" Miss Pony and Sister Maria
They taught me God's commandment - to forgive people.
We have to learn to forgive..."
Candice White Andrew, the 20-th series.
Candy did not sleep all night long. She realized that she had made a mistake. She should not marry Neil, wherever it solve something. What to do? To divorce? She clearly understood that they will not give divorce to her, and even if they give, it is not so simple. Candy looked at the clock.
It is 8:00 a.m. already, soon she have to go down, and there Neil will be. Suddenly Candy realized that she does not know him. She married a man whom she knows from childhood, but does not know anything about him.
Actually, nothing good. Candy never even thought about Neil as a man, it was just an object that once appeared on the horizon, meant troubles.
And even more. Generally Neil and Eliza were not perceived separately. It's just a couple that constantly do a variety of nasty things. They were inevitable as rain or snow. To ignore them - that's the only solution. And Candy ignored. Then Neil said that he fell in love with her and Candy thought that it was perhaps another trap, next trick or another mockery. But if? Candy sat down on the bed. But if not? After all, this also happens. If she was wrong about Neil's feelings? Then it was cruel to give consent to the marriage, and then to say such things. What to do? Anyway, she had to come down.
I will apologize for saying that I hate him. After all, it is not true, he was constantly haunted me, and I said so in a temper. I just wanted him to leave me alone and do not appear in my life, but what to do now? Maybe we will calm down, and think together how are we going to be.
It's interesting, if Neil was kind to her always, would Candy like him? Candy tried to imagine Neil, kindly smiling to her. No! She can't. Such thing is just impossible.
"Yes, I forgave him for everything, but ... " Candy stood up.
No. It is not true. "Forgave him for everything" means that she didn't forgive him at all. Too many bad things had happened, and all their communication had merged into a big black spot, she said " Forgave for everything", not really forgiving. Candy forgave him, but she didn't want to see Neil anymore or think about him And her heart was very heavy. It was very painful, disappointing and frustrating. She always wanted to shout "Why?! Why do you treat me so? "
"No, I haven't forgiven him..."Candy said sadly and walked out of her room.
"Hell, damn bastards!" Neil tried to throw the paper into the fire, it didn't reach fire and fell nearby. He wanted to calm down. Hell, no! On the main page of paper to Neil smiled himself in hunting costume, and the headline read: "Neil Legan - hunter for dowry" needlessly recalling about hurry with the wedding and the differences between family Legan and Andrew. Damn!
"What had happened?"Candy smiling came down by stairs."Good morning," she said amiably.
Candy! Candy. SHE. Neil immediately transferred to the is not very adequate state, when he saw Candy, illuminated by morning light. Flames were dancing in her golden curls. All words and speeches that he had prepared fall night, were vanished.
Candy! Candy. SHE. Neil immediately transferred to the is not very adequate state, when he saw Candy, illuminated by morning light. Flames were dancing in her golden curls. All words and speeches that he had prepared fall night, somewhere vanished.
"Candy ... Candy. Good morning, yes! What, do you want something from me, am I right? I'll listen your carefully." Neil sat back on the couch and put his hands on his chest.
But Candy did not respond on an invective. She in first time looked at Neil attentively, something miserable and desperate was in his cocky attitude, something non-confident was in his voice, despite the defiant tone. Candy silently came down the stairs and picked up the newspaper.
"Yes, I wanted. I wanted to apologize for saying, that I hate you. I hope you will understand me, I said so because I was very scared."
Neil unclasped his hands in surprise and looked at Candy. Candy apologizes? her quiet and a bit sad look was unpleasant to him. If she cried or hit him, it would have been familiar and understandable. And the fact that he was sitting on this couch and Candy apologized without reason made those memories. Neil frowned, and quickly got up from the couch.
"Candy, Candy, come on, what had happened with you today? Hell, I do not know what to expect from you next time," he tried to laugh. Neil came close to Candy, but she did not back down. " You surprised me like always."
Candy looked up to look him into the eyes.
"So it's all right? You are not angry?"
" I am angry. Very much. Even for five seconds, more time I can't be angry at you. And now usual and wallop me, or I will think you're sick."
The last phrase was very successful, to touch Candy's face , as if he was checking the temperature.
"Oh, stop it!" Candy pushed his hand away, but from what Neil joked she did it without angry as always, but also as if she was joking. "What's your character! You still do not understand anything! I'm trying to talk to you normally, and again you kidding me! You... you !"
Now Candy looked like always. With A sigh of relief, Neil grabbed her clenched hand, to touch her once again, and said:
"Candy, I never thought to scoff at you. Do you want to take a walk in the garden before breakfast?
Three, two, one - "Why, Neal? Sorry, but no". Well, another "no" from her, he got used to it. How he wanted to start everything from scratch, forgetting the past and not thinking about the future! After all, if so, today would be so happy day for Neil - the whole day with her! With Candy...
"T-t-take a walk in the garden?" Candy repeated in surprise. She gently pulled her hand out of the Neil's hand. The course and the logic of his thoughts were a complete mystery for her. "Okay, well, let's go," she smiled suddenly. "By the way, what was in this paper is written so awful?
She did not say "no"! Delighted by this fact, Neil with no particular irritation replied:
"Oh, you better do not read this. The damned scribblers in full relish the details of our wedding. And this is still all right, but when I looked at the page of caricatures!" Neil's face skewed grimace of anger.
Candy stifled a chuckle and opened the newspaper.
" Come on, " natural friendliness Candy overcame her dislike of Neil."Everyone have to be able to laugh at himself. Oh!" She burst into laughter. " You're so funny here!"
"I'm glad, that someone have some fun," said Neil grimly with sour face. He took a step toward the door. " Well, let's go, Candy."
But then Candy saw caricature at herself, and, as like it often happens, immediately stopped laughing.
"Oh-oh-oh.. "she said. " What a wrong caricature! Do I have so terrible nose and so much freckles?!" She asked in frustration.
Neil turned and looked at Candy.
"Oh, no, Candy... " he said quietly and seriously. Attentive brown eyes slowly walked around her figure. Yes, Candy was not a beauty, her facial features were not classical, her hands were rougher than they should be, yes, it was true, but is it that lover's eyes see? Neil saw Candy in the morning sun, saw the gleam in her golden hair, saw her huge green eyes that widened, saw how tenderly lifted her dress on the chest when she breathes...
"Oh, no, Candy," he repeated hoarsely." You're damn beautiful, God help you."
Candy tried to smile and quickly went outside.
They walked side by side along the footpath of the garden, along the fountain, in the direction to the pond. Both were silent. Candy and Neil do not talk often , and that day they said to each other almost more words than at any time before. Each one of them plunged into the memories, Candy - in a pleasant and bright, Neil - quite different.
To begin a meaningless talk? They wanted it, both, but with every step, secretly hoping that the other will begin to chatter and heavy and awkward for both silence is finally over.
"You probably hate Lakewood, yes, Candy?" Neil asked suddenly when they came to the lake, which was once Neil wanted to throw Candy's treasure.
"No, why?" Candy lifted her head. "On the contrary, I love Lakewood. Lakewood... " she began to recall aloud. "I felt so good here... Anthony wicket gate all in roses... Stear Gate, Archie Stone Gate... Anthony, Stear, Archie, Mr Albert, the old gardener, the cook ... I had so many friends in Lakewood!"
"And there were me and Eliza, which were not friends for you at all" Neil almost uttered these words, ruthlessly dictated by memory. "If I was a good person, I would not do all these things, or by making a single act - would repent..." he thought sadly. "And if I was evil person - I would not care. But what to do now? How can I live with it? "
"You know, Neil, you can not enter the same river twice,"
Candy's words sounded resignedly in his ears. No, Candy would never forgive him. Never.
"What's wrong?" Candy asked fearfully, suddenly looking at him and being afraid of his grim expression.
Now or never. Now he must say that he is sorry, that he did such things with Candy. Otherwise it will be in wrong time, or he did not have the guts, or something that he called pride, but wasn't pride, would not allow him to tell her. Now. Or never.
"Candy, one day you told me that you can not enter the same river twice twice," choosing his words carefully Neil began . To look at Candy's eyes was hard, and he almost turned around, watching the sun playing on the surface of the pond. "But if I told you that I ... I ... Damn ... That I'm really sorry, that I mistreated with you and if ... If I said that I would never hurt you again, you'd able to forgive me a bit?"
Candy was silent and Neil continued.
"Although, no, what I'm telling, hell, what forgiveness ...No. If I told you that now I really will do anything to help you, Candy, I'm ready for you do anything, and I'll will be against anyone who wants to harm you, would you have allowed me to help you? Would you let me do something for you?"
"Neil, I ... I understand that we have to get along with each other somehow now, I do not know what we can do today. I wish to believe you very much, but Neil..."
Candy looked at him helplessly. How many times have he fool her, how many times she was kind to hin, and in return received only evil from him.
" It is better to tell the truth, isn't it, Neil? He was silent, and Candy continued. " It is better not to lie in such things... I try to believe you, once again. I understand that Miss Pony and Sister Lane would not approve my thoughts right now, but what can I do if I still do not believe you?"
Candy was sad, but inexorable. Neil turned away.
"I understood."
Candy looked at the surface of the pond, the memories of the of spring last days appeared in front of her. She said to herself.
"Neil, you and Elisa made me such. Why?"
... The little girl asked pleadingly her brother and sister to give back her treasure. They wanted to make her weep and kneel.
"Neil, why?"Candy turned to him and looked at is eyes. Candy was so hurt and disgusted at heart, that she could not forgive him, that she was almost physically ill. "Neil, it's so awful... so awful ... to hate people!"
Candy covered her face with her hands and wept. Voltage of last month, Annie, Neil, and even this talk - it was too much even for her. The morning summer sun was shining, warm wind played with her hair, and Candy felt terribly unhappy.
"Candy!" Neil felt himself like he was a monster. He shuffled his feet on the ground, hoping that Candy stop crying. He had never seen her crying. He thought it was just impossible. "Candy! " He called her again and came closer. Candy did not calm down, and he had to do something. He took out a handkerchief from his jacket pocket awkwardly, then Neil took Candy by the hand and take it away from her face and put handkerchief in her hand. Candy dutifully took his handkerchief and began to wipe her eyes. She was silent. Neil awkwardly hugged her shoulders. Candy did not move, but did not push him away.
"Candy, do not cry,"Neil said finally."You never cry," he added for some reason, not knowing how to comfort her. "It's strange, I've always done everything to make you cry," he continued, speaking more to himself. "And only now I realized that it is that I just hate to see. Do not cry, Candy, " he repeated.
" I am not crying now," Candy wiped her eyes and looked up, looked at him. Something evil and heavy was gone with tears, and Candy was suddenly easy on her soul. Attentively than usual, looking at Neil's face, Candy suddenly saw in him a person, not a faceless entity that brings troubles. And maybe Neil was changed at that moment ... Candy saw a young man who wants to comfort her. And his eyes were not cruel now... How face of man changes when his eyes are not full of hatred! Now she was not afraid of him, and even ... Even don't want to escape from his embrace so much?
"Thank you,"- Candy gave a handkerchief to the owner, but suddenly noticed the name embroidered on it. "Candice White."
"This is my handkerchief!" She wondered. " Where did you get it?"
The response on such simple question surprised her even more. Neil quickly removed his hand from her shoulder and almost snatched the handkerchief out of her hands.
"Not yours but mine," with some irritation he muttered, putting the handkerchief in his pocket. "You gave it to me by herself, so it belongs to me quite legally. Do not ask him back, I use it ... I use it sometimes, in cases when I can't use mine ones, my handkerchiefs are too expensive ... yes!"
" But... "Candy said slowly, gradually understanding." You do not do that, right?"
Candy remembered. She remembered the day the episode that she quickly forgot and which, as it turned out, meant so much for Neil. Maybe she was wrong, wrong, thinking that it was a new trap of Eliza and Neil, when Neil confessed his love for her? Yes, she had no reason to believe him, but if in only time when person turned to good, she was cruel to him?
"No, I do not do so," Neil answered simply.
All events that occurred after this case now became from a new angle.
"Neil, why," Candy decided to ask everything, that between them barrier of silence would dissapeared. The enemies, announcing a truce, opened the cards to each other. "Neil, if fell in love with me then as you say, why did you make that I was dismissed from the hospital, and then any hospital would not accept me? I just do not understand ... You wanted to humiliate me, and for what? Did I do something wrong?"
" I had not done it, Candy. Of course, you can hardly believe me, but only my words are mine evidence."
"I believe you."
They went to the house, the time was comingto dinner.
New tears flowed down Candy's cheeks. She tried not to turn her head to the Neil's side, who was walking beside her.
"If I will not wipe my eyes, he doesn't notice that I'm crying," Candy thought .
"Candy, are you crying?"
"No."
"You really do not cry?"
"Everything is well. I have forgiven you now. I feel so good…"