Empov
Mom looks like she is about to explode, implode or just run squeeing into the night, either way, something is up with her. She tossed his duffle into the front entry of our apartment and then we went and got in Carlisle car. "Mom? Mom? Are you going to say anything? Are you breathing?"
"Oh she's breathing all right, the panting she's doing is going to fog up the windows if she doesn't slow it the hell down in a minute." Eddie was the master of the burn and we fist bumped as Carlisle smacked him in the arm. "You two be nice to her, she has been through quite an evening. Bella, how is your head? Are you feeling okay?"
Bpov
I nodded at Carlisle but I didn't want to talk at the moment.
I'm fine. I am just processing everything and I really don't know what kind of great karmic joke is being played on me. I think maybe I am asleep and when I wake up it will be just a weird dream. I got to see the man of my dreams, and oh yes, my rather vivid fantasies, up close and personal, without a shirt on and in a pair of sweat pants that left absolutely nothing to the imagination,(I was going to be hugging Ed for that in just a little bit), but instead of making me deliriously happy and more than a little horny, it broke my heart because it confirmed what I was afraid of, he had to be gay. He has all the signs, from the left nipple piercing and what I know had to be a piercing in his pecker, to the star tattoo in the dead center of his back. I had done my homework, years and years of living in Portland and getting my hopes up, only to have them dashed when I met the equally hot boyfriend, I had interrogated Carlisle so that I could learn to subtle and not so subtle hints that gay men used to spot one another. One of the first things he had taught me was about the tattoos. The stars and birds and anchors, arm bands, as well as the really clear ones like rainbows and things like that, had saved me plenty of time and energy when I had wondered if a fella piercing were also supposed to be a dead giveaway according to Carlisle, but only for certain types of gay fellas. It was a confusing world to try and navigate, but rather than be humiliated time and time again I had simply looked for the billboards and acted accordingly. Jasper was a walking billboard that might as well be lit up by spotlights. Piercing, a left arm band,(really?interesting...) and a huge star tattoo in the place where Carlisle had told me that fellas who, 'Bottomed" often were marked, much like girls got tramp stamps for decoration, though the arm band in plain sight seemed to indicate he was a, "Top". I was soo confused and would have to question Carlisle about it later when my son wasn't around to learn waay more than he ever needed to know about the social lives of gay men and his moms curiosity, but I knew enough to know that he was gay and yet another example of how all the good ones were either married, or gay or both.
'There's nothing wrong, you were right guys, I'm hungry and thirsty, in fact, I think I am going to have a beer or three tonight." I hadn't had a drink in a few years, and if ever there was an excuse to drown my sorrows, I think I had just encountered it.
Edpov
"Good lord! Woman! Would you please get off of me? Damn! Carlisle, are you sure you want to sic her on your nephew? She is drunk as a skunk and she's liable to do something very wrong to him." She was grinning up at me, leaned over in the seat of the car clutching the pizza box with Jaspers pizza like it was the last bit of flotsam in the ocean of despair or something. Carlisle and Emmett had piled into the front seat of the car, leaving me to sit in the back with her after she hugged me and thanked me for showing her "Jaspers pecker piercing", or some craziness like that. I had no idea what the heck she was talking about, but she while she was hugging me and leaned up against me, those two cowards laughed and claimed the front seat and now I was worried I was going to get felt up by one of my best friends while she was less than capable of resisting her baser urges, after all…who wouldn't want to get with this?
"Ed, we will be home in just a few minutes, I am sure you will be fine until then. Bella, honey, are you sure you are okay to take the pizza to Jasper? You seem a bit…tipsy." "Oh great Carlisle , like she is going to be able to tell you how drunk she is. The woman has a small lean and keeps grinning like she either has or is about to, fuck the neighbors cat. I have a feeling that cat may be your nephew. Sorry about that Em, I'm just calling it as it see it."
Em shuddered and stuck his fingers in his ears and started saying, "LALALALA" as if he were trying to block out everything. 'Dude, she got really weird around him before we left to come with for dinner, I am telling you, something is up. I don't know if he pissed her off or what, but she went really cool, really fast and then scooted out of his place like her ass was on fire, I don't know what the deal was , but someone should probably go with her" Em was not fond of the idea they had for them to put the pizza in her hands and shove her in Jaspers direction. They were of the opinion that both needed to get laid, and badly, so if they got all that out of the way in the first place, then things would work out in the end.
"Uh Carlisle, I think she is out. That or she is trying to take our relationship to the next level!" She had suddenly face planted into my lap, just missing the package, and I think she was killing the pizza. I tried to lift her up, but she was like boneless chicken. Em was absolutely no help at all. He flipped the visor down and was looking in the mirror at me and laughing as Carlisle just sped up a little and finally pulled into our parking space at home.
Jpov
What the hell is going on out there? I hear laughter and car doors slamming, so I am hoping that my pizza dinner is on the way to me. I open the door and look out just in time to see my uncle putting Danger Mouse over his shoulder in a dead mans carry while Moose trotted towards me with a pizza box. He thrust it into my hands and said, 'Here you go, dude, sorry it took so long, we have a bit of a situation." I took the pizza and set it in on the counter and followed after him, this should be good.
"Hey Unc, what's up with Danger Mouse? Is she okay?" I just followed them into her apartment, after all, it wasn't like I had anything else exciting going on at my place, and I am a nosy fucker. Moose looked at me, 'What did you call her?' oh shit…"Uh, dude, I was just being funny, I don't mean it to be mean." He grinned at me, 'No, don't worry, I seriously want to know, what did you call her?" Oh fuck, at least there is a doctor present, " I called her Danger Mouse because she's kinda small and she's a bit dangerous. Like I said, I was just being funny." The kid died laughing. 'Oh dude, I am soo stealing that! She will fucking KILL you if she ever finds out you were the one who came up with it, but you just gave her the first nickname she has had in years. Thank you man, thank you! This will totally pay her back for calling me Werewolf Boy after my body hair came in." He slapped my shoulder with one giant paw and I swear my parents probably felt it in Texas. I NEVER wanted to be on his bad side.
'So what's wrong with her?" She was sprawled out on her couch, a blissed out smile on her face, my unc was pulling her boots off and trying to sit her up so he could pull her jacket off. "She had a couple beers, muttered something about your pecker piercing and passed out in my lap." Eddie always was the blunt one. How in the hell did she know about my piercing? She hadn't seen the goods. Everyone was staring at my junk so I self consciously covered it up with my hands and turned away from them. " Jasper! What in the name of Gods green earth is that on your back and on your arm?I looked over my shoulder at my back as Eddie and my unc and Em all crowded around me looking at my latest tattoo. "Oh son, what the hell have you done?" Eddie started laughing and took out his phone and snapped a picture. "Hey fucker! Don't be doing that!" He bolted across the room and got on the other side of the breakfast bar, out of my reach and I just knew he was sending that damn pictures somewhere I didn't want it going. "Who are you sending that to! Where are you sending it?" He was having a hard time trying to text and stay away from me and laugh all at the same time as he worked on sending the pic he had snapped. "Oh, im just sending it to my Facebook page and your mom. I am sure you will be getting a phone call in just a bit when she wants to know why you didn't tell her in person you were coming out."
Coming out? What the fuck? I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Emmet was staring at all of us like we were a few bricks shy of a load as he picked up after his mom, hanging up her jacket and setting her boots by the door. "What are you guys harassing him about , I think that star looks really tight and that arm band is tough looking." Eddie really lost it then, the fucker was literally rolling on the floor. 'Is it Jasper? Is it tight?"
"Oh Jasper, why on earth did you get that tattoo there? What the hell were you thinking?" Uncle Carlisle is looking at me like I am the not quite bright dog that piddled on the rug. A cold feeling of dread is beginning to build in my gut as I watch Eddie laugh until he is crying, holding onto Emmett's leg to get up , he looks at me and says, "What really kills me is that we were the last to know!" and the fucker is rolling on the floor again.
"Unc, would you please tell me what the hell is wrong with your boyfriend other than the obvious? He is really starting to piss me off."
Carlisle is sitting next to Danger on the couch, he's got her head in his lap and he's stroking her hair back out of her face. She is out like a light, even with the laughing hyena rolling around her floor. Her son is no help either, he is almost as bad as the hyena, sitting there shaking his head and laughing as Eddie whispers in his ear. "Ohh DUDE! No wonder my mom looked like she had cancer of the puppy when you came out with your shirt off. She thinks you bat for the other team now." What the hell was he talking about? My tattoo was of the Texas star to honor my pride at being a Texan. "I'm confused, what does my Texas star have to do with anything?"
Cpov
I swear, this younger generation does not have a damn brain cell to split between them. Did he not do any research before he got the tattoo? You would think that someone who wants to be an actor and who is out in the world meeting lots of people, would take a little bit of time and do some research on the meaning of what they were having permanently carved into their bodies. Sis is gonna flip her lid when she gets that photo. She about had a heart attack when he got the first one, and now that he's all tatted up like some leather boy inmate on work release, she is going to freak the hell out. Poor Bella too, she adores my knuckle-headed nephew for some reason and I think they would be good for each other, but this really puts a fly in the ointment. If she is convinced he's gay, she will cease to see him. I have seen her do it, she just shuts herself off from the guy and remains aloof and unreachable, Eddie and I are the rare exception. "Eddie, just show him yours, then we will explain."
Jpov
Oh shit! Oh Shit! Oh Shit! NOOO! He has the exact same style star on both of his shoulders. What the fuck? Why didn't someone tell me? Was that why the tattoo guy kept hitting on me? Son of a mother duck! No wonder dudes had been hitting on me so much lately. I think I am going to barf. "Dudes, I'm not gay. I swear to God. I am not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I like chicks, A LOT."
"Uh Huh…suuuuure you do buddy boy. That's why you look soo hot in a dress and that why you and your lil band buddies were soo close. We know all about that stuff." Eddie grinned at me as he flexed and showed off his stars and the rest of his tattoos and OMG his piercing. I did not need to see that. My unc is a freak too apparently. Not only is his boy toy younger, he's all pierced and…oh. Oh. .Fuck me running. No wonder my life has just been so damn weird lately. Did my manager hate me? She was the one who said that the tats and the piercing would make me seem more, "Mature and edgier" and that they would help me get into less juvenile roles. She even helped pick them out, as well as the placement. Fuck. She did hate me. She had been hard to reach ever since I had gone to Europe with the band for that brief tour other than to guide me about the tatts and the piercing. She hadn't even been around to support me when the band dropped me. Oh God, I am soo screwed. My band cut me, my manager hates me, and now I am marked as a gay man?
Empov
Oh holy crap! He just hit the floor! What the fuck? This is the day that just will not end. Mom is asssed out on the couch with her two beer drunk on, pretty boy just passed out cold in the floor and smacked his head on the counter on the way down and is bleeding on the carpet. What the fuck? Maybe my mom is a jinx?