Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

A/N: Forever grateful to Legna for beta-ing this. She rules.

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing."

James 3:16

Edward Cullen

From that moment when Bella and I looked at each other in Bio, the day just spiraled downwards into complete ridiculousness. I couldn't stop looking at her. I felt like a complete tool but I just kept looking. I couldn't figure out how she could have been in two of my classes this whole year and never once register with me, and now it was all I could do not to get up, walk across the room, pull her into the hallway and….

And what the fuck anyway, how did this even come about? It couldn't have been merely because she was seeing Jasper, or whatever she was doing with him. That would mean that this was all spurred on by jealousy, and how could I covet her before I knew her? And yet, from practically the very moment Jasper mentioned her, I had become completely obsessed with Bella Swan. So I stared at her like some creepy sexual predator, because that's usually the way to make a good first impression on a girl.

She was looking at me too, and at first she definitely looked about as creeped out as one should when being gawked at by some dude in your class that you don't even know, but then in Calc later that day there was actually a brief moment where she turned and smiled at me. Like a big bright adorable grin. I fought so hard to keep from returning it tenfold, and the result was probably some bastardy looking smirk. I wanted to press rewind on the whole class and handle it all a little better on the second run, but if she turned to me with that same look on her face, I would have crumbled all over again.

She was really pretty in the most natural and heartbreaking way. She had these big brown eyes that held so much emotion; I imagined that with those eyes she was probably an open book, whether she liked it or not. She looked a little demure what with the tie, the blazer, and the skirt, which she wore at the proper length, but there was also this edge of sexiness to her, like she had a secret, or a secret life. And then I remembered Jasper and tried hard to choke back the stomach acid that gushed into my throat at the thought that he might be part of that secret life. I thought back to the beginning of my creepster career when I was parked in front of her house. When she came out with that smug bastard and when he leaned into her, for what I assume was some slimy manwhore kiss, it incited a raging fire inside me. At first I couldn't understand why I felt the way I did, or why I was acting like the goddamned Night Stalker, but after seeing her in Bio that morning I realized it was simply because I wanted her.

Fuck, I wanted her so badly, which makes no sense because how can you want someone before you even know who they are? It was as though one minute I was, at the very least, complacently dating Rosalie and I kind of liked her skeezy but funny older brother, and then a second later Rosalie all but ceased to exist and I wanted to rip Jasper's internal organs out with my bare hands.

And I would have felt really bad about all of it if I wasn't so consumed with trying to understand what the hell had just happened to my life in the past twenty-four hours. After that smile she flashed me, I spent a few shameful minutes imagining her bent over Mr. K's desk and then I resolved to get my emotions in check. Jasper was no different today than he was last week when I liked him. It's not his fault that he got to her first, although it was his fault that he was a dirty, slutty bastard who got his kicks off of playing around with innocent girls, and then ditching them when they ceased to be all shiny and new.

I was failing at controlling my growing hatred for Jasper, so I instead tried to focus on making myself feel guilty for being a shitty boyfriend. I wasn't delusional, so it didn't come as a huge shock to me that I could develop feelings for someone else, but my complacency over the years had turned into some sort of implicit promise. I had stuck around this long and to just suddenly bail on Rosalie would have been a total left-field dick move. Especially since for some bizarre reason she seemed perfectly content with our relationship, as tiresome and poisonous as it was. Maybe it was because I gave her a long leash, or maybe she was just as lazy as I was, but whatever the reason it certainly complicated things now—because as wrong as it was, I couldn't imagine not pursuing Bella.

Somehow I managed to rein in the potpourri of disturbing thoughts near the end of Calculus. Whatever the motivation behind my feelings for Bella, I recognized that I really just needed to get out of the classroom before I did or said something stupid. I had no reason or excuse to talk to her, but if I couldn't keep my eyes off her, pretty soon I'd have some explaining to do.

As soon as the bell rang, I bolted and headed for the parking lot to meet Rosalie. As I ascended the steps to the back parking lot I groaned at the sight of Jasper leaning against his car talking to Rosalie. That fucking bastard actually showed up at school to pick Bella up? As I crossed the lot to meet them I steeled myself against the urge to bash his head repeatedly against his stupid white trash, southern rocker, date rape mobile.

"Hey," I said as I approached them. "Jasper, what are you doing here?"

"Hey, Edward. Rosalie asked me to pick her up last week, but apparently she forgot to tell me that she no longer required my services."

I relaxed ever so slightly at the knowledge that he wasn't here for Bella. Maybe he'd already moved on; maybe he got what he was looking for yesterday at her house.

"Sorry, Jasper, jeez, I forgot. Shit happens," came Rosalie's half-assed apology.

"'Sup kids, was that not the longest Monday you've ever experienced?" Eli asked as he approached the car. "Jasper, what brings you on Catholic territory?"

"A misunderstanding. What's happening, Eli?"

"Not much, man. One day down, four to go. Edward, you got the notes for AP Lit? I bailed on that and went for breakfast with Carmen."

"Yeah I…" I stopped short when I noticed Jasper turn to the staircase, his expression brightening considerably.

"Never mind, folks, it appears fate brought me here for a reason," he mumbled, grinning.

I followed the direction of his gaze and the images of me beating him to a bloody pulp resurfaced. Bella and her friend from Calculus were walking across the lot. I felt annoyed at how incredibly self-conscious and gorgeous and sweet she looked. Had Rosalie not been standing right there I may have been tempted to call Jasper out in front of her and everyone else in the parking lot, but as it were I really had no explanation for why their relationship bothered me so deeply, so I kept my irrational mouth shut.

Which became so much more difficult when I saw him touching her hand and standing way too close to her. Then the smug bastard turned to us and waved goodbye with a wink.

"I officially don't get it. Of all the girls…Jasper really must be scraping the bottom of the barrel." Rosalie's increasingly unbearable voice did little to calm my building resentment.

"Nice, Rose, that's a pretty obnoxious statement," I said, unable to let her comment slide.

"If by obnoxious you mean accurate," she said, turning to my car and waiting for me to unlock it.

"She's not bad, and she's definitely Jasper's type," Eli said.

"Whatever! Like I give a shit who my brother is banging anyway. She'll be old news in a few days anyway. Edward, can we, like, get a move on? Hey, guys, let's go to Lux or something and hang out. I'll call Vic."

"I'm game, Carm should be out any second; she just had to talk to Mr. Banner after her class," Eli said.

"Rosalie, I'd rather just go home. I have a shit-load of homework and I'm tired."

"Okay, well, I want to go out, so you can go home if you want. You're no fun today anyway."

I sighed and opened my door. "All right, later."

I was more than happy to go home and get a break from her but that didn't stop me from getting pissed at her attitude. I had put up with the same shit for practically the entire time we had been dating and yet suddenly she felt like a lead weight around my neck. I had never been so close to snapping, and as much as it made my head throb to admit it, I probably had Bella Swan to thank for that.

I went straight upstairs when I got home to exchange my uniform for a pair of sweatpants. I decided that I didn't want to think about Bella or Jasper or Rosalie anymore this afternoon and the only way to do that was to take a nap. I was exhausted from my lack of sleep the night before, so I turned on my stereo and turned it up loud enough to distract me from thinking. I fell asleep quickly and woke up a few hours later to Radiohead whining in my ear.

I reached out lazily and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. There were three texts and one voicemail, all from Rosalie.

I'm sorry I was a bitch, I just can't stand when Jasper comes balling on school property.

Seriously, can you stop giving me the silent treatment? I'm sorry—we're still at Lux if you want to join.

E, are you seriously not talking to me? Come over, pls.

And the voicemail was a sobbing Rosalie asking why I was being such a bastard.

I rolled my eyes and dialed the phone. She answered in half a ring.

"What the hell? I've been calling you and texting you, why are you ignoring me?"

"Rosalie, I was asleep. I was tired when I got home."

"Oh. Shit, I totally thought you were shutting me out. Are you mad?"

"A bit, yeah. I mean your attitude at school sure left a lot to be desired."

"Is this about that girl that Jasper is with?"

"No, it's about your attitude when I left," I half-lied.

"I know, I'm sorry; it's just that Jasper gets on my nerves. I was annoyed."

"So then be a bitch to him."

"I am, don't worry."

"Is he back home yet?" I asked, trying not to sound like I had an agenda.

"Yeah, he's here why?"

I glanced at the clock; it was 6:45. "I don't know. Just wondering."

"Can you come over for a bit? Daddy's all stressed out cause some Christian magazine is coming over to take pictures and Mom's not home from her hair appointment yet and Jasper won't change into different clothes and I can't deal with these people today."

Because I was a sick and twisted masochist, I wanted to go and see if I could find out what happened with Jasper and Bella this afternoon.

"Yeah, I'll come over for a bit."

"Okay! See you in a little while!" she said, sounding more cheerful.

I hung up almost before she finished her sentence and walked into my closet to find something to wear.

. . .

I walked into the house to find Jasper and Reverend Hale fighting in the foyer.

"Jasper, I am not going to say it again—all I'm asking for is a pair of slacks and a dress shirt," he said in his thick southern accent. It seemed to get stronger every year I knew him. He turned to me and nodded.

"Hello, Edward," he said tersely. He more or less hated my guts.

I nodded back and remained where I was, since he was standing in front of the stairs, and Jasper in front of the hallway to the kitchen.

Jasper glanced in my direction and then turned back to the hall mirror. "I don't wear slacks, Rev. I don't even know what slacks are exactly," he said, while messing with his hair.

"There's just no way you're wearing that. It's a Christian magazine. You can't be in there looking like a damn hooligan."

"So, do all Christians come standard issue with slacks and a button down?" he asked, throwing up air quotes around the word "slacks."

Reverend Hale opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by Mrs. Hale breezing through the front door. Her blonde hair was piled into bouffant updo and she was in full stage makeup. She wore one of those pink power suits and a pearl necklace and earrings. She looked like the first lady of Texas.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Debbie took her sweet ol' time on my hair tonight. Hey there, Edward!" she said, mussing my hair a bit and then walking over to plant a kiss on Reverend Hale's cheek.

"Sara-Jane, will you please talk some sense into your son? He can't pose for photos wearing that," he said gesturing up and down towards Jasper.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "The Reverend wants me in slacks."

Mrs. Hale looked Jasper over, smiled lovingly, and then turned back to her husband.

"Well, I think he looks handsome. What are you so worried about?"

"He looks like a Hell's Angel!" The Reverend exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

Jasper rolled his eyes and turned to me with a do-you-believe-this expression on his face. I wanted to agree with Reverend Hale and to add that Jasper looked more like a dandy poser.

Mrs. Hale walked over to Jasper and patted his cheek. "I think you look just fine. Wear whatever you want, sweet meat. Your father will live," she said. She turned and walked towards the kitchen.

Sweet meat? Did she really just call him sweet meat?

"Sara-Jane! Now wait just a doggone minute!" the Reverend called after her, following closely behind.

Jasper laughed and winked at me and then turned to head upstairs. Self-righteous prick. I reminded myself to mention that little nickname of his in front of Bella sometime.

I heard him call out to Rosalie from the upstairs hallway. "Rose, your fella is here!"

Rose came bounding down the stairs a few minutes later. She was wearing a short, off-white, ruffly, strapless dress and a wide pink sash—her blond hair curled at the ends and pulled into a low side-ponytail. She looked really pretty, but my neutral reaction to her depressed me. I closed my eyes tightly and rubbed them with my palms, reflecting again on the mess I had gotten myself into. I was overcome with a strong desire to move back to Forks. Tonight.

Rose pecked me on the cheek and then stood back and tilted her head. "What's wrong? Headache?"

"Yeah, sort of. You look nice."

"Thanks, I bought this with Carm the other day. I went out totally focused on getting something for tonight and of course then I started seeing all this great Prom and Junior-Senior dance stuff. That's how it always happens. Now I'm probably gonna go shopping for the J/S and see something that would have been perfect for tonight. Whatever, I think this one is cute and I could definitely wear it again. I could probably wear it to the J/S but I mean, if I have an excuse to buy three dresses, I'm going to buy three dresses!'"

I nodded at what felt like the appropriate spots but I was only partially listening. Her mention of the J/S got me thinking. The Junior/Senior dance was held every year right before graduation. Of course, because St. Mary's was just like any other high school obsessed with clichéd traditions and pretentious hierarchy, every year the seniors voted King and Queen at last year's dance would pass their crowns and scepters on to the two chosen juniors. It was supposed to be symbolic passing of the torch from the departing seniors to the juniors who would 'rule the school' next year, but naturally it was just an excuse to hold yet another popularity contest and to determine who the reigning narcissists would be next year.

Thanks to Rosalie's diligent campaigning last year, she and I would be the ones passing the honor this year, a fact that filled me with shame every time I accidentally allowed myself to remember it. The Edward who remained back in Washington would be dry heaving if he had seen what I had become, or the extent to which I had given up on my life.

But before I went down another shame spiral, I switched gears and briefly allowed myself to ponder whether or not Bella would be at the dance and with whom she would attend. Tradition stated that every senior going should ask a junior, but that almost never happened, as people usually went with whomever they were dating. I felt fairly sure that Jasper wouldn't be caught dead at a high school dance, but I wondered what kind of guys were in her circle of friends and if she'd be going with any of them.

Rose was still talking about nothing when Reverend Hale headed back into the foyer from the kitchen. I prepared myself for another fight when he saw just how little of Rose that dress covered, but then I remembered that in the eyes of the Rev, Rose could do no wrong.

He stood in front of her with his arms outstretched and shook his head slowly. "My, my. Angel, you are an absolute vision."

Rose beamed and he adjusted the ponytail that fell over her shoulder and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you, Daddy, don't you love this dress?"

"It was made for you, baby girl. God sure broke the mold when he made you."

I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes and stick my finger down my throat and instead ducked around them and headed into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of lemonade. Sara-Jane made her lemonade so sweet that you could feel your insulin spike. I loved it.

Jasper came strolling back into the kitchen with a rope of red licorice hanging from his mouth. He pulled on it until a piece ripped off, and then he dangled it in front of my face.

"No thanks, I'm good," I said, not wanting to risk contracting oral herpes.

He shrugged and stuffed it into his mouth. "I love this shit," he garbled.

A couple of loud beeps sounded from Jasper's pocket. He reached into his jeans and pulled his phone out. He stared at the screen for a second and then laughed and shook his head. He typed a quick response and stuffed the phone back into his pocket.

"Girls, girls, girls," he sighed.

"One of your harem?" I asked, hoping he'd take the bait.

He shook his head. "Sadly, I've been neglecting all but one as of late."

"So, that Bella Swan girl?"

"That's the one."

"What did you guys end up doing today anyway?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me and smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Silly me, and here I thought it might be something interesting."

"Oh, it was interesting all right."

I shook my head and yanked the fridge open again to return the pitcher. "Sick. Forget I asked."

"Sick? Jesus you make it sound like I'm forty-five, E. Take it easy, I am operating within the scope of the law. And don't jump to conclusions either."

"Just 'cause it's legal doesn't make it right. Is she aware you're going to bail on her sometime in the near future?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened to my little buddy? Why all the J-hate?"

"Whatever, I just feel bad for her is all."

"Well, luckily for me it's none of your damn business and luckily for you, you have no vested interest so it shouldn't really be of any concern…" He trailed off.

His eyes narrowed and he stared at me for a moment before the slightest hint of a smile crept onto his lips. After a moment his expression softened, just as the doorbell rang. He looked toward the front of the hall and then back at me with a self-satisfied smile.

"Excuse me, but it's time for my close-up, Mr. De Mille."

I slapped my forehead and sunk against the counter as he exited the room. Fucking great.

I hung out in the kitchen watching TV while the photographer took pictures of the family. The doorbell rang shortly after they finished and Jasper answered it. The rest of the family was huddled around the photographer's laptop looking at proofs from the shoot.

Jasper led an attractive brunette, who appeared to be in her mid-thirties, into the living room next to the kitchen.

"So, Andy is just finishing up then? Let's give them a minute to look over the proofs and then I'll sit down with your Mom and Dad," she said.

I eavesdropped a bit and concluded that she was the interviewer for the magazine. Jasper and she chatted quietly and within minutes she was giggling like a bimbo. I actually had to bite my fist a few times while listening to him spew his BS. Finally, they both entered the kitchen.

"Edward this is Kate, she'll be interviewing the Rev and Ma tonight."

I stood up and shook her hand.

"Kate this is Edward, my sister's boyfriend."

"Oh well aren't you a lucky guy, she's absolutely gorgeous. It's nice to meet you!" she said, smiling warmly.

Jasper flashed me a big fat Cheshire cat smile. He walked over and slapped me gently on the cheek.

"Or is Rosalie the lucky one? I mean look at this handsome hunk," he said squeezing my face before continuing on to the fridge.

Kate laughed way too heartily at Jasper's lame attempt at humor. Why couldn't girls ever tell when a guy was being generically charming?

I shook my head and smiled. "It's nice to meet you too."

Jasper handed a Kate a glass of water and then Rosalie walked into the kitchen.

"Well that was lame. They're done now," she said over her shoulder to Kate.

"Great! All right, well it was nice to meet you all." Her glance lingered a little too long on Jasper.

Jesus, why don't you just throw your panties at him?

When she left the room I raised my eyebrow at Jasper. "Thinking about adding one to the harem?"

He just laughed and shook his head. "That's called being friendly, E. You may want to try it occasionally. It's not as painful as it looks."

"Ugh, right, I really hope Edward's definition of friendly is different from yours," Rosalie said, sneering.

Jasper looked me in the eyes again and smiled. "I'm sure it is. He's a good boy, after all."

With that he pulled his phone out of his pocket again and began to scroll, after a moment he looked up. "Well, I think I'm gonna go see the little lady."

I looked at the clock. "It's almost nine," I said.

Shut the fuck up and stop sounding like a dad.

"Right. Only a few more hours 'til she turns back into a pumpkin, so I'd better go. Don't wait up."

He grabbed his keys off the counter and waved behind himself as he went out the front door.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I still don't get it, but I'm not going to say anything."

"So, what, are they dating now? Jasper never dates."

"I don't know. I doubt it. She probably just hasn't put out yet or something. Who knows, Jasper is like half-retarded, I swear."

Please let that be the case!

I shrugged, feigning disinterest. "I'd better go; I still have homework to do."

"What? We didn't even hang out, you practically just got here!"

"I know, Rose, but it's nine and I haven't gotten anything done today. And I have practice the rest of the week."

"Maybe I could come sleep over at your place tonight," she said nervously.

"My place? Your dad would never let you."

"I know, I could sneak over like I used to!"

"I can't tonight, I really need to get my stuff done."

"Fine. Next time bring your homework over, and then you can do it here."

"Yeah, sure." I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

I gave her a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. I headed to the front door, stopping first to say goodbye to her parents.

In the car I came to the realization that this thing with Rosalie was reaching a breaking point. For the first time in years I was awake, and certain things could no longer go ignored. I headed home to another sleepless night, my thoughts and waking dreams plagued by images of the girl who turned everything upside down.