Jake slowly opened the door to Dr. Leland's office and fumbled for the light switch. He found it at last, glanced out in the corridor to make sure no guards were around, and then flicked it on, entering the room and shutting the door. He headed over to the desk, searching through the files and drawers, until he found a set of keys, and a letter opener. He put these in his pocket and then crept out of the office, flicking the lights off again.
"Ok, I got 'em," he said, re-entering the cell block and heading over to where the Joker waited, beaming at him from behind the bars.
"Good boy!" he said, holding out his hand. "Did you hear that, everyone? Jake got what I asked him for!"
"Well done, Jake," said Crane, sharing a look with Joker. "Come over here now, there's a good boy."
Jake approached Crane warily as Joker unlocked the door of his cell, and then went around unlocking the others. "Do you know your sums, Jake?" asked Crane.
"Sums?" repeated Jake. "Like math?"
"Yes. Can you do multiplication tables? 1 x 1 = 1, 2 x 2 = 4, that kind of thing?"
"Maybe," said Jake. "I'm not sure I can remember many…"
"Well, why don't you look at me, and we'll see if we can't figure them out together," he said. "But concentrate on me and the math, and pay no attention to anything else that's going on, all right?"
While they were reciting math equations, Joker had slipped open the door to the cell block and killed the two guards on duty, clapping his hand over their mouths and slitting their throats silently. He headed off down the corridor to discreetly take care of any remaining guards on duty, while Harley, Ivy, and Two-Face headed off to collect their costumes and weapons from the storage closet, busting the lock off with a fire extinguisher. They returned to the cell block to distribute the belongings and change.
"And 164 x 164 is…um..26,896, I believe…" stammered Crane.
"All clear – let's beat it," interrupted Joker, re-entering the cell block and taking his purple suit and weapons from Harley.
"You're escaping?" asked Jake. "Isn't that against the rules?"
"We're going home, Jake," explained Harley. "It's always nice to have a little stay in Arkham, but sometimes the vacation distracts us from our work, y'know?"
"Your work to kill Batman?" asked Jake.
"Yeah, among others," agreed Joker, as he slipped on his suit. "It's too complicated for you to understand, kid…"
"Can I come with you?" asked Jake. "I don't think I'm ever gonna find out who I am locked up in here. Dr. Leland said the orphanage didn't have any other information about me, and nobody in the police department has been able to help either. I think the only person who can help me is…Batman."
"And you think we can contact Batman just like that, huh?" demanded Joker.
"Well…you make plans and traps to kill him, so you've probably got a better chance of getting in touch with him than most people," said Jake, slowly. "I guess Dr. Leland might be able to, but if she finds out I helped you escape, I don't think she's gonna be very happy, and she probably won't wanna help me out for a while."
"Kid, we'd love to help, but we're all busy people with busy lives," said Two-Face. "It's nothing personal."
"Yeah, nothing personal, you're just not important enough for us to care," said Joker. "So see ya around, kid."
Jake shrugged, heading over to the wall. "Ok. But if you don't help me, I'm pressing the alarm."
Everyone froze on their way to the door. "Are you threatening us, kid?" growled Joker, turning around.
"Yeah," said Jake, nodding. "That's how you guys always get what you want, isn't it? If it works for you, why wouldn't it work for me?"
"Are you actually comparing yourself to us?" demanded Crane. "You're a child, and we are the best supervillains Gotham City has ever seen…"
"Well, I am anyway," interrupted Joker. "The rest of you losers are just the Peanut Gallery, like I said. Because you're just nuts."
"You already explained that, puddin'," pointed out Harley. "And you always told me not to explain jokes anyway."
"It's for the benefit of the child, Harl," retorted Joker. "He can't be expected to understand adult humor, like puns."
"That's not what adult humor means," said Ivy.
"Don't try to contradict me, Weed Lady, and don't try to tell me about humor!" snapped Joker.
"Are you taking me with you or not?" demanded Jake, cutting into what he assumed was going to be another fight.
"What makes you think we won't kill you the moment we're outta here, kid?" demanded Two-Face.
"I'll take my chances," retorted Jake. "I've got a fifty-fifty chance with you, which is pretty good odds. Joker won't kill me unless he's got a joke."
"You think I can't think up one for an orphan brat?" demanded Joker.
"I think you can, but you explain to me how it's funny to kill a kid nobody wants anyway," retorted Jake. "I don't think that's adult humor – I just don't think that's funny. Harley doesn't want to kill me. Ivy might, but as long as I annoy the Joker, she'll keep me alive as long as possible, and it'll annoy the Joker that he's forced to put up with a kid. So she's not gonna hurt me. And you, Professor Crane," he said, turning to him. "I don't think you'd hurt a child who's experienced the same bullying as you. I don't think your heart's hardened enough to do that, judging by the orphan bird you took in. Maybe I'm wrong about all of you. But that's a chance I'm willing to take, to discover who I am. There's nothing left for me here or anywhere else, anyway."
Everyone glared at Jake, but didn't respond. "This is your fault, Professor!" snapped Joker, rounding on Crane angrily. "Who distracts a kid with math problems?! This is his revenge for you torturing him! It would have been less traumatizing if he'd just seen me murder the guys!"
"Let's not assign blame, let's just decide what to do," growled Crane. "Are we taking the child with us or not?"
"I don't know about you losers, but I ain't letting a kid blackmail me!" snapped Joker. "It's like I always say – only mothers let kids push 'em around! And I ain't no dame!"
"An enlightened statement from a man who truly understands gender equality," sighed Ivy, sarcastically.
"You don't always say that," added Harley. "I've never heard you say that."
"I said it last week, about that kid in the department store before we blew up the toy aisle. Don't you listen to me, Harley?!" demanded Joker. "Because that would explain why nothing seems to get through your thick skull!"
"Why should I listen to you when you don't listen to me when I say I'm sorry I bit down on your…"
"Cut the talk!" growled Two-Face, stepping in between them. "We'll never decide anything by talking about it!"
He pulled out his coin. "Good side, we take the kid. Bad side, we beat him to death with a fire extinguisher. You gonna play, kid?" he asked, turning to him.
Jake nodded. "I'll play."
Two-Face flipped the coin into the air. Jake watched it spin in the air, his heart pounding as it fell into Two-Face's palm. He looked down and nodded. "Good side. C'mon, kid."