Disclaimer: Don't own SWAC, sorry :)
Warning: This is probably the darkest ch. so far...so yeah
CH. 6: ZORA
My name is Zora Lancaster. You probably know me as the littlest Random on So Random. I may be dark and twisted, but I'm also supposedly the peppy, energetic one. This is ironic. In actuality, I am the saddest, least energetic Random. I may be smart, but who really cares.
August 14th, 2007. That's the day my mom died. We were driving in the car on the way home from my So Random audition. I had already been told that I most likely got the part, so we were very happy. We were singing as loud as we could to the blasting radio. Because of that, we hit a semi. It was a head on collision. My mother had thrown herself in front of me to save me. She died. I lived. Do you have any idea the guilt that comes with knowing you're the reason for your mother's death? I live with my father who is an alcoholic. He's impossible to live with, literally. I usually sleep over at the set or sometimes someone else will let me stay the night with them. Marshall has sort of become another father to me. He lets me stay in the studio late at night. He takes me out to dinner. He attends all of my important life events. It still doesn't take away the pain, though. The horrible, writhing pain.
Do you know what it feels like to be numb? It's hollow, cold, and lonely. Sometimes that's all I feel. Complete emptiness. Other times, it's like a knife is being shoved into my chest. The pain spreads through all your veins. It feels like you're going to drown. Mayhem is going through your head, and the only things you want are to die or to somehow make the pain stop. Sadly, the only way to make the pain stop is to induce physical pain. Trust me, I've tried it all. Cutting, burning, hair pulling, hitting, and it works, for a bit. Then, you just end up feeling guilty for a while, which makes you hurt yourself again, and the cycle continues. It's the most vicious cycle a person can ever feel. Every minute alive is like your own personal Hell. Every second, another moment of life wasted. You are the reason why everyone is so miserable. It's your fault. You don't deserve to live.
These are the thoughts that haunt my mind every waking moment. These are the thoughts that I try to deal with as I drag each foot across the ground. The Randoms think I'm weird. They don't know how I really feel. You wonder why I hide up in the vents alone all day? It's to keep me away from the rest of them. Sonny is a little more accepting then the others, but it still hurt me when we were on the "bonding" camping trip and she called me a little freak. I am an actress though, so I try to put on a mask for everyone. They have no idea that I'm hurting so badly. Hurting so badly that I have to hurt myself. Hurting so badly that I want to kill myself. They will never know. My mask is invincible.
I hope you enjoyed this. This was the last introduction chapter. All the characters' lives will be starting to connect now and such! So, please review! I had a bad bad day, and a review would make me smile :D
Love, Twipi :D
(also, check out my story "I'm the one who said yes" and (because her name escapes me at the moment) look up who the contest was for and enter! She can't finish the contest unless she has enough entries. Also ENTER MY CONTEST! I NEED MORE ENTRIES TOO! :D)