like you're a single woman."
"Oh, my God, Teddy. I don't want to do this with you again. It's not like you can go with me or that the girls can go out on tour. It's just not practical."
"I still don't like the fact that Deacon's on tour with you."
Rayna turned away. They had this same discussion every time she went out on tour. But, of course, this time he was right. "Teddy…" she started.
"I heard you humming that song. One of your old songs." Rayna was a little surprised that he would recognize it. He never acted like he was that interested in her career, except as a means to an end. "Are you thinking about sleeping with him?"
Rayna felt her heart racing and took a deep breath to calm her rattled nerves. "Teddy, we can't keep having this conversation." Then she walked out of the room and back to her bedroom to finish packing.
###
Deacon took a cup of coffee and went out and sat on his front steps. Early September in Nashville was a great time of year, but they'd been home most of the summer and he was anxious to get on the road again. He smiled to himself as he thought about Rayna. He still couldn't believe that she had shown up on his doorstep, that she had told him she loved him, that she wanted him in her life again. More than just as her bandleader.
They had not really talked a lot about the future. Other than Rayna's initial pronouncement that nothing would change in her life. Meaning she was going to stay married to Teddy. Thinking about that stirred up some old demons for Deacon. It had been awhile since he'd actually had a situation in his life make him even think about a drink, but this one did.
When he had come back from rehab the last time, he'd been hurt that Rayna had not waited. That not only had she not waited, but that she had gone off and gotten married and pregnant. He knew he had tested her limits over the years and he did feel bad about that. But he had thought this was his last chance. That when he came home, they would be together again and he would prove to her that her faith in him was justified.
It was not to be, though. He was devastated. And he vowed to himself that he would show her that she had made a mistake by not waiting this time. It hadn't been easy. It had taken a long time before he stopped thinking about booze and pills every minute of the day. It had been hard to be a part of her band again, and her life, and watch her with a husband and first one, then two daughters. But he was determined that this time it would stick. Because this time he wanted to make her proud of him.
He had often wondered about how solid her marriage was. He didn't have occasion to see Teddy much and he knew Teddy disliked him simply because of his history with Rayna. Which, truth be told, Deacon took a bit of perverse pleasure in. But whenever he looked in Rayna's eyes, he didn't see the joy he had seen in them when they were together.
He never thought Rayna would settle down. At least not in the traditional way. He thought they would always be a little free spirited, not tied down to anything or anyone but themselves. He could see that she adored her daughters and she was a good mother. Deacon loved her girls too, because they were hers, but it wasn't what he would have thought was the life she would want. They had never talked about having a family, just about each other. Sometimes he wondered if he should have married her, but he thought she probably wouldn't have married drunk Deacon. And that was who he was during most of their relationship.
He sighed. He had lost the only woman he'd ever loved to his addiction and he had had to accept that consequence. But this felt like a second chance and he was hoping that at some point he would be able to convince her to leave Mr. Vanilla and come back to him. For now, though, he would take this. He smiled to himself again as he thought about being able to stay with her every night. He'd get to have her the way he liked, just the two of them with eyes only for each other.
His phone rang and when he looked at it he saw it was Rayna. He smiled as he answered. "Hey."
"Hey yourself. Bucky just picked me up and we're headed to Sound Check. Are you on your way?"
Deacon jumped up and started back for the house. "Headed that way now. See you soon."
###
On the bus to Cincinnati, Rayna, Bucky and Deacon all sat up front to talk about the playlist. It was only a four hour drive so they needed to make the most of the time to get organized for the tour's opening night. Bucky had been surprised that Rayna was willing to add in some of the old songs, the ones that were more personal. She had been very strict about not going down that path in the past. He knew that it had always been tough on her to have Deacon in her band after their relationship had ended, but she had been stubborn about having, in her words, the best of the best in her band.
Rayna looked at Deacon and then back to Bucky. "So, Buck, there's a new song I'd like to add. Deacon wrote it and we recorded it for Watty and I think it would be nice to test drive it in Cincy."
Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Oh? What's the name of it?"
Rayna looked at Deacon. Deacon cleared his throat. "Um, 'I Need You'," he said.
"Wow. Ok." Bucky smiled and winked at both of them. "That sounds like something that the fans would like."
Rayna reached over and put her hand on Deacon's arm. She felt herself almost quiver with anticipation and she wondered if he felt the same. "Deacon, there's a song that you wrote that Watty played for me that I'd like to try. 'Back Home'. Would you be willing to practice with me on it? We may not put it in tonight, but for later in the tour."
Deacon nodded. Rayna's hand on his arm had been electric and it was all he could do not to reach for her. "Absolutely. I think that would be a great song for you to do."
"Could we try it now, just to see how it sounds? I know it'll be acoustic, but it would give us a chance to practice some harmonies."
Deacon got up and reached for his guitar. And as Rayna sang, he focused his eyes on her.
Sometimes it feels like I'm so far away Fireflies dancing in the yard under the blanket of stars Work so long and hard to chase your dreams There's fireflies dancing in the yard, under the blanket of stars
Like everything I love has lost its place
When life gets the best of me, I just close my eyes and see
The sound of their rusty string guitar playing songs we know
And all that I have to do is think one little thought of you
And I'm back home, I'm right back home
Wind up someplace you don't want to be
It's such a lonely road, especially when you know
The sound of their rusty string guitar playing songs we know
And all that I have to do, is think one little thought of you
And I'm back home, I'm right back home
I'm back home, yeah I'm right back home
Bucky smiled when she was done. "Great song! I like that one." Rayna looked at Deacon and smiled. She knew he'd written it for her and, although she had loved it the minute Watty had played it for her, she wouldn't consider doing it before. But she felt like she was back home now and it was the most appropriate way she knew to say that to Deacon on stage.
###
They arrived at the hotel in Cincinnati mid-afternoon. As the band and crew got off the bus, Bucky let everyone know that sound check would be at the arena at 6:00, so everyone needed to be back on the bus by 5:30. Rayna cut a quick look at Deacon and a small smile, hoping he understood that she wanted him to come up. At the front desk, she got her two keys and, just as planned, they both got on the elevator and stood in the back. But then Bucky got on and pushed his way back to the back as well, talking to the both of them about the set list again.
Rayna tried to focus on what he was saying. Then she felt Deacon's hand touch hers and his fingers reached for the key jacket. She relaxed then and talked animatedly to Bucky until first Deacon got off the elevator and then Bucky did as well.
Rayna walked into the penthouse suite. The soaring windows overlooked downtown Cincinnati and the river. As she stood looking out, she thought about how far she had come. She could still remember the cheap motels that she and Deacon stayed in when they were first starting out. They didn't mind, they were together and that was all that mattered. But now she was at a place in her career where she could afford luxury hotels and penthouse suites. And considering where she was right now, that made her life easier.
She heard a knock on the door and then heard the key unlock it. She stood looking out the window until she felt his breath on her neck. She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her. She reached up and put her hands on his arms and then turned to face him. As she wrapped her arms around his waist, he bent down to kiss her, a kiss full of promise and desire and heat that went on and on. When they finally broke away from each other, she smiled up at him. "I'm so glad you're here."
He smiled and kissed her on the nose. "Me too. It was so hard on that damn bus not to just pull you back in the back and have my way with you."
She laughed. "Well, now you have your chance. We have a little time before sound check. I'd say we should make the best of it." And then she took his hand and led him into the bedroom and, although she didn't need to, she shut the door anyway.