Mrs. Bane

Alec woke up, and looked at the last piece of paper he'd scribbled all over with lyrics. He'd been fast asleep all afternoon and it was dark outside now. He looked at the time and saw that it was only eleven pm. Then he read the lyrics again, reminding himself how much he wanted Magnus. It was exhausting to have to explain himself to Magnus all the time. But now he might have finally convinced him how much he wanted him. All he had to do now was make Magnus admit that he wanted Alec too.

He leaned back on his bed, and looked up at the ceiling, where he'd hung up music sheets from all of his favorite songs to watch in the dark before going to sleep. He wanted to give Magnus half a day more, before he went to see him. Alec was too deep in his emotions to get into anything with Magnus, if he ended up not wanting him in the end.

Alec didn't sleep much the rest of the night. He just stayed in his bed and listened to music, he'd decided to study all of Tessa's songs. Her voice was angelic and he couldn't wait to hear her sing his lyrics.

Since he wasn't really sleeping, he decided to get up early and meet the girls for coffee. Simon was there as well, when he met them at the campus Starbucks. Izzy looked at Alec with an odd expression as he approached them.

"Alec, you haven't heard?" she asked.

"What did I miss?"

"I just heard from Meliorn that all of Magnus' classes are canceled this week."

"Why?" Alec asked, feeling a lump in his throat as he deep down knew what might be wrong.

"They think it has something to do with his mother. She's in the hospital or something," Izzy explained. Alec's world seemed to tumble down and ice ran down his spine. He'd never thought he would feel so strongly about a stranger's health, but Magnus had to be suffering and for some reason that hit him hard.

"Which hospital?" Alec demanded.

"I don't know."

"Can you find out? Never mind, I'll find it myself."

Alec rushed out of the coffee shop, already finding Magnus' number and calling him. No answer. Then he went to the administrations office to see if they had information about Magnus, luckily they could tell him which hospital his mother was in. It wasn't far away, but he got a cab anyway to get there faster. So many thoughts went through his head on the way there. He hadn't had time to think whether Magnus even wanted to see him there, but Alec had gotten the impression that Magnus had no one other than his mother, and if that was the case, someone should be with him.

The nurses were helpful and told him where Mrs. Bane would most likely be. When he got to the floor, he found Magnus in a chair in the hall looking horrible. Magnus looked up just as Alec approached him.

"Alec?" he exclaimed and got to his feet. "What are you…?" His voice was hoarse, it sounded like he'd been crying. Alec didn't stop moving until his body crashed against Magnus', and Magnus sunk into Alec's embrace.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to be alone," he whispered into Magnus' ear. Magnus let go a sigh of relief, and put his hands up around Alec's shoulders, keeping him in place for a while, before breaking loose.

"They're putting her in a hospice," he said and swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry." Only one thing was worse than seeing a girl friend like Clary cry – seeing a grown man fighting not to break down. "Can I get you anything?" Alec asked. Magnus shook his head and sat back down. Alec joined him. He didn't know what to do, he didn't even know if Magnus wanted company. As he looked at Magnus' heartbroken expression, he absentmindedly brushed the man's hair back and stroked his cheeks softly. Magnus leaned his face against Alec's palm, and it nearly made Alec explode. "I don't want to intrude, but…"

Magnus took Alec's free hand and squeezed it.

"You're right. I'm alone," his voice was barely a whisper.

"No. No, you're not alone," Alec felt tears press against his own eyes. He wanted desperately to take away Magnus' pain.

"Will you go with me to see her?"

"Of course," Alec leaned over to press his lips against Magnus' forehead.

…

Mrs. Bane was awake when they visited her. Alec could imagine how gorgeous she was. She had kind eyes, when she looked at them.

"Magnus, who's this handsome young man?" she asked.

"My name is Alec, ma'am," Alec said, and stepped closer.

"Is he your boyfriend?" She looked up at Magnus, who hesitated.

"I'm working on it," Alec winked at her and she smiled softly.

"What do you do, Alec?"

"Mom?" Magnus sighed and wiped his face with his palm.

"What? I want to know who takes care of my boy," she said with a fragile voice, but the sound of her voice promised more – a warning.

"He doesn't take care of me," Magnus replied.

"Well, I'll be able to once I've sold my songs to Tessa Gray," Alec shrugged smugly. Magnus scowled at him, and Alec felt the victory it gave him.

"You're a musician too?" she cheered.

"Yeah, a great one at that," Magnus gave in. Alec slipped his hand into Magnus' discreetly, silently telling him that he was glad he was here, meeting his mother.

They spent the next week at the hospice, visiting Magnus' mother, while the nurses made her as comfortable as possible despite her health failing rapidly. Alec learned what a lovely lady she was, and even when everyone had given up on her, she still kept her spirits up. She insisted on hearing some of Alec's songs, so Magnus brought a small keyboard, and Alec had to sing a few of them for her. She didn't care how terrible of a singing voice he had, the songs brought tears of joy to her eyes. And once Magnus left the room for a few minutes to go to the restroom, Mrs. Bane reached out for Alec. He stepped closer and took her small, bony hand.

"You love him. You really love him. He deserves that," she whispered.

"To be honest I've only known him for a few weeks," Alec admitted.

"It doesn't matter. Love might grow with time, but it's there now. I know that kind of love," she said. For the first time Alec detected sadness in her. He didn't know how to respond, so he just returned her words with an uncertain smile.

Eventually Alec had to get back to his studies and his band. They had a big gig the following weekend, which Alec had no motivation to go to. But he also knew that punching away on the drums for a night would probably help him work through some of his frustrations.

"How's Magnus?" Clary asked sympathetically, as they were packing the van with their gear.

"I'm bringing him a new set of clothes and food after the gig," Alec said, deflecting the question.

"You know, you don't have to do all that for him. I'm sure he has other friends and family too. You're always with him," she said.

"It's funny, I haven't seen one other person there this past week," Alec replied bitterly. Some friends Magnus had.

"Oh," Clary looked down at the box she was carrying into the van.

"It's not like it's a burden to me. I hate the thoughts I'm having when I'm not with him," Alec said in a lower voice, so only Clary could hear him. Every time Alec left Magnus, he worried about him. He worried that he would have a breakdown and no one who knew him would be there to help him through it. He worried that Magnus' mother would die; he worried that Magnus would start hating him for not being there if she did.

While in the van on their way to the club, Alec's phone buzzed in his pocket. His heart might have skipped a beat, but fortunately it was only Tessa calling him.

"Hello Miss Gray," he tried out the most cheerful voice he could muster.

"Hello Alexander. I have a few of your songs ready, would it be possible for you to stop by tomorrow? You can bring Magnus, of course," the musical voice said on the other end of the line.

"Of course, but I don't think Magnus will be able to make it. Can I bring another friend?"

"Bring anyone you'd like. I'll text you the time and address. See you tomorrow, Alexander."

"Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow," Alec said and hung up. Everyone in the van was staring at him expectantly. "Crap," he sighed. "I'll bring one of you."

"Obviously it'll be me. I'm your sister," Izzy said, tossing her hair back.

"So what? He wanted Clary to have the songs, she should go with him," Jace replied and Alec stared at his friend. He'd expected Jace to convince everyone he'd go with Alec.

"Guys, I think you're forgetting something," Simon said, and they all looked at their nerdy guitarist. "Alec is going to adopt me, I'm his next of kin, therefore I should go with him." Everybody rolled their eyes and went back to arguing whether Izzy or Clary should go.

"I'll take Jace," Alec sighed. But when he looked at Jace's smug expression, he realized that had been his plan all along. The sneaky little bastard.

The club was crowded and for some reason Alec felt nervous. Maybe it was just his subconscious telling him he would rather be with Magnus at a time like this. He only hoped Magnus didn't feel smothered by him. So perhaps it was a good thing that he had other plans for a few days.

Alec didn't stick around after the gig, and the rest of them didn't complain about it. They'd been really accepting about his situation really quickly, and he loved his friends for that.

Magnus was asleep in his armchair, when Alec entered his apartment. He'd dropped a book on the floor, and Alec placed it safely on the table next to him, before settling down on the couch. Magnus hadn't had much sleep lately and he didn't dare wake him up, so he just lay down and watched the other man sleep. Even while sleeping he looked amazing. He wasn't a drooler or even one who slept with his mouth open, despite him sitting halfway up in a chair. Alec tugged the pillow under his own head, so it kept his head up far enough to watch Magnus until he couldn't keep his own eyes open.

…

Alec was certain he'd had a dream, but he only remembered images of Magnus in bright light and white clothes. Everything in his dream had emphasized Magnus' beauty, and so when he opened his eyes he knew he had a smile on his lips. Magnus was gone, but Alec was wearing a blanket he hadn't been last night. He got up and searched the apartment, until he found Magnus getting dressed in his bedroom. Alec knocked on the door, so he would notice him there. It felt wrong somehow to just stand there and watch the man get dressed, even if it was tempting.

"Hey," Magnus said with no emotion in his voice.

"Hey," Alec tried to sound warm. "I can't go with you to see your mom right away, but I'll only be a couple of hours."

"Okay," Magnus replied. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and a white T-shirt underneath a casual blazer. It wasn't something just anyone could pull off, but Magnus made it look like he was about to walk down a runway. Alec watched him carefully, as Magnus ran his hand through his hair to settle it a bit. Eventually he gave up on the hair, and if anything that made Alec worry the most. Magnus always cared about his appearance, and especially his hair.

"You know what, I'll cancel. I'll go with you," Alec decided.

"Why?" Magnus looked at him with dead eyes, and it nearly broke Alec's heart all over again. What should he say to explain it? He couldn't say the words; he couldn't actually let Magnus know that Alec didn't want him to be alone when his mother died.

"I just feel like… you're not…" Alec sighed, when he couldn't explain it. Magnus seemed to understand though.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Tessa has the songs ready," Alec said.

"Can I come?"

"Of course," Alec replied with relief. Out of all of his friends he wanted Magnus to come the most. "But you don't have to if you don't feel like it. I told Jace he could come with me."

"We'll all go," Magnus said and walked over to Alec. He put his hands up on either side of Alec's face, staring into his eyes. He leaned in and kissed him softly. "Are you ready to go?"

Alec looked down at the clothes from last night.

"Yeah. I'm ready."

…

Tessa was wearing a long earth colored dress that nearly reached the floor. She looked like a dream. Will was at the studio as well, and he seemed happy to see Jace and Magnus again. Alec made it his mission to keep an eye on Magnus. He didn't want him to suddenly have a silent breakdown, while they were there.

When Tessa started singing, everyone fell quiet. It was like the earth stopped moving. Magnus took Alec's hand at some point, and Alec noticed he had silent tears running down his cheeks. Alec straightened up and turned his attention towards Magnus, but Magnus just gave him a small smile and turned his head back towards Tessa. He was only crying because of her beautiful voice. No one said a word until she'd gone through four songs. She'd silenced four grown men with her angelic appearance and voice, and… Alec's lyrics. When it became apparent that she was done singing, Jace got to his feet and gave her a standing applause.

"That was just perfect," he said.

"Perfect doesn't even begin to cover it," Will smirked, and winked at his fiancée. He'd probably heard the songs a few times already.

"They're all yours," Alec said, and Tessa gave him a grateful hug.

"Thank you."

"No matter how much I enjoy your company, sweet Tessa, I think I'll have to go now," Magnus said and kissed Tessa's hand.

"I'll come with you," Alec said, placing his hand on Magnus' lower back.

"You don't have to," Magnus whispered.

"I want to," he smiled and brushed Magnus' back. Then he noticed the three others were watching them with odd expressions, and he cleared his throat. "I'll talk to you guys later," he added, before leaving with Magnus.

"She's really perfect, Magnus. I thought I would have to insist on you and Clary, but she nailed it," Alec said, while they were walking across the city.

"Not a lot of people are one of a kind, but Tessa is," he replied.

"So are you," Alec squeezed his hand.

"Yeah, that's why I'm stuck teaching," Magnus retorted. Alec stopped walking for a minute.

"You don't think teaching is important?"

"I know it's important, I just don't think someone as special as Tessa would be better off teaching, is what I'm saying," he shrugged.

"So you don't think you're special? You never wanted to teach?" Alec frowned.

"You don't start playing the piano professionally, because you want to teach," Magnus rolled his eyes.

"Then you should take my offer," Alec replied.

"What offer?"

"You and Clary with my songs," he explained.

"You're not serious."

"Of course I'm serious!"

"You just sold your songs to Tessa?" Magnus noted.

"I'll make new songs. I'm not a one trick pony, Magnus." For some reason that response made Magnus laugh out loud.

"No, you're definitely not," he chuckled. Alec continued to look at him expectantly. "I'll consider it."

"Good," Alec replied triumphantly.

…

They had just entered the hospice, when Magnus' phone rang in his pocket. He looked at it for only a second, then frowned and looked at Alec.

"It's the hospice?" he wondered. "Hello?" he answered. All color seemed to drain from his face. "I, I, I'm here now." He dropped the phone from his ear and ran down the hall to where his mother's room were. Alec couldn't keep up, and he didn't make it all the way up to Magnus, before he dropped to the floor outside of the open door. Alec fell down next to him, without having to look inside, he already knew what was wrong. Magnus heaved for air and clutched his chest, while Alec tried to pull him close to him. Alec didn't have time to think about how to comfort Magnus, he just went by instinct, holding the shaking body in his arms. His veins filled with ice, when he looked up into the room and noticed Mrs. Bane's lifeless body on her bed, nurses leaving the room. He'd only ever known her in that bed, and he wished that he'd known her as a healthy person.

The loud sob escaping from Magnus cut deep into Alec's soul, and he could no longer keep his own tears under control. A nurse approached them and kneeled next to them with a kind expression.

"Would you like to have a moment with her?" she asked softly. Alec nodded, when Magnus didn't respond.

"Come on," Alec whispered, and lifted Magnus to his feet. Magnus walked the last few steps to his mother's bed and took her hand.

"She's still warm," Magnus' voice was barely a whisper. Alec didn't think anything he could say would make it better for Magnus, so he just brushed his hair and wrapped his arm around him. They stayed with Mrs. Bane for a long moment, until the nurses finally thought it was time for them to take the body away. After that they stayed at the hospice, until Magnus was ready to go home. Alec almost had to carry him from the cab and into the apartment. He never thought he would see a grown man look so miserable. He placed Magnus on the couch, and kept standing up himself because he didn't know if he should get him anything, or even how to ask if he needed anything.

"Alec?" Magnus looked up at him, and Alec felt the stab in his chest from Magnus' sad eyes. He kneeled in front of him.

"What do you need?"

"Will you stay here?" Magnus held his breath.

"For as long as you need," he replied and leaned up to kiss his forehead. He pulled Alec down on the couch and placed Alec's arms around himself.

"Thank you," he whispered against Alec's shoulder.

Magnus felt extraordinarily warm, and Alec worried he might have a fever, so he pulled the blanket up around him. They sat like that for the rest of the day. At some point Alec thought they should probably get something to eat, but that's when he realized Magnus was almost falling asleep, so he stopped moving and leaned back on the couch. "I love you," Magnus mumbled, barely conscious. Alec wasn't sure he was talking to him or if he was thinking about his mother, so he just replied with a kiss on top of the man's head.

…

Magnus' grief was impossible to describe, so Alec wouldn't even try. Instead he wrote the kind of grief he felt from watching a person he cared so deeply about feel the loss of a parent too early. The kind of empathic grief some people would get, when they looked at a person in mourning. Alec had that kind of empathy, when he was around Magnus. He'd never had it before. It became an incredibly sorrowful song and Alec had no intention of ever showing anyone the song, so he tugged his notebook back into his bag after he'd written it.

After three days, Alec had to insist Magnus took a shower. He had barely eaten anything, and he'd barely left his bed, when he had it was only to move to the couch instead. Alec followed him into the bathroom and Magnus turned to look at him with a frown.

"What?"

"I can shower on my own," Magnus rolled his eyes.

"Oh, right. I don't know why I thought…" Alec felt his cheeks flush. He hadn't meant anything by it, but up until this moment he had done everything for Magnus for the past few days. But he left the bathroom without any further comment. Only after twenty minutes, Magnus called for him. Alec opened the door, but didn't look inside. "What is it?"

"I forgot a towel. They're in the drawer under the bed," Magnus said. Alec went to get him a towel. When he came into the bathroom again, he noticed Magnus' red eyes – he'd been crying in the shower. Alec held up the towel for Magnus to step into, making sure he didn't get a look at anything other than Magnus' face. Although, Alec's eyes on his seemed to make him even more uncomfortable. Magnus hadn't cried for the last twenty-four hours, and Alec had thought it was getting better. "You're alone with your thoughts whenever you're in the shower," Magnus shrugged.

"I get it," Alec smiled softly. Magnus started drying himself, and Alec turned around to give him some privacy.

"I really appreciate everything you've done for me. Did I thank you yet?"

"A couple of times. It's really no big deal. I would want someone to do the same for me," Alec replied. Magnus didn't say anything else, but stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around Alec's chest. Alec froze, as he could feel Magnus' naked body against his own clothed body.

"I love you," he whispered behind Alec's ear.

"You don't mean that. You're confusing gratefulness with love," Alec wiggled out of Magnus' arms. He accidentally turned around and saw all of Magnus' glorious nakedness. He quickly looked away again.

"No I don't," Magnus said.

"You're not sure. I want you to be sure," Alec continued. Magnus stepped closer again, took Alec's hand and led it to his crotch. Alec gasped with surprise at the other man's behavior. "What are you doing?!" he exclaimed.

"I want you," Magnus said, as if it had been obvious.

"You're mourning, it's not right, Magnus," Alec said in a low voice, because he also didn't want to hurt Magnus' feelings any further. He finally let go of Alec's hand and covered himself up with the towel.

"So that's not why you've been sticking around for so long? You don't want me anymore?" Magnus looked hurt anyway.

"Of course I want you! But I want you when you're ready, not because you feel like you owe it to me. I've watched you cry your eyes out for the past three days, your eyes are still puffy, you can't possibly want… that, right now?" Alec said. Magnus walked past him and out into the hall.

"Don't tell me what I want and don't want," he mumbled on his way to the bedroom. Alec followed him, because this conversation wasn't over.

"Then tell me why?"

"Why what?" Magnus pulled on a pair of slacks.

"Why now?"

"Because I just want to do something that'll make me forget," Magnus sighed.

"That's not the right way," Alec shook his head. Just like Magnus didn't want to be his experiment, he didn't want to be Magnus' distraction. Although, he had another idea. "Do you feel like going outside?"

"No?" Magnus retorted, as if that had been obvious.

"Prince marathon?" Alec suggested then. You didn't need to know a lot about Magnus to realize that his fashion icon had to be Prince. It would honestly shock him if he'd been wrong in that assumption. Magnus' face lit up a little.

"Movie marathon or are you suggesting you play his entire collection on my piano?" Magnus challenged.

"While the last part does sound tempting, I meant movies," Alec smiled. He would have suggested they play a game or something, when Magnus didn't want to leave the apartment, but he knew that wouldn't get his mind off things. But a good movie might.

"I haven't seen those movies since the nineties," Magnus smiled shortly. "I'll watch one of them, but then you'll have to come up with something more interesting if it doesn't work," he continued to challenge him. Alec smirked.

"Graffiti Bridge?" he asked.

"Obviously," Magnus retorted.

Graffiti Bridge was by far Alec's favorite, mostly because Prince was extremely sexy in that one for some reason. It was probably the hair. Alec made sure they had lots of snacks, because he knew from his sister that whenever you were heartbroken and had no appetite, snacks were the answer. It did seem to help a bit, and Magnus ate a small amount of snacks, before cuddling up against him. Cuddling was alright, Alec decided. In fact, cuddling was required. He witnessed an entirely different kind of tenderness in Magnus that night, while watching the movie. His small gestures weren't forced or even seemed to be calculated; Magnus simply traced patterns on Alec's skin absentmindedly or leaned his head on Alec's shoulder to relax. Alec could get used to the feeling this was giving him. He knew he felt protective of Magnus, but he wasn't sure how to describe the feeling he got from having him this close and comforting him just by being there. It seemed to change something inside of him.

"I love you too," he whispered, when the movie neared an end. Magnus straightened up and looked up at him with hurt eyes. "I'm sorry, it was dumb of me…" Alec didn't get to make much of an apology, before Magnus pressed his lips against Alec's. Alec froze with shock. He'd just blurted out the words, he hadn't expected Magnus to respond like this. But when Magnus broke off the quick kiss, Alec also couldn't help but quickly press his lips against Magnus' again, and this time with such force that Magnus fell back on the couch with Alec on top of him. Alec's legs tangled with Magnus', he pressed his body against the other man and instinctively rubbing himself against Magnus, until he felt the friction of his own and Magnus' arousal. Alec leaned back instantly at that, because it felt so amazing, so nerve-wracking and so terrifying all at once. He wanted Magnus so badly, but he had no idea what to do with those desires and his inexperience.

"What's wrong?" Magnus wondered.

"This is exactly what shouldn't be happening," Alec ran his hand through his ruffled hair.

"Oh, right. Well, that was before you told me you loved me?" Magnus tried. Alec tried to hide his amusement.

"Maybe we should call it a night, you look tired?"

"I'm not tired," Magnus assured him.

"Well I'm tired," he looked down at his own hands. His nerves were getting the better of him, and he wasn't sure he was ready for more than mild make-out sessions just yet. Chills went through his body, when he noticed Magnus' disappointed expression. "I'm sorry." Magnus sat up, leaned closer to him, and took his hand.

"Is it because you're not ready yet?" Magnus asked softly. Alec felt so embarrassed, he'd been pushing Magnus for so long now, but he'd never thought about what he'd do when he finally had the chance to actually be with Magnus.

"I want you, I do," Alec assured him.

"It's not the same thing," Magnus answered. Alec had never felt anyone understand him as much as Magnus did. "It's fine. What we're doing now is distraction enough for me. I'm so grateful that you're here right now. But…" Magnus hesitated and Alec felt his head spinning with all the worry of what might come after "but".

"If you want to be alone I totally understand," Alec looked down at his hands again. He wasn't actually all that tired.

"I was trying to find a nice way to ask you if you wanted to continue making out on the couch? We don't have to remove any clothes. I know this is all new to you," Magnus said, and Alec felt relieved that Magnus understood that despite Alec being so straightforward in the beginning, he'd hit a bump and didn't know how to go through with it just yet. Alec gave him a smile, and pushed Magnus back down on the couch, and started kissing him softly, until softly became passionately and they were rolling around on the couch making out. Alec could still feel Magnus' heart racing in his chest, and it gave him some confidence, but not enough to move any further just yet.

So I guess things got really crazy and intense very quickly between Magnus and Alec. I hope you liked the chapter though. I really love all your comments, you guys are so sweet and I never get tired of hearing from you! Just let me know what you think the story might be missing :)

Also, I am very busy with my new job, but I hope you'll continue to have a bit of patience with me. I really love writing this sort of story!