Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or the amazing other person who writes this...(Pretty sure she owns me...)

A/N: Sorry it's been a few days since this was updated. Karurachan1 had some tests...And I haven't updated my other stories because I've been busy and mad at myself for not updating for you guys. Forgive me? I think you can. And give some love. Today's someone's birthday. Or it was...Eh. Just review.

Enjoy.

Tori´s POV

It hurts... I wanted to tell her so many things. I wanted her to understand me, to understand why I can't just do what she asks me to do... but I ended up understanding her instead, almost giving in, asking her to hug me... and on top of all, she refused. Is it that she enjoys making me make a fool of myself? Is that it? Because that makes a lot of sense, it would explain so much. Even if I say that I need to think, that I'm not sure of anything yet, I thought she would scare my fears away by hugging me, and then it would all be okay, but... it didn't happen that way.

No, Jade does things her own way and maybe in some parallel twisted universe, the right thing to do when the girl that you "supposedly" like (or claim to love) asks you something as simple as hug, a mere display of affection, is to humiliate her, to make her feel stupid and dumb. Well, what can I do? That is the way that Jade has always made me feel. I'm never good enough; I am always thinking that she is too good for me. And she loves that, I know it, she also thinks she is better than me.

I've tried to shine to make myself more confident about it, but it hasn't exactly worked. I wanted to stop feeling so small around her, but in some weird way, all I managed to do was to piss her off. It seems like no matter what I do, I always end up pissing her off. How do I do that?

I mean, it wasn't my intention to make her feel bad, not at all, but she just... was acting difficult, like she came in the fighting mood. And I was a little mad myself, I tried to establish the limits, but it didn't work out... she is too Jade for that. She looks at me with those beautiful eyes, and I feel weak.

I told her I loved her, I even kissed her, come on! That should have been enough for any other human being to think, to know that I was considering her as an option, that I was asking her to wait a little for me until this whole situation was settled.

I've been in my room for almost two hours, doing nothing other than thinking, thinking about Jade, about how much I like her, about how wrong it is, about how she reacted, about how my dad would react, and even though I should be braver about this and just face the fact that I like girls and I shouldn't spend all my life lying about how I feel. Because in the end, this is how I feel and lying is just as bad as doing the "wrong thing", right?

I don't know... I remember when I was little and everyone on my father's side of the family was in the house and they prayed; they did that every time we were going to eat and always refer to "The Lord". My dad had never looked so happy; in a way it was like he was among people who were just like him.

He told me once a couple of months ago, how he imagined my wedding; me, dressed in a beautiful white dress, in a big chapel and all our relatives and my friends, me singing a song during the after party, my sister running a fashion business, and he even told me that I had to choose wisely to my future husband, because he was going to use all in his power to make sure he was the right one for me. Meaning, he would make a police control or something like that.

I mean, he has this fantasy about my wedding, he even asked me if I had thought about how I'm going to name my kids... My kids! That freaks me out. I can't think about that, not even if I was straight, it's way too soon for that.

I am going to disappoint him so badly. Even if he doesn't hate me, he is going to know that the dream of his life for me is never going to happen. My mom was there that day when my dad started telling me about how he pictured my future wedding, she just stared at me, looking sad, because he was just so happy thinking about that, and my mom knows that that isn't going to happen, and even if it does, I'm not going to be happy.

I'm thinking about that when I listen the door opening. It must be Trina, she came home early. I thought the day in the Spa was going to last longer than that. But apparently it didn't. I just hope she stays downstairs or in her room because I don't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Tori!" her voice comes to my room really loud, and I can hear her footsteps coming closer. So much for not talking to anyone right now. I guess I'll just have to talk to her, maybe she will distract me from everything going on in my mind, maybe hearing all about her beauty spa helps, who knows? Maybe I should even go with her and just think about trivial things for once.

She opens up the door and looks really happy. Almost ecstatic, actually. Well, I underestimated the effect Spas have on her. Whatever, I must fake some interest on her day now.

"Hey, Trina, how was your day? Good time in the spa?" I ask her, and she steps in and sits next to me before she replies.

"It was really good. I mean, the lady who was taking care of me told me she had never worked with someone with such a good skin." She looked really proud of that. Well, I guess the industrial amount of lotion finally paid off. I smile, thinking about how this is somehow refreshing.

"Oh! Good, well, you are the person who takes the best care of her skin that I know," I say because it's true, and I know that she likes to be complimented.

"I know, right? But wait, I wasn't going to talk about that. You take such an interest into me, and I understand it because I am so awesome, and it is normal that younger sisters look up to their more beautiful and more talented older sister, but I am here to talk about something different," she stated like she was making an important announcement.

"Oh, okay, tell me, what's up?" I ask her.

"Well, first of all, sis, I can't believe you didn't tell me about what was going on! Congratulations, Tori." Wait, what is she talking about?

"Trina... I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," I tell her, and she looks at me like I was insane, and well, I think I am, but that has nothing to do with what she is saying. She needs to tell me the context of her words.

"Duh! I am talking about you breaking up Jade and Beck, Tori. Don't pretend you don't know about that, sis, I saw the reply you gave to Jade on "The Slap". By the way, it was really smooth." That isn't making sense... I mean, I take that she read the infamous post Jade did and my answer, but that does not mean Jade and Beck broke up.

"Trina, I love you, but why do you think that they broke up? And why do you congratulate me?" I have a bad feeling about what she is going to say, but I ask nonetheless. I am curious about where did she got that information.

"Well, first of all, I know they broke up, girl! I took the info from the most reliable source there is: The Slap." I look at her confused.

"What do you mean?" I feel so dumb by asking these things, but I prefer to make sure I understand everything.

"I mean they changed their Slap statuses, dummy," she says like is the most obvious thing in the world.

"They did what?" My voice is barely noticeable, it seems like it's hard for me to make a sound.

"Jeez, you are having problems concentrating, right? Well, I will explain. They broke up, they changed their Slap statuses, and now they are both single, Tori," she explains really slowly, like she were explaining to a small kid.

"Oh!" I say because I'm really not capable of much else.

"Mhm, finally! So, congratulations Tori! You did well." She is smiling at me like I won a contest.

"Why are you congratulating me, Trina? I did nothing." I am feeling really dizzy now.

"Come on, don't be shy! I know you love that weird girl, and it's cool, besides, now her hot ex-boyfriend is free for me! I just always knew that you liking girls was a good thing, little sis. I love you so much right now!"

"Wait, so, they broke up... Jade and Beck are single... and you want Beck for yourself? Isn't that a little weird? I mean, if Jade and I are a couple, and I'm not saying that we are, not at all; how do you expect that you being my sister are also going to be dating my girlfriend's ex?" I ask, and it sounds so weird to say that... My girlfriend...my girlfriend. I know we are nothing like that, but it sounds so serious, so real.

"It's not weird at all! Besides, it's not like I'm marrying the guy, Tori. I just want to go out with him a couple of times. Come on, you should be happy about this news, and about me being so supportive with my little sister, I am a good sister, don't I?" she says and it makes me smile. Her narcissistic self makes me laugh.

"Okay, Trina, you win. I am happy about you being supportive about it, and if you think you can go out with him, just go for it," I say with a smile.

"Thanks, sis. Oh my God! This is so huge; I need to go to talk to my BFF about it to make a plan. Talk to you later, Tori. Bye." And just like that, she is nearly running to her bedroom.

Who would have thought talking to Trina about it actually helped, even if it gave me a lot to think about? And that's the thing. I have a lot to think about now. They are no longer together, for real this time, it's not just a "maybe." I mean, Jade broke up with Beck for me, or at least that's what I think. Jeez, I should do something, right? I don't know... it's just, if she made that decision in order of being with me, I should make an effort too, right?

I hate this being so difficult. It should be easier.

What if Beck broke up with her and now hates us both? Should I do something about that? Yes... I should... at least I need to make sure he is alright somehow... so I do the only thing that makes sense right now. I turn on my phone.

"Andre, may I ask you a favor?" I text him.

"Yeah girl, tell me, what do you need me to do?" he replies in less than a minute.

"Please go and talk to Beck and find out how he is. I am worried about him," I explain. I really am and I need to know.

"Sure, Tori, I was thinking about going to check up on him anyway. I'll keep you posted," he replies.

"Thanks, Andre, I owe you one. Talk to you later. Take care."

I shut down my phone and get back to lying in bed, thinking about that girl once again. She is risking it all for me. Maybe I should risk it all for her.