6 Justice League Family Affairs
Greg and Mari were making out on the couch when a Javelin-9 landed behind the sprawling ranch house. Greg cursed and was instantly grateful that his household staff and barnyard hand were in on his secret identity. Combined with his record producer that made four people. Civilian people anyhoo, he thought as he tore off through the house to find out what the ruckus was about.
He threw open the back door, "Dangnurbit! Ya'll are spookin' the horses!"
"Pardon us, Vigilante-san." Samurai bowed at the waist, eyes never leaving Greg's, "We meant no offense."
"Fine. Just help me settle the critters down." Greg relented.
"Apache Chief and your field hand are already on it, Boss." Black Vulcan said as he came out from the other side of the shuttle.
"Don't mean we can't help, pardner." Greg said with a modicum of his usual ebullient self.
The horses settled down before the trio could reach them. Greg's hand, Edgar, gently swung a rope at the sashaying horses as they trotted by. In the midst of the herd stood Apache Chief. He reached out and stroked the flanks of passing stallions, mares, and colts. The head stallion came to him and ate grain out of his hand and then nuzzled him.
Ed climbed over the fence, "It seems we gots a horse whisperer on our hands, Boss."
"Indeedy, Ed. Think they're settled down enough for ya'll to take over?" Greg asked.
"Shore `nuff. Ah could saddle them right here `n now if'n Ah wanted to." Ed happily declared, "Shore you don't want to hire him away from this whole 'superhero' game. He could prove mighty handy in our horse breedin' venture."
"Ah don't think he'd be much interested. Nice idea though." Greg ruefully admitted, "Yo, Chief. Can I pollaber with ya?"
"If this is a JLU conference, shouldn't I be invited?" Mari said from the doorway. Every head turned and every mouth dropped. She was quite comfortably wearing one of Greg's pajama tops and her underwear, which just barely peeked out, and nothing else. There was a reason why Mari McCabe was a supermodel and all of the men present had just revisited the why of it.
"Let's…" Greg choked on his words, "Let's take it inside gents."
All of them walked a little funny and turned their bodies at an angle so as to avoid Mari's gaze. All save Apache Chief. Mari called out to the others, "You might want to cross your legs when you sit down." She stopped Apache Chief, "You're still unmistakably unaffected. Aren't I pretty enough to faze you?"
"I do not ogle women. I appreciate them. There is a difference." Apache Chief opined, "Yet you do not seem affected by the attention yourself."
Mari laughed, "I make my living being an object of desire. It's fun to use it to my advantage. Besides that little show was for Vig's sake. I wanted to see if last night changed anything or if I still 'had it'." She grinned, "Now I know."
Apache Chief smiled appreciatively, "You are a devious woman."
"Tell the boys to wait for me. I'm going to change into my costume. That'll give them time to settle down." She declared.
"Hopefully." Apache Chief grimaced as he went off to deliver the message.
After Mari reemerged as Vixen, she accepted a cup of tea from the maid. All of the JLers had their legal stimulant of choice. Jake had joined them as well. There was no reason to leave the Blackhawk Squadron pilot out alone in the shuttle. Vig was getting down to business.
"So why'd ya'll drop in…? Not that I don't want ya'll here but the timin' is a tad inconvenient." He said.
"We are sorry for this but you have some unfinished business that we thought you might want to resolve." Samurai cryptically declared.
Vig looked blank so Black Vulcan stepped in, "Mammoth and Shimmer broke out of the prison the Indians had `em in. Since you were the team leader that captured them we thought you might want to boss us around while we try to bring `em back in."
"You mean those bandits escaped or wus they busted out by some of their compadres?" Vig asked.
"Reports indicate that they broke out on their own. Shimmer used her powers to transmute her cell door to hydrogen. She then broke her brother out. The local police estimate that they'll be headed for a phone and new clothes. The rest of the Legion of Doom won't wait long to help them out." Apache Chief explained.
"Nope. They won't. `Kay, I'm in. Let me rustle up my duds and then I'll join you hombres in trackin' down these varmints." Vig stood and headed for his bedroom. Vixen followed him.
"Ya'll don't have t'come if'n ya don't want to. Shore we could use yer help but ya'll had planned to take the next few days off." Vigilante said.
"Vig, I planned on spending that time with you. That's what I'm going to do." Vixen duly informed him, "That means I watch your gorgeous butt and you watch mine."
"Ya'll really think mah butt's gorgeous?" he suddenly asked.
"What?" That response momentarily befuddled her, "Oh. Yeah, I think you've got a nice butt. Don't let it go to your head, Cowboy."
"Too late." He grinned. He finished pulling on his boots and stood. His shirt was buttoned down both sides…it was a cavalry shirt after all. He put his gloves on and strapped on his gunbelt. Retrieving his six shooters from the gun safe, he slid them into the holsters. He grabbed two boxes of hyperkinetic rounds that were stored in there as well.
He pulled his mask over his head and down to his neck. He held his ten gallon hat in one hand, "Now c'mere. Ah want t'kiss ya and this is the last opportunity we'll have for a while."
"Oh, you do, do you? Well, I…mmmmm!" she was interrupted by Vigilante pulled her close and passionately kissing her. When they broke free of one another, Vixen wore a delirious smile.
"We should be riding out to danger every day." She opined.
"Just wanted ya t'know how Ah felt." He said.
"Just keep on feeling that way, okay?" she grinned.
They left the bedroom and made their way to the living room. As Vig entered in he announced, "She thinks Ah got a nice butt."
"Well, on a scale of one to ten I'd give you an eight." Black Vulcan said.
Everyone stared at him. He grinned, "Of course that's Fire's grading system. You turn into a serious metrosexual being around her."
Vixen smiled, "Spending a little bit of time with her are we?"
"Maybe." Black Vulcan wore a naughty grin.
"I'll have to ask her about that later. Are we ready?" she asked.
"All we gotta do is board the shuttle an' have Jake here fly us to India." Vigilante announced, "So get a move on, y'hear. If'n we gotta wait for you then we'll put you in the hoosegow when we get there."
There was a general chuckle as they went out the door. Vixen was the last of Vigilante's "guests" to exit. He swatted her derriere with his hat, "Git!"
She laughed, "You'll get yours!"
"If only it were true." He theatrically sighed as he followed her to the shuttle.
Luthor looked down his nose at the bedraggled, sorry lot of Legionnaires Grodd had gathered. He spoke with great difficulty, "These are the best you could find?"
"Yes." Grodd replied.
"They can hardly stand!" Luthor bellowed. All of the afflicted Legionnaires cupped their ears to ward of the noise. Their debauchery had begun early in the day so they'd already reached the hangover stage.
"You said you wanted sober. No one mentioned how sober. Only two people came back in suitable condition if you can call either case suitable." Grodd sniffed.
Luthor released a longsuffering sigh, "Who are they?"
"Sivana, whom you have working on the shuttle, and the Trickster. Only there's a problem." Grodd reported.
"What kind of problem could be worse than this?" Luthor miserably asked, pointing to his motley crew.
"The Trickster is no longer the Trickster." Grodd waited for Luthor's groan before he continued, "Apparently we've kept him off of his meds too long and his personality shifted once again. Now he's 'Vladimir Dvorak', famed concert pianist."
Luthor closed his eyes and wore a distinctively pained expression. Grodd waited for 30 seconds and then asked, "Lex?"
Luthor held up a single hand, practiced deep breathing, and finally responded; "How can the Trickster be a pianist? We don't have a piano!"
"Apparently he has one of those ten key toy keyboards." Grodd chuckled, "Actually, he's quite good considering what he's working with."
Luthor's headache intensified, "Couldn't you give him a little mental nudge?"
"I can spin the wheel but there's no telling where his personality will land." Grodd warned.
"Then spin him until he's useful." Luthor ordered.
Knowing that would just make the Trickster more unstable Grodd reluctantly acquiesced. Twenty minutes later he and the Trickster were in the Dome's command center. Only…the Trickster wore a very expensive suit. There was a slight bulge under his left armpit that indicated that he was wearing a shoulder holster.
The Trickster held out his hand, "Jesse, James Jesse, and you are?"
Luthor took Trickster's hand and shook it, "Luthor, Lex Luthor."
"Hello Luthor. I understand you have a situation. Well I'm sure I can sort it out. After all, I'm MI8's best agent." Jesse proudly proclaimed.
"Can you excuse us?" Luthor said and he hauled Grodd off to the side, "He thinks he's James Bond?"
Grodd nodded, "Or close enough to it."
"I thought we were going for useful?" Luthor hissed.
"This is as useful as it's going to get until his psyche calms down quite a bit. The Trickster persona is buried under an avalanche of myriad personalities. I don't retain enough skills or power to extract the desired one. Psimon could easily do it but he hasn't returned yet. According to Goldilocks he'll be 'detained' for quite a while." Grodd informed him.
"He's been arrested?" Luthor was surprised.
Grodd chuckled, "No. He's used his telepathic abilities to create a harem of prostitutes to cater to his every whim. Goldilocks and Gizmo left him behind and sought their own recreation."
"Make sure he was inoculated before leaving and give him a full spectrum of antibiotics when he returns. In fact do that for everyone. Put the Humanite in charge of it. He was a doctor before he became a simian." Luthor commanded.
"And you think that was a bad thing?" Grodd prodded him.
"If I did I wouldn't be working with either of you. I don't care if you're a super intelligent gorilla or if the Ultra-Humanite was human and transferred his brain into a mutated ape. I can feel your telepathic probe so you know I'm telling the truth." Luthor replied.
Grodd grinned, "Just had to be certain you still felt that way."
"As much as I hate to rely upon anyone, I rely on your skills. I even consider your counsel, a rarity in and of itself. You are the closest person to being my equal that I have ever met. Of course that gulf is still wide." Luthor explained.
"Master, I have located Superman." Brainiac announced.
"Excellent. Keep him under surveillance. We'll strike tomorrow night. It'll be mid-day there. He'll undoubtedly still be playing babysitter then."
"As you wish." Brainiac accepted the order.
"These idiots had better be useful by then." Luthor referred to the sorrowful lot of Legionnaires that were slouched across every chair and bench that they could find. Luthor pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to fifty.
In Metropolis, Clark had taken Kalea and Diana to the Cream Castle. It had the best, and most famous, ice cream in the city. Kalea was in heaven, "This is so rich…so decadent!"
"That's only one flavor." Clark grinned.
"There are more?" she exclaimed.
"Strawberry is merely the beginning." He proudly declared.
"I want them all." She said.
"We can always come back…" Diana began.
"I want them all!" Kalea demanded in her best Princess voice.
"Well…you are our guest so I guess it'd be okay." Clark rose and went to the counter to order a selection of flavors in a banana boat while Diana bristled.
Before he returned, Kalea slapped her own cheek as hard as she could and yelled, "Ow!"
Clark rushed over to the table, "What happened?"
"She hit me again!" Kalea sniffled.
Seeing her red cheek, he told Diana, "Let's step outside."
Diana looked affronted but she followed Clark outside. Once they were outside the shop, tourists took their picture while Clark confronted Diana, "Why did you hit her? I thought we'd agreed to try things my way."
"The girl slapped herself." Diana reported.
"Why would she slap herself? It's ludicrous." Clark scoffed.
"Maybe so she could create this situation." Diana suggested.
"Nonsense. She's been behaving as best as she knows how. You just don't like her so you're taking your resentment out on her." Clark theorized.
"You truly believe that? After everything we've been through together? After what we've meant to each other?" Diana asked.
"I have to." Clark declared.
"Perhaps it's best if I go elsewhere and leave you two alone." Diana offered.
"Perhaps it is." Clark stated.
Diana's eyes were full of pity as she took one last look into his eyes, "You know, you're not as infallible as you seem to think you are." That said, she flew off towards New York.
Clark saw this and he started to reach out in her direction. He hadn't meant for her to leave the city. He just thought that he and Kalea should spend the rest of the day alone together. He'd never considered that Diana would be driven away. He wondered how long she'd stay away. Suddenly fear clutched at his heart. What if it were forever?
He decided that she'd come back. He was right after all. He had to be right.
Inside of the ice cream parlor, Kalea watched and listened with evil delight. Her nemesis was gone. Now she could wrap her simpleton father around her finger. She could even be running this backwards, backwater world by week's end. She was determined to wring every iota of pleasure out of these barbarians as she could!
Her "father" was returning so she stifled her delighted smile off of her face and adopted a miserable mien. "Is she gone?" she asked in a quavering voice.
"Yes." Clark replied sadly, "She won't be fighting with you anymore."
"She won't be coming back, will she?" she managed to say with a measure of fear in her voice.
Clark sighed, "No. I think she'll stay away until you leave."
"Good!" she said with a little too much delight and then she looked downcast, "I just don't want to be hit any more. I wish we could've been friends but she was just so mean. I think she was jealous of me."
Clark had never considered that. He looked at his daughter with new appreciation, "You may be right."
Kalea's mind filled with wicked laughter as she "managed" a tentative smile for her father.