Heart or Mind
Disclaimer - I own nothing from the Nickelodeon Show Victorious. I wish I did, but I don't. All rights are reserved to Nickelodeon, and not me. Thanks!
FYI - Italics is someone's dreams/memories, bold is someone's inner thoughts, and bold italics is a text message.
Chapter 6 - Making A Choice
"I can't believe what happened last night. Did I really? With JADE? Oh, man. Not that I didn't want to, but I didn't want something like that happening that fast. But damn, it was so perfect. I- I- Cat? What do I do with her? Do I tell her? Do I hide it? Can I even be with her afterwards?"
Tori was allowing her mind to roam free, the heat of her shower washing over her. Jade had already left earlier that morning, after a short makeout session. Tori was at least at ease, sorta. She had acted upon her feelings, and found out they were real. It wasn't just some emotional muck to hold her back. It was something that she could hold to, and find peace and happiness in. But then again, she had the same thing with Cat. She didn't want to hurt her, but also didn't want to leave Jade high and dry.
"I guess I should just stick to what I said yesterday. I'll take Cat out Sunday night, and leave Jade on the back burner until then, just like I left Cat behind yesterday. That way, I can see who it affects more, and who really feels for me. And I'll see who I like more, too. Oh, who am I kidding? I want them both. I love Cat. I'm not sure if I love Jade, at least not yet. We've only been out once, and last night, while fun, had been our only time. At least with Cat, I know and knew what I had when she let me go. I'm still unsure about Jade."
Tori stepped out of the shower, wrapping her hair in a towel and drying her torso off before slipping it into a bathrobe. And idea occured to her. She grabbed her pear phone, snapping a self portrait. "Okay, Cat? Check. Jade? Check. Send? Check!" She knew both girls might enjoy the photo, and it would help make things asking Cat out Sunday easier. She waited for any response, but when it didn't come quickly, she decided to get ready for her day.
Her guy friends were still left in the dark about the situation, and would need to be kept there. She didn't want or need any outside interference, just her with Jade and Cat. It would make things easiest, and would allow her the freedom to make her choice. She finally had her upper torso wrapped in a sleeveless red shirt, and put a skirt to her lower torso. Adding a simple necklace and some short heels, Tori was out the door for the day.
xxxxx
Tori pulled into the parking lot, noting Cat and Jade's cars near each other again. But instead of being side by side, there was one spot left open between them. Tori, knowing it was for her, pulled in. Almost like the metaphoric battle inside her entire being, she was fully aware of the pull and allure of both cars, and the joyous memories that each held. Serving to fuel her confusion, she only hung her head, and walked slowly toward the school. André met her at the door, pulling in her for a hug.
"What's up chicá."
"NOTHING. Don't push me. I don't know anything." "Nice going, brainfart. He won't suspect a thing." She walked past him, his confused look letting her know that he wasn't too pleased with being screamed at.
"Uhh, Tori, you alright?" He tried to stop her, but she pulled out of his grip. She couldn't be around him long, because he had a strange way of pulling things he didn't need to know out of her. With an unease in her voice, she finally answered him.
"Yeah, Beck, I'm fine." The dark boy looked to her, confused. He chuckled for a moment.
"Uhh, I'm André."
"Yeah, I know. That's what I said, Robbie." The darker boy looked around, noting no sign of either of the other mentioned boys. Safe and clear for the moment, Tori walked up to Cat, who was standing next to Jade. Both girls smiled at her, and she grabbed each one by the wrist, pulling them to the janitor's closet.
"Tori, everything okay?" "What's your deal, Vega?" Tori stood in silence, looking at the girls. Her choice directly in front of her, she tried to play everything off. But she couldn't.
"Who said there's something wrong? I just wanted to talk to you two. Is that okay?" Not buying it for a moment, but letting Tori settle down, both girls nodded along. "Now, I know both of you know what I said yesterday, right?"
"Yeah." "Uh-huh."
"Okay, so Cat, we're going out Sunday, okay?" Seeing the look of jealousy on Jade's face, Tori noted that at least Jade was feeling what she was. Nothing about the previous night had been faked, or a ruse to hurt Tori in the long run. The redhead bounced for a moment, and hugged her. Not wanting to be left out, Jade hugged Tori, not even allowing Cat to get out of the way.
"Jade, you're squishing me." The girl's voice was meek, unable to find enough breath to back it with strength. Jade still got the message, though.
"Whatever. Move next time." The redhead faked some tears, and Tori was quick to her defense.
"Tell the girl you're sorry." Tori looked at her, and in her mind, appreciated that Jade was still being Jade. She wasn't going to let her previous endeavor change her.
"Cat, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, okay." The halfhearted apology was lost on Tori's ears, but the bouncy redhead accepted it none the less. Jade and Cat both leaned in, each kissing one of Tori's cheeks. Her flushed cheeks brought back one of her thoughts from the day before. "Huh, maybe I could get them both? Maybe?" With a sly smile, she looked away, not wanting either girl to pick up on what she was thinking. And thankfully, they didn't.
"Now then, I need to ask you both a favor. I don't need anyone finding out about this, okay? Don't say anything, to anyone." Tori had focused on Cat while speaking, staring straight into her eyes and annuciating everything slowly.
"Works for me." Jade started walking out the door, before Tori grabbed her arm. Seeing the goosebumps on both girls, Cat looked away. "She really does like Jade. And Jade likes her. I guess I'll just have to try harder to get her." Cat thankfully wasn't looking when Tori's lips captured Jade's, and she winked to the goth. Jade finally left, pushing Sinjin out of the way.
"MOVE!" Her voice was powerful enough that even Sikowitz heard it, and he started running, coconut in hand. Tori finally turned back to her redhead, and smiled. Cat's cheeks flushed, and she looked away for a moment.
"Now Cat-" She grabbed her cheeks in her hand, noting the warmth while forcing the smaller girl to face her. "No one need to know about this."
"Got it."
"I mean it. Please, don't say anything."
"I won't Tori. Promise."
"Okay. Now last time I asked you not to say something, you said it anyway, and then said I didn't make myself clear. Are we clear?" The redhead, through cheeks that were being squeezed together, offered a muffled yes. "Alright. Now, get to class. See you later, okay?" Tori pulled her in, kissing her and drinking in the scent of Cat's strawberry perfume. "Love you, Cat."
"I love you too, Tori!" As Tori was walking out the door, Cat grabbed her by the hem of her skirt, a light tear in her eye. Tori knew that Cat was afraid of losing her, and she didn't want to hurt her. "Wait, this may be a tactic. She is good at faking tears, and using them to manipulate people." Tori remembered the time that she went to San Diego with the small girl, and she and Jade were almost forced to drive the chiz box all the way there. When Tori went to walk out again, Cat reached under her skirt, pinching her ass.
"OWW, Cat."
"Whaty?" The girl tried to play stupid and innocent, but the flush in her cheeks gave her away. And the fact she was smiling as wide as possible without her face being damaged. She always loved Tori's ass, but who wouldn't? It was just perfect, and complimented her long shaply legs perfectly.
"That hurt. Besides, wait for Saturday. If you want to play, then we can then, okay?" Tori winked to Cat, who laughed for a moment before speaking.
"Like you and Jade last night?" Tori's mouth fell open. How in the world? Did Jade tell her? They were best friends. But something like that, was it her's to share without Tori's consent? Tori's cheeks flushed, and Cat smiled. She was actually glad it had happened. She didn't mind sharing, as evident with the multitude of candies she would randomly pull out of her bookbag and clothes. And if it would help Tori, she would allow it. Even if she got hurt in the long run. Cat blushed also, thinking of Tori's nude, sweating bodies, listening to her gasping for breath and watching her body move uncontrollably.
"Yes. Cat, I promise, you can play as much as you want, okay?!" Just thinking about it made Tori's panties wet, and if she weren't in a school janitor's closet, she would have surely pinned Cat down and showed her how much she meant what she said. With one final kiss, Tori walked out, Cat right behind. Thankfully, there were no signs of any of the activities that had gone on, and no one questioned the girls about why they were in a closet alone.
André walked up again, this time his attention on Cat.
"Hey, Little Red!" Cat walked up, hugging her friend.
"Hi. Hey, guess what?" Tori looked on, watching as Jade walked up to her side.
"What?" Cat didn't get to respond, because Jade moved him out of his way. Apparently, he was in her way, and she was soon leaning on the lockers behind her.
"Hey, why'd you do that?"
"You were in my way, Harris. Cry me a river." Tori chuckled. "Now there's the Jade I know. God, I want her." Tori looked back at Cat. "But I want her, too. Uggh, why can't this just be easy?"
"Anyways, Cat, what were you about to say?"
"Oh, yeah. Jade and I are fighting over Tori." Two mouths went agape, and Tori just about died of embarassment. She stood, unmoving and unabble to make a sound. Thankfully, Jade was quick to cover.
"What our little Cat meant to say, was that both she and I need a partner for a song, and we wanted Tori to help. Isn't that right, Cat?" She stared ice into Cat's veins, and the small girl shuddered. Nodding her head, and avoiding any further complication, she walked away. How could she get into trouble just by mentioning that she was fighting with Jade over Tori? "It's not I was told not to. I mean, what's the deal?"
Tori walked up behind her, grabbing her wrist and spinning her around. "CAT. Why did you say that?" Jade walked up behind her, thankful that André decided to let whatever was going on drop. "Yo, Valentine. What was that?" Her voice was loud enough that everyone caught on, but with a glare across the entire population of the school, the girls were given their privacy.
"Whaty?" Cat, still dumbfounded by what was happening, looked to her bestfriend and the girl she still loved.
"I asked you not to say anything?" "Yeah, I was there. I kinda remember, and I quote," Jade pulled out her southern belle voice again. "'Now then, I need to ask you both a favor. I don't need anyone finding out about this, okay? Don't say anything, to anyone.'" Tori rolled her eyes, and laughed at just how engrossed with Jade she had become. Almost allowing herself to play along, Tori just stood, awaiting Cat's answer.
"You did not make that clear." Both girls staring at Cat facepalmed, and Jade stormed away. She understood Tori's reservations. She actually was glad for them. She didn't want anyone at the school, or in Hollywood, to find out. She wanted it to be kept secret, until she was completely certain of her feelings and what Tori wanted. Only then would she come out and admit anything.
"Cat, remember when I asked if I made myself clear?" The smaller girl nodded. "And remember when I told you that we had had this conversation before."
"Oh, so that's what you meant. Oops." Tori sighed, and walked away.
xxxxx
The remainder of the week was a bit haywire. André kept alluding to the fact he might know something, but he never asked. He was giving Tori space, because he knew she was stressed about something, and that getting in her way wasn't the best option at the moment. He would talk to her soon, and probably ask her out for sometime over the weekend. He bided his time, and knew that once the storm cleared, everything would be clear to go. School was rough, though, Tori watching both Cat and Jade like she were a hawk.
At one point, she got herself too amped up, and removed herself from school for a little while. She got into her car, unnoticed, and drove home. How did she get so pumped? Cat had come to school in some very short shorts, and Tori allowed herself to focus for just a bit too long. Unable to contain herself, she left after third period. Once home, she pulled out her phone, pulling up the picture that she had received from Cat over the weekend. It was too easy to lose herself, and it didn't take her long. After a few minutes, her body semi-paralyzed and her composure broken, she walked down for a mid-morning snack. She decided to calm down for the rest of the morning, and returned to the school for lunch. When asked about it, she gave a lame excuse about seeing a doctor, and everyone dropped it.
She pulled Cat aside, for just long enough to make out with her before going back to class. She pulled up the pic on her phone, and as seductivly as possible, whispered in Cat's ear. "I want you like this, Sunday night. That okay?" When Tori felt a swift hand to her ass, which may have lingered a bit too long, she and Cat missed their next period. Even without any clothes being shed, both girls still had some fun. Cat intentionally grazed by Tori's bra straps, making sure to excite the girl before their weekend date. Tori stood in dead silence, knowing that Cat really loved her, and that she would be fine is she chose just her. Cat did make her comfortable and happy. Once they finally left the closet, everything was finally left alone.
Once Friday afternoon came, André finally made his move. He walked Tori to her car, opening the door and standing in the way of her getting in. "So, Tori, whatcha doing Sunday?"
"I'm not sure? Maybe spending some time with Cat, why?"
"Oh, just curious. Wanna hang out, maybe Saturday?" Knowing that she wouldn't get rid of him, she reluctantly agreed. One day away from her girls, which would actually give her time to unwind and not have to focus on it, would actually be a good thing. What she didn't know, is that André had something up his sleeve.
Once Saturday came, he came by her house around two PM. He didn't want to hang out at his place, because his grandmother was still screaming about "Another me on the wall". Once he arrived, he offered to watch a movie, and soon they were lost in the cinematic show. It didn't take long for Tori to get bored of it, though, and soon her head fell and rested on André's shoulder. He took it absolutely the wrong way, and leaned down. Thankfully, Tori figured out quickly enough, and jumped out of the way before anything happened. His lips barely missed hers, and he was visibly confused.
"Tori, everything alright?"
"JADE, CAT." "Good going. So much for keeping things under wraps."
"Huh?"
"Jade and Cat. Fighting over me. Need to write a song. I- I-" Tori ran over to her piano, playing the keys and trying to look like she were focused on it. Wanting to help her with it, André walked up beside her, guitar in hand. He was trying to find the tempo and key of what the latina was playing, but she was so erratic, there was no chance.
"Dang, girl. If I didn't know any better, this Jade and Cat feud's getting to you." Tori gulped, and André watched, skeptically. "Almost like, naw. There's no way. No way you like them. Or, HAHAHA, THEY LIKE YOU!" The boy started rolling on the floor, pounding his fist into the wood. But when Tori started shaking her head, André stopped cold turkey.
"Yeah." Tori voice was weak. She didn't want anyone to know, but she wasn't one for lying. And though she had tried in the past, she couldn't deny it anymore. Their feud was affecting her. Not just her heart and mind, but everything else. Her grades had slipped over the last week, and she had been unfocused and unable to complete anything given to her by her teachers. They had actually asked to talk with her parents, but when she promised it was only a small slip and she would get it under control, they let it slide. She was the best student in the Senior class. She wouldn't make Validictorian, because her grades at Sherwood had been a bit below perfect. So everyone knew, Jade would be it. The only question, would she be good enough for Saludatorian?
"Oh my god. You're serious. That's why you never-" He went silent, looking away, ashamed.
"André, I like you, but only as a friend. You did nothing wrong. If anything, I actually strung you along by never telling you no. But I've been a lesbian since before I even came to HA, and I dated Cat since the first week." Looking on stunned, the boy thought about that.
"So where does Jade factor in?"
"Well, remember when Sikowitz have she and I pair up as husband and wife? And forced us to date that one night?"
"Yeah. I remember thinking that maybe you might actually become friends because of that."
"Well, I think more than a friendship came about. And Cat picked up on it." "Oh, Cat, I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. If it didn't, we'd still be together and happy. I want you back."
"So, what happened?"
"Cat told me she loved me, and that she wanted me to be happy. She broke up with me last Saturday, and told me to give Jade a chance."
"And did you?"
"Yeah, last week when we weren't in school, we were together. We spent the day, talking, enjoying ourselves, and just trying to see if there was anything there."
"Is there?"
"I think so. I feel like I actually connected to Jade. The real Jade, you know?" He nodded, knowing where her train of thought was carrying her.
"And?"
"Well, I don't want to hurt Cat. I love her, and I still want to be with her."
"So be with her."
"But I want to give Jade a chance, ya know? Besides, Cat let me go."
"So be with Jade."
"But they're best friends. I couldn't do that to Cat. But I also know it would hurt Jade if I turned away from her, and went with Cat."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know. What would you do?"
"You know I liked Jade. I'm kinda biased. Don't get me wrong, Cat's a great girl. Pretty, loving, caring. But a bit highstrung and crazy." Tori nodded. "But Jade, is well, Jade. Tough, sarcastic, broody, negative." Another nod, and the boy wrapped his friend in a hug. "Tori, if it were me, I'd follow my heart."
"Great. That would have been great advice, had Jade not moved in beside Cat in my heart. But now I can't get Cat out of my mind, either." Tori leaned her head into her hands, her frustration bringing tears. "I can't do it, André. I can't be with one without hurting the other."
"Tori, think. Pros and cons of each girl. Let your heart decide based on that, and nothing else." Not wanting to impose any more, and wanting to give his friend space to think, André got his guitar and headed for the door. "And Tori-" She looked up, bloodshot and puffy eyes finding André's. "- thanks for being honest with me. I'm sorry if I hurt you or confused you any more, but I promise, no more. Whoever you choose, they'll get a great girl. But only worry about yourself, not them. Make yourself happy, and if they can't accept your choice, then they really didn't care about you and never deserved you to begin with. Right?" She nodded again. Waving at his friend, André left Tori to figure things out.
"Ok, Cat. Your pros: Beautiful, loving, funny, sweet. Cons: You did let me go, and you are a bit much at times, and crazy. Jade's pros: Beautiful, smart, confident, protective. Cons: A bit jealous, untrusting and unwilling to open up, and hard and harsh to everything around her. Uggh, this isn't helping." Everytime Tori would weigh the cons, she would instantly forget about them and focus on the pros. And the pros just balanced each other out. Tori sat, another tear running down her cheek. It wasn't until she got another text from André, that she finally made up her mind.
Calm your mind. Let everything go, and then, the first one back in your mind, wins.
Seeing the truth and wisdom in the simple words, Tori decided to try it. After sitting in silence for a few moments, Tori finally got the peace she needed. She focused on the TV, which was still running after the movie with André had ended. But once she lost her focus, her choice was evident.
"Finally. Thank you André. I know what I'm going to do."
Ahh, a perfect place to stop. Who will Tori choose, and how? And what will be the fallout? Please, R/E/R!
P.S.: I finally updated my outline for this story. I had it initally at around 19-22 chapters, but after removing some of the less neccessary things, I broke it down to 16. I hope you will continue to follow the entire way with me!