(A/N) It's been a little while since my last update. Sorry. Here it is Vector the Croc. And Charmy.

Chapter 6

Vector the Crocodile

"And she wouldn't let me go. We were in line for hours…HOURS CREAM! And then she made me do it again. And guess what Cream?" Sonic said, coming to the end of his rant.

"What Mr. Sonic?"

"I'm getting married to her? Hee hee ha hee heh hee. I don't know how, but I am! And Tails, that poor bastard… he's going to be a flower girl! Ha HA HA HA HEE…"

Cream was confused. After all wasn't Tails a boy? Perhaps this was what drove Sonic to the deep end. Cream shrugged. Perhaps more of this 'beer' would help.

Sonic accepted the beer being handed to him. "Ahh…You're a good girl Cream! Good girl…" He muttered, his head starting to sway, just as he passed out.

A few blocks away…

Vector was walking frantically, trying to find a reason for his troubles. Vector was a detective. Vector knew a lot of stuff. For instance, he knew how to find people. The only people he ever had trouble with were Sonic and Shadow, they just kept on moving! For the hedgehogs, he usually started where they were most likely to be, and then went halfway across the world. For these reasons, he usually charged top dollar to find them. Knuckles? He was easy to find. He was always with the Master Emerald. You find one, you find the other. Simple as that. Vector knew how to read people. Usually. He could tell if they were happy or sad. Except when he was wrong. When he was wrong, it usually led to some pretty awkward situations. Like the one he had just managed to get out of a few minutes ago. With Ms. Vanilla.

Although Vector prided himself on being the cool…strong…silent type, a regular ladies man! He just wasn't sure where he stood with Ms. Vanilla. Just an hour ago, after Cream had left to find Sonic, Vector had finally thought he was going to get some alone time with Ms. Vanilla. Maybe they could really talk for once right? But just as he thought she was about to confess her love, she CHANGED THE SUBJECT! It was like…she was never going to confess anything in the first place. I mean, what more would one expect when she puts her hand on his shoulder, and says, "Vector? There's something I think I should tell you…but I don't want to frighten you or scare you away."

Vector remembered saying, "What? What is it?"

And then she uttered those horrible words. "Your tail is on fire."

Vector had made a proper fool of himself. He had jumped up, screaming like a madman, waving around his flaming tail before crashing out the door, and running to a pond. And so now, there he was, dripping. Annoyed as hell. But it was okay. He could just go to that bar that he had seen a few weeks ago. He needed a good drink. And then he would find who had lit his tail on fire. And, Vector decided, he would eat them. Plain and simple. CHOMP! CHOMP! Heh!

Vector threw open the doors to the bar. "BARTENDER! MAY HAVE YOUR BEST BREW PLEASE? I HAVE DECIDED THAT I NEED A DRINK! AND A DRINK I SHALL HAVE!" There were few things that could have ruined the dramatic entry of that moment. However, all of them managed to happen. First, his fellow Chaotix member, Charmy came out of nowhere.

"HEY VECTOR DUDE! I SAW YOU EARLIER! HOW 'BOUTS YA BUY ME A DRINK TOO?! EH COMPADRE?!"

Second. A bird on his proper migratory path, had chosen to rest on a ledge above the bar. As the fates would have, the bird also chose that moment to relieve itself. This happened to land on Vector's shoulder. Remarkable aim. Vector was annoyed. And finally, the bartender appeared to be CREAM. His crush's daughter. And she was looking at him curiously. And Sonic appeared to be there. Passed out. And Knuckles was snuggled against the Master Emerald, looking far too adorable for any sort of dramatics to be possible. And Shadow was glaring at him, sopping wet, looking remarkable like a wet snobby kitten.

On further inspection, Vector realized there were a lot of people/animals in this bar. And thus, Vector started to feel very uncomfortable. Instantly contrite, head down, burnt tail low, he shuffled over to Cream. "Eh…Hey Cream!" Hey future daughter-in-law! "Would you happen to know where the bartender is?" AND WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN YOURSEF YOUNG LADY? "Because I really need to speak with him." DON'T THINK THIS CONVERSATION WE NEVER HAD IS OVER! UNDERSTAND!?

"Hi Mr. Vector! The bartender is in the his office. But be careful…he is kind of scary. He confuses me…"

"Thanks…don't worry! I am one brave croc! Nobody scares me! Say…would you mind telling me why you're I here?"

"OH! I was looking for Mr. Sonic, sir! And I find him! Right here…"

"Right! Of course! Well! I will just be looking for the bartender the!" Vector headed to the office, Charmy following close behind. Stopping right outside the door, he whirled around and grabbed Charmy by the neck, and spoke in a harsh whisper. "Okay listen. We're not here to interrogate. I just want a drink. I'm already angry because some little ass-wipe lit my tail on fire!" Charmy gulped. Innocently. "When I find them, I am going to eat them." Charmy nervously flexed his hands. "You can watch if you want. You'd have a front row seat!"

"You don't say…" Charmy said to himself, suitably freaked.

"And so…we will go in, and talk to the bartender, who I'm sure is a very nice, upstanding individual, and talk." Finished unknowingly threatening his teammates life, Vector opened the door, deciding to open the door quietly this time. Apparently people appreciated this courtesy.

There are many things you might expect when going into someone's office. Sometimes you expect to see it very messy, papers everywhere, and someone trying to work through them. Or you might see them just completing a business deal worth millions. Vector had been in many offices like that. What he did not expect was a man, his clothes in shambles, snoring, twitching occasionally.

Vector, despite his…faults, was a good crocodile. He could remember being raised on his Momma's knee, her voice telling him to always look out for others. So Vector did. He leaned over the man, and gently shook him awake.

The bartender's peaceful oblivion was shattered. He woke slowly, despite being roughly shaken. He had a long day. It wasn't like his bar had been crashed by loons. Or his sanity was slowly slipping away. He was a perfectly cool, sane! INDIVIDUAL! HE WAS FINE! HE HA HEE HO HO HO HEE HEE HEE…

The bartender realized that he was being shaken by a crocodile.

…That should be worrisome. Shouldn't it?

It is worrisome actually.

After all crocodile are carnivores.

Carnivores ate meat!

He had just watched a program where a man got eaten by one!

So, the logical thing to do, of course, was to jump up, dance on top of his desk, rip off his shirt, run out, and dance in the middle of the street.

Which he did.

Some men came with a weird jacket later.

He decided he wanted to sleep for a while.

Vector had seen many things in his life. Some of them had been funny. Some weird. As Vector and Charmy made their way to one of the stools next to Cream, Vector felt numb. That…was some of the weirdest-ass-shit that he had ever seen. Monkeys. Elephants. Something…anything…to block the day's events off. He didn't immediately realize it, but Shadow scooted a drink over.

"So…" Shadow began, "Need to talk about anything?"

(A/N) ...I kind of need a new bartender. Don't I? Ah well. I'm sure somebody will come along.