"Again."

Jaina forced herself to her feet once more as she sized up the recruit staring her down. Through a few lucky strokes, he had somehow managed to disable her and give her the shock of her life.

Nursing her stomach where the training blade had hurt her, she circled her opponent as she let the Force flow through her despite Mara's trying to shut down their Force abilities. It was a trickle, but it was more than the new recruit had. Her body moved almost of its own accord as she danced with her blade, gracefully breaking down the clumsy defenses of the new recruits.

Jaina couldn't help but smirk as she saw the recruit fall in what felt like slow motion. She quickly wiped it off her face as she helped the recruit up with a more friendly and concerned smile.

"You did a good job," she whispered as she looked to Mara, whose brilliant green eyes narrowed and Jaina realized that Mara had felt what she had done.

"Jaina, come over here for a moment. Tash, take a breather," Mara ordered. Jaina reluctantly slinked over to her aunt and stood there in her grandmother's omniscient gaze.

"The point of the exercise is to fight without your abilities," Mara hissed as Tash drained a water bottle left on the side. "It undermines the purpose if you undermine me."

"Yes, Grandmother Mara," Jaina said, biting her lip and holding her tongue. She knew better than to argue with her. She turned around, pushing down the frustration, mostly at herself. She just couldn't help but use the Force- it was like breathing to her-and Mara's ability to shut down the Force made her lungs restrict, the world seemed fuzzier, and her body too clumsy, too slow. Most of all, she felt like death was seconds away, and the only energy she had left was the anxiety-

You need to just do as she says, Jaina reminded herself. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no chaos, there is serenity.

She turned around, ready to face off again-but without the Force. She took a deep breath that made her petite frame shudder and stepped into the ring against a nervous Tash.

"Again," Mara called into the ring.

Jaina barely had time to turn on her lightsaber and lift it as Tash attacked, her blows strong like a stick, and a little too violent, a little too deliberate as Jaina blocked her with spin after flashy spin, as her father had taught her. She backed away, thinking how to tackle this duelist.

She started with a small poke, barely missing Tash and catching her blade. As Tash raised her sword to swing, Jaina jabbed- right into Tash's side. Tash gasped for breath as she stared at Jaina, who felt tired, heavy, dull, and so dead inside.

Tash and Jaina clashed sabers and the two girls struggled for the success, something they both craved. Tash pushed down hard enough, and the lightsaber flew from Jaina's hand and she landed on her backside in the sand.

Jaina sat up, knowing that lightsaber training was over. She ran a hand through her hair, feeling the three slightly-lopsided buns on the back of her head. Neither Jacen nor Han wanted to help her with her hair that morning, so she was forced to work with her least medium again.

She sighed and picked herself up reluctantly and grabbed her lightsaber lying in the dirt. She grabbed a bit of her tunic and rubbed it over the hilt of her lightsaber, wiping away some dirt and her fingerprints.

"You'll do better eventually, Jaya," Mara assured her. "You just have to learn to shut down your abilities."

Jaina nodded, even though she didn't want to hear it.

"May I be dismissed?" she asked.

"Of course," Mara said with an affectionate smile.

Jaina ran off, feeling the Force flow through her as she left Mara further and further behind until she approached the southern beach of the isle. It was low tide, thank goodness, so she was able to walk across the sand to the entrance to her hideaway. It was the one secret she had hidden from her brothers.

She gripped the side-stones tightly as she scaled to the platform, and sat for a moment on the platform, focusing on creating a light with the Force. The area lit up to reveal the items she left there all those years. An X-wing helmet, boxes of parts and random inventions, toys she'd hoarded away from her brothers, and an airtight container of momentos she wanted safe from everyone and everything.

Her fingers fumbled with the lock and she then opened the box as the light sharpened. She pulled out an old, outdated datapad, an X-wing doll her mother gave her when she was small, and the DL-44 her parents had begun training her with when she was three years old.

She caressed the silver pistol, remembering her father making her a shooting sim when she was of that age. It seemed like too much time had gone by, too fast. She placed the pistol back in the box and pulled out the datapad. It took a few tedious moments to boot up before she could access it. While she couldn't access the HoloNet, this was where she kept her diary.

Dear Diary, why can't I just be like the other kids? I know I have a gift, but. . . I sometimes wish I could shut it down not feel so dead inside. I. . . I don't know why I can't just accept it, why I even want any part of being normal- I just feel confused.

Jaina set the datapad aside and sighed. She held the pilot doll in her hand and put the X-wing helmet on her head, imagining that she could be out flying right now. It was the one thing that truly made her feel calm, at peace.

Her childish reverie was broken by the sound of gunfire. She threw off her helmet, stuffed the pilot doll in her pockets, grabbed the DL-44, and locked the box before hiding it amongst her other junk. She used the Force to soften her descent as she ran out onto the beach and looked above to see the shadows of TIE-fighters soaring above, blasting everything to smithereens.

Jaina ran up the beach as she mentally connected with her brothers again as they all headed for the same place.

She raced up the stone steps, only to be thrown off onto the steep grassy hill by a near miss. She scrambled to her feet and ran faster than she ever had for fear of life or death, and hopped the low wall to make it into the hangar bay. Even in the chaos, Jaina's goal was clear.

She ran into the Millennium Falcon where Chewie was waiting in the cockpit.