Day 6: Elena + Identity/Expectations
I'm So Up High, I Can't See the Ground Below
Daughter. Elena did her best to be a good daughter, sometimes she was wild, and didn't do what she supposed to do, but she loved her parents, and she tried her best to let them know it in every way possible. She adored her father, he was her superhero. She was close to her mother, and she fostered Elena's love of writing. She tried to be a good girl for them, but then they were gone. Daughter no more.
Cheerleader. Before the accident Elena had a smile that could like up the room. Before the accident Elena had more pep than Caroline. Before the accident Elena liked to cheer on people, to make them feel good. Before the accident nothing was better than the high of performing perfect cheer stunts. Before the accident, Elena was a cheerleader. Cheerleader no more.
Teenager. Elena was a teenager, and she did crazy wild things that in retrospect, were incredibly stupid. Breaking and entering, college parties, petty vandalism, sex, all part of being a carefree wild, hormonal teenager. She didn't feel much like a teenager after the accident, she felt old. Teenager no more.
Niece. Jenna was her idol when she was a little girl. She followed her around like a puppy and copied everything the older girl did. And eventually they grew to be friends, and Jenna taught her how to sneak out her window, which was the best hangover cure, how to not get caught ditching class. And then Jenna held their family together, and Elena was so grateful for her. But then Jenna died and Elena knew it was her fault. She failed again. Niece no more.
Girlfriend. She was Matt's. She was Stefan's. She loved Matt in the safe familiar way every girl loves her first boyfriend. And then she found that he wasn't enough, that she wasn't enough, so she stepped aside. And then Stefan was her first love, and she learned so much about who she was, who she is. But everything must end. Whatever it was she had with Damon, it was too much for the word 'girlfriend'. It was more. Girlfriend no more.
Human. She was human, her heart beat, she was fragile. She aged. But truth be told, she lost her humanity before she ever became a vampire. She was a doppleganger, and that made her more than simply human. Human no more.
Daughter again. John was her least favorite person. She didn't understand him and he always said the wrong thing. So to find out he was her biological father was like a big fat cosmic joke. They had nothing in common. But he was family, and she loved him in a remote, grudging sort of way. And then he gave his life for hers. And she was guilty again. Daughter never again.
Orphan. She'd been left many times. And never in a you're-not-good-enough kind of way, but in a permanent sense. People left her, and they could never come back. Family was not for her. She was an orphan. Jeremy was all she had. Orphan.
Doppleganger. Finding out she was the exact replica of a girl who hurt people destroyed the tentative ease she had had with her face, with her body. She did not see her face in the mirror, she saw Katherine's. And then she saw Tatia's. She saw the face of a girl she would never know, and that brought uncertainty. She could hate Katherine quite easily, but she could feel nothing for Tatia. When she saw herself in the mirror, she hated and felt nothing all at once. Doppleganger.
Friend. A constant that she could not be destroyed. Even at her lowest, her meanest, her total lack of humanity, even then, she was a friend. She was Bonnie's, she was Caroline's, Matt's, Rebekah's, Tyler's, she was their friend, even when she being horrible to them. Even when she left them, she was a friend. Friend.
Sister. She was always most proud of that title. Sister, she was a big sister, and she did her best to protect her brother. She loved him, even before she had no one else left, he was the most important person in her life. Sometimes she made he wrong decision and hurt him. Sometimes she fucked up, and he got mad, but he always forgave her. Losing him was like losing her mind. She couldn't comprehend that the boy she'd given up her humanity for was gone. She'd given everything to take care of him, to protect him. And without him, she was lost. She had no purpose. So to be granted this great reprieve, to be given a second chance, was nothing short of a miracle. Sister.
Vampire. It wasn't something she wanted. She wanted to grow up, meet a boy, get married, have children, watch them grow up, feel herself grow old, and die with gray hair and wrinkled skin. She wanted a human life. But she sunk to the bottom of a lake and closed her eyes and woke up dead. Well, half dead. And then, so that Jeremy wouldn't be alone, she dragged her fingers through tainted blood and gave up her right to a human death. Vampire.