Chapter 6: Hope is that Thing with Feathers

Marianne looked out into the distance, nervous in the silence after her letter. In truth, she had not known what to expect. She hardly expected any swift response for she knew that it would take some days before the response arrived at his feet and yet a few days more before the response would arrive home again.

She marveled at the nervousness that she felt. How could she have such a penetrating anxiety over a man she merely knew as a friend? She hoped that nothing had happened while he was on the road or that he had not fallen ill, especially so far from the comforts of his home. Though, truth be told, her anxiety had been abated by the sheer level of joy that filled the Dashwood cottage. The Dashwoods keenly knew that this was nothing but a miracle. For their Elinor to be so divinely happy, while she deserved it more than any other, they knew to be a blessing from God. Only a higher power could bring such joy to one so deserving! Mr. Ferrars, soon to be her brother Edward, was the most patient and loving man that Marianne had ever seen, outside perhaps of her father and Colonel Brandon. His temperament was nothing but amiable. Passion suffused from every pore of his body and he was continually an immense help to the Dashwood family, who were beginning to prepare for the effects of the heat of the summer.

Often, to Marianne's delight, Edward would read a sonnet or two to her, while she studied his air and the way that he read. She was so foolish not to have seen the passion that he had for the words that he read. She felt a mixture of so many emotions while listening to him read. Primarily, she felt shame. One afternoon within the first few days, while listening to him read, she sighed, prompting him to pause. He looked up from the book, a curious look in his eyes.

"Is something the matter, Ms. Dashwood?" Edward, formal as ever in language, was very gentle in the tone of his voice. She had no idea why, but since his arrival, he had been very gentle with her in their conversations and daily routine. She thought that perhaps Elinor had warned him of her illness and he this was why he treated her with restraint. Perhaps he had heard of Willoughby's successes and drawn conclusions from such a point, though this also would have required a great deal of help from Elinor.

She found herself looking at her hands. She steeled herself, looked into his eyes and said, "Mr. Ferrars, I am so deeply sorry if ever I insinuated in the past or present that you are not a man of feeling. I was and would still be in error for such assumptions. I must beg your forgiveness on the matter. There is no excuse for such behavior. Rather, I believe that at the time I was solely focused on the outer professions and not the heart of the matter."

He smiled, saying, "Marianne, you have nothing to apologize for at all. Anything that might have been said so long ago is eclipsed by the wonderful concern and friendship that you have shown for me since I saw the two of you in London. Surely, you must know, that I hold nothing against you." He smiled so genuinely, that Marianne nearly missed the concern in his eyes.

"Marianne, if you don't mind my asking, is there anything that I can do, any deed that can be done, to see your lively self fully restored to you again? I find myself concerned, for although I see some happiness and joy within you, I also sense great despair and grief. Please, dear sister, is there anything that can be done to help?"

Marianne, though shocked, managed to describe the source of her ailment, her past love for Willoughby, paired with her illness.

"I am ever so happy that you and my sister have managed to achieve such great happiness. Indeed, nothing could bring me more joy. However, my heart is very conflicted, Edward. In many ways, I would be happy to remain in this moment, but for the hope that I find in the two of you that I may yet still find happiness, though by no means am nearly as deserving as you both. If nothing else, I hope still to see a day where my heart is no longer burdened, only full of the happiness that all felicities bring."

He smiled and said, "Marianne, though it may be hard to believe, you are deserving and any man would be lucky, privileged among men to call you his wife. You are caring and sweet, honest and thoughtful. I am glad to hear that you hope, for I have no doubt that in time, perhaps swifter than you imagine, happiness will find you."

She found herself smiling, comforted by the calm, gentle words of the man that loved her sister.

In her mind, however, she couldn't help but hear the voice of Colonel Brandon, more and more insistent on the idea. She shook herself out of the past and into the present. As she looked along the fence line, she remembered everything that had happened this week and hoped that the Colonel had been honest in not wanting to marry her sister. She found that concept more acceptable today than she had even a half a week before.

Colonel Brandon wasn't going to tarry in London and the surrounding area any longer than was necessary. He couldn't wait to be back among the family that he had come to know as friends and the one person that he wanted to know even more deeply.

He saw her everywhere. In the beginning, it was interesting and reassuring. Now, he was being driven mad, constantly thinking of her opinions on new fashions or books that he found intriguing. He couldn't hear an orchestra without thinking of her on the piano. He was dying to know what she thought, dying to know if the piano was wrapped on his porch, lonely and desolate. Around midnight, he was awoken by an express. He rushed to the door, paid the messenger, and saw his name on the front. He broke the seal, mentally telling himself that he had only two days more of business before he could vacate London altogether and go home.

There was a note, as well as a letter. The note read: "Sir, Ms. Marianne Dashwood wanted us to send this letter by post, for she knew that we would better know your location than she would. Second, as we did not know the contents of the letter, we have sent such tidings through an express rider. She didn't insist on speed, rather we heeded your instructions on the matter.

Your servant,

John."

He smiled. John, the only one of his servants who could both read and write, had most likely overstated the need of the letter to be sent so quickly, but far be it from him to deny the pleasure of reading anything that Marianne had sent to him.

He could hear her voice in the words she sent.

'Colonel Brandon,

I hope you are well. The piano is lovely, though I must say that it was rather unfair of you. You must've known I couldn't refuse such a gift with no one to argue with here. So while I completely surrendered to the piano, that is not why I'm writing you. I thought you should like to know that I expect this very afternoon to see Mr. Edward Ferrars and my dear Elinor to be engaged. He seems to have broken free of his previous engagement. His former fiancee broke their engagement to marry his brother, Robert, leaving Mr. Ferrars free to travel here.

I hope you don't mind me writing on your busy trip and I hope it is of no inconvenience. I know that as a dear friend to all our family, you will have nothing but joy at these events. Also, I had no notion that you also played the piano. Thank you for the piano and for your friendship to my family and I.

I hope that your travels are safe and grant you a swift return.

Your friend,

Marianne Dashwood'

He was speechless. He was thrilled to know Elinor would have such happiness, that the piano wasn't alone or desolate, that in a moment of felicity, Marianne had thought to write to him. She had called himself a dear friend to her and all her family, when as it were, weeks ago, they had hardly ever spoken. He felt hope rising up in him, helping him to know that there might yet be a chance to see all end in happiness instead of sorrow.

While he would write back, he imagined that his response would be better said in person than in writing. Three days later, early in the morning, he and his party rose and made straight to the Dashwood Cottage. Though the journey would take a few days at the very least, he felt better simply knowing that he was returning to the place that he longed to be.

Marianne woke to a lovely sunrise, and as she got dressed, she decided to go outside, hoping to watch the sunrise and the dew on the grass. Restless in her heart, she needed to walk. So, she set out without alerting anyone else, not wanting to wake them so early in the morning.

Walking along the path that she had been on with Elinor and Colonel Brandon a fortnight prior, she breathed in fresh air, thinking of all that had happened and trying to understand the way her heart was leading her. She had been so wrong about love before, so wrong about passion before, that she was hesitant to rely on herself to know where she was being led to go.

As she walked, she felt herself struggling to come to terms with the regard that she had for Colonel Brandon. Knowing herself incapable of tempting his attentions, she wondered if she would content with friendship, or if she truly found herself looking to Colonel Brandon for love and romance. She blushed, in awe of her transformation. Once, she had deemed him an old bachelor, and now- now, she didn't know how to feel, only she knew that she no longer found herself thinking of his age, or his quiet demeanor.

The sun was rising over the hills and trees. Marianne sat on the grass, watching oranges, dark blue, pink, and purples mix in the morning air. The sunrise was mesmerizing.

Before she knew it, sitting in the quiet, lost in her thoughts about the sunrise and love and happiness, she heard voices nearby, calling for her. Remembering that she had never told a soul about her walk this morning, she gathered herself, and began to walk toward the house again.

Colonel Brandon, on the morning after his arrival at Delaford, rode to the Dashwood cottage, to give congratulations, to wish them a happy life, and ensure Edward that his offer for the patronage still stood, if he still wished to take it.

However, when he arrived, instead of settling into the day as he had expected, Mrs. Dashwood seemed very concerned, Elinor and Margaret were shouting for Marianne throughout the home, and Mr. Ferrars appeared from behind the cottage, concern plain in his features.

As he dismounted, he heard Mrs. Dashwood exclaim, "Ah! Colonel Brandon! What marvelous timing!"

He looked to see her rushing toward him. Calmly, he asked, "Did you have need of me?"

"Marianne is nowhere to be found. Certainly, she was here last night, but this morning she failed to come to breakfast and furthermore, is nowhere to be seen in the house." She sighed. "I am deeply sorry that your return should find us so frantic, but you see, Marianne is not so fully recovered from her illness, that she should be going out on her own."

Colonel Brandon was deeply concerned, as he knew Marianne to be the sort of person to exceed her limits without knowing she had done so. All the same, he sought to comfort Mrs. Dashwood.

"Do not worry, Mrs. Dashwood. I am sure she has merely gone for a walk and lost track of the time. I will help you in your search, however. I will look along the walking path that the Dashwood sisters and I recently took on my last visit here."

Mrs. Dashwood nodded, and he saw her efforts to be comforted and believe what he said to be true. Now if only he could stop his mind from going to the worst outcomes. He grabbed a shawl, started toward the path, and wondered if she would be happy to see him again.

Walking along the path, he saw dew on the grass, flowers in bloom, and felt happy simply to be back where he was wanted. Making a turn, he saw Marianne, coming up the hill and couldn't help but smile.

"Hello, Ms. Marianne. Your family is looking for you."

She started, looking up, a little embarrassed. "Why, hello Colonel Brandon. I heard their cries and realized that I had lost myself in thought." As she came on level with him, he walked over to wrap the shawl around her shoulders, knowing she must be cold.

"Thank you, Colonel. It is quite cold this morning." She paused, then looked up at him. She must think him a fool, but he could not stop smiling, happiness simply exuded from him, just at the chance of being near her again. "Did you have a pleasant trip? I noticed that you had the gumption to send a piano forte."

He laughed, replying, "I'm sorry if the piano forte has put you out, Ms. Dashwood. I merely saw it and knew it belonged in your home. This trip had some pleasant moments, but I find myself more than happy to be home again." He looked down, remembering that he had felt the same coming home from the war.

"Well, I am afraid that even against my better judgement, I am overjoyed at having a piano once again, that I could not bear to part with it. In such a case, I suppose, I have no choice but to thank you for your generosity and wonder that it fell on my family of all families."

His smile had nearly sent her falling backward down the hill. He looked so handsome, confident, and at ease, that it was breathtaking. She had never seen the Colonel so happy. She wondered what could have given him such happiness and then it dawned on her. He must be happy for the newly engaged couple. She found herself thanking him begrudgingly for the piano and wondered at how they had fallen so easily back into their pattern of friendship upon his arrival.

"Miss Dashwood, I am relieved to see you looking so revived in health, though your mother might continue to worry for some time."

She laughed, "Of course, my mother must have called upon you to come look for her weak, fragile daughter." She sighed. "I'm sorry that you've had to waste time that perhaps you would rather have spent with Edward and Elinor." Looking down, she wished that the path was longer, or that she might have more time to talk with him herself, without her family nearby.

"I assure you," he said, his voice bringing her eyes back to his face, "that it was my pleasure to help your mother and very much a pleasure to talk and walk with you again." He smiled brilliantly, "The path was very beautiful. I am glad that summer has come again."

Rounding the end of the path, they nearly walked into Elinor and Edward. Thankfully, Edward had pulled Elinor back, while the Colonel had stopped Marianne.

A mere moment later, Elinor was giving her a crushing hug, saying, "Don't you ever walk off without informing us first. You scared us half to death with such nonsense." Marianne laughed, promising her that she would never dare do so again. She looked to the Colonel, hoping that perhaps he had come as much to see her as he had to congratulate Edward and Elinor.