Disclaimer:I own nothing but…well I own nothing. Namco has my soul on lease with Capcom.

Chapter Six: Honeymoon from Hell pt. 1

The group arrived at the hotel promptly two hours late. There was some problems with the time considering the fact that 4 a.m. was too early to do anything. Nobody was late, they all just refused to go until the sun was up.

"I'll be damned if I have to get up before the sun," muttered Batsu. "Lazy bastard, all it does is warm the planet anyway."

"Yeah, we totally don't need it," said Roy.

"I do," said Tiffany. "How else can I keep up with my tan?"

"At the tanning salon," said Roy. Tiffany laughed.

"Good point."

"Hey, you all realize that without the sun we would all die, right," said Akira as she walked in.

They all stared at her in silence.

"Well, at least I would have a tan," Tiffany shrugged.

After another pointless argument, Natsu stormed directly to the bathroom and locked the door. The boy stood out there for a few moments before he realized he had to go. Shoma squirmed as he stood in front of the door, trying to figure out what to do. If he waited any longer he would pee his pants and then it would never end. He then turned to the window and his face lit up with joy. He ran to it and opened it...

"Hey," said Hinata. "I didn't know it was supposed to rain today."

"That's not rain," said Iincyo.

Everyone then screamed and ran inside.

"S…sorry," said Shoma.

The teachers stood in the lobby as all the students sat in front of them.

"Your rooms have your names on them. You can eat whatever you want here," said Shizuru. "Everything's paid for."

"I always wondered about the taste of human flesh…," said Gan.

Hayato scratched the back of his head.

"I want you all to turn in your damn packet things in two hours. If you're late, you're excuse better be nothing short of death, paralysis, or typhoid, got it?"

Kurow grinned. "But what if we are suffering from total sexual exhaustion?"

"Then write with your other hand," grumbled Yurika.

"Okay, guys. Now you all will be sharing a room with your partners," said Kyoko.

"We don't want you all to breed but we know it's inevitable," said Raizo. "So we're gonna make sure your stock is somewhat good. I want stupid people with stupid people. If there are any idiots in the room, please stand."

Akira stood up.

"Why do you think you're an idiot?"

"I don't. I just didn't want you guys to feel alone while you stood."

Raizo grew furious.

"TO YOUR ROOMS ALL OF YOU!"

"Aren't you forgetting something, principal," said Hideo. The other man rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, Hideo wants you to meet someone."

The man pulled out a doll that looked to be a training dummy. They all stared at the CPR dummy, which of course said nothing.

"Students," said Hideo. "This is my new girlfriend. She will be one of your chaperones for the weekend. I warn you, she's no push over."

The dummy merely slumped to the side.

"On that note, we should go," said Kyosuke. "Before the lamp is introduced as the school nurse."

"Then again, our school nurse would be more competent as a lamp," laughed Hyo.

"If I were a lamp I'd have somebody shove me up your ass," she muttered.

"Carful," said Hayato. "He likes that crap."

"I DO NOT!"

"Oh go back to your bloody closet," said Raizo.

The group had decided to play volleyball after turning in the packets. Nobody even got settled. Well, they didn't actually decide, it was required as part of the study to see what couple was okay and which…weren't. On one team was Natsu, Shoma, Ran, and Hinata. On the other was Zaki, Edge, Roberto, and Tiffany

"We have this in the bag," said Shoma.

"There's a bag involved with this," asked Tiffany.

"Only the one I plan to smother you with," muttered Zaki.

Natsu was the first to serve and she held the ball and paused for a moment. She then turned and spiked Shoma, knocking him to the ground.

"What was that for?"

"You were starin' at my ass!"

"It's one of the biggest things in front of me, what do you expect!"

They moved on and the game got started. At first it was a head to head tie, but in the end, Natsu's team lost.

"Why didn't you spike the ball," muttered Natsu. "We had this, Ran!"

"I tripped," she pouted.

"Go easy on her," said Roberto. Ran grew happy. "It's not her fault she's terrible at sports!"

"I am," Ran whimpered.

"It's okay," said Hinata. "You're bad at math, and science…and your grades suck too!"

"Plus you're not very good looking," added Tiffany.

"I have some good qualities though," she asked hopefully. "Right?"

They all looked away from her uncomfortably.

"Right!"

Gan sat in front of the chessboard with a ridiculously serious look on his face. Momo then walked up to him.

"Gan-san—"

"—I'm thinking—"

"—But—"

"Silence! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME!"

Momo then walked over and sat in the corner, sulking. After a few moments Gan sighed.

"This game would go a lot faster if someone else would play with me."

"I challenge you to a duel woman," said Hyo.

"Piss off, you nutcase," she muttered.

"Well, then you forfeit your right to stay in the room," said the young man. Mayumi sat up and glared at him. Hyo chuckled. "So now you are interested?"

"Okay, so if I win, what do I get?"

"You get your bed…and my body to do as you wish."

Mayumi then got up and stormed out.

"Wait, were are you going," he asked.

"I forfit!"

Hayato put an arm around Kyoko.

"It's okay," he assured her. "Everyone goes through phases during their mid-life crisis."

She pushed him away.

"I only have two phases, r-tard," she snapped. "Anger and Drinking and I'm done being angry!"

She took out a bottle of rum and started to down it. Hayato shrugged.

"Well I tried. At least she'll be getting naked soon."

Roy dumped out the corn flakes and started sifting through each one.

"Damn," he said as he shook his head. "There's no corner pieces to this rooster puzzle."

"Put the corn flakes back in the box Roy," she sighed.

Iincyo and Bowman arrived in their room. As soon as they entered, the man began to unpack.

"C'mon, relax for a bit, holy man," said the girl as the stared up at the ceiling.

"No, no," said Bowman. "Idle hands spend time at the genitals and we all know how much God hates that."

"Even if no one did you'd tell us anyway," she sighed.

Bowman then took of his shirt and started to hit himself with the belt.

crack "Oh yeah," he hissed. crack "Hallelujah!" crack "Jesus is LORD—HAIL MARY!"

"On that note, I should leave…" She then got up. "I'm gonna go see what the remotely sane are up to."

"Don't sin too much while you're gone," said Bowman before continuing.

"Wow, this room is great," said Batsu as he and Hinata walked in. "I thought dad was gonna be cheap but this is so much better..."

Hinata sat on the bed and then turned to Batsu as she grinned.

"You know, with our own room together, we can do whatever we want with no one to stop us."

Batsu grinned as well.

"I think I know what your saying—" He then took out a magic marker and sniffed it for a few moments before he began scribbling on the walls. He laughed manically. "Let's see you spank me now, daddy!"

Hinata grabbed him and stopped him.

"I'm talking about sex you idiot!"

"Do we have to," Batsu whined. Hinata glared at him as she squeezed his arm.

"YES! WE MUST! IT'S THE LAW AND YOU CAN'T BREAK THE LAW!"

"You're hurting me again," said BAtsu. Hinata then jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around him. "GET OFFA ME YOU VELCRO MIDGET!"

He tried to force her off but it seemed to be no use. Finally he ripped himself out of his shirt and locked himself inside the bathroom. Hinata pounded on the door.

"Open this door," she screamed. "You will give me sex, Batsu Ichimonji!"

Batsu sat in the bathtub, rocking back and forth and whimpering.

Akira and Roy walked into their room. Akira put down her luggage and turned to Roy.

"Look, this is platonic," she stated. "It's a project and leave it at that, okay."

"Right," said Roy.

Akira then turned to open her suitcase. When she looked up, Roy had tied himself to the bed.

"Oh my," said Roy. "I've tied myself to the whole entire bed. Now you'll have to sleep on top of me."

"The floor is carpeted. I'll be okay," said the girl.

"Aw, come on," said the blond. Akira glared at him. "Can you at least untie me? I'd do it myself but I tied myself too tight."

Akira stormed out in frustration.

"Can you at least get me a sandwich," he called after her. "I'm kinda hungry!"

Edge and Zaki looked around, noting the room with approval. They then started to make out. They moved toward the bed and just as they moved to lay down on it, a person popped out of the sheets.

"Surprise," said Mina.

"Aw, fuck," said Edge.

Mina wrapped her arms around him. "That's what I've come to do, baby."

"You dumb whore," snapped Zaki. "You're not even supposed to be here."

"I'm not dumb," said Mina. "I found my way here by myself!"

"Then you can find your way back," Edge snapped. Mina's eyes grew wide with tears.

"You don't want me here, Edge?"

"No."

She hung her head as tears fell. "Fine. I'll leave."

Without another word, she walked out.

"That was easy," said Edge.

"Too easy," muttered Zaki as she folded her arms. She then fidgeted. "You know, I feel a little bad…I'm going to go find her and apologize."

"What about me," said Edge. Zaki kissed him.

"Just don't get started without me…"

Yurika stormed into her room with Kyosuke following behind.

"This is horrid, they have us share a room with one bed," snapped Yurika.

"Maybe if you're good, I'll let you sleep at the foot of it," muttered Kyosuke.

"Big talk coming from a guy who likes to wear a dress!"

"You suggested it. I would have taken it off if my demon father-brother-hand puppet didn't interrupt," he muttered. "I'm going out for some air. Don't look out the window too much. We don't wanna get arrested for mooning."

Kyosuke laughed as he waked away. Yurika picked up the alarm clock and threw it at him. She smiled when she heard it connect, followed by the sound of the redhead tumblind down the stairs. She the casually went to unpacking her luggage.

Kurow came in and sat on Yurika's bed, eating peanuts. The girl ignored her brother as he sat there for nearly an hour watching her as she unpacked. He then started to throw peanuts at her. Finally, growing annoyed she turned about to ask him what he wanted but Kurow cut her off.

"Man," he sighed. "These zoos just ain't what they used to be!"

Yurika then punched him in the face.

"You hit like a girl," muttered Kurow as he rubbed his face. "I guess the sex change is almost complete."

Suddenly her whip appeared in her hand.

"I'm gonna make you regret that, ass-tard!"

Kurow grinned as he threw the peanuts aside, bracing himself for the assault.

"Oh, yeah, freak-daddy likes it rough!"

After taking the beating he walked back to his room, where he saw Tiffany pacing around frantically.

"What's wrong," he asked.

"I'm hot," she whined.

"Take off your clothes."

The girl stripped down to her underwear.

"I'm still hot," she whined.

Tiffany grabbed a lamp and threw it through the window breaking it. She then walked up to the window and opened it normally.

"Much better," she sighed.

Ran and Roberto sat in silence.

"Well, even though were married we still aren't dating, alright," said Roberto. "So don't try any of those melodramatic tricks you usually do."

"Me," said the girl innocently.

Roberto frowned and then turned to unpack. Ran walked out to the balcony. After a few moments she hatched an idea. If she were in danger, Roberto would save her and fall in love with her again. So she turned and leaned over as if she were falling.

"Help me, Robbie," she wailed. Roberto merely rolled his eyes. Ran huffed in frustration and tried to turn around. She lost her balance and really fell over.

"Help," she screamed as she hung from the ledge. Roberto ignored her. She lost her grip and fell. Fortunately, Raizo caught her. She sighed in relief.

"Principal, you saved me."

"Of course. Now, you must repay me," said the man. "Do you suck?"

"Ew, no," she snapped.

"Oh well," he then threw her over the edge. "Off you go."

Ran kept falling again until Kurow caught her.

"How can I repay you," she breathed.

"Do you screw," he asked with a grin.

"No," snapped Ran. Kurow then threw her off the edge. A few floors down, Bowman managed to catch her as he took a break from punishing himself.

"Don't drop me," begged Ran. "I suck, I screw, I'll do anything!"

"Whore," said Bowman as he threw her over the edge. With that she dropped into the ocean below.

Kurow stepped off of the balcony.

"What happened, darling," said Tiffany.

"This prude bitch dropped out of the sky, nothing big," he said as he walked in. He then smiled. "A pretty girl in her underwear, a nice hotel…this can't get any better."

There was a knock on the door. Tiffany opened it to see Mayumi.

"Oh, Mayu. What brings you here besides my manly charm," asked Kurow.

"Hyo kicked me out of the room. Said I had to duel him. Can I sleep with you guys tonight?"

Kurow grinned but Mayumi cut him off.

"Not that way, perv."

"Of course," said Kurow. "…but know that our room is your room. Relax, sit…I can take your panties if you want."

"I'm sure you can," said Mayumi. "But I don't want you to."

Akira ended up playing chess with Gan as Momo returned.

"Hey girly boy," said Momo.

"Eat shit and die," said Akira as she stared at the board.

"I need you to teach Momo how to run a gang!"

Akira turned and looked at her in shock. She then burst into laughter. "You, a gangleader! What are you gonna do, whine until your enemies give in?"

"Yes, it worked for Momo before, so Momo is sure it will work for her now."

"Not if someone shoots you first."

"Why don't you believe in Momo? Don't you think Momo is gangsta?"

"No," said Akira. "Look, gang life isn't all is cracked up to be. No one's really afraid of you," she then slammed her fists on the table. "MOVE OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS YOU R-TARD!"

Gan flinched and whimpered.

"Y-yes boss."

"See," said Akira. "Total poppycock."

Zaki walked down the hallway looking for Mina. She felt bad, all this time the girl seemed a little lonely. Suddenly, someone grabbed her and slammed her into a wall. Zaki looked up to see that she was in the linen closet. Standing in the doorway was Mina. She put her hands on her hips and laughed manically.

"So you fell for it," she grinned. "I knew you would."

Zaki got up to attack her but she slammed the door. The girl turned at the knob furiously.

"Open this door so I can rip your face off," she screamed.

"Umm…NO," she then ran off laughing.

Shizuru sat in the kitchen after tending to Kyosuke's concussion.

"That was a nasty bump," said Shizuru. "That girl can throw."

"That's not a girl," he muttered. "That's an albino with a vendetta."

"Yurika's a nice girl. You two were getting along earlier."

"Everyone gets along in S &M!"

The redhead then walked over and poured himself some cereal.

"Are you sure you're alright," asked the woman.

"Of course," said Kyosuke. "What's a bump to the head?"

Kyosuke listened to the rice krispies for a few moments. He then sat up angrily and swatted the bowl to the floor. He smiled in triumph as he looked down at the mess.

"I'll clean it up," she sighed.

"No," he grabbed her. "I want to watch them suffer."

Ran walked up to Kyosuke and the others.

"Hey, guys I need to ask you something—"

"She said she was on the pill," said Kyosuke.

They both stared at each other.

"Anyway," said Ran. "Am I…valuable?"

"Of course you are," said Shizuru.

"You aren't lying to me," she asked. "Are you?"

"Of course not," said Shizuru.

"Then again, we could be lying to you about whether or not we would lie to you," said Kyosuke.

Ran took a moment to try and process that. She then clutched her head in agony.

"AAHHH! MY BRAIN," she screamed as she ran off.

"I love messing with stupid people," said Kyosuke. He then spotted Mina. "HEY, WHERE'S MY MONEY!"

Mina screamed and ran off with him chasing after her with a razorblade.

Batsu opened the linen closet. He then stopped to see a sleeping Zaki. The girl jolted awake and hugged him.

"I should get towels more often."

"You saved me," she sighed. "Mina locked me in here."

"I didn't know she was in our class," said the boy.

"She's not," she muttered. Just then, Hinata ran past and the door slammed closed. She glared at Batsu, who smiled nervously. "I hate you."

"Batsu! Where are you," screamed Hinata. "Oh no, I've lost my husband!"

Dismayed, Hinata returned to the lobby where Iincyo, Gan, and Momo were.

"…Okay, students. I'm gonna give you a little taste of my own sexual education," said Hayato as he put his hands in his pockets.

"I don't want to taste anything of yours," said Iincyo.

"Shut up, you neutered gym-hoochie!" He then sat down and pulled out a magazine. "Gather round so that I may share my fountain of wisdom."

"Better get in close," muttered the girl.

"Enough outta you!" He then settled and opened it up. "Dear Penthouse…"

Akira walked back up to her room to see Daigo sitting on the bed as he fed Roy pudding.

"Anki," she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to make sure that you have no sex," he said happily. "Now open wide, here comes the airplane!"

"This rules," said Roy before Daigo put the spoon in his mouth.

"I'm gonna go gouge out my eyes now," said Akira.

Kurow opened the door to see Akira.

"Hey baby," he grinned.

"Don't start with me," she snapped. "I need to crash somewhere…" she saw Tiffany dancing around in her underwear. "Am I interrupting something."

"Only something beautiful," he sighed.

"Lay of it," said Mayumi. "You can crash here, the bed is big enough for all of us."

"Thanks," the girl sighed as he walked in. "He's not gonna be in the bed too is he."

"Nope," said Tiffany. "He's sleeping in the chair."

"I like to watch," said Kurow.

They all merely rolled their eyes.

So the vacation is underway. Will Zaki and Batsu ever escape the linen closet? Will Mina's dastardly plan come to fruition? What about Kyoko? What the fuck is wrong with that old bitty? And what's with that dummy? Does it put out or what? All these and more will be answered in the next chapter!