updated and edited on 07-08-2017

Desperation

Part Three:

Pain

July 30th 1999 - Friday - 11:30 p.m

James

"I told you, I'm fine!" He said for what felt the hundredth time since his son- his adult son- and his superiors had left him and Lily to the healers at St Mungo's.

"Mr. Potter, will you please stop moving, you're only going to make this take longer, so please stop moving!" One healer exclaimed as he ushered James into the examination room where Lily was patiently waiting on the examination cot.

"Really, I'm fine, just let me go see my son." He argued, trying his hardest to get around the healer so he could leave. It didn't matter that he didn't know if Harry had returned to work, or if he went home, wherever home was, James just wanted to see his son. It didn't matter that his son was now an adult, and he didn't know anything about him, he wanted to have his son in front of him where he could see him. The last time he saw Harry, James was terrified that he'd die. And he died believing that the little boy that looked just like him with his mother's eyes and called him papa while smiling up at him with his crooked and toothless smile would be taken from the world. That's why he'd been fighting the healers since the moment he was transferred from his son's care, to the healers'.

The healer gently pushed James so he was seated on top the second examination cot in the room. "James, I understand you want to be with your son, really I do," The healer's said slowly. "I'm also sure that he'd rather have you returned to his care one hundred percent healthy, and we won't know if you are if you don't let us examine you."

James opened his mouth to protest but no words came out. He found himself suddenly overwhelmed with so many conflicting emotions that his brain couldn't process anything else. Since he stopped fighting the healer was able to cast a few simple diagnostic spells on James. To James, the feedback from the spells was nothing but a confusing bunch of overlapping colors of varying shades, but to the healer it was something he could understand. This was something that always impressed James, even now. Something so familiar when everything felt different helped him find some peace.

"Greg, make sure to scan for everything you can think of and more, it won't hurt anything, this situation is so unheard of we don't want to miss anything." The woman who was examining Lily said as she drew blood from Lily's arm and directed it into a vial with her wand.

"Yeah Anne, I will, just as long as he lets me."

"Is she okay? Is my wife okay?" James asked, the wide eyed expression on Lily's face worried him.

"She'll be fine hun, she's just in shock." Ann answered quietly as she pulled a blanket over Lily's tense shoulders. "Now stop fussing and let Greg do his job Mr. Potter."

He sighed loudly in protest but listened to the old healer's advice and settled down. The healer immediately went to work and the room fell into a busy silence. The sound of rustling of fabric and the hum of conversation a few rooms lulled James into a meditative like state. Sometime later someone came in and spoke with Anne. He was only partially listening to the conversation, so he almost missed it when Anne mentioned his son.

"Merlin, if he had given me even half the trouble Harry did I would have throw him out."

"I would have loved to see that." The other voice replied cheerfully. "If he's anything like his son it would've been funny."

Time seemed to warp and his perception of everything around him shifted at the sound of his son's name. The emotions James had just barely been holding at bay overwhelmed him. His breathing turned rapid and heavy, a light pink flush warmed his cool cheeks, and his vision blurred from tears. He was hyperventilating, black dots obscured his vision and he feared he might pass out, so he tried to slow his breathing. Tears ran down his cheeks, and James couldn't stop himself from letting out a choked sob. His whole body shook with the next, and the many that followed.

He had died, and he couldn't explain just how empty that made him feel. Merlin, he died, he died and left his son to grow up without him.

His son was all grown up, he missed every milestone, every father-son moment, everything, and that hurt so, so much.

James shook as the tears fell, his hands gripping the sheets under him tightly, doing his best to breath under the weight of his aching heart. He had never felt this low in his entire life and he didn't know if it was possible to live after feeling something like this.

thanks for reading!

-haley