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Where Things Stand
Rated R
Chapter 6
A devastated Charlie sits on the bonnet of her car, parked where she first told Joey she wanted to be with her. Where she eventually told Joey she was in love with her too and where she came to find out what a fantastic passionate lover Joey was. Tears run down her face unchecked as she recalls the events of the past couple of days, that has lead her here, staring out across the rough ocean waters. Her emotions just as turbulent as the sea, with which the oncoming storm is bringing.
'It happened what, 2 days ago, god only 2 days ago, it seemed a life time ago' she thinks, her world unravelled in a dramatic and devastating way. It started a breakfast 2 days ago, it was her first day back after her accident and she was keen to get to the station. Her father had just kissed on the forehead on his way to the shower; Morag and Ruby were sitting at the kitchen table just finishing having there breakfast. Morag had just offer a piece of toast, which she decline saying she wanted to get to work, when Ruby out of the blue says, "Charlie, Belle's passing has made me think of my little nephew, can we visit his grave?"
There is a pregnant silence, Charlie feels the panic rise in her and awkwardly says, "I don't think that would be a good idea Ruby".
Morag intervenes on Charlie's behalf before Ruby can respond to what Charlie had said, by saying "Ruby, I'm sure Charlie has her reasons for not wanting to go, and I think we should respect that", Charlie looks at Morag with worried suspicion.
Ruby quietly says, "I'm sorry", with that Charlie flees out the door.
Charlie had called Angelo from her car to ask him to meet her at the 'Diner' because she needed to talk to him. Once there, she did not have to wait long for Angelo to show, due to the fact he was on his way to the gym. Just and he sits down and before he can ask her what is wrong, Charlie says in a quiet tone "I think dad has spoken to Morag about the baby".
Taken a back a bit, he quickly says, "Without asking you first if that was okay?"
"He's not well, his mind is slipping, and you know that", she says defensively.
"So what exactly did Morag say", he says to appease her.
"She told Ruby that I had my reasons for not wanting to go to the baby's grave". The last part coming out softly and Charlie glances around to make sure nobody was listening.
"That's it", Angelo says brushing off Charlie's concern.
"Hey it's not all in my imagination. She has been looking out for me since last week", Charlie responds, starting to get pissed off at Angelo's lack of concern.
"Maybe you've got it all wrong..." Charlie gives him a filthy look, "...maybe she feels guilty because she was trying to bring it all out in the open ..." Charlie looked unconvinced, "...or maybe she really cares... '" Charlie still isn't convinced "...You told her your baby had died", he caringly explains to her.
Charlie shakes her head, "No, I don't believe it, there is more to it than that", she says desperately.
Angelo says trying to reason with a clearly upset Charlie, "even if Ross did let something slip..." she quickly looks at him in panic, "...at least we know we can trust Morag to be discreet".
"No I don't want her knowing, Angelo, no I just don't", she cries in panic.
"You told me, and it was good that you did", he says gently.
"Yeah because I want to share my life with you..." he smiles hearing that, "...and I felt that you needed to know what had happened to me. But I don't want it to get out to anyone else, okay. I can't go through with that," she says with fear in her voice. Charlie's mobile going off interrupts their conversation, it was work, and Angelo gets up telling her they would talk about it some more later.
Charlie decides to go home for lunch and maybe speak to Morag and find out what she knows. As Charlie quietly walks into the kitchen, she observes Morag patiently and gently trying to convince her father that he had lunch, "well you have darling, but we haven't had a cup of tea, so why don't you put the jug on".
Ross goes to fill up the jug and looks in the sink and confusedly remarks, "the sink has dirty dishes in it.", which makes him relies he had, had lunch.
Morag replies gently "well why don't I make the tea and you go into the living room and relax." She pats his arm and takes the jug from him, Charlie who has been watching, grieves at the slow demise of her proud father's mind. Ross turns to leave, he sees Charlie, she says softly "hi dad", he does not respond, he just walks passes her with his head down. Charlie looks at Morag; she can see that Morag looks tired.
Charlie walks over to her and says quietly, "he seems to be having more of these moments."
Morag sighs deeply and responds, "well when he's on medication he is fairly stable. But lately he seems to be getting more and more confused."
"Is that stress related is that's what bringing it on", Charlie asks worriedly.
"Well I think Belle's death and Ross' determination to keep family secrets, is all taking its toll", she pointedly informs her daughter-in-law.
There is a long pause before Charlie nervously asks licking her lips, "Morag...has dad said anything to you...about, the baby I mean?"
"Yes he has", she says defending him for telling her.
"What did he tell you", Charlie asks wearily.
"Well I know the baby didn't die at birth..." Charlie holds herself still wait for Morag to continue, "...It just slipped out, I don't think he even knew he said it. But...um.., look, I understand that, um, it's nobody else's business but yours and I'm not going to say anything to anyone", she says to reassure Charlie.
"I know you wouldn't", Charlie quickly says know that Morag would not betray her confidence.
"But if you need someone to talk to, I'm here", she offers her, Charlie smiles.
"Thanks...but I talked to Angelo about it..." at the mention of his name Morag get's her back up, she dislikes him, not only for killing Jack making Martha's life a living hell, but for lying to protect his arse. She believes he's nothing but a self serving, self centred, self opinionated lying braggart, and the one thing she cannot stand is a liar..."he's been supportive, I trust him with this..."
"But you don't trust me", Ruby sat interrupting their conversation. Charlie quickly turns her head to find a disappointed Ruby staring at her.
The Buckton family is sitting in the living room; Ruby is mildly pissed and excited. Pissed that they have been lying, and hiding secrets still, but excited because the baby was alive. She has a nephew out there and she wanted to know all about him. "How could you lie to me, you told me the baby died, when clearly it didn't."
"Rubes, please try to understand, I didn't want to deal with these questions. I was just a kid when it all happened, they was no way I could look after a baby." Charlie's voice is full of emotional distress.
"So what, the baby was adopted", she asks trying to get her head around it all.
Charlie nervously licks her lips, "yes and after awhile the only way I could cope with that was to tell myself that the baby had died."
"But he didn't, he's alive and he be like 14 by now", she says with amazement in her voice.
"I've got to go", Charlie tries to bale.
"Charlie wait! No more secrets! I'm part of this family too, and I'm not a little kid anymore! Trust me I can cope with these things, just don't hide them from me", Rudy impassionedly pleads with her. Charlie thinks 'no you won't cope if I told you the whole truth, I'm not even coping'.
"Charlie", Ruby looks intently at her waiting for Charlie's answer.
"No more secrets", Charlie quietly says and nods, then looks at Ross for support, who looks back at her.
"So what did you name him?" Ruby enquires; Charlie looks to her dad for help.
Ross responds, "ah, they told Charlie not to name him, sweetheart, said it would be easier that way, to leave it up to the adoptive parents".
"So you don't even know his name", Ruby says sadly. Charlie shakes her head and takes a nervous swallow and thinks 'I really don't want to talk about this, the longer this continues dad might say something he shouldn't'. "Have you ever wanted to know?"
"No", Charlie says softly and shakes her head "...sorry I've got to go." and with that Charlie quickly leaves.
Angelo calls Charlie to find out where she is. She tells him she will be at home soon. He says he will come over there after he has a shower, because he has to tell her something important. Not long after Charlie had arrived home, Angelo knocked on the door, Charlie ushers him into the living room and they both sit down. "Charlie, I ran into Ruby at 'Noah's' and she asked me to help her find the baby."
"She wanted you to help find him", Charlie is shaken by this revelation.
"It didn't cross your mind, she might want to meet him", he asks amazed at her naivety.
"No...maybe...I don't know. This is moving so quickly", she says in a panicked voice.
"Yeah and from the way Ruby's talking, that's going to continue..." Charlie looks nervous when Angelo says that "...I think there is only one way you can remain in control of this situation..." he gently prods.
"No, I can't, I can't tell her the truth", Charlie says, not wanting even to think about it. She gets up and walks away from him.
Angelo gets up and follows her, wanting to keep pushing her to tell Ruby the truth, and he says, "sooner or later the truth is going to come out Charlie". Charlie sits down heavily onto a chair; Angelo crouches beside her and continues, "look something's started here and it has a momentum of its own. Ruby is a clever girl, you know that. Sooner or later she will go in search of the past", Charlie looks at him with an 'I never wanted any of this' look. He keeps pressing, "do you want her to hear it from Ross, in one of his confused moments?"
"She would never be able to handle it", she is so torn, so confused.
"She would handle it a lot better if she heard it from you first", he reasons.
"I can't", Charlie says shortly.
"I know you have been keeping this a secret for a long time. It's hard to imagine it coming out, but it is. For your sake and for Ruby's you need to tell her. Charlie if the situation was reversed wouldn't you want to know the truth?" he gently asks. Charlie sits there not knowing what to say or do. 'God I'm so confused', she thinks to herself. Just then Angelo's phone goes off, he quickly answers it. He tells her its work and that he has to go and he would call her later, and with that he leaves.
After dinner Charlie and Ruby are alone in the kitchen, Charlie has started to wash up; she tries to calmly speak to Ruby, "Ruby, Angelo told me he ran into you at 'Noah's', this afternoon. Is there anything you want to tell me?"
"Sorry Charlie I didn't mean to go behind your back, but you don't seem interested in wanting to know anything about him", Ruby says defensively.
"Rubes I don't want to dredge up the past, can't you just let it go", she says with frustration in her voice.
"No I can't! Now that I know I have a nephew out there I want to know all about him, even if you don't", Ruby says stubbornly. 'Dear god, she'll never stop! Come on Charlz, time to face your past!' "Charlie I don't get you, how could you not want find him, know what kind of parents he has and are they good to him..."
"I know what kind of parents he has", Charlie quietly interrupts Ruby.
"You know them", Ruby asks in disbelief.
"Yes, because they were my mum and dad", Charlie replies looking sideways at Ruby, who is stunned.
"What are you talking about, mum and dad didn't have a son", her eyes are wild with confusion.
"I didn't have a son, I had a daughter, and I wasn't 16, I was 14 when I had her", Charlie says look at Ruby with pain written all over her face.
"What the Fuck! What are you trying to tell me", Ruby cries.
"I'm your mother, Ruby." Charlie softly says with tears in her eyes.
"You can't be", Ruby bellows and she runs into the living room.
Charlie following saying "Ruby let me explain", Ross and Morag are coming out to find out what was going on.
Ruby confronts Ross, "Is it true, are you really my...my grandfather", Ruby yells.
"It's true..."
"You all knew, and you said nothing to me", Ruby says cutting off Ross.
"Ruby, please you need to know the whole story", Charlie pleads with her.
"Get the fuck away from me", Ruby angrily spits out at Charlie. She looks at them all in disgust and bolts out of the living room.
"Ruby, please", Charlie begs as she goes to follow her.
Morag grabs hold of Charlie and says, "give her a bit time to calm down".
Charlie looks at Morag dejectedly, "I need to talk to her."
"Yes and you will, after you both calm down", Morag say gently.
After an hour Charlie went to check on Ruby, but she wasn't in her room, a quick check of the house reveal that Ruby wasn't there. A frantic Charlie grabs her car keys and starts to leave.
Morag asks her where is she going, "I'm going to go find her."
"Then what, drag her back here", she says trying to reason with Charlie.
"What am I suppose to do", Charlie asks interrupting her.
"Wait until she comes to you", Morag patiently suggest, her heart going out to both Buckton girls.
"And how long am I suppose to wait, she needs to hear the whole truth", Charlie cries in desperation.
"I suggest you talk with her in the morning." Morag says patiently.
"I'll hear it now." Ruby say bitterly, again Ruby had caught the two women by surprise, Charlie looks relieved and terrified. Ruby walked into the living room and sat on the lounge; Charlie followed and sat beside her. There is a long pause as Charlie tries to collect her thoughts, when Ruby quietly says, "I'm sorry you were raped."
"How did you..."
"Angelo told me." Ruby informed her numbly.
"I see." Charlie says softly, 'how do you tell the most important person in your world the truth of how they came to be wasn't from an act of love but an act of violence, but thanks to Angelo she now knows', she thinks angrily.
"So, explain, you already told me that you first time was horrible, which we both know now how awful. So why did you have me", she asks empty of emotions.
"For the same reason I told you before, I didn't tell mum and dad about the rape, and by the time we found out I was pregnant it was too late," Charlie says honestly.
"So why did you give me to mum and dad", Ruby asks in an emotionless voice.
"I was still traumatised by the rape, and with your delivery, having to have a caesura, it was all too much. I couldn't bond with you", she explains with tears starting to run down her face.
"So then was that when you gave me to mum and dad", Ruby swallows, trying to keep her emotions in check.
"Yes", Charlie bits her bottom lip, and then licks it.
"What did you do then, pretended everything was back to normal", Ruby sarcastic remarks.
"No, I ran away", Charlie watches Ruby's face and see the anger in her eyes.
"Where did you go", Ruby asks stunned.
"To Aunty Michelle's, I was a mess, I was incapable of looking after you", Charlie replies feeling the same when this all happened.
"How long where you there for", she enquires, her emotions wanting to burst out of her.
"A year. I came back determined to be the best mum I could be, but you already had bonded with mum. How could I take you from her, I couldn't offer you the security they could. So over a long time I came to see you as my little sister, not my daughter", Charlie says with so much feeling hoping Ruby would understand what she did, she did for the best and to protect Ruby, that is all she ever wanted to do. Ruby stares at Charlie with tears running down her face, the silence stretches, "Please Rubes tell what you're feeling", Charlie begs.
"Confuse, I don't know who I am anymore", she answers, totally overwhelmed.
"Ruby this doesn't change who you are'', Charlie voice starts to crack.
"This changes everything Charlie! My life is one big lie! I don't know if I can forgive you", Ruby says in a breaking voice, and with that she leaves a distress Charlie sitting there, not knowing what to say.
In the morning Charlie was beside herself, Ruby was not at home and she isn't answering her phone. Charlie prowls out into the kitchen not knowing what to do, "Fuck! Where are you Ruby" she says with frustration. There comes a knock on the back door, she answers it to find Angelo standing there, and before he could say anything Charlie hisses at him, "Why did you tell Ruby?"
A contrite Angelo replies, "I'm sorry it slipped out."
"It slipped out! How the hell does something like that slip out", she angrily yells at him, then turns and walks away from him and heads into the living room.
He follows her explaining, "She told me that you told her everything."
Charlie stops and sighs deeply, "I'm sorry, it's not your fault, I'm just angry at myself." She sits on the lounge hands her head and says, "this is a fucking nightmare!"
"I'm sorry Charlie, I shouldn't have pressure you into telling her the truth, I just thought she would be able to handle it" he says as he sits next to her.
Charlie gives him a caustic look, "well I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. How could she, to be told you are a product of rape, that I couldn't cope and gave her up and her parents are really her grandparents" Charlie says wearily and looking like she is ready to break.
Angelo says to comfort her, "She'll come around, just give her some time".
"What if she doesn't", Charlie replies in defeat, tears welling up in her eyes. Then Charlie hears the door open she bolts to the back door just as Ruby walks in. "Thank god you're alright", a relieved Charlie says, and she tries to touch Ruby, but Ruby backs away, and Charlie lets her hand drop. "We need to talk, there are things you still need to know", Charlie quickly says.
"I'm only here to pack some of my things, I'm going to stay at Xavier's, and Martha said I could", Ruby says angrily.
"Like hell you are! We need talk this through", anger building up inside Charlie.
"You can't bloody well stop me Charlie." Ruby snaps back at her, and with that Ruby goes into her room slamming the door.
Charlie rushes pass a stunned Angelo, and before he can say anything Charlie is out the door. Charlie is furious she slams her car into reverse, goes down the driveway quickly onto the road, shift into drive and guns it down to the Surf Club. Once inside she quickly spots Martha, she rushes over to her, and before Charlie could organise her thoughts, her mouth had engaged. "How could you say Ruby could stay without speaking to me first", Charlie demanded.
"I'm sorry but they put me on the spot. I thought you would be okay with it, you know giving you both some time" Martha explains taken aback by Charlie's reaction.
"How could you think that, you obviously know the situation and that we still need to talk about things? Unless you're doing this to get back at me for being with Angelo", Charlie accuses her.
Martha flares up, "how could you think I would do that to Ruby. I was even feeling sorry for you, but you're just pathetic!"
Both women glare at each other as Morag puts an arm around Charlie, "Charlie your father needs you at home", she calmly and firmly tells Charlie. Charlie whirls around and hurries out of the club.
With her bags packed Ruby tries to leave, but Charlie stops her, "Ruby please stay. We need to work through this", Charlie says feeling helpless.
"I'm going", she just wanted out.
"Ruby this is your home, please stay and try and work things out" Leah interjects sadly.
"This is none of your business Leah." Ruby says feeling cornered.
"Ruby I know you're hurting, but can't you put yourself in Charlie's shoes". Morag says trying to reason with her. Ruby turns and looks at Morag thinking 'these people don't know now this feels, I need to get away and think'.
"Please Rubes, I want you to stay", Charlie begs, she sees Ruby slightly wavering.
"Come on Ruby, you don't have anywhere go to", Ross says trying to help. Charlie inwardly groans at her father for saying that.
Ruby snaps sarcastically back, "And why's that I wonder."
"Please stay Ruby, I love you, I've always loved you", Charlie desperately tells her.
"Loved me how Charlie, like a sister, like a mother or do you still wish me dead", she remarks not wanting or knowing that Charlie loves her.
"How could you think that", Charlie is gutted by that.
"You have done nothing but lie to me and I never want to see you again", Ruby says heartbreakingly, and then pushes pass a devastated Charlie, leaving the rest in stunned silence.
Charlie is brought out of her revelry by drops of rain hitting her face, the storm has arrived. The wind whips her hair about her face but she does not care, the agony she is in overwhelms her. She stands up and screams into the storm "RRRRUUUUBBBBYYYYY", and burst into tears and then puts her head into her hands. The rain starts to get heavier, Charlie once again looks out of the ocean and before she realises she screams again "JJJJOOOOEEEEYYYY!" She falls to her knees sobbing, rain and wind make her shiver, and she reluctantly gets up and climbs into the car. Charlie turns the on the radio, a new song starts and Charlie cries again because it typifies her life, she's lost her heart and soul. Ruby being the most important people in her world, and Joey being her soul mate.
Lyrics to Lost Without You : .com/watch?v=UP2P-VPouJM
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind
Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you