Title: Fireworks

Authors: Sara And Lizzie

Rating: T for language, mild sex

Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.

Summary: This starts early in season two, episode 8, when Meredith and Derek are in the elevator and she says 'I miss you'. Instead of saying that he cant do anything, Derek asks her to meet him and an affair ensues. Angsty, but we loooove it.

Author's Note: Wow. We're so glad you guys like this story, because honestly, we love it. It's probably our favorite thing we've done so far.

This is the Christmas chapter, and we're not too pleased with it. It's more contemplative, and less action-y, but it's the first time Derek does something, so thats a development. As we get deeper into season 2, its going to get darker. We have big plans of Meredith just shutting down, physically and mentally. So, stick with us and KEEP REVIEWING.

Forget December, it won't be better
than I remember it before,
a silent night won't feel quite right,
it's not so silent anymore.

Another morning broke in Seattle. Christmas Eve. The sheer absence of the usual rain was enough to make even Cristina happy. She met Burke outside the hospital with a coffee cup in each hand. They sipped silently and strolled up the street to the entrance of the hospital. Burke looked at Cristina and shattered the pleasant morning. "Are Shepherd and Grey still sleeping together?" he asked.

Cristina stopped walking and turned to stare at him, wide eyed and shaking her head. "You can't ask me that." She said frantically. "You're my boyfriend, she's my best friend. I know I'm impersonal and hard to get to know or whatever, so ask me any other question and I will answer candidly, but please do not ask me that." Burke was taken aback by her impassioned response, but it didn't stop him from pressing the issue.

"Cristina, I'm not an idiot. I saw them get off of that elevator before the quints surgery. I'm not asking you for clarification because I want to rat them out to the chief or go to Addison. I'm asking because she's your best friend and you care about her. So I care about her." Cristina looked down, panicked. "Cristina," Burke said gently. "You can trust me with this."

She nodded slowly. "I hate him for doing this to her. She's so desperately in love with him she can't see straight. She practically hyperventilates if she's away from him for too long, and this going to kill her. And Shepherd doesn't even seem to care!" She turned her face to Burke, frustrated. "It's like he's keeping her around until Addison throws in the towel."

She was surprised to see Burke didn't look just contemplative or passive, he looked angry. His curt nod as he grabbed her hand and squeezed it didn't make her feel trapped, it felt welcome. She someone to share it with now. "Grey must be a wreck." Burke said. Cristina sighed and they started walking again.

"She's a wreck. And it's only going to get worse."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since Addison removed her friend's uterus." Cristina said. They entered the sliding doors of the hospital and Burke turned to Cristina seriously.

"You tell her if she needs anything, she can come to us." Us. Cristina turned it over in her head, nodded and looked at him gratefully.

"She can come to us."

Meredith stumbled numbly through the hospital, a deep ache growing inside of her. She had been avoiding Derek since the incident in the elevator. She had been avoiding thinking of him since then, because as much as it shamed her to admit it, thinking back to that elevator made a slow heat crawl over her body. She could recall every sensation of that elevator ride, from his lips on her collarbone to the cold metal against her back.

She shook her head and tried to ignore how desperately she missed him. It had only been a few days, and it was Christmas; she should let him be with Addison. But she needed him like she needed oxygen, and it was gnawing at her insides.

She paused at the board and saw he was in surgery with Izzie. She looked at her hands. She had nothing to do right now. Cristina was with her transplant patient. George was dealing the Loud Family, Alex was studying, and Izzie apparently in surgery with Derek. Bailey hadn't paged her in hours… She found herself wondering towards the gallery. She sat down, and folded her hands into her lap and watched him.

As he maneuvered his scalpel around some guy's brain, she found herself wondering about abstract things she hated to think about. Fate, destiny, soul mates. She didn't know if she believed in any of those things, but she whole heartedly believed that if there was one person in the world for her, he was in the OR right now, ready to go home and spend Christmas Eve with someone else.

Down in the OR, with his patient's head open and exposed, Derek felt something that made his eyes shift upwards. Meredith was sitting in the gallery, hands in her lap, watching him carefully. He raised one hand in a signal that he hoped would prompt her to wait for him later. He looked back down into the brain and sighed. He hated Christmas.

Cristina finally tracked down Meredith, sitting in the gallery, watching Shepherd operate. "Meredith…" she said sternly at the look on her friend's face. "Meredith, I need to talk to you." Cristina turned her chair so she could face Meredith and she shook her slightly so to break her out of her spell. "Mer, listen. Burke knows."

Meredith snapped to attention. "What? You told Burke?"

"I didn't tell Burke." Cristina said indignantly. "Burke saw you get off that freaking elevator before the quints surgery. Burke asked me if you were sleeping with Shepherd. I'm telling you this so you'll be more careful, Meredith."

Meredith dropped her face into her hands. "Burke knows that I'm a philandering whore." She muttered. Cristina smiled in spite of the situation.

"If it makes you feel any better, Burke was ready to kill Shepherd. He gave me this whole speech about how me caring about you means he does." Cristina rolled her eyes and then cleared her throat, her tone becoming serious once again. "He wanted you to know you can come to us." She said softly.

Meredith nodded. "Thanks." She said. She stood up and motioned for Cristina that they should go. She took one last long look at Derek and they turned and walked out of the gallery.

It was Christmas Eve. Derek was always like a little kid on this day. It was one of his favorite days. But this year, he hated it. He hated it almost as much as he hated himself, and the only thing that could temporarily break his vicious cycle of self loathing was Meredith, and she had been avoiding him like the plague. He trudged into Joe's, in desperate need of alcohol.

He wanted to turn around and leave when he saw Addison sitting there, but the look on her face was so hopeful he couldn't bear to do it. He sat down with her and they made some ridiculous small talk, until the words he couldn't stop thinking tumbled out.

"Derek, what's wrong?" she asked. "You love Christmas."

"Christmas makes you want to be with people you love. I'm not saying this to hurt you, or because I want to leave you, because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you."

Addison's face paled and her mouth dropped open a little bit. She opened her mouth a little bit more like she was going to say something. Derek looked down because he was lying through his teeth. He didn't want to be here and he didn't want to stay with her, but he couldn't just… he sighed and got up, and muttered something about going to back to the hospital.

Meredith was sitting on her bed, watching the rain fall out of her window. Izzie and George were in the kitchen, baking cookies or being happy, and she just couldn't take it. She wasn't happy, and all the sugar in the world wasn't going to change that. She looked at her clock. 11:35. Less than half an hour until Christmas. She sighed and drew her knees to her chest.

"Meredith." She whipped her head around and saw Derek standing in her doorway.

"Derek." She said her voice slightly breathless and surprised. "What are you…?"

"I'm sorry. I know it's hard…" he trailed off. "It's Christmas. I had to see you. I missed you."

She blinked, fighting the tears that threatened to fill her eyes. "I miss you." She said. "I…." she couldn't find words. He sat down on the bed and pulled her into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly. "Derek, I don't know if I can do this." She said. "I don't know if it's… just having this little piece of you, I don't think it's enough."

He ran his hands through her hair and stroked her face with his thumbs. He pressed gentle kisses to her forehead and lips. She leaned back onto her pillows and deepened the kiss, pushing her worries away. She pulled her shirt over head, but Derek kissed her slowly. "It's Christmas, Mer." He said. "Don't rush this."

His lips found her neck and her collarbone, and finally unbuttoned her jeans. They undressed each other slowly, with care and gentleness. It was unfamiliar to her, this slow, gentle thing. It was usually so rushed and frantic, passionate. This was passion, but it was different.

Their movements were slow, synchronized and control. She wasn't going to have bruises from this one, at least not physical ones. As he slid inside of her gently, she wasn't clawing at him. She wrapped her arms around the smooth muscles of his back and pulled him down to her, so close that he was pressed against her, and nothing could have come between them.

When she arched her back and tightened for the last time, he didn't let go, he just held her as close as he could. When it was over, they lay in her bed, their hands clasped. He waited until she fell asleep, and then looked at her clock. It had been four hours since he left Addison at Joe's. He rolled out of bed silently and dressed. He kissed her forehead as her chest rose and feel deeply. She rolled over in her sleep and he smiled at her.

"Merry Christmas, Meredith Grey." He whispered to the darkness of the room. He moved towards the door and looked back. "I love you." He whispered to her sleeping form, before sneaking down the stairs and out into the night.

On Christmas morning,
outside was pouring,
all was hopeless in this home.