Chapter Six

Tonberry's Presidential Election Campaign

Author's Note: I hope you all didn't get too impatient waiting for this but I've been…busy. Well, anyway this is the sixth chapter and I have many more on the way. I hope you all enjoy. By the way, if I mention any trademarked businesses or items in this story consider this a short disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own any and all rights and reserves and blah, blah, blah.

*~*~*~*~*

The car trip to Esthar went smoothly for an hour or so. Raijin and Seifer giggled like little girls while drawing obscene images on Fujin's face while she was still unconscious, but quickly lost interest and went about their own separate activities. Seifer began to think that his once badass persona was weakening and decided to sit quietly while browsing through the channels on the radio. Raijin attempted to start a conversation with Berry, but the little Tonberry was less than cooperative and after swinging around his knife in Raijin's general direction while still trying to keep his eyes on the road, mumbled something that actually sounded like "screw it" and returned to his focused driving.

Surprisingly, he was very good at it even though he couldn't reach the pedals or the stick shift. But like a cartoon, the pedals and the stick shift moved about as if controlled anyway. Raijin was rather confused about this display of talent/telekinesis but figured that one shouldn't knock a good thing and passed the time by twiddling his thumbs.

After three or four hours of silent driving and Raijin becoming unnerved by the silence, Fujin awoke with a gasp and looked around in a blind panic.

"Hey, Fuj! Did you sleep well?"

She looked up at the big man sitting next to her and leaned back in her seat with a groan. "NEGATIVE."

Seifer opened his eyes and looked across Raijin. He gave his female friend a brief wave of his hand and returned to resting his eyes.

"I wouldn't go about movin' too much right away, Fuj. You took a nasty spill out of the Tank, ya know?"

"AFFIRMA…WHAT THE FUCK?!!" Fujin took a quick glance in the side-view mirror then a take back and saw the various works of art adorning her visage.

"Oh, yeah. We got bored, ya know?"

Of all the horrible things that they could have done that they hadn't yet done, this definitely topped the list. Several profane words were scrawled along her cheeks. Awake and apparently startled eyes were drawn in over her eyelids, a droplet of snot was penciled in under her right nostril, and a ragged suture ran completely around her neck. But the worst of them all was a massive penis complete with two testicles that started from her jaw, ran up the side of her head and finished in the center of her forehead.

"Don't get too angry now, Fujin. It took us almost five minutes to draw that schlong. I think it is an artistic accomplishment."

"Stop the car," Fujin growled.

"What?"

"I said stop the car and let me out now." She said again. She was beyond pissed and they both knew it. Not even Berry could keep his eyes on the road, which then posed another problem. Not completely sure if he should obey her wishes or not, Berry turned his beady yellow eyes away from the road and instinctively accelerated.

After a few dangerous seconds of silence, he turned back, noticed that he had veered into the wrong lane and was only a yard or two away from another oncoming semi truck. He shrieked and slammed on the brake, while swerving back into the correct lane. Fujin, being the only one not wearing a seat belt, launched forward into the windshield, cracking the glass with her forehead and then slamming her against the passenger-side door. The door wrenched open but Raijin caught her across the waste before she took another tumble out of the moving vehicle.

Berry's small hands were clenched tight on the steering wheel and his chest was panting heavily. The only thing that managed to get his attention back on track was the sound of the other semi honking its air horn and flipping him the bird.

Fujin groaned while rubbing the massive bruise on her head, then popped the handle on the door and hopped out of the truck onto the sandy road below. But the pain she was feeling everywhere was totally trumped by the blinding rage that overtook her senses. And also the ink on her face was now completely melted away, leaving only her pale albino skin. The hot steam that washed over her face when she was over the dashboard heater evaporated it, now leaving an awkward black stain on the roof of the cabin.

Fujin stomped away while Raijin hopped out after her, screaming something that she couldn't even begin to fathom or care about. She was still so blinded by anger that the school bus that was coming right at her didn't even register until the last possible second, and by then it was too late.

Fujin screamed and woke up, looking around the cabin at Raijin, who looked very tired, and Seifer, who snickered and leaned back against his seat. Berry snorted, adjusted his hat and continued to drive. Even though she had dreamt the entire thing, Berry was still somehow controlling the pedals and stick shift with something unseen.

"What the Hell…?" she mumbled and ran her hand through her hair.

"Hey, Fuj. Did you sleep well?"

Fujin was about to answer Raijin's question but then took a look in the side-view mirror, saw the same drawings on her face that she did in her dreams and was again blinded with anger.

"Don't get too angry now, Fujin. It took us almost five minutes to draw that schlong. I think it is an artistic accomplishment."

Fujin growled again.

"Hey, it'll come off. You just need a little water and a towel, ya know?"

Fujin reached over, snagged Raijin by the collar of his vest and threw him into the windshield like she had done in her dream, only it caused her absolutely no pain, in fact watching Raijin's head bounce off the glass gave her a sense of accomplishment. His head fractured the glass in an array of spider web-like cracks and blood leaked from several small cuts after he fell back into his seat.

"Yeah, and all you need now is a little water and a towel, YA KNOW?"

Raijin pouted and nodded solemnly, running his thick fingers along the thin cuts. "Yeah…I know."

"Hand me a wet nap Seifer. NOW."

Seifer's eyes grew scared and with a slow nod he popped open the glove compartment and looked threw it for a minute until he produced a small paper bag. "Here."

"Thank you," she mumbled and tore open the bag. She pulled out the moist towelette and began to scrub off the ink.

Soon the gang, driven by Berry, could see some of the massive glistening towers of Esthar over the not-so-distant mountains. The next ten or so minutes of driving was silent except for Berry, who was apparently very enthralled about seeing the technologically-advanced city for the first time. He expressed his joy by talking to himself in his native tongue, which consisted mostly of high-pitched hoots, the occasional "BAH!" and whistling.

Once again, Fujin reached into the pocket of her dress shirt, took out her notepad and began to scribble down some notes on the behavior of Tonberry's.

"LANGUAGE, COMPLICATED." She said to no one in particular. "BUT CAN DISCIPHER."

"Hey, I was thinking that maybe Esthar has, like, a universal translator, ya know? Like in Star Trek? Maybe we could borrow it and figure out what Berry is saying all the time?"

"He's probably just naming off some of the sites he would like to see while we're here. I've heard the Tear's Point exhibit is really interesting."

"VACATION, NOT." Fujin scolded. "LOIRE, INFLUENTIAL. WILL SPEAK WITH CID. GET BERRY ACCEPTED."

Seifer nodded, not fazed by her seemingly angrier-than-usual tone. After all, they did sort of deserve it. "Yeah, but we're not all going to talk with Laguna. Hell, he hates me. I think you and Raijin should be the ones to talk too him. I'll take Berry on the grand tour."

"NEGATIVE!"

"What's the matter Fujin? You're good at talking to people."

"NEGATIVE! AM NOT!" She looked at Raijin who had remained oddly quiet throughout most of this. He was probably still angry about getting his head smashed against the windshield. Fujin sighed, not knowing why she was about to make him feel better, and spoke up. "RAIJIN, TAKE BERRY. SPEAK WITH PRESIDENT."

"Me?! No way, ya know?! I choke under pressure!"

Seifer agreed with Fujin's decision and endorsed it. "C'mon, Raijin. You gotta take one for the team. Just go in there and when your done meet us in the food court."

"Aww, man." Raijin lamented, but didn't push the point any further and accepted his fate.

Tonberry hooted happily and pulled onto a large glowing blue disk in the parking garage. After putting the truck into park and shutting off the engine, the disk began to hum and levitated magnetically into the air, heading up a tunnel and towards the city above.

"Ooo…pretty." Raijin commented. Fujin and Seifer rolled their eyes and patiently awaited the completion of the elevator's ascent. Once the lift stopped, the crew exited their truck and walked along until they left the parking garage and entered the warm, artificial sun of Esthar.

Seifer looked around for a moment before turning to his side and swatting Fujin on the shoulder. "C'mon."

She nodded and the two took off.

"HEY! Wait, I don't know where the presidential palace place is!"

Seifer turned around while still walking and pointed behind Raijin. "Just keep walking! I'm sure you'll run into it eventually!"

"B-But!"

Berry watched them walk away with not even a hint of indifference, shoved his knife into his robe and looked up at his much larger company. He let out a triumphant hoot, what triumph he overcame is unclear, and began to scramble up Raijin's leg like he was scaling a tree trunk. He worked up towards his waste, then gripped his arm and climbed up the rest of the distance until he was sitting comfortably on Raijin's shoulder.

The big man groaned and turned around, walking in the general direction of where Seifer pointed. "I'm lost already, little buddy."

Tonberry nodded but pointed forward, apparently reassuring Raijin that he was on the right track.

After an hour of walking around in a circle, passing by curious onlookers, strange subterranean and high-set tunnels, Raijin was now sagging like he had the weight of the world on his back. "I…can't…go on…little buddy…go on…without me…ya know?"

Tonberry shook his head and bitch-slapped Raijin in his. He grabbed his large melon and turned it to the left, showing him a massive window-lined building with a couple of armed guards standing out front.

"Hey, this building looks familiar."

Berry smacked his head.

"Oh yeah! I remember now! We passed this place, like, two minutes after we left the garage. I thought it was a hotel."

Berry felt like screaming out his frustrations and then impaling his knife through the big man's head, but he had grown somewhat attached to the former Disciplinary Committee and didn't have the previous uncontrollable urges to kill them like he did everyone else. Perhaps he would kill this President Loire. His knife was becoming too dry.

"Onward!" Raijin shouted, and marched towards the entrance of the building. Immediately the two mechanical-looking guards stepped forward and pointed their rifles at his chest.

The first of the two guards, the one nearest Raijin, was probably the superior. Though Raijin was completely ignorant when it came to any aspect of Esthar's military, he assumed the one with the red shoulder-pads was the commander or chief, or something important. "No one is admitted into the presidential palace unless they have a previously scheduled appointment! Turn back now or we will fire!"

Raijin blinked stupidly then looked at Berry sitting still on his shoulder. The Tonberry gave him a brief nod and Raijin returned it.

After thoroughly kicking both of their asses, Raijin ducked under the low entryway and entered the presidential palace. He dropped one of the twisted rifles to the ground with a hollow clank and looked back-and-forth between the two directions, not sure which one led to President Loire's office. Taking a wild chance, he wandered off toward the left.

_______________

Seifer and Fujin sat comfortably in a plush booth at one of Esthar's exotic restaurants; looking over the extensive menus and deciding which of the many meals looked the most appealing.

"Hey, you still have some money left, right?" Seifer asked with a smile.

Fujin looked up at his over her menu, narrowed her eyes menacingly, but ultimately nodded and returned to her food options.

Seifer took one last glance at his menu, decided on the mousse de saumon et câpres…er, something or other, and set it aside, awaiting the maître d'. "So, I wonder how Raijin and Berry are doing with Laguna?"

Fujin shrugged noticeably but didn't stop looking at her menu. "Probably screwing it up as usual."

Seifer nodded. "Yeah, probably."

_______________

"Hey, President Loire?! Open up, please! This is important, ya know?!"

Raijin was banging loudly on the large oak double-doors, which led into the presidential office. He knew so because there was a brass plaque off to the side that read, "President Loire's Shag pad."

After a minute or so of this, the door threatened to snap right off the hinges or splinter, but thankfully a dark-skinned skinny guy opened up the door and glared at the much larger man angrily. "Do you have an appointment, Sir?"

"…Uhh…do I need one?"

Berry, who was standing at Raijin's feet, grinned wickedly assuming that this man was the president. He leapt forward, grappling to his chest and knocking him right off his feet and down to the ground. Berry withdrew his knife, gave a victorious shout and prepared to make another sacrifice.

"EEEK!!"

"Kiros! Stop screwing around and let them in! Raijin and I go waaaay back!"

Raijin peaked in around the doorframe towards a large conference table where a man nearing Raijin's height sat holding a deck of cards and was apparently in the middle of shuffling them before the interruption. Raijin assumed this was Ward. The president, Laguna Loire, sat next to this great beast of a man with a huge smile on his face. "C'mon in, Raijin! And bring your little friend, too! Though I would appreciate it if he didn't kill Kiros."

"Yes…so would I." Kiros groaned, looking up at the small, green-skinned creature clinging to his neck.

Berry looked down at his intended victim once, then scoffed and got off of him, returning his deadly dagger to the inside of his cloak.

Raijin walked in, shut the door behind him and approached the desk with Berry and a very shaken Kiros behind him. "Umm…you said you knew me?"

"Of course! Though you probably don't remember. I knew all the orphanage kids. But anyway, how can I be of service? I assume you're the one who 'dispatched' of my security team downstairs? I would like to reminisce some but we are in the middle of an important game of poker right now so we'll have to get together for lunch or something another time."

Raijin smiled and nodded, somewhat embarrassed. Berry, however, was drooling at the memory of the security team's screams.

"So," Laguna started, watching Kiros scoot back into his seat with a sinister scowl on his face. "How can I be of service?"

Raijin was at a complete loss of words but knew he had to say something, so with a contemplative scratching of the back of his neck, he began. "Well, uhh…my friends and I we're wondering, ya know? Could you, umm…like, speak with Cid at Balamb Garden? Little Berry here is kinda causing some trouble and we're afraid that the Headmaster will kick him out, ya know? And we don't want that, Berry is a good little…BERRY!!"

Berry didn't even wait for Raijin to finish his speech before he had taken out a bottle of chloroform from his robes and drugged all three of the men into a synthetic unconsciousness. Berry tossed away the soaked rag and retrieved a piece of paper and a pen from the supply drawer in the nearby presidential desk. Everything in this room, by the way, is "presidential."

Berry began to scribble something down on the piece of paper. After a few seconds of curious staring, Raijin peered over the large desk and looked too see what the little troublemaker was writing.

It was an official notice of acceptance written in a very sloppy, probably completely accurate, handwriting. Berry was good at forging things. Complete with the presidential seal of Esthar, the note read:

Dear Mr. Kramer,

I, president Laguna Loire of Esthar, officially take complete responsibility for the actions of one "Berry the Tonberry" and will pay for any and all damages inflicted by his hilarious antics. Also, I am resigning as president of Esthar and am relinquishing all duties and powers over to one "Berry the Tonberry." The only reason I am telling you this is because in the near future he may invade and mercilessly slaughter all inhabitants of Balamb Garden. Thank you for your time.

Former President Laguna Loire.

"Nice," Raijin commented. Berry agreed with a happy hoot and took the note in hand, dropped the pen and hopped into Raijin's arms and climbed up his shoulder to once again, perch on his shoulder.

"So, we heading back then?"

Berry nodded and the two left the presidential office in search of their friends. Seifer would certainly approve of Berry's methods. Fujin would dismiss him as dangerous but he was so gosh-darned adorable that no one would hold him accountable.