A/N: Hidden in the heart of every nightmare there is a dream, a place half glimpsed when night is at it's darkest. It is that glimpse that drives us on with a slender promise that all is not lost; it's just a hope that has been misplaced.

It's that tiny beacon of hope that connects Zero and Kaname; for both of them it lays just a tantalizing finger's touch away….

And to my dear Beta – Yengirl, who shines her little beacon in my direction once more. The soft light that she casts over my words illuminates brightens and clarifies and I give you my thanks and gratitude; it's not nearly enough but it comes from the heart.

Chapter 6: Blessing in the dark.

Akira manoeuvred the car through the considerable traffic with long practiced ease even though the heavier rain now made seeing what was far ahead quite difficult. He still felt faintly melodramatic about acting on this strange foreboding feeling that wouldn't leave him but the sense of urgency running through him felt stronger than the faint foolishness of a few minutes ago. The inside of the car still carried that strange scent he'd become aware of while reading and grew stronger with every passing moment. His inner subconscious still played with that little mystery of how his car came to smell of violets even as his upper mind tended to the task of driving safely in the pouring rain.

Suddenly his attention was galvanised by what was ahead. Oh no, he thought, young master, Kuran-sama! What are you doing there? As his eyes registered Kaname's presence some distance ahead, it also became clear that his employer appeared to be in an agitated state judging by the way he was swaying on his feet and holding his hands to his head. Oh no, Kuran-sama, no, no..! he thought, as he realised that it looked like Kaname was getting ready to launch himself into the triple lanes of traffic. Akira's hand found the horn button and pressed it repeatedly and just as he despaired of finding a gap to thread the vehicle through, miraculously an opening appeared that allowed him passage. The cars around him just seemed to melt out of the way as his focus intensified on the figure ahead. He surged forward, covering the last hundred metres with newfound ease and jammed down hard on the brakes just as Kaname stepped out.

The heavy car had barely come to a jarring halt when Akira threw the door open and stumbled out, slipping a little on the slick oily surface of the sodden road. He reached his master just as Kaname crumpled against the front fender of the car and slid down in an undignified heap on the wet road.

"Oh gods! Oh gods! Kaname-sama!" In his highly flustered state, Akira forgot himself, forgot their master-servant relationship as anguished fear and agitation for the young man flooded his mind.

Panic quavered in the senior man's voice as he scooped Kaname awkwardly into his old man's arms made suddenly strong by the unbelievable scene before his eyes; desperately searching the younger man's face for signs that the worst had not happened. Cars came to a halt all round him, drivers emerging and gathering in an untidy circle around the two men. Akira barely heard the curious enquiries of the small group that was growing in size around him as he continued to hold his master, worriedly scanning the pale face and closed eyes for some signs of life.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Unnoticed from his vantage point behind Akira, Zero looked on as his anxiety levels soared. Intense emotion cascaded like a runaway waterfall through him at seeing the stilled form of Kaname lying on the wet road. Every part of his being flickered and sparked as he longed to go over there, longed to take Kaname out of Akira's arms and feel for himself that the true and steady heartbeat of the other was there still.

He seethed with frustration as he found he could do nothing at all, that he was just able to maintain his status quo as an onlooker and only with great difficulty. This transitional state he found himself in allowed him no such freedoms as rushing to Kaname's aid. He was neither wholly still a heavenly being nor was he fully corporeal either; all he could do was hover on the edge of the two different worlds.

The Goddess had gently explained to him that it would take time to take on the attributes of those below, that stepping out of the celestial plane would not be easy or swift. Her soft tones had helped sooth his impatience while she had delicately threaded her slender fingers through his silken hair as she revealed the mysteries involved in leaving behind his old life; that stately, ordered existence of hundreds of years was not something to swept aside in a moment.

He would remain angelic but subtly altered, not quite as ethereal as he was now; he would still be as radiantly beautiful as always but he would become truly flesh and blood, capable of holding and being held, giving and accepting love with body as well as soul. His sensitive, compassionate mind would be unchanged and the essential core of his divine nature would be the same. Zero's noble attributes would stay with him always, he was incapable of being sullied by any of the baser human vices but his physical being would be forever altered.

Zero would never be able to return to his prior state and his link with the Goddess would be in its purest form only, her sweet love for him would pour into his soul as always but never again would he see her face to face. They were both aware of this final sacrifice being absolute when his body had finished changing and while it saddened them both greatly, each felt the joy of knowing it was the only way forward for Zero and his ultimate happiness.

All Zero had been able to achieve in crossing that great divide so far was to be able to douse those nearby witha perfumed, gossamer cloudburst of his fragrant signature aura but even then to only one chosen person at a time. Zero was able to flood the atmosphere with his sweet violet scent, alerting the person whose attention he needed to capture. Thus having engaged their subliminal minds he then concentrated and pushed out with his thoughts and desires, imbuing that person with a sense of urgency, wellbeing or whichever emotion that needed acting on.

Unfortunately, Zero was only be able to remain in the worldly plane for only minutes at a time, the process of transformation too exhausting to sustain him in and amongst people for longer than that. When his limit was reached, his mind would gently shut down, suspended in a soft sleep of rejuvenation while his body gathered strength for the final step ahead. Zero did not need an actual bed or abode to sleep as yet, his essential spiritual self, still able to fully retreat to the ethereal void in the celestial plane above. Physically he was not yet visible to those around him, including Kaname and only time would allow that miracle to occur. It required patience and devotion on Zero's part and he felt that patience was something he had in short supply; feeling helpless was something he was learning to deal with as he kept his thoughts firmly fixed on the end goal.

Now, his attention was wholly and desperately on Kaname, the intensity of his feelings like a searchlight focused only one face; the bond that already anchored Kaname to Zero's heart thrumming in agitation as the all too familiar clouding of his mind began. Zero raged inwardly with vexation as he cursed at being held back by his in-between status; he felt like a fly trapped in amber, able to see where he wanted to go but helpless for the moment to act.

Please…be strong Kaname. Don't give up…I am coming to you as fast as I can. Don't…give…up.

Zero watched agitatedly as Akira helped the now semi-dazed Kaname stagger to his feet and shepherded him with difficulty into the safe-haven that was the backseat of the warm car. Akira fussed a little trying to sit Kaname up properly and gave up only when his young master was finally seated aslant with his head lolled back against the high back of the seat. The elderly chauffeur though visibly distraught, managed to gather his wits enough to clamber into the driver's seat and move the car off, thoughts of shielding the broken young man from an ever more curious crowd uppermost in his thinking.

Zero's face was puckered with consternation as his tear-blurred gaze lingered on that pale, beautiful, rain-streaked face as oblivion relentlessly beckoned.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Kaname coughed, wincing as pain shot through his head then blearily opened his eyes, totally disoriented as he struggled to sit up. He lifted his hand to his forehead and winced as he encountered a painful raised patch along his temple; his knee ached too though he could not remember having fallen. As his blurry vision cleared, his brain dimly registered the fact that he was lying on a bed, looking at a little vase of violets just as their sweet scent teased his nose. Confusion reigned in his mind…violets? Bed? Where were his notes…where was the chairman? Surely the wallpaper was all wrong…what…where?

He groaned lightly as he slumped back onto the pillow, taking deep breaths as his mind slowly came to terms with his surroundings.

"Thank the gods! Kaname-sama you're all right. Oh I was so worried…son!"

In his relief at seeing Kaname's eyes finally flutter open Akira once again didn't notice the faux pas he was committing by using the informal version of Kaname's name. Akira and Aiko had come to love Kaname as the substitute for the actual son they'd never been blessed with, so in moments of stress Akira naturally fell into reacting much as a father would, not as a servant albeit a very much-valued one.

Kaname's head snapped round to look at the source of the sound, his stomach churning momentarily with the giddiness the rapid movement engendered. He found himself gazing into Akira's worried brown eyes, the latter coming over to the bed from the short distance away where he had been pacing to and fro.

"What happened, Akira? Why are you here in my room? Why…what…I had to…do something…" Kaname spoke haltingly while he gingerly struggled to sit up again, wincing a little as his bumps and bruises made their presence felt across his back, knees and head.

"Why Kuran-sama, you had an accident. Yes, an accident." Akira nodded his head firmly as he spoke; he wouldn't allow himself to think anything else. His master had the misfortune to end up in the middle of the road through no fault of his own; no other reason was acceptable to the loyal retainer.

"I helped you up to your room sir, I thought you would prefer to be out of the public gaze." Akira twisted his peaked chauffeur's cap anxiously between his gnarled fingers.

"Please Kuran-sama, won't you reconsider seeing the doctor? It would be much better for you, sir, and I would have my mind set at ease that all was well."

Akira felt that he had let his young master down, he felt responsible somehow for not coming earlier and of course the fact that the front bumper of the car had connected with Kaname, however slightly, weighed heavily on his mind. He continued to put forward his case for Kaname seeking medical attention but was coming to realise his pleas were falling on deaf ears.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

That had been hours ago. Kaname had finally managed to calm Akira enough to send him home still protesting and entirely reluctant to leave his young charge. Akira's desire to convince him to seek medical help was understandable, he'd even pleaded that Kaname come home with him and be tended to by Aiko but the young man was having none of it and had managed to fend off this suggestion along with all others.

Kaname's head throbbed and his sense of agitation threatened to blot out all rational thought. It was only his innate good manners where his loyal chauffeur was concerned, that had stopped him from snapping completely and speaking harshly to the old man. Finally, he'd succeeded in closing the door on him and regaining some focus to his thoughts.

Kaname now sat in the corner of the room on the soft-carpeted floor, awkwardly slumped in an untidy sprawl as he dispassionately surveyed the wreckage around him.

All the linen was torn off the bed and lay in an untidy heap at the foot of it; pillows were scattered like autumn leaves on a blustery day and the mattress was shoved across the bed's base threatening to slide right off. Dresser drawers were all pulled out to various degrees and the wardrobe doors were flung open with one sagging on its hinges as if some wild whirlwind had blown through the normally placid atmosphere of the plush hotel room.

The magazine rack was upended and the unread shiny, glossy pages of the hotel 'courtesy' magazines lay forlornly dog-eared and scattered. His overnight case lay amongst them, his few items of clothing scattered like confetti at some strange feral wedding. Kaname's leather toiletries bag lay squashed against the base of the bathroom door, his expensive razor and shave balm strewn around it as if by a petulant child. The table where he'd moodily contemplated his breakfast earlier was pulled out of kilter, as was one of the matching pair of armchairs; the whole room looked like a disaster zone.

He knew that he'd been looking for something but what that something was eluded him now in the alcoholic fog shrouding his mind. It would come back to him, he mused offhandedly. Right now another glass of wine, preferably three, held the foremost place in the order of things that were important to him.

Kaname lifted the crystal wine glass to his lips and sipped, surprised when there was nothing coming forth. He peered owlishly at the glass and upended it and sighed, picking up the bottle of Beaujolais and tipped the remaining mouthful of wine into his glass. He carelessly set the emptied bottle down beside him and was bewildered to hear a loud clink; looking down he saw there were already two bottles lying there, abandoned on their sides, ruby drops scattered like blood stains on the pale carpet. He frowned as he tried to recall how they got there and was met with mostly a blank. He assumed he must have been responsible for it, some tiny little sliver still functioning in his brain with a slender grasp on things telling him, who else could it have been? Kaname drained the last dregs of the fruity red wine from his glass and added the empty fluted crystal to the discarded bottles, this time with exaggerated care. He then leaned back against the cold, hard wall drawing his knees up, resting his hands on his knees and closing his eyes with a drawn out weary sigh.

You know that feather is the source of all your troubles, don't you? That feather, that silly little feather that you were so all fired up to find…now look at this room…look at your life. There wasn't anything wrong at all with your life until that little piece of fluff appeared, was there? It was all a measured, ordered round of meetings and flights and schedules and paperwork, you knew where you were, didn't you? And where you were going too.

The insidious little imps frolicked and pranced, pricking Kaname's tired brain with minuscule but painful jolts of self-pity, self-loathing and doubt. He pulled his knees up tighter to his chest and withdrew into himself, trying to blot out those voices. His shirt and trousers were still damp from his earlier soaking and his meagre body heat hadn't done much to dispel the cold clamminess from his skin. Kaname's teeth ground together and he shook with a combination of cold and emotional overload, his slender fingers coming up and sliding into his hair, pressing down hard onto his head; anything to dispel those morbid thoughts and find relief from the taunting of his own soul. But it was to no avail.

Not much good for anything any more are you, Mr Big Shot businessman? Couldn't even get through a simple meeting, should have been child's play for you, isn't that right? You used to have people like that for lunch, eat them alive and look at you now. It would be laughable if it weren't so pathetic; go on, run to your next drink, embrace your next bottle, it's the only friend you're likely to find.

Kaname scrambled to his feet, his heart hammering in his chest and his head throbbing painfully, his ribs and the sinews in his knees cracking and creaking from his earlier injuries. Lurching uncertainly across the room, tripping a little over the accumulated debris in his way, he grasped the tiny handle on the bar fridge and threw it open impatiently. He peered into the cold little cubicle rummaging through the assorted cellophane bags of jerky, pretzels and other unwanted obstacles, tears of self pity coming to cling to his lashes as he realised that there were no more bottles of any kind of comfort to be found in there. Sinking disjointedly down to his haunches he looked again, panic rising as he scattered packages and ice cubes with abandon until the hitherto friendly little appliance was empty. The door gaped open and the frigid air spilled out around him, the unkind white light of the tiny bulb painting his face with cadaverous shadows. Disbelief washed over him and he hunkered down despondently for a moment before staggering to his feet and staring blankly about him, stupefied for a minute or two before a flicker of rage roared in to fill the previously numbed void.

Damn it all to hell and back again! I can't have drunk all that in that short time. Gods, I really have lost the plot. A feather, a stupid little feather! What the hell was I thinking? Can't do anything right any more, can't even finish it all properly without an old man rescuing me. Akira has fifty years on me yet he is the one who has the world at his fingertips; a job that he loves, a wife he adores, Gods; he even likes driving for me. For me! If he only knew what a pitiful sham he had there with him in the car; that respect would soon drain away from his eyes and rightly so.

Sham...

Fake…

Fraud…

With each hateful word Kaname, fighting back sobs, violently shoved the back of the armchair where he'd had breakfast in what felt like another lifetime earlier. The sturdy velvet-clad chair rocked with each emphatic utterance and push until finally it was too much, it rocked past the point of no return and toppled over with a muffled thump onto its side.

At first Kaname's black thoughts continued to reverberate in his head and he noticed nothing except his despair through tear-laden lashes. He continued to smack the back of the fallen chair with his fist even as his mood flickered and changed and each movement grew slower and more half-hearted. Slumping down slowly he sank onto the side of the upended armchair, not caring if his weight broke the chair by sitting on it in a way that was never intended by the manufacturer; perching precariously while weariness set in as the adrenalin-fuelled high petered out, leaving him exhausted.

He blinked and scrubbed his fingers shakily across his eyes, blinking again, his focus on the floor in front of him for a moment or two as he decided the world was better from behind closed lids. Kaname's eyes remained screwed tightly shut while he just sat; slumped, numbed and spent.

As his torturous breathing slowed and as his frayed nerves steadied a little more, he became aware of a subtle little waft of fragrance dancing past his nose. Kaname lifted his head and reluctantly opened his eyes. There was nothing to be seen immediately as he scanned the room from side to side but the gentle aroma of flowers increased as he drew in deeper breaths in an effort to further calm the now ebbing nerve-storm in his head.

He recognized the delicate scent as violets and his first thought was to glance over to the nightstand next to the ruins of his bed. The intricate little silver vase was knocked to the floor and the pretty little blooms crushed to a pale purple pulp. A flash of chagrin swept through him as a pink blush of shame began to burn on his cheeks as he took in the havoc around him. Poor little flowers, he thought and then shook his head at the strange musings suddenly in his mind. An odd little chain of images began to play itself through his thoughts, of tears and anxious violet-hued eyes as the perfumed air around him deepened and thickened until finally a cloud of scent surrounded Kaname. With every breath a peculiar sense of missing something, something vital, became ever more urgent.

Kaname felt a push against his shoulder, a definite purposeful touch. He looked about him with slight bewilderment, knowing full well he was alone in that shambles of a room. Again it came and he still looked about him not expecting to see anyone but unable to stop himself from doing so. The air around him had become so highly scented Kaname felt giddy with it and was beginning to cough a little. While he was distracted with thoughts of clearing his ticklish throat a final push caught him unawares and he toppled backwards over the chair's arm, where he had been so uncomfortably seated. He landed sprawled on the floor next to the chair, totally confused as to whether this was really happening or was it some horrible hallucination as a result of his intoxicated state.

Having been unceremoniously dumped on his back by his totally inelegant slither off the abused piece of furniture, he was temporarily winded and lay there on the carpeted floor for a moment or two, unsure of this latest turn of events. Waves of nausea ran through him and for one horrible moment he was sure he was about to suffer the ignominy of throwing up. He struggled feebly for both breath and control of his roiling innards.

Feeling slightly panicked with his body seemingly acting without the benefit of his brain telling him what to do, he scrambled to upright himself again. As he did so his fingers scrabbling for purchase on the thick carpeting encountered something softer still. Kaname rolled himself to rest on his elbow and cautiously opened his fingers even as his mind already proclaimed what he would see, the memory of that downy feeling screaming to the forefront of his thoughts.

There it lay on his trembling palm. It was the long lost feather…that problematic, maligned, wonderful, adored, blissful feather. Most of all, it was his feather. Kaname couldn't believe his eyes as he stared at it. He then clutched it to his chest and immediately felt the faint warm waves of comfort it offered begin to seep through his weary body. He lay there, half up and half down, eyes closed as if in supplication and the horrid Medusa-like tangle of ugly thoughts that swamped his brain stilled, quieted, as that darkest of places within him felt a fragile ray of light begin to penetrate the blackness.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Zero stood by the bed gently wafting soft breezes with tiny serene movements of his fragrant wings, over the sleeping figure that lay there tangled up in the disorderly linen. Only a fine silken lock of hair was visible over the pulled up blanket, its fine rosewood shimmer a marked contrast against the pearly grey of the cashmere coverlet. He listened contentedly to the measured cadence of Kaname's slow and steady breathing, as he calmly slept, so different from the wild eyed creature of not long before.

Zero knew he would have to sleep himself and soon. He felt the first stirrings of the gentle clouding of his senses calling to him and he summoned up a last burst of energy before oblivion claimed him again. Concentrating with all his might on the one thing he wanted to do most just this minute, he materialised long enough to bend over Kaname and place the softest of kisses against that small, barely visible satin smooth lock of hair; the scent of it sending a ripple of longing through him. The pale light of the dimmed bedside lamp caught him in that moment as his perfect white wings arched over Kaname like some lovely living bell-like canopy, his silver hair shimmering in the muted light.

Zero's eyes filled with moisture as he realised how tenuous was the will that anchored Kaname to his unhappy existence. His heart clenched with the knowledge of just how close he'd been this afternoon to losing what he'd just so miraculously begun to cherish. Zero gathered the last of his strength to send a wave of comfort through the exhausted sleeping man before him.

Soon Kaname, soon I will come to you. Sleep, heal and recover. Know that I watch over you.

Zero lingered a few seconds more, unwilling to tear himself away but he felt the now urgent ebbing of his strength and raising his hand in a gesture of benediction, was then gone in less than an instant. An argent shower of sparks was momentarily suspended where his radiant presence had been but a moment before. Kaname stirred a little, his eyes opening briefly to register nothing at all bar a faint silvery luminescence in the air before rolling over and sighing deeply. He settled straight back to sleep, his mind now calm and serene. His fingers tightened reflexively around the soft downy scrap held worshipfully in his grasp as he dreamed on, the faintest glimmer of a smile on his beautiful pale face.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Next, Ch. 7: Dark Journey of the Soul.