Disclaimer: Still not my characters.
This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.
Two chapters in one day! What? I know! AND it's a long one. That's how much I love you all.
Thank you all for your comments!
Reviews appreciated.
Jacob's memorial was held a few days later in the Air Force chapel. Sam watched as pews filled up and the room quickly became standing room only. She hadn't realized how many people had known her dad over the course of his life. He'd been withdrawn from his family after their mother died, but he'd been a damn fine officer, and well respected during his long career. The Tok'ra had taken Jacob's body, because they couldn't take the chance that the NID, or The Trust, or whatever other rogue agency out there would try to steal his body and dissect him and Selmak to use for their own gain. Sam had told Mark that Jacob requested cremation, so an urn full of ashes from an unclaimed body sat at the front of the chapel along with a large photo of the late General.
Sam, her brother, Mark, and his family sat in the front row, along with General Hammond, a few of the Joint Chiefs, Daniel, Teal'c, and General O'Neill. Jacob had asked before dying that Jack be the one to give his eulogy, which Sam had thought weird at first, but then realized he was the perfect person to give her dad a proper send off. This was the first time Sam had seen him outside of work since the night of Jacob's death, and he hadn't said a word to her, but walked right past her to take his seat. It hurt her to see him, and as much as she tried, she couldn't stop from cutting her eyes his way. She noticed how good he looked in his uniform, but then again knew he looked good in anything. When the music that had been playing ended, he stood and walked to the podium and her eyes followed his every move.
He took a deep breath before he began, and looked straight at Sam. He'd tried to keep his eyes from looking her direction, but couldn't help himself. He thought she looked beautiful despite her sadness, and obvious lack of sleep. His first instinct when he saw her near the door was to draw her into the circle of his arms and take the pain away. Even if they didn't have a strained relationship, the regs would have kept him from doing so, but that didn't mean he didn't want to. Seeing her every day at work was pure torture. They'd been polite and professional, but it wasn't the same, and he knew he'd made the right decision in taking the job in DC. Even after he was gone, he'd still have to work with her every now and then and wondered how that would go. He'd put his heart on the line, and she'd crushed it. That was more than he could take. He looked away from her blue eyes and began. "I had the privilege and pleasure of meeting Jacob Carter several years ago. Of course I'd heard of him, and his reputation long before then, but I'd never actually met him. When I did, I don't think he liked me very much." He took a quick glance at Sam, and saw her flick a brief smile, before continuing. "Fortunately, my charm and wit won him over, and he didn't even kick up a fuss when I playfully call him 'Dad.' It was an honor to have that kind of relationship with him, and I learned a lot during the short time I knew him. Aside from being a great military leader, he was simply a good man. He loved his country, his family, his friends, and well, the whole Earth if you must know." Once again his eyes flicked to Sam and they momentarily had one of their familiar, silent conversations. His voice hitched as he continued. "His path was never an easy one, but he walked it with purpose. He dedicated his life to making this world a better place, and as I look out here at the many faces here to pay their respects, I know that he succeeded. While Earth is a darker place from his loss, we're all better for having known Jacob Carter; especially me. Rest in peace, General." When he finished, he closed his eyes briefly, before walking back to take his place before the chaplain began speaking. He looked towards Sam again, despite doing his best not to. Her eyes were watery, but she held herself like the military officer she was, and a streak of pride ran through him. He noticed Daniel was holding her hand, and he felt a pang of jealousy. He wanted nothing more than to be the one she turned to. While the chaplain spoke, his mind went back to the night Jacob died and he remembered every word of their conversation. Her words still cut through him like a knife.
"Do you know what you put me through all these years? Do you know how long I wanted to hear you to say those words? Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep over you? Do you?"
"You just let me go on thinking you no longer cared."
"You thought! YOU thought! Did you ever give me the chance to think for myself when it came to us? No, you didn't. You thought you knew what was best for me. You made a decision for me!"
"Don't. Please don't touch me."
Everything she'd said was true. As much as he'd meant every word, he wished he could go back and keep it all to himself. He'd rather her just be his friend than hate him as she did now. They'd never be friends again, and he mourned that loss more than the fact that she didn't love him. He wanted to be angry with Jacob for making him promise to do it, but he couldn't. No matter when he told her, she'd probably have had the same reaction. If he'd been a smart man, which he'd never claimed to be in matters of the heart, he'd have told her years ago, to hell with the consequences. He'd retired once, and there was no reason he couldn't have done it again. He'd justified it by telling himself that he was doing it for the good of the world, but he knew that was just a way to cover up the fear he'd felt if she rejected him, and she had.
When the memorial was over, Jack wanted nothing more than to run away, but given the number of brass present, he had to stick around for the reception that followed. Sam had decided her father would want a party to celebrate his life, rather a sad wake, and had made arrangements at Doolittle Hall. He stood, leaning over the rail of the atrium, looking down at the tables and people gathered below. He had been steadily throwing back drinks since he'd arrived and silently thanking whoever decided on the open bar. He was on his fifth drink of the evening and it still hadn't dulled the pain he felt. He watched Carter's every move, despite the fact that he'd vowed not to. His eyes had refused to listen to his brain though, and he followed her lithe form as she moved from table to table to chat with the people who'd attended the service. Even in her grief, she smiled at them, and chatted pleasantly, putting them all at ease. She has studiously avoided the table he'd chosen though, and rather than stay there, feeling rejected, he'd walked up to the atrium, where he could watch her more inconspicuously.
"Hey, Jack," Daniel said, coming stand beside him, looking at the people below. "That was a really good eulogy. Jacob would have been pleased. I thought you didn't do speeches."
Jack finished his drink and stared at his recently returned friend. "Yeah, well, every now and then it seems I channel you."
"I don't think I could have done that. I'm sure Sam appreciated it."
Jack pressed his mouth into a thin line, and stayed silent.
Daniel tried again, and waved his arm towards the floor to ceiling window where the chapel and snow capped mountain could be seen. "So, nice view, huh? I think Jacob would have liked knowing we were here in his memory." Jack continued to hold his silence, causing Daniel to roll his eyes.
"O'Neill," Teal'c greeted him as he too joined them. Daniel was glad for the back up.
"T," Jack greeted him. "How's it going on Dakara?"
"It goes well, O'Neill. I believe, despite the different ideas and factions, we may be able to form some sort of government in time. It will be difficult to bring together former enemies and turn them to allies, but I will not give up hope."
Jack nodded and patted the larger man on the back. "That's great, T. I'm sure with you and Bra'tac at the helm, it will work out." Taking a quick glance around he turned back to Teal'c. "Speaking of, where is Bra'tac?"
"He decided to get some rest back at the SGC before departing again for Dakara." Bra'tac had attended the memorial for Jacob, as they'd actually had a decent relationship, considering Jacob was Tok'ra and Bra'tac was Jaffa. The two groups had not gotten along, but Bra'tac and Jacob, along with the Tau'ri, had tried to bring them together in the common goal of defeating the Goa'uld. Unfortunately that had been easier said than done. Still, the two older men were smart and saw the advantage of working together, and had become friends of a fashion.
"Are you headed back with him?" Daniel asked.
"I will not. I believe it is better if I stay on Earth for a while. I would like to be here for Colonel Carter in her time of grief." He slanted his eyes towards Jack. "I am certain that is what good friends do for each other, is it not, Daniel Jackson?"
"Pretty much," Daniel replied. "Friends are often more like family, and since her brother and his family are heading back to California tomorrow, she's going to need her friends now more than ever. You don't abandon your friends when they need you."
Jack looked between them. "You two got something to say?"
Daniel and Teal'c wore identical innocent expression. "Why would you think that, O'Neill?"
"Because," Jack enunciated, his voice hard, "you seem like you have something to say, and if you do, I'd like for you to get it over with."
"Nope," Daniel said, looking back down at the people below. "So, have you talked to Sam?"
"No." Turning towards to Lounge, where the bar was set up, he started walking. "I need another drink."
Teal'c and Daniel watched his retreating form. He back was stiff and shoulders set with barely concealed anger. "This is not good," Daniel told Teal'c.
"Indeed it is not, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel tilted his head to the side, watching as Jack disappeared from view. "Suppose we should follow him?"
Arching a brow, Teal'c continued to stare in the direction Jack had gone. "We should not," he replied. "We shall anyway."
Daniel smiled and followed as Teal'c went after Jack. "This is bad, Teal'c. I don't think I've ever seen them like this. Sam is sure they can't be fixed this time." Daniel had of course told Teal'c what had happened between Jack and Sam. He was certain Sam knew he would, so he didn't feel guilty at all. They'd been a team for seven years, and what one knew, they generally all knew, except for the time Jack had gone rogue in an attempt to find out who was stealing alien technology, and forced them all out of his life. While Daniel understood why Jack had done it, he still felt a little bitter about that whole incident.
Teal'c glanced over as they continued to walk. "As I have learned watching the building of the Free Jaffa Nation, there is nothing that cannot be fixed. It may be difficult, but it is not impossible."
Daniel mulled that over, spotting Jack sitting in a wingback chair with a drink in his hand. "I hope you're right," he said softly before they sat down.
Jack heaved a sigh. "Really, guys?"
"Really, Jack," Daniel told him. "We know you and Sam aren't well…" he searched for the right word. "Um, getting along so well right now."
Mumbling something under his breath that sounded like quite a curse to Daniel, he gave them both a hard stare. "Carter and I are fine, Daniel."
"You are not fine, O'Neill. In fact, you are very unfine." Teal'c commented.
"Et tu, Teal'c?"
Daniel leaned in towards Jack. "Look, we know what happened. Between you two, I mean."
Jack looked momentarily surprised, but schooled his face into a mask of indifference. "You don't know anything."
"But-"
"No buts, Daniel. Not this time. This isn't your business."
Daniel glanced over at Teal'c for support. The other man nodded for him to carry on. "Jack, you need to talk to her."
Jack let out a hollow laugh. "We talk at work every day."
"That's not what I mean, Jack, and you know it." Daniel's voice got slightly louder, and more urgent, but when he realized a few other people had turned their direction, he spoke slightly softer. "You need to talk to Sam, not Colonel Carter. If you don't, well, I don't know. You'll have spent seven years of your lives waiting for nothing."
Teal'c looked at Jack, his face as impassable as ever. "Daniel Jackson is correct, O'Neill. As I have learned in my long life, nothing in this world is infinite. You must take a chance, as I took one on you all those years ago on Chulak."
"It's not the same thing," Jack insisted. "And besides, as I'm sure you two busybodies already know, I did talk to her, and…it didn't go well." His voice held the sound of defeat.
"Try it again," Daniel urged.
Jack finished his drink. "I'm many things, but I am not a glutton for punishment. I said what I had to say, and I will not repeat it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my sofa." He stood and walked away, but Daniel walked after him.
"Jack, you've had a lot to drink. Should you be driving?"
"Walter will take me home," he said. Walter Harriman, whom Jack thought of as the Radar O'Reilly of the SGC, had told Jack after his third drink to find him when he was ready to leave, and he would make sure both Jack and his truck got home safely.
"I can take you," Daniel offered, hoping he could talk Jack into at least thinking about talking to Sam.
"I'm good, Daniel," Jack told him, speeding up to get away.
On the first floor, Jack found Walter chatting with a few other airmen from the SGC who had worked with Jacob in the past. When he approached, they all stood in deference to his rank, but he waved them back down. "Ready to go, Sir?"
"More than you know, Walter."
Walter and Siler stood. "Um, okay, Sir. I'm going to drive you home in your truck, and Siler's going follow in his car, and take me back to base."
Jack looked between the two of them. "Sounds good. Thank you for this. I appreciate it."
They both smiled. He'd worked with the two of them from the beginning and had grown quite fond of them. Siler was incredibly accident prone, but he was always there to help when there was a problem with the gate, and Walter, well, Jack didn't know what he'd do without his bespectacled gate operator/assistant/voice of reason. "We'll be right back, Sir. Meet you out front?"
Jack nodded, and went to say a few necessary goodbyes. It wouldn't do for him to walk out on the Joint Chiefs without saying something, and he wanted to see George again before he left. He'd asked George not to say anything to anyone at the SGC about his transfer, as he felt it would be better coming from him. He didn't tell George he planned to not say anything to the majority of the people until the day before he left, lest someone get it in their head to throw him a going away party. Cake or not, the last thing he wanted was a party.
After saying the obligatory words to the JC's and assuring George he'd call on Monday to discuss the details of the new incoming SGC commander, he headed towards the exit. Unfortunately, he had to pass directly in front of Sam to do so. She was in conversation with General Wilson, who had been a friend of Jacob's, and Jack hoped she wouldn't notice his departure. Luck was not on his side though, as General Wilson saw Jack and called him over. After chatting for a moment, Jack was able to extricate himself, nodded to Carter and walked away. He heard her heels click behind him rapidly, and sighed. Dammit.
"Sir," Sam said cautiously, stopping him in his tracks. She quickly reached his side and he discretely took in her soft fragrance. She smelled like jasmine, and sunshine, and heaven.
"Something I can do for you, Carter?"
If she was taken aback by his tone, she didn't let it show. "I just-I just wanted to thank you, Sir. Dad would have liked the eulogy. I appreciate you doing it."
"You know I'd do anything for Dad," he said. I'd do anything for you, even if it kills me, he thought.
They stood staring at each other for a long moment, the noise from the other room seeming to still around them. "I know, Sir," Sam said quietly.
Jack knew he couldn't speak, or his voice would betray his emotions, so he merely nodded. She looked like she was going to say something, but Jack saw his truck pull around front, and silently thanked Walter for his impeccable timing. He swallowed, and gave her a casual smile that didn't reach his eyes. "There's my ride. I'll see you at work, Carter."
It was Sam's turn to nod. "Yes, Sir," was all she said, as he walked out the glass doors. Watching his truck drive away until it was no longer in view, she felt like she had lost herself.
"You okay, Sam?" Daniel asked. He and Teal'c had seen them together in the lobby, but hung back until Jack left.
She whirled around and gave them a sad smile. "As okay as I can be, I suppose."
"Did Jack have anything to say?"
Sam shook her head. "No."
"I do not believe it is too late to fix this, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said softly, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.
She looked up at him and gave him a sad smile. "I'm afraid this time it is, Teal'c."
When she walked away, Daniel shook his head. "She's giving up. Sam never gives up. Even when everyone else thinks it's impossible, she never gives up. I'm worried."
Teal'c was still watching the main room. He could see Sam stop to talk to someone. "I too am concerned for Colonel Carter. She does seem to be acting out of character. Her life has been rather in an upheaval lately though. Perhaps all she needs is time."
"I hope you're right, but I'm afraid that's the one thing she may not have." Daniel said, as they walked back into the reception hall. "I have a bad feeling about this."
TBC