There probably will not be many spoilers for plot points in this stories except passing references to the books when I feel they are necessary. This story contains massive amounts of OCs and I will try to stay away from cannon characters unless referenced in passing.

Also, thank you for reading this far into my story. It means a lot to me, even if I haven't been the best at updating it. Please enjoy and review.

Maximillian threw himself into his work in the days after that night of his promotion. It wasn't exactly abnormal, since he'd been transferred down to engineering and was learning even more about the ship he was on, how it ran, and such from the older officers. But he knew he was avoiding thinking about what happened.

Calls from Jacob went unanswered but Max couldn't find the nerve to block him. He rarely strayed out of the ship and when he did he was quick and quiet about it, he stayed aboard ship reading books on his e-reader, exercising in the gym, or playing games on the terminal. On unlucky nights he couldn't sleep he'd go walking aimlessly around the ship, wishing his mind would stop replaying the kiss he'd received.

The kiss from a man.

"Hey Max."

Max didn't roll over in his bunk, hoping Linea would go away. He was not in the mood to go out and drink or in the mood to talk all that much.

"Is he sleeping?" James asked.

"Go on ahead you guys," Linea said, shooing them out of the room, waiting til the hatched closed before crossing her arms, looking up at his bunk. "Maximillian Austen Carson. I know you aren't sleeping."

"Go on without me, I'm not in the mood." Max said and Linea sighed.

"Max."

Her voice had changed, it was softer and it made him roll over to look down at her. "Can you come down here please?" He thought about saying no before he climbed down. Linea studied him for a moment. "Max, this isn't like you."

"What isn't like me? I just want to sleep." He snapped and instantly regretted his tone.

"No not the sleeping, everything. You've been different since your promotion and everyone knows it. You quieter, less social, you never seem to leave the ship and you overwork yourself." Linea said, looking worried. "even the Captain has noticed, he asked me the other day if something happened and I of course don't know so I said that. But everyone is worried. You don't seem happy anymore."

Max sighed. "I... I'm sorry, but its personal, I'll get over it myself." He went to go climb back up into his bunk, but Linea reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Max please, if something happened, no matter what it is, I will be here to help. You're a friend. Please I hate seeing you like this." LInea's voice was sincere he noted, and he shifted uncomfortably, looking away.

"The night I went off with Jacob to celebrate my promotion, it had been a great night. The food amazing, I learned things about Jacob I never known. Afterwards we were walking down a quiet pier and..." He stopped unable to say what had happened, it was just a kiss, but it still didn't feel right. LInea's expression began to get angry as she connected dots that were there and he raised his hands. "No, no its okay, he didn't... hurt me..." He said awkwardly.

"But?" She said slowly..

"He... he kissed me." He finally admitted, feeling his face heat in embarrassment.

"He did?" Linea questioned, seeming surprised.

"Yes and it felt... strange wrong.. I don't know!" He turned away to walk to a bulkhead. "I just... I don't know."

"Is there something wrong with that?" She asked softly"

"There's everything wrong with it! Its... Its not natural!" Max snapped at her, feeling tears in his eyes as the frustration and all those other emotions finally found an outlet he had denied them. "I'm a Grayson man. One day I will go home to protect my planet, marry a woman, or even two if I can afford it, raise a gaggle of kids and hopefully have a son to call my own. I pray to the Tester, my father is a great man, with two wives and two sons and my brother is married to a wife and has two daughters already, I'm sure another will be on the way soon. Thats what I'm supposed to do. I... I just..."

Linea walked over and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"You're afraid."

"what?" He questioned, reaching up to scrub at his face and the tears running down his cheeks.

"I'm assuming all your life you've been told and taught that you'll marry a woman and have a ton of kids that you never considered that there might be other options." Linea said softly and Max turned to start pacing.

"Back when I was younger, maybe 7 or something, in Sunday school a boy in my class asked if a 'boy could love another boy' and the teacher said of course like a brother or a father. and the boy asked again like 'no can a boy like a boy like a boy can love a girl.' I remember the look of shock of the man's face before he denied such a thing. On Grayson, its a survival thing. with every 2 out of three births female, all males have to reproduce or else we'd all die off..." He stopped pacing.

"You're not on Grayson though." Linea said. "Now I know your religion is very important to you, and what Jacob did probably really threw you off. But remember he comes from a different planet as you, where this is accepted. Being homosexual, or loving a man, or whatever you call it, isn't unnatural. From everything you told me about Jacob, you admire and respect him, the two of you get along like a house on fire, you often go out and about to different places. This doesn't make it totally right, but maybe in that admiration you had for him he saw some of his desire reflected in you?"

Max looked at Linea and wanted her to be wrong, to agree that it wasn't natural. But as he looked at her he realized she was right. He'd spent much more time with Jacob than any other person he cared to name, even his fellow Lieutenants. He sat down on one of the lower bunks and buried his face in his hands.

"Max?"

He looked up at his friend, seeing the concern in her eyes.

"Do you love Jacob?"

Max stayed silent, wringing his hands. He almost said no. But something stopped him. Instead he said, "I don't know."

"You'll know in time, but you'll be in here wringing your hands til next week if you don't at least call Jacob and see. We don't judge here, and we won't rat you out to anyone, so if you want to experiment a bit, you can." Linea said. "I just want you to be happy. and I'm sure that your parents would rather you be happy then so anti-social." She sat down next to him and gave him a hug, and for some reason it didn't feel awkward. "Please give him a call." She got up. "I'm going to go to Dempsey's, if you need help, just call and I'll be back to help you." She got up and walked, leaving Max alone.

Max had been staring at the com terminal for the last hour or so, his hand hovering over the button that would send his request to talk with Jacob.

He finally pressed and after a minute or two it was answered voice only.

"mmm this is Lieutenant Commander Jacob Morgan, how can I help you?" The voice sounded tired and Max felt a bit bad for waking him.

"Jacob? Its me, Max."

The silence on the com was so unnerving, he thought maybe the call had dropped. But then...

"Max, as in Maximillian Carson?" Jacob questioned.

"Yeah, I just..." He felt awkward and out of sorts. "I just wanted to apologize for running off."

"No... No need. I shouldn't of done what I did to you." Jacob answered. "If you don't want to speak to me again, I would completely understand."

"NO!" He snapped quickly before calming himself. "No... I want to see you again."

"You do? But," Jacob began.

"Don't say anything about my religion. I just want to see you again, alright?" Max said, hating how awkward this felt. "How about we just meet up in the one of the private observation decks? Just to talk."

"That sounds good. When is good for you?" Jacob asked, and Max noticed the tired sounding voice seemed replaced by a more hopeful one.

"Two days, after my shift is over at 1400." Max replied.

"I'll be there..." The Manticoran paused for a moment. "Thank you for calling me."

"I..." Max shook his head, unable to find works more than. "You're Welcome, I'll see you in a couple days."

As he ended the com call he sat back, running a hand through his hair. Was he really going to do this? Would the Tester approve? Was this part of his Test? He didn't know and the Tester was being kinda quiet lately.

He would get his answers, he was sure, in two days.