A/N: Here's the next chapter! Thanks to everyone for the reviews! I'm so glad you all like it!! Although I had some trouble writing this chapter, I don't know...things didn't turn out the way that I planned. I hope you like it. Sorry if it sucks, it's not my best chapter. Enjoy :)

"Brett!" My eyes widened even more in shock. I was speechless. What was he doing here?

"You look amazing Nila." He took a step closer to me and I took a step back, thank goodness he didn't notice.

"Brett…what…what're you doing here?"

He just smiled at me. "I really wanted to see you. I've missed you. I've missed us. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I don't like how the way things ended, I figured if I came out here to see you we could try and work this out."

The more I looked at his dark hair, light eyes, and artificial tan I couldn't help but wonder what I ever saw in him. He's nothing like Embry, no one could ever compare to Embry…no matter how stupid he is being, I'm still hopelessly in love with him. But I couldn't hide the fact that he made me feel like shit.

I've always had a problem with love. I never believed in it, I thought it was an idea cooked up by Hollywood big shots, something to be sold to men and women around the world. I thought love as a billion dollar industry, not something that could actually happen between two people. After my mother left me and my dad I felt responsible, like I wasn't worth her love so she just up and left. I never had love from my mother, I never saw love between parents…I was convinced that it was a hoax.

And then I met Embry again and everything changed. I was seeing the world differently and I was happy, the happiest I've ever been. It was amazing the way he made me feel and when he looked me in the eyes I could get lost in his gaze, just wanting to be with him forever. Being with him was enough…and I knew then that I was in love with him. Because to me, I didn't want to be without him, and I never wanted to be with anyone else, and I realized that love is wanting to do whatever it takes to make the other person happy and never wanting to be without them. It's a give and take relationship and I was ready to give my heart over to Embry…and I did. But now I feel like I wasn't worthy of his love either, that to him love was something disposable and he didn't mean it when he said it.

To be honest, I never felt more like crap then in those three days that he didn't talk to me. I felt worthless, as worthless as when my mother left me. Sometimes I still feel worthless.

"Imagine my surprise when I got onto the plane to see Brett Marshall sitting in the seat next to mine." Molly said, taking me out of my inner thoughts.

"And imagine my surprise to realize Molly was going to the same place I intended on going too." He smiled at me, the smile that makes every girl back home swoon…and yet I felt nothing.

"Interesting. So where do you plan on staying?" I said bluntly, not beating around the bush any longer.

"Well, I was hoping I could crash here." He tried to sound sheepish and grateful. Like I was going to buy that.

"I'll have to ask my grandfather. Molly you'll be staying in my room with me. It's down the hall to the right." I pointed her in the direction and she moved to take her bags into the room.

"My God the air up here did wonders for you Niles." There was sleazy Brett…the one I'd been waiting to hear from.

"Gee thanks."

"So how've you been since our last conversation?"

"I've been amazing. And you?"

"Lonely."

I scoffed. Brett Marshall was many things, but I doubt lonely was one of them.

"I'm sure you were."

"I don't know what you thought I'd be doing Nila. You know that I thought we were together when you left."

"That was rather stupid of you considering you cheated on me with Victoria Hansen at the prom. I remember telling you directly to your face that we were done."

"I know you cried a lot over that and I'm sorry but she was giving me what you weren't. I just think that you were acting rash…you knew it was more of a friends with benefits thing anyway…I don't know why you freaked out."

"You know what it doesn't matter. I've moved on and I'm sure you have as well. Since you're here let's just try and make the best of it. Friends?" I asked him, not wanting to actually be friends, but for my sake and Molly's it would be easier if the fighting just stopped. I didn't care about him in that way anymore so it honestly didn't matter; we could be friends…non sexual friends.

He paused for a moment, and eventually a smile broke out across his face. "Yes, friends." He walked towards me and wrapped me in his embrace, his normal, sleazy embrace.

"So this is First Beach?" Brett said disappointedly as he walked further towards the ocean.

"This is First Beach."

"It's ugly." He said frankly. I scoffed and linked my arms through Molly's as we walked ahead of him.

"Gosh this place is gorgeous in its own sort of way…you're so lucky."

I swallowed hard. Yea, sure, I was lucky I got to live in this beautiful place only because my father passed away and custody went to my Grandfather who specifically requested I lived with him. I know Molly wasn't trying to be rude but I still felt a little jolt of anger at her words.

"Yea, sure I am."

"Oh Niles, I didn't mean it like that…I just meant that this place is really pretty and that the people who live here are lucky. I'm sorry."

I nodded. "I know Molls, I'm not upset. It just all happened so quickly you know. I mean I never really saw my dad, but it just felt weird knowing I'd never see him again. Then my Grandpa specifically requested I move here with him…it was all just so fast and weird. These past two months have been the most amazing, but sad months of my life."

Molly's eyebrows raised in suspicion. "Amazing? What haven't you been telling me in your letters and e-mails?"

Shit.

"Oh, well just amazing that I met great people and am fortunate to have a loving family member who still…er…loves me?" I sounded more like a question than a fact, and unluckily for me, Molly could always see through my bullshit.

"Nila Vivienne Hollis! You write me letters telling me about the rain and some cool friends you made and about how you saw a sunset early in the morning…nothing about that seemed amazing."

"Ugh, okay, I may have met someone here who I may or may not be in a relationship with as of right now."

Molly stopped dead in her tracks. "WHAT!" She screamed. "You have a boyfriend?!"

I nodded and continued walking down the beach.

"You're just going to leave me hanging? Nila tell me everything."

"Fine. We've been together for the past month and a half and he's gorgeous, amazing, beautiful, funny, smart…and a total jackass sometimes. He told me he loved me. And then he just didn't talk to me for three days and then comes to my house expecting me to talk to him and everything to be the same…and you know how I am about feelings and relationships. I got mad and made a scene, I told one of my friends and his to go fuck himself. It's all a little shaky but I'm horribly pissed off at him and mad and upset and I don't even know if we're still together." I exhaled sharply as I finished my rant.

"I see. Well fuck him…what asshole tells the most amazing girl in the world he loves her and then disappears for three days? What a fucktard. Don't worry about him, I'm here now and I'll help you get your mind off that little ass." Molly was always caring and selfless and no matter what always had my back. She was always on my side and defended me until the end. I could honestly say that at that moment I was the luckiest girl in the world to have Molly as my best friend.

"This beach is boring, let's go do something…" Brett took us out of girl world and brought us back to reality. Stupid Brett, why was he here?

"What do you want to do?" We were all silent for a moment until we heard a scream and something hit the water.

"That!" He pointed as I turned and saw my "friends" from LaPush cliff diving. Cliff diving was the local recreation and I had many a time turned down Embry's offer to go. There was no way I was going anywhere near the water. Heights I could handle, but the ocean was a completely different story.

"No way!"

"Yes way! Come on!" Brett started running up towards the top of the cliff where many of my various friends were standing.

Molly and I followed him up not wanting to make too much noise. I wanted to be discreet as possibly, hoping that Embry wouldn't notice I was there. I still didn't want to talk to him. He made me feel so worthless and completely shitty that I was scared I would say things I would regret.

"Hey!" I heard Brett call out and everyone turned around to see who this intruder was.

"Um hey…" Quil replied hesitantly as Brett walked towards them.

"How does this cliff thing work? You just jump?"

"Basically…but it's not safe today…there's a strong wind today and the water's really choppy and from the looks of you you'd just get washed away into the oblivion of the ocean." Quil said smugly as he noted Brett's obvious lack of height and muscle compared to him and everyone else.

All the Quileute boys that I hung out with were tall and had that dark copper skin. Black hair of various lengths adorned their heads and they all had piercing black eyes that seemed to change from light black to dark with their emotions. Not to mention, they all were covered in muscle and had running temperatures that could make the devil sweat.

Brett on the other hand had muscle, but not much. He had a fake tan, brown hair, and green eyes that used to be gorgeous until I realized how much more partial I was to black eyes. He wasn't that tall…probably 6 feet and he definitely wouldn't be able to swim in that water.

"Is that so…didn't someone just jump in?" Brett asked triumphantly.

"No, we threw a rock in." Quil stated, but I knew he was lying because off the corner of my eye I saw Jared standing there in soaked pants.

"Brett let's just go." I said as I walked towards the group. Until now they hadn't noticed me and Molly standing towards the trees.

"Nila you know this guy?" Quil asked as everyone moved towards me.

"Yea, he's a…friend from back home. He came to visit with my best friend Molly." I quickly introduced them to the group and noticed that someone important was visibly missing.

"He's not here." I turned my attention back to Quil only to see him looking at me with a knowing look.

"What are you talking about?" Damn, he must have noticed me glancing around for the person I did not want to see…and yet I desperately did. To tell him how much he hurt me and that he was a jackass, but none the less I still wanted to see him.

"Embry's not here…he's at his house, in his room with the door locked not opening it for anyone. You two have so much in common it's not even funny. He's miserable Nila."

"Good," was all I could muster to say. He should be miserable for making me feel like shit.

"You don't mean that." I turned and looked at Jacob who had up until now escaped my notice. He never used to be quiet before I left but now it's as if he doesn't ever talk.

"I do. He deserves to be miserable after making me feel like shit. So that's all I have to say about it. Come on Brett let's go."

Molly and I turned to walk away not wanting to here everyone's response. I silently prayed Brett was following us because I didn't think I had it in me to go face everyone again. I knew they were all on Embry's side…they'd been friends longer but it hurt that they were also the ones who did this too me, who gave me an empty feeling inside. Only one of them had talked to me in those three days. But yet I sort of forgave them, not caring one way or the other if they talked to me because they weren't the ones I wished to be holding late at night or too be talking to on the phone until the wee hours of the morning. They were my friends, and they had done something wrong, but they didn't do what Embry did.

He didn't know about my feelings about love, or anything like that, but that doesn't make it okay for him to do what he did. Just because you say I Love You, it doesn't mean that you can't hurt that person, if anything, it means that you could hurt them more. And that's exactly what Embry did: he hurt me more than I could ever imagine. More than I thought possible. I had my doubts about love, not believing in it at all until I met him, and now, he had given me a complete circle of love and heart break. I was a mess…underneath my façade of anger and bitchiness all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry…but I couldn't, because I needed to be comforted as well, and the only person who could comfort me was the one who was causing me the pain in the first place.

"Who were they talking about? Who's that Embryo guy?" Brett asked taking me out of my thoughts yet again.

"His name is Embry."

"Whatever. Who is he and why were they acting like you two had something going on?" Now he cares! Before I moved here, whenever I would talk to other guys or other guys would hit on me Brett could care less, telling me I was hot and I should get used to it. He was never possessive, never jealous, and I was glad don't get me wrong, but sometimes I girl wants to feel like she's actually wanted, and not just a piece of meat.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Who is he?"

"He's her boyfriend okay Brett?" Molly snapped at him. Shit, I thought, now I'd have to tell him.

I glared at Molly and she understood that Brett wasn't to know about Embry. I felt bad for not actually telling her, but still, I mean common sense right? The ex doesn't need to know about the guy who's replacing him.

"You're boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?" Brett practically yelled at me as we made our way closer to the road.

"Yes. Although I don't see how it's any of your business."

"Like hell it's not. Are you stupid or do you just not remember that we were together when you left, so basically you've been two timing me."

"Brett read my lips WE WERE NOT TOGETHER" I yelled at him.

"YES WE WERE."

"NO WE WEREN'T."

"I always knew you were a tease, but I never pegged you for a slut. God Nila, screwing two guys at once? I mean really."

"WHAT?" I turned around only to see Quil and the others standing behind mine and Brett's screaming match.

"It's not like that Quil."

He looked angry and his arms were shaking. "I know Nila, I was talking to that asshole over there. What did you say about her?"

Brett looked visibly scared. "I didn't say anything."

"No, I think you did. What did you call her? A slut? This is funny considering we know all about your guys' relationship and if I recall correctly she's still a virgin, so maybe you thought you were looking in a mirror when you called her a two timer and a slut. Because correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you the one to cheat?"

I was shocked. No one had ever stood up for me before.

"Fuck you. Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that? Nila is mine, and I can say whatever I want to her. She belongs to me."

"First of all, no woman belongs to you, you fucking douchebag. And second of all Nila is not yours and she will never be again. So you have five minutes to get out of my sight or you are going to seriously regret it. Get the fuck out of here." Quil was visibly shaking now, as were others behind him. I saw Tally try to calm them all down but I couldn't help but notice she was shaking a bit too. Weird.

Brett just glared at me and turned to walk away. But he stopped halfway and turned around. "You better know what you guys are doing. She's a fucking nutcase. Good luck dealing with all of her bullshit. I hope you have fun with the prude princess. She's not even worth it."

Brett turned and ran all the way down the road. Probably scared that someone was going to come after him.

I sank to the ground and stared out into the ocean. No one had ever actually voiced that I was a nutcase. I knew I had issues, but not serious issues. If being weird about sex and relationships and love made me a wack job then fine. I guess I was a wack job. It just hurt to know that Brett was right. I wasn't worth it. I'm worthless. Everything I was scared of was true…Brett knew it, and Embry knew it: I was worthless. I wasn't worth anything which is why they both did what they did. Brett cheated and Embry pretty much left me…because I wasn't worth it.

I felt arms pull me next to them in an embrace and I heard Molly whispering things in my ear. She was doing her best to comfort me. I wish I could say it was working, but honestly all I kept thinking was that I was as worthless as I always thought I was. Now everyone would realize. I'm nothing. I am worthless.

"What does she keep whispering?" I heard a voice say.

"I think she's saying 'I'm worthless.'"

"Oh no." Molly said out loud, with a slight sadness in her voice. Only once before had she ever seen me like this and it wasn't pretty.

"Molly what's going on?" Jacob called out, he sounded desperately worried.

"She should be the one to tell you…but basically, she has this crazy idea in her head that she's worthless and that nobody could ever love her or want her. It's all psychological, at least that's what the school shrink said the last time she went."

"What are you talking about?"

"Before she went to boarding school with me we both went to a regular day school, but then her dad started becoming depressed because he couldn't live the life he always imagined because he had to take care of Nila. So one day he just dumped her at the boarding school and told her that he needed to focus on his dreams of being a photographer and he still loved her but he needed to do this for him. Anyway she was a mess and started saying how she was worthless and no one wanted her. Her mom didn't want her and her dad didn't. They sent her to the school shrink and she said that Nila had issues with loving herself which is why she had trouble believing in love and believing people loved her. She had never known love so she felt worthless. We thought she was over this because school started and she was becoming happier. But I guess after what that Embry guy did, she just feels even more worthless."

I listened as Molly explained to everyone my problems. If only they really knew what it felt like, what those three days felt like to me. Sometimes I knew I was being stupid and that people did love me, but it's so hard to believe that's true because I can't imagine why anyone would want me. I'm completely messed up.

"Poor Nila. She does know that we all love her very much right?"

"I honestly don't know. I think deep down she does but there is that part of her that makes her believe she's not loved or worth anyone's love at all."

I exhaled. I was tired of being like this. Of hearing people talk about me while I'm there. I mentally thanked Molly for explaining what I couldn't. From now on, I was going to be myself, and not think about Embry or anyone else at all. From now on it was going to be me, myself, and I. I needed to figure out how to love myself, so that I could let others love me, and then I could believe it.

"Thanks Molly." I said aloud, and I heard the sound of many heads turning to look at me.

"Niles, are you alright?" It was Jacob. I looked up at his face and he was visibly in anguish. I sighed knowing that I did that didn't make me feel any better.

"I'll be fine. Eventually. I just need to take my mind off of everything. It's not you guys; I just have some problems that I need to address eventually." I smiled timidly at them as I helped Molly too her feet.

"Ouch." Molly exclaimed as she let go of my hand.

"What?"

"You're hands are so hot."

I smiled a little. "Yea, seems as though I've been running a temperature lately, although I don't feel sick. Anyway…"

I turned to look at my friends and was shocked to see expressions of surprise on their face.

"What's wrong?"

Quil was the first to speak. "Oh, um nothing…we uh need to go but um…we're having a bonfire tonight on the beach. You and Molly should come."

I looked at Molly and smiled happily. A bonfire is just what I needed to take my mind off everything. I decided it would be the perfect place to talk to Embry: about everything. I couldn't be mad at him anymore. We needed to talk about why he did what he did, and I needed to tell him everything. I didn't want him being in a relationship with someone as messed up as me. I loved him enough to tell him and I loved him enough to let him go if he so desired. If he decided I really wasn't worth it…I could accept that and let him be happy with someone else. I needed to accept that, for everyone's sake.

"Sounds good. We'll see you guys there."

Molly and I turned and walked towards the road. I looked back to wave but I noticed they were all gone. That was fast.

Molly and I headed back to my house to rest up, gossip, and eat until later tonight when we'd meet up with everyone at the bonfire. In truth, I needed time to prepare myself for what I was going to talk to Embry about.

I wasn't mad anymore, but I was scared. Scared that he wouldn't want me after I tell him everything: my insecurities and my problems. God I hope he wants me, because if he didn't I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I don't know if I could survive another rejection.

A/N: Okay so good? bad? horrible? i should never write again? I had trouble writing, i feel like i write in circles sometimes. Give me some feedback to help me out. Is the story too confusing? Do you all understand Nila's problems and stuff how she's damaged from her past?

Okay so the song for this chapter is: You Wouldn't Like Me by Tegan and Sara
the song is perfect for what Nila is feeling right now. Especially these lyrics:

Well I can't stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound
And you haven't called me in weeks and honestly it's bringing me down
I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me
I feel like you wouldn't like me if you met me

Okay so review please! Give me feedback and let me know! The next chapter should be up tomorrow because originally I was going to combine the chapters but then I felt it would be too long, and you'd get bored by the middle of the story and stop reading when the next chapter is going to be really good. Any guesses why?? Let's say Brett hasn't left for good!

Oh also! I'm sort of holding a competition for whoever can find pictures of Nila and Embry better than the ones on my profile because so far I haven't found anyone who looks like the way I describe them. Winner gets mentioned in my story as a new character? Maybe a little cameo at the bonfire? Sure, why not?! Thanks everyone! REVIEW!