Dear storyofarusher,

Well I've never even gotten CLOSE to 600 reviews. :D I did get like 320ish on my old copy of Dark Places, and I have no idea how. But I seriously don't plan anything. I don't even know what I want to happen in the chapter I'm about to write after this note. I have one general idea for a chapter like "next step in the relationship" or "step to recovery" and I just start. I don't really plan a story unless it has a specific plot, like Feathers or Needles.

Maybe you should try NOT planning. :D

And thank you, and EVERYONE! for your reviews and support. :)

"And how is your depression?" Dr. Andry asked James, her legs crossed and a clipboard atop them.

"It's good. I think that since I started being buddies with Logan, it's gotten a lot better," James said. "But there're times, like when I'm laying in bed trying to sleep, that I get that feeling again. In my stomach- that rotten feeling that makes me want to cry."

"How do you deal with that?"

"I use the techniques you taught me. You know, think of a happy place, take a walk in the halls, talk to a nurse about whatever."

"That's great."

"Yeah."

"How were you after our session yesterday? After talking to Patrick?"

"I felt like I needed to puke. That feeling- it's overwhelming. Like it cleanses me, makes the sadness go away."

"But it doesn't. It only distracts you from your feelings."

"I know. But I ate this big lunch, planning on sticking my finger down my throat after. But Logan was there, and he was so proud of me for eating. He held my hand all the way back to my room, and then I told him I had to piss, so he'd let me go to the bathroom. He was onto me."

"Did you feel guilty lying to him?"

"Hell yeah I did. I looked him in the eye and I lied. But he let me go," James paused, thinking. "And… I got in there and I knelt in front of the John… And I just thought about, what if Logan found out that I lied and that he was so proud of me for nothing? He would hate me, just like Patty did. I couldn't do it, doc. So I got up and I took a piss, then when I opened the door and Logan was there. He was listening, prepared to stop me if I tried to do anything in there. He's so sweet. And he hugged me. And for the first time in however long, he talked."

"What did he say?"

"He said 'I'm so proud of you'. I don't think anyone's heard his voice for at least a year, and I have to say, it's amazing. I love it. And what he said only made me happier."

"When was the last time someone told you that they were proud of you?"

James hesitated, thinking for a long time.

"High school graduation?" Dr. Andry offered.

"No…"

"Getting a good grade on a test?"

"Nope."

"When?"

James looked up, dumbfounded.

"I don't think anyone's EVER told me that," he said in realization.

"So hearing it from Logan was a first?"

"Yeah," James nodded, troubled.

Logan sat at the table in the art room, dragging the paint brush up and down a piece of cardboard to color it sky blue. James sat beside him at the circle table busily sketching someone- a woman. Carlos was on Logan's other side, playing with yellow Play-Doh.

"Wassa matter? Something's on your mind," James said, looking up at Logan. He could tell something was up by the way he avoided James' and Carlos' eyes, by the way he bit on his lower lip, by the way he wasn't so touchy-feely with James.

He knew it wasn't because of the kiss last night. They were more that fine at group therapy that morning.

"Are you mad at me?" James asked, going back to his sketch. It was his mother- the woman he was drawing. He missed her, even if she was the center of all his problems. He glanced up to see Logan shaking his head. "Then what? Did something happen at one-on-one?"

Logan sighed and put his brush in the water, looking up at James looking down at him.

"I'm going home," he said quietly. He never really spoke above a murmur.

"That's great!" James smiled, despite the horribly rotten feeling in his chest and stomach, Carlos looking sad. Anyone was lucky to get out of this hospital so soon- it was normally for longer stays, but James wanted to spend more time with Logan. Logan was the medication he couldn't have, the medication he couldn't puke up. The medication that made him not-so-sad.

James' enthusiasm made Logan feel better about it- he was afraid that James would be sad.

"When?" James asked.

"Saturday," Logan answered.

"That's tomorrow," Carlos said sadly. He looked up to find that Logan looked upset, so James tried to cheer up.

"That's still awesome. Will you visit us?" James asked.

Logan smiled a little and nodded.

"Hey, fags. Can I sit here?" came a voice, and both looked up at Kendall standing there awkwardly with a coloring book and crayons. There was a lot to do in the hospital- there was a gym, a garden, a TV room, a cafeteria always stocked with food, and an art room.

A lot of people spent time in the art room- it was the only place that they could have paper or scissors (safety scissors, of course) and pencils, and there was always music playing in there. It was heavily watched, but nobody really ever tried anything harmful. There were always coloring books and Play-Doh and paints for bored people who just went there for temporary entertainment, but there were some people who used clay and canvases and wood as artistic therapy and were serious about it.

James looked around, finding that the other tables were full and Kendall had no choice.

"I guess," he grumbled.

Kendall sat and started flipping through the book, most pages scribbled in, trying to find a picture that was clean enough. He didn't seem like a threat, so James continued with the conversation.

"Are you gonna live with your mom?" he asked Logan. Kendall didn't seem to be listening, or he was minding his own business for once.

Logan nodded, not wanting to talk in front of Kendall. He didn't want to talk in front of anyone except James and Carlos.

"Are you going to college after summer's over?" James asked. Logan smiled proudly and nodded. "For what?"

Logan gave him a look and tilted his head over to Kendall. James sighed and shrugged.

"Okay," he said, understanding that he was uncomfortable talking with Kendall there. Logan retrieved his brush from the dirty water nearby and dried it before dipping it into the green, going to make grass at the bottom of his cardboard.

"So… Kendall," James began awkwardly. Sure, the guy was a douche, but James wanted to talk to SOMEONE, and Carlos was entirely too busy humming and making Play-Doh spaghetti to carry on a conversation. Kendall looked up defensively. "That's a very nice… Tiger… You've got there."

Kendall looked down at the picture of the cartoon lion he was coloring, red staining its teeth and around its mouth although it was smiling. He was going to color it black and purple. It was the lion representing himself.

"It's a lion," he spat. "Tigers have stripes, lions have manes."

"Well don't they both roar? That's all I know," James laughed.

"No. They don't. Lions roar, tigers chuff."

Logan looked up to see Kendall looking angry and James looking like he was trying not to be murdered.

"Okay… Sorry…" James said, going back to his sketch.

"What're you drawing, Jame?" Carlos asked from across the table.

"My mommy," James said proudly.

They all looked at the sketch- James was a great artist. Kendall didn't look criticizing, he just looked from the drawing to James, seeing the resemblance.

"Do you draw in your free time?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah. I have sketches taped all over my walls. Of made up people, of animals, of real people, of objects. What do you do?"

"I volunteer at the zoo. I get to feed snakes and shit. It's pretty cool. I get to talk to myself all the time and people just assume I'm talking to the animals."

It was silent for a second before Kendall spoke up.

"I play guitar and write music," he said spat. "In case anyone cared. You're purposefully ignoring me, aren't you?"

"Well when everything you say is a snide remark," James grumbled.

"I'm trying to be nice, shithead."

"Are you in a band?" James asked, trying to satisfy Kendall.

"Used to be," Kendall grumbled. "Just me and my buddy. But he got sick of my shit and we split up."

They went on with their business quietly for about ten minutes until Kendall looked up hesitantly.

"My therapist wanted me to talk to you guys," he said quietly.

"Yeah?" James said, looking up along with the others.

"He wanted me to tell you guys that I'm sorry for being so cruel to you."

"And are you?"

Kendall shrugged.

"Well you've caused Logan a lot of trouble," James said, Logan looking up, searching Kendall for any indication that he didn't mean what he said, finding none.

"Jo was right- I AM homophobic," Kendall said guiltily. "It's just how I am. I'm paranoid, and I make up shit in my head that isn't true. Like that being around a gay guy will make ME gay, or that somehow you're trying to change me into one of you. And I never even knew he was gay- I just assumed."

"It's not CONTAGIOUS," Carlos said. "If it was, I'd be like, a flamer by now."

"Look, asshole, this is hard enough without you adding commentary," Kendall snapped. Carlos' lips formed a line and he went back to his work.

"Is all this coming from you or your therapist?" James asked.

"My therapist."

"Figures."

"So whether you forgive me or not, I'm still gonna be a shitface," Kendall said to Logan.

Logan said nothing, only nodded a little and looked back down at his painting which he didn't much want to finish anymore.

At dinner, James ate a few bites of Logan's spaghetti along with his protein shake.

Afterward, they sat in their hiding spot beside Logan's bed, Carlos off in the TV room.

"I'm gonna miss you," Logan said softly, James' arm around his waist holding him close.

"Well… I'll have Carlos," James assured. "And I'm improving a whole lot- they'll let me out soon enough."

"Don't give up, okay?"

"I won't."

"You have to eat."

"I'm taking baby steps."

Logan smiled a little, looking unconvinced at James.

"I won't have you to help me out," James said. "But… Carlos'll help."

"Promise you'll go to him?"

"I want to get outta here. Will you wait for me?"

Logan looked confused, not knowing what he meant.

"I mean… I can't stop you from starting to date someone, but I'd love if you waited for me to get out," James said. "I know you're a horny bastard and all, but-"

"I'll wait."

James grinned and kissed Logan's nose.

"We can go on dates," he said happily. "To the movies, or to the zoo, or just hanging out, watching a movie."

"Like… Boyfriends?"

"I mean, if that's what you want. But we don't have to be that if you're uncomfortable."

Logan thought about this for a second. He had never had a boyfriend before. Someone to cuddle him and pick him up for dates and pay for meals and sneak through his window at night. He liked that idea, and James could show him the way, having had a boyfriend before.

"We can be just friends if you want to date someone else, or a lot of other people. Now that you're on meds, you're a catch. Sure, you don't really talk, but you're super hot. And if you DO wanna do that, I mean, we can just hang as buddies."

"You'd be sad," Logan said simply.

"Yeah, for a while. But I guess I might find some dates of my own eventually."

"I don't like other boys," Logan said with a shrug. This made James grin and feel fuzzy, like somehow he had earned Logan's heart and nobody could steal it.

"I'm going to college in the fall- medical school," Logan said softly. "We can get an apartment."

"You would want that?" James asked excitedly. "To live together?"

Logan grinned and shrugged.

"Me, too," James beamed. "What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Before group."

"That's early," James said, energy level going down. "Don't leave before saying goodbye, okay?"

Logan smiled and shook his head, indicating that he wouldn't leave without a kiss goodbye.

"Do you think… I could kiss you again?" James asked nervously. Logan grinned and lifted his face to press his lips to James'.

After a few seconds, James pulled away a little, his lips only centimeters from Logan's.

"I'm glad you're better," he said softly. "And if you find someone else… It's okay."

Logan's hand rose to pull James' face to his again, ready for it to get heated like it had last night.

"As long as he's hot. You need someone hot. Don't settle, Logan."

Logan giggled, not understanding why James was so sure Logan would find someone else. James was perfect. Why would he date other people?

"And use protection. You never know what people might have. There're a lot of STD's."

Logan took the opportunity to stick his tongue into James' mouth, catching James by surprise. He didn't walk anymore, enjoying the taste of Logan and the way Logan's hand trailed down his stomach and to his zipper.

How long had it been since James had sex?

He wanted this. But he and Logan had only known each other for a short amount of time. Not to mention Carlos would be back soon, and he wouldn't enjoy walking in on that.

He reached down to take Logan's hand and weave their fingers together, not wanting to break the kiss to tell Logan not to go too far.

Carlos came into the room casually, freezing at the sight.

"Aaaawe," he melted, making James jump and his head snap his way. Logan kept kissing James' cheek, his jaw, his neck, like nothing was wrong.

James turned red with embarrassment and Carlos winked.

"It's about time. You guys are so cute," Carlos said casually, going into the room.

"Logan-" James said quietly, trying to pull away.

"No," Logan said stubbornly, pulling James to him again, kissing his skin hungrily. James laughed and pulled Logan's face up to kiss him once more before getting up.

"You didn't have to stop," Carlos said, plopping down on Logan's bed as James sat on it. "I thought it was cute."

Logan got up, mouth in an angry line as he shoved the pillow over Carlos' face for interrupting them. Carlos laughed and hit his roommate with the pillow.

"Think I could get some of that, Logan?" Carlos smirked.

"Oh, I'll give you something alright," Logan grumbled.

Okay.

Now we see Logan in the real world and James without him.

It should be interesting. :D

A few of you have submitted story ideas to me, and thank you so much! If anyone as any ideas, you can PM me or leave it in a review or whatever and I'll take your idea into consideration when I'm picking a new story to write.

Oh, and I go back to school Monday, so I'll be doing things other than writing. That means probably no more every day updates. Sorry.