Chapter Six:

Sigh No More

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

― Mark Twain

Dean spurred his horse on faster, panic and fear driving him on. They'd left their horses in Huachuca and donned kerchiefs over their faces. They'd be too easily recognizable otherwise. To Dean it felt like all those years ago, but he knew this time he'd do what he couldn't before. The alternative was too horrible to conceive. It was a forty mile ride from Huachuca and Contention, forty miles in four hours. Easily done in the city, but out here in the wilderness when an unseen rattlesnake den means the end of your horse. He rode swiftly, but carefully, all the while imagining where Castiel was, how afraid he must be. Dean had promised him he'd never have to be afraid again, he just prayed he'd get the chance keep that promise. At last they closed in on the city, Dean motioned to Sam who rode behind him and Sam slid his rifle from the scabbard on the side of his saddle.

They had planned out as much as they'd been able to, knowing the layout of the town helped, but they had no way of knowing where the execution would take place, or who'd be there to stop them. They had what they had and the rest they'd have to take on faith. Dean had never been much of a religious man, but as they thundered through the streets of Contention, he sent up a quick prayer to whomever might be listening. The streets were empty, but as they rode further into the town they heard voices shouting angrily, they followed them. A moment later they came upon the town square where there stood a newly erected gallows. A man stood upon the wooden platform, his wrists bound behind his back and a black hood over his head, they were fitting a noose around his neck.

Dean pulled his gun out and began firing it into the air, spectators turned in alarm, diving out of the way as he rode through. The clock struck twelve and somewhere a lever was pulled. Castiel dropped a moment before Dean reached him, but there was a resounding gunshot and the rope was split. Dean reached him as he fell and pulled Castiel onto his horse, draping him over the front of the horse. He turned and gave his horse an almighty kick and he and his brother rode swiftly for the edge of town. People had just begun to realize what had happened in the confusion and were drawing their own guns. Bullets flew past them as they rode, one grazing Dean's shoulder. They passed the city limits a minute later, but didn't slow down. The town was probably rounding up a posse at that moment and they needed to find a place to lay low for a while.

They rode for the mountains that bordered the San Pedro River, hoping no one would think to follow them there. Once ensconced in the forest that clad the range of mountains, they slowed. Riding between the trees, looking for a place to hide Dean laid a hand on Castiel's back, keeping him in place and trying to give comfort as well. He felt Castiel tense under his touch and looked desperately around them for anything that could give them shelter. With an onrush of relief Dean spotted the mouth of what appeared to a small mountainous cave. He whistled to catch Sam's attention and pointed to it. A moment later they were dismounting. Dean gently lifted Castiel down from the horse and led him into the cave while Sam found a place to tie their horses up. Dean pulled his knife out of his belt and cut the ropes around Castiel's wrists and he was reaching for the hood when Castiel spoke.

"I know why you've done this." He said, voice shaking. "It won't change anything Lucifer."

Dean removed the hood from Castiel's head. "Guess again." He said.

"Dean?" Castiel asked, a look of utter disbelief on his face. "How did- you did this? You saved me?"

"I had some help." Dean said as Sam joined them in the cave. He gestured toward his brother. "This is my brother, Sam."

"Howdy Castiel." Sam said. "I heard a lot about ya."

"I've heard a lot about you as well. It's wonderful to meet you Sam." Castiel said. "Thank you."

"Weren't no trouble." Sam said with a smile. "Anyway I figger ya'll got a lot ta talk about, I'm gonna git some firewood, it'll be cold here tanight. See ya'll in a while."

And with that Sam was gone again. Castiel continued to look at Dean as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"How did you know?" he asked.

"I was workin' a case in Huachuca City, heard from one o' the deputies." Replied Dean. "Sorry I was late, we didn't have much warnin'."

"Dean, I don't know what to say."

"Ya don't have ta say anythin'."

"You came back for me. You didn't have to, after what I did…" Castiel looked away.

Dean took a step toward him and lifted his chin up, so he could look into those unfathomably blue eyes. "I had ta come back, I couldn't let you die Cas." Dean said. "I jus couldn't."

"Dean I'm sorry, about everything. I should have told you the truth sooner, I was just afraid."

"O' what?"

"That you'd hate me, for what I was."

"Cas, I was angrier at ya than I think I ever been at anyone, but I could never hate you, ever." Dean said earnestly. "I know ya didn't have a choice, runnin' wit that gang, an I know why ya left. An what I did, the things I said, I didn't mean it, I jus…"

"You were so angry before, I thought…"

"I'm sorry fer that, Cas." Dean said. "I jus, I love you so much an I thought it was all a lie an I couldn't bear it."

"I did lie to you, Dean. I shouldn't have, but I did." Castiel said, resting his palm over Dean's heart. "But the way I feel about you, I-I can't even describe it. I love you so much I thought I'd die when you left.

"I love you more'n anythin' Cas, an I promise you won't ever have ta fel like that again." Dean said.

Castiel leaned and kissed him and for the first time in a month the weight lifted from Dean's heart and he felt that everything was going to be alright. They parted a moment later and Dean a second to stroke his thumb over Castiel's cheekbone before speaking.

"How'd they find out anyway?" he asked. "Bout us?"

"Mr. Niedermeyer found some letters you'd written me. I hid them in my room, I don't know how he found them."

"I thought we agreed to burn em all once we'd read am?"

"I know." Castiel admitted. "I hadn't gotten around to destroying them and then you left and they were the only thing I had left of you, so I kept them. It was dangerous and stupid, I know."

"S'all right Cas." Dean said pulling him into a crushing hug. "Ever'thin's gonna be alright."

Sam reentered the cave, arms full of firewood. He caught sight of Dean and Castiel and stopped in his tracks. "Uh, I got some wood." He said sheepishly.

"We better git his fire started, the sun'll be goin' down purty soon." Dean said, stepping away from Castiel and taking some of the wood from Sam.

He and his brother set about building the pit and arranging the wood inside. Within an hour they had a fire burning merrily in the center of the darkening cave, throwing shadows on the walls. Sam stood, brushing the dirt from his hands.

"We's gonna need ta have somebody keepin' watch." He said. "Case somebody finds us, we kin do it in shifts."

"I'll take first watch then." Dean said. "You two try'n git some sleep. Cas kin use my bedroll."

Sam nodded and began unrolling the bedrolls on the caves dirt floor. While Sam busied himself with getting ready for bed, Dean approached Castiel. He kissed his gently on the cheek.

"Night Cas." He said.

"Goodnight Dean." Replied Castiel with a smile.

"G'night Sammy." Dean said a little louder and his brother looked up at him.

"Night Dean." Sam said. "Wake me in two hours an I'll come an relieve ya."

"Will do." Replied Dean heading for the caves entrance.

He sat down a few feet from the mouth of the cave, settling back against a tree for support. The sun was setting swiftly now and he knew it'd be getting cold soon. He pulled his coat closer around himself as in preparation. He leaned his head back against the tree and looked out into the darkening forest, hoping boredom and a chill was all he'd experienced that night.

Dean had been on watch for a little less than an hour when he heard a twig snap behind him. He whirled around moving to draw his gun when he saw Castiel, quietly stepping through the brush toward him.

"Damn Cas." He said with relief. "Ya scairt the tar outta me. Thought you was one o' them bastards sneakin' up on me."

"Sorry." Castiel whispered, taking a seat beside him. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Ya should be restin'" Dean said. "Ya had a helluva day."

"I couldn't sleep."

Dean saw a shiver run though him and noted that he wore only his shirt and vest. He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Castiel.

"Thank you." Said Castiel gratefully, pulling it on.

"I almost forgot." Said Dean suddenly. "I got somethin' fer ya."

Dean reached into his shirt and pulled out the crucifix he'd been wearing for the last month. He unclasped it and handed it to Castiel. "This is yers." He said.

Castiel took it, looking at it with distaste. "I don't even know why I kept it." He said. "I guess I was afraid I'd forget. It was horrible, but I don't want to forget."

"They's a lot o' things like that." Replied Dean. There was a moment of silence. "Who are they?"

Castiel hesitated.

"If ya don't wanna talk about it." Dean began.

"No it's alright." Replied Castiel. "I think I need to talk about it, I just never had anyone I could tell."

There was silence while Castiel gathered the courage to speak.

"They're my family." Castiel began bitterly. "Lucifer is my oldest brother, he's the leader. He took over the family when our father left, he's the reason for the killing and the crime."

"Why do they follow him?"

"Because it's all they know. Ours is not your typical family dynamic, we were very rarely allowed to interact with anyone outside the family and if we did, we were not allowed to use our real names, only members of our family were allowed to know them. When each of us turned sixteen we were given a crucifix and swore always to obey our father and the lord's teachings. My father was a very religious man, he named us all after angels, and Lucifer has certainly lived up to his namesake. It's strange to describe it now, but it's almost like we believed he was God and we his angels." Castiel paused a moment, gathering his thoughts.

"My father ruled his children with strict discipline, conditioned them to respond only to a firm hand. They need guidance, otherwise they'll be lost. Things were fine until he left, then everything fell into chaos. Lucifer took control and they listened to him, we all did. And when he told us what we were doing was for the greater good, we believed him. But it got worse he and Michael, the oldest, they were cruel and dangerous. Breaking the law was one thing, but killing innocent people? I couldn't do that, couldn't be involved anymore."

"So you left?"

"Yes." Castiel said. "It took a long time before I worked up enough courage. In my family you don't just leave, the only way out is in a box. I knew if Lucifer ever found me, he'd kill me, but it was worth the risk. One of my brothers, Gabriel helped me. He wasn't like the rest of them, he despised the killing as much as I did. We planned to escape together, but something went wrong. We were found out, he stayed behind to buy me time so that I could get away. I don't even know what happened to him, if he's still alive. I bounced around a lot before I ended up in Contention. I don't know what made me stay there, but I'm glad I did."

"So am I." Dean said, taking Castiel's hand. "Why'd yer Pa leave anyway?"

"I don't know, none of us did. One day he was just gone and we never saw him, or heard from him again. I was angry at him for a long time for leaving, for letting this happen to us."

"And now?"

"Now I guess it doesn't matter anymore, maybe I've forgiven him. I don't know." Castiel said. "I just want to put it all behind me."

"And we will." Dean said, reaching out to take Castiel's hand. "We'll git far away from here, start a new life. We'll put it all behind us Cas, I promise."

"Thank you Dean." Castiel said. "For everything, what you did today-"

"I had to." Dean cut in. "I couldn't let anything happen to you. I had to make it right."

"Make what right?"

"Nothin', I-It's nothin'."

"Something happened?" Castiel asked hesitantly.

"A long time ago." Admitted Dean. "It's ancient history."

"If you don't want to talk about it."

Dean paused a moment before he spoke again. "I was fifteen." He began. "We was in Nebraska, workin' a case, well my Pa was. We'd jus hang aroun' till he was finished, we was too young ta help much. Anyway we was there a while, a few weeks an-an I met somebody."

"A boy?"

"Yeah," said Dean. "His name was Danny, an we fell in love. An it was risky and it was stupid, but we didn't care. His folks owned a farm jus outside o' town, he'd work there by day an I'd meet im' in the stables at night. We'd jus talk all night an I never thought I could feel that way. Never thought I was good enough for that kind o' happiness, bein' what I am. An I was happy, happier than I ever been, but it all went wrong. They found out."

"Who did?"

"People in the town, I'm not sure who." Dean said. He took a shuddering breath and looked at Castiel. He held his hand tighter and continued. "They got Danny fore I knew what was happenin'. I followed them, ran till I thought my heart would explode an I found em. I didn't know what I was doin', I jus knew I had ta save im', but I weren't alone. My Pas was there, pulled me away so nobody would see me. I tried to fight im' ta git free, but he was a tough bastard. They strung im' up an he was cryin' an callin' fer help an I couldn't do a damn thing about it."

"Oh Dean." Castiel whispered, leaning in to wrap his arms around him. "I'm so sorry."

"Do ya see?" Dean asked, voice hoarse with unshed tears. "I couldn't let it happen again, I couldn't lose you. Not when I had the power ta save you, Id've done anythin' Cas, anythin' ta save you. I thought I had to leave before, I thought it could never work, but I didn't realize."

"Realize what?" asked Castiel.

"How much I loved you." Replied Dean, looking into Castiel's eyes. "How much I needed you. How I cain't live without you. Whatever happens now, whether we live, or die, we do it together."

"I like the sound of that." Castiel said with a smile.

"Good." Dean said, pulling Castiel in for a lingering kiss.

They parted a moment later. "God I missed this." Dean murmured against Castiel's lips.

"You did?" asked Castiel playfully. He pressed kisses to underside of Dean's jaw.

"Did you miss this?" he asked, kissing his way down Dean's neck, pulling his shirt collar aside as he did.

Dean let out a little groan. "Ya know, I jus might have." He said a little breathlessly.

Castiel shrugged off Dean's coat and climbed into his lap, straddling him. "Tell me," he said, running his tongue along the shell of Dean's ear. "What else have you missed?"

Dean pulled Castiel in for a bruising kiss, burying his hands in that soft brown hair, needing to get closer. Castiel pressed himself as close to Dean as he could, parting his lips to let Dean inside. Dean's hands slipped from Castiel's hair, sliding down his back and coming to rest on his hips. They parted, Castiel taking Dean's lower lip between his teeth and nibbling gently. Dean gripped Castiel's hips and thrust, bringing their half-hard cocks into contact through their clothes. Castiel gasped deliciously and Dean kissed him again, drinking down the sounds of his pleasure.

Castiel planted his hands on Dean's shoulders for leverage and ground his hips into Dean's. Dean moaned and thrust upward, seeking more friction. They moved together, Castiel writhing wantonly in Dean's lap, both of them needing each other so desperately. Castiel's rhythm faltered with impending release and Dean gripped his hips firmly, ceasing his movements. Castiel let out a little whine of protest, but Dean silenced him with a heated kiss. He pulled back, placing open mouthed kisses to Castiel's neck.

"Need to feel you." He whispered, fumbling at the closings of Castiel's trousers.

Castiel reached out to do the same, they fumbled a moment in the dark before their aching cocks sprung free. Dean took both their cocks in his hand, stroking them slowly while he sucked a bruise into Castiel's throat.

"Oh Dean." Castiel moaned. E reached between them, entwining his fingers with Dean's.

Their hands moved together over aching flesh, dripping with precum. The night seems to have gone silent, no other sound in the air, but the slide of skin on skin, harsh breaths, indistinct murmurings. Dean felt a shudder run through Castiel and looked up to see those perfect lips parted with wordless pleasure, those eyes gazing at him with hunger. He moaned and quickened his pace. He'd already been so close and now, feeling Castiel throb and burn under his touch, the feel of sweat-slicked skin sliding against his own, the heat and baseness of it. It was too much.

"God Cas." He gritted out, stroking their cocks still faster. "I'm gonna-"

He didn't finish, he didn't need to.

"Me too." Castiel gasped out. "Come with me, Dean. Wanna feel you."

Their hands moved in sync, stripping their cocks furiously and then they were coming, spilling their seed between them, covering their fingers and staining their clothes. Dean buried his face in Castiel's neck, both of them shaking with the power of their release. Dean stroked them through the aftershocks, murmuring into Castiel's skin with reverence.

"I love you." He said breathlessly, leaning back to look Castiel in the eye. "God, I love you."

"I love you too." Whispered Castiel. "More than anything in the world."

Castiel collapsed against him, spent and Dean wrapped his arms around him. They sat that way for a long while and the night seemed to come back to life around them. The sound of chirping insects returned, the sound of wind through the trees. As the chill in the air deepened Dean reached down and tucked them back into their trousers. He used a handkerchief to wipe as much of the cum away as he could from their clothes. Castiel climbed from his lap and curled up beside him. Dean draped his coat over Castiel's shoulders and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. That's how Sam found them a little while later, when he came to relieve Dean of his watch. He turned back slowly, not wishing to disturb them.